Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

That should say two-month-old, my maths is all over the place! 🙈

Feeling really said again this evening (most of the day really but it’s amped up this evening), one of those days where I just want to go to bed.
Don’t know if any of you follow Elizabeth Day on Instagram (she’s a journalist and author, has a great podcast about failure being a good thing and talks quite openly about having gone through pregnancy loss and IVF in the past) but I logged on before and the first post on my feed was from her, talking about how she had a missed miscarriage two weeks ago. It was really nice and refreshing to see someone with a following actually speak up about it and acknowledge the (very sad) club we’re all in but it also hit me quite hard for some reason (also, hi Elizabeth, if you’re in this group, big fan 😂). I do wonder if some of this ‘hit me hard out of nowhere’ sadness is hormones, too - they must be all over the place at the moment as the pregnancy ones go 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SkyBlue20 I don't follow her but just had a little look and read her poem, I brought a tear to my eye
I think some of the reality has hit me now (and maybe the hormones!) and I'm feeling sadder than I have done in the past week. I was crushed when I found out, but then focused on the practical physical part. But I think yesterday the sonographer turning her screen to me and showing a "nice empty uterus" (even though that it what I wanted to hear) has just been really hard to process during the week that would have been my 12 week scan. I keep looking at the flower's we have been sent thinking I don't want these I want a baby!

just want this stupid bleeding to stop and at least we can be intimate again, although I've said it's condoms until I've had a negative test as I couldn't love with the uncertainty

@Workingmama1 Big hugs, it must have been horrible seeing that at the scan. I know what you mean about feeling it at first then focusing on the practicalities and feeling it again now - I’m exactly the same, my husband, too. I guess it’s all part of the process, not that that makes it any easier at all. Know there’s nothing I can say to make you feel better but know that I’m here alongside you 💕
Agreed on the intimacy, too - told my husband last night it won’t be long until we can stop being pretty much celibate! We haven’t DTD since we found out we were pregnant at the start of Feb as we were too nervous to - fat lot of good that did us. A week since my MVA today, two more until I was told to test, then hopefully we can get back to ‘normal’ 🤞🏼

I feel you, ladies. What the heck did we do to deserve this right?! The fact that the whole thing, from TTC to after MC, is such a long process just adds salt to our wounds. I agree that it's a waste of valuable time that we kinda can't afford to lose! Just have to hope our periods return within 2 months after we eventually stop bleeding. It's only been a week and a half since my MVA. I've barely bled at all but it's still ongoing...

@SkyBlue20 they injected my shoulder and I didn't have any aches afterwards.

Hi all, how’s everyone doing? I’ve had a really nice weekend so far but looking forward to a lazy day today!

@Sakura54 I’m jealous you got no aches afterwards, mine’s still going although it is getting better now! I’m on nine days since my MVA and the bleeding has been quite non-existent really but randomly, I had quite a lot of it on Friday (just like normal period amount) for half a day and then that was it. God knows, it’s so random! Just counting down to doing the test in a couple of weeks’ time now...

Everyone seems to have disappeared now that we have completed our MCs! Lol. Hopefully it means they are healing and moving on.
How are you feeling now? For me, this all feels like it happened ages ago even though it hasn't even been 2 weeks since my SM!

It's good that we didn't bleed much and got 'cleaned' properly. I wasn't told to test so not going to bother. After both having DS and stopping contraception, my periods returned very quickly, so just hope my body/cycle will go back to normal soon.

Apart from the pinned thread, this is one of the biggest threads even though it's for MMC, not regular MC!

@Sakura54 Yes, seems there are very few of us here now! I hope that people are doing ok, I completely understand if being here isn’t the right thing for some. I quite like just keeping in touch even if it isn’t specifically about the MMC, just like to know how people are - especially when we all get to TTC again.

I’m feeling ok, thank you - it’s been 6.5 weeks since we found out and a week since my MVA so I’ve had a lot of time to process. I do still get sad moments but I think a lot of that is due to hormones being all over the place. I’m just eager to get that negative test, get my next period and get trying again! Not looking forward to the TWW though!! It does feel like it all happened in a while different lifetime in some ways. I think the strangeness of it all going on through lockdown adds to that - one day we’ll be back to normal life (or as close as we’re going to get to it) and it’ll feel like this was all a bad dream.
How’re you doing? I hope your cycle does follow its usual trend and go back to normal quickly - I’m just kind of assuming mine will but I have no basis for that really, I guess it’s just hope!

@Sakura54 Glad to hear things are looking up for you!

I’m still lurking on this thread a bit - 4 Weeks today for me since I found out and I’m still having spotting after medical management 3.5 weeks ago. I’m feeling ok 90% of the time but have odd moments. Last week I was sent some lovely photos of my niece and I felt so sad she wouldn’t have a cousin, I cried for about 4 hours and had to go to bed at 8pm. The next day I felt more practical about things and mostly looking forward to a negative test and beginning again.
I dont know anyone in real life whose had a miscarriage let alone a missed one so I don’t really feel anyone understands. I’m sick of hearing “at least you got pregnant quickly so you know it could happen again for you” - zero comfort.

Hi ladies, didn't come on yesterday as enjoying the sunshine! We had a really nice day and it felt something like "normal" for the first time in a long time. @Sakura54 I know what you mean about it feeling like an age ago though!

@skyblue20 I also like keeping in touch on here

Today was meant to be a chill out day but we've decided to blitz the house. It feels a little odd as we are tidying away some of my daughters baby stuff, we had left it out thinking we'd be using it again soon but obviously that's not the case now. Its felt a bit cathartic doing it but tinged with sadness. Hoping we will be getting it down from the loft sooner rather than later!

Bleeding has really slowed down, not had anything today so hoping it's nearly finished. Going to test tomorrow (2 weeks since natural miscarriage) and if it's still positive wait another week. I'm worried about my cycle coming back to normal as it wasn't before I got pregnant so god knows what it will be like now! I was planning on weaning my daughter but am now torn, weaning her will help my cycles but she isn't showing any signs of wanting to stop, plus breastmilk has been shown to contain antibodies for covid so it could help protect her.

I think I've over indulged in my sadness and now look about 4/5 months pregnant, not sure it its cake, bloat or wine (probably all of the above!!!). It really socks to have a big belly without a baby to show for it.

@Poppy10121 sorry you're getting comments like that, they are completely unhelpful! I don't think people understand sometimes...

@Poppy10121 I think that’s absolutely normal to be ok and then not to be suddenly, it’s still quite a recent grief so is to be expected. Your hormones will also be settling I guess so that may affect your moods. Sending love.

@Workingmama1 Glad you had a nice day yesterday ☺️ I had a virtual hen for a friend but did it from my chair in the garden, was lovely! How’s the house blitzing going? Must have been hard putting your daughter’s stuff away, fingers crossed you’ll need it down again soon 💕
Fingers crossed for the test tomorrow, too. Can see your thoughts on weaning and not - could you maybe give it a set amount of time to see if your period arrives and then if not, see what’s what then?
I feel you on the overindulgence! Today I actually did some exercise and drew up and exercise plan for the next week - it’s about time I get back to it, though I did bleed after I finished my exercise today, which could be coincidence. Trying to get myself in to the mindset of getting myself healthy for a potential next pregnancy as of next week...but am still eating a LOT of chocolate 😬

I still haven’t come out the ‘other side’ yet. Have another scan Thursday to confirm missed MC. Was kind of hoping it would have happened naturally before then but can’t be helped. If confirmed then am having the procedure MVA in the afternoon. I just want to feel myself again. It’s really hard feeling pregnant but knowing it’s all a phantom. Thank you again for everyone who is posting. I’m not active on here but always reading and provides me with comfort knowing there are others out there x x x

How is everyone feeling today?

I got a positive on my test, but a fainter line than last week so moving in the right direction. I also forgot I was meant to test to had to dash to the bedroom mid wee to grab a test! And I have graduated from sanitary pads to panty liners whoop.

@flex20 the waiting really sucks. I think it's one of the hardest parts of a MMC. I really hope things either happen for you naturally (if that's what you want) and if not you get intervention quickly after you scan.

I was also reflecting that if I had had a "normal" miscarriage I would be 5 weeks ahead of where I am now, in theory could have already had a new positive pregnancy test by now!

I was considering weaning my daughter before I fell pregnant, then didn't want to make my hormones go mad by weaning in the 1st trimester (not that it made a difference in the end!). Will probably see what happens to my cycles and see, I love our boob snuggles but also feel ready to stop and get some freedom back, at least DH could do bedtime and give me a break. Frustratingly she started refusing bottles at the start of lockdown.

@Workingmama1 hey! Thanks for your message. Yeah it’s def the hardest part - and you’re right if it were a normal miscarriage I would have been back to normal nearly a month ago! It’s very difficult.
I’m ok this morning. Working from home so often use that as a distraction. I’m quite nervous about the physical side of the MVA but think that’s normal. I really do just want it to be all over!!

I hope all you guys are doing as well as can be.

@skyblue20 It’s probably not nice to stay on a depressing thread like this, but yes it would be nice to know when we all start TTC and getting BFPs or even when AF comes back. We all deserve a happy outcome!

I’ve tracked my cycle for about a year in total on and off as I’m on contraceptives or pregnant the rest of the time, but it only takes a few months to know the gist if you’re regular. I wonder if it’s possible to continue spotting like this until our period arrives...

@Poppy10121 I’m sure they mean well by saying that but yes, it’s all good and well that we are clearly fertile, but it doesn’t mean anything if it can't stick! I’m also fine most of the time, but I reckon that underlying sadness and fear will be there until we eventually/hopefully get our rainbow babies.

@workingmama1 Absolutely. Such a waste of time. If we were going to MC, it could have atleast been a normal one straightaway. I just try not to think about it tbh...the fact that my body stupidly thought it was pregnant and all that suffering from symptoms etc. We could just look at it as one of life’s experiences I suppose? I’ve said before how I wasn’t like the other posters on our previous thread who were permanently anxious and didn’t know why I joined MN, but now this has happened I feel like I belong on MN lol!

I chose MVA as didn’t want to go through the pain and process of MC. Started bleeding and cramping 1 day after I found out about the MMC which made things worse, so it was a scary wait. Hopefully your experience will be ok. Do let us know how it goes @Flex20

Can’t believe it’s Monday again..the weeks and days are just merging. I went to the supermarket for the first time in months! Avoided it as we were ‘vulnerable’. Too many people but makes a change from just leaving the house to walk.

@Sakura54 I agree, I would love to know when others on this thread in our timescale get their period back and even manage to conceive - it will give me hope!

I’ve still got a faint positive on pregnancy test even though it’s been over a month for me so back to the hospital tomorrow for a scan to see if there’s anything still left 🙄 Like you said, I wish my body had realized on time and this could all be over by now, it feels neverending especially at the moment when time seems to stand still...

Afternoon all! How're we doing?

@Flex20 Good luck for Thursday, my MVA was so much better than I expected so I hope it's the same for you and you're in and out quickly.

@Workingmama1Great that the test lines are getting fainter! Hopefully not long now until it's all over. I was thinking the same about having had a 'normal' miscarriage - baby stopped growing at 9 weeks, which was actually just over nine weeks ago now (I've just realised that as I wrote this - my miscarriage is now officially longer than my pregnancy...) - I could definitely have been in to a second pregnancy now. I guess things happen as they're meant to but it's very frustrating.

@Sakura54 The supermarket experience is strange, isn't it?! I've only been to the tiny M&S near us, so not even a big supermarket, but I found it really uncomfortable! Husband has been doing the shops as he went due to me being vulnerable and then it just stuck. He hates it! I do keep offering to go but he's not having it 🤷🏻‍♀️

@poppy10121 That must be so frustrating, I'm so sorry. Hopefully you'll get your negative soon. You're right, it does feel never ending. I know I've said it before but I'll be really happy when my life doesn't seem to revolve around bleeding!

I've just been for a lunchtime run and it was really tough but felt good - I used to love running then stopped because of an injury, started again (slowly) about six months later on the advice of my physio, then got pregnant and stopped as I was SO cautious and didn't want to do anything to harm the baby, so am now back at square one. This is the week I'm starting my new fitness regime in earnest though - I must start getting fit again both for my own wellbeing but also with any future pregnancies in mind, I want to be as healthy as I can be. It's hard though, dragging myself out to do it!

@skyblue20 well done on getting out for a run. I miss running but I'm just not built for it, i picked up a couple of injuries training for a half marathon a few years ago and my first pregnancy was the nail in the coffin for me, I never quite got over my PGP and just can't run anymore! Trying to pick up my fitness again though, I really struggled with time for exercise after going back to work after mat leave.
I was actually fitter when I was pregnant with my daughter than I am now! I was at the gym 4 times a week until 36 weeks, you can absolutely carry on exercising while pregnant, you just should be able to hold a conversation so don't over do it. I did get some funny looks at the gym though as my bump got bigger....

@SkyBlue20 Exactly, it just wasn’t meant to be this time. Mine stopped at 7 weeks and I found out at 13 weeks, its crazy. I’m very aware that, although we’ve been through something bad, it could have been a lot more worse so in an odd way I’m glad it happened when it did (although would have been better if it wasn’t ‘missed’).

Don’t know why I read some pregnancy threads. Very depressing seeing posters worried about potential MMC at 12 week scan all alone without their partners....and them being reassured about how rare this is and how it only seems common as some people join MN after they have one. I’d never even heard of MMC until I joined MN recently! I even told DH about it and said imagine that happening. I actually thought I was being silly to feel so anxious before my scan. It’s all a bit surreal. Probably should stay away from the pregnancy threads!

@workingmama1 At the gym?! That’s brave. My waters broke at 36 weeks when all I did was doss around all day, everyday. I really should stop being so unfit. The most I ever do is push the buggy for up to an hours walk now and again mainly when the weather is ok.

Wow, @Workingmama1, you're so impressive!! I don't know what I'll do about exercise next time, listen to my instincts I guess, but not doing it obviously didn't help this time - though I do think I'll be even more fearful with my next pregnancy because of this.

@Sakura54 Yes, I also remind myself sometimes of how much worse it could be. My friend's waters broke at 25 weeks a week or so ago and now she's in the limbo of waiting and hoping baby doesn't arrive for as long as possible - and then that it's ok when it does. That must be awful, I really feel for her.
Yes I feel the same about the pregnancy threads, I've had to stop myself reading them as whenever someone is like 'a MMC is really rare' I want to scream BUT IT HAPPENED TO ME, IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE! I even saw a heartbeat at 7weeks, after which the risk of miscarriage goes down to 2% apparently and MMC even lower. Yes, it's rare, but it can happen. Then I have to remind myself that thankfully, we're the minority.
I only knew about MMC because of Mumsnet but I was glad I did as I think I would have coped even worse if it had happened without me even knowing it was a possibility. I think I've already mentioned that, after finding out it was a thing, I'd convinced myself it was going to happen to me and then it did. I just hope my next pregnancy is ok.

How is everyone today? I'm having another very unproductive day. I'm not THAT busy at work so I think that makes me less productive as I feel like I have loads of time but the truth is there's always something I could be doing - or I could just finish early for the day!

@SkyBlue20 You are doing so well to be out running again! I am going to try and do this too, I feel the same as you that I want to be at peak physical fitness for next time. When I was pregnant I felt so bone tired all the time I could barely walk to and from the tube station to get to work (even got a taxi home one day!) so having the energy for exercise is new!.

I also saw heart beat at 7 weeks and so here we are, we are statistics that in 2% of cases bad things do still happen. Hopefully never again.

I had my scan today and they confirmed there are no retained products which is a massive relief to me. I asked if it was safe to TTC again now and they said "apart from the global pandemic..."!

That's fab, @Poppy10121, so happy for you that it's all over! Very inconsiderate of them to mention coronavirus - I think we're all very aware it's going on 🙄

Yes, the pregnancy tiredness was not fun - and I don't even think I got it THAT badly compared to some! It did mean husband did everything though as I had a get out clause 😂