Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

Fingers crossed for your scan, @Workingmama1!
Glad work was alright today, I was a bit more productive today, which is good.
Yeah I’m hoping closer to three weeks, too, I think 10 weeks would send me under! I’m with you on the sanitary pads, I absolutely hate them. Hopefully we’ll all be back to ‘normal’ soon 🤞🏼

Hoping scan goes ok but after bleeding slowing I've just had a clot about the size of a peanut m and m! A bit random but I'm hoping not a sign of anything bad.

Glad today was more productive @skyblue20

Im so so sorry for your loss i 've also had just exactly the same 2.5 weeks ago. I went for a private 10 week scan due to the covid-19 restrictions so my boyfriend could see the scan. Was devestated to be told there was no heartbeat, yolk or fetal pole. Was told I had a partial septate uterus and this would continue to be a problem in any future pregnancies! This was at 6pm on a Friday night so was left in limbo and furiously googling everything I could find.

Went to the EPAU on Tuesday morning and was told that yes there was no heartbeat and we had lost the baby but there was a good fetal pole, and a yolk sac. They thought I had lost the pregnancy at 7 weeks. Also that I didn't have a partial septate uterus and at worst a bicordinate uterus which lots of people have successful pregnancies with.
I was so angry with being told the wrong information and so relieved that I still had a chance of moving on. I actually felt quite positive. Had a medical miscarriage that day and although it was horrible emotionally, the whole process wasn't as bad as it could have been. I ve since had a negative pregnancy test after 2 weeks which again was bittersweet. I ve since had a letter from the hospital saying I need antibiotics (metronidazole) but nobody seems to know why! Obviously I am taking them as I want the best possible outcome. I am so confused though. I know you don't always get a cause, but all this mismatched information is driving me mad! I was treated brilliantly but now just feel totally abandoned. The worst part was when they took my green notes off me and said "you won't be needing them". Also the day my 12 week scan would have been was tough. I feel like now I should have been telling everyone good news and I'm just at a bit of a loss.

@Hettie1981 sorry you've been through such a tough time. Sounds like the private clinic got things way out! I'm glad the EPU were good and able to offer you medical management quickly. I think my 12 week scan would have been this week, its tough as you were imaging sharing your news and instead you have nothing...

I had my follow up scan today which went well, no evidence of remaining pregnancy material but a small bleed remaining so she said I'm likely to continue to bleed, potentially even some clots for a bit longer. Said period should come in 2-6 weeks and after that if I want to try again them to go for it. I asked about waiting for a period and if I had to, she admitted it was mainly for dating and that once I'd stopped bleeding I could start trying sooner if I really wanted to. So glad the formal medical part is over!

Aww thank you. The 12 week part is so hard. My partner has been great but a bit naive about what's going on physically and mentally.

I was told as long as I had a negative pregnancy test within 3 weeks that I didn't need to go back. I did a test on Monday which was negative and I feel like I could come on at any moment.
I'm hoping I do because would really love to try again as soon as possible. I'm 38 so I feel like time is against me.
People keep saying to take my time and grieve. I do get this but I know my way of moving on is to try again. But then I feel bad.
Are you keen to try again then? I was told waiting for a period was just about dating. Thank you so much for your response. I ve posted on a few forums and nobody has responded its nice to talk to someone who understands right now, today, so thank you x

@hettie1981 that sounds so scary - sorry the private clinic were so unhelpful!

So relieved to find this forum - found out this morning that I’ve had a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks. Not my first - had one before my little boy was born - but still so shit. The thing with missed miscarriages is it feels like they take so LONG - I’ve got to go back next week for a final scan and then they’ll operate end of next week. And it’s just sad and shit and I think only other people who have gone through it get it.

Also hoping to try again ASAP - I’m 39 so time definitely not on our side, plus I don’t want too huge an age gap. I’m starting using my Ava bracelet again as soon as the operation is over - but then it’s back to another 8 weeks of fear and wondering if it’ll be another miscarriage. Ugh.

Im sorry to hear this has happened again. It is so shit isn't it. I thought at 10 weeks we were nearly at the home straight and now to think we need to go through all of that again, and possibly all of this again is really scary.

I'm glad to have found this forum too as this is the only one anyone has ever replied to me on so thank you.
I ve already bought some ovulation sticks as they worked first time last time.
The only good thing about all of this is that for me everything so far seems to have worked quite quickly. I havnt had weeks of bleeding or pain and already had a negative pregnancy test. I just hope that next time things are better.
Have they said you need to have the surgery then? Xx

Hi @Hettie1981, welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've had some terrible advice and experiences and I'm so sorry about that, too.
I had an MVA on Friday (after five weeks of back and forthing after I found out I'd had a MMC at my 12 week scan) and they gave me antibiotics for the week, I assume it's just in case of any infection as I think it's quite easy to get one after something like that.
The ladies here have all been through quite a varied range of experiences but ultimately we've all experienced the same emotions and the same feeling of loss, so keep chatting to us 💕

@Workingmama1 Glad the scan went well, very annoying about continuing to bleed for a bit longer but hopefully your period will be here before you know it and yay to the medical part of it all being over. Here's to the next step!

@CuriousFruit Welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how raw the pain will be and am sending massive hugs. Know exactly what you mean about MMCs feeling long - that wait for the confirmation scan is awful, and everything is even worse at the moment with COVID-19. I hope it goes quickly for you and you can get back to TTC as soon as you feel ready. I'm with you when it comes to the fear during the next pregnancy, I'm dreading that. If you don't mind me asking, how was it when you were pregnant with your little boy after having had a MC previously?

I've just read a really interesting article about recurrent miscarriage and it made me cry when the writer said she's thinking about people who are going through miscarriage during this pandemic as I feel like we've been so forgotten about, it was just nice to see someone nod to us:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/may/05/my-four-miscarriages-why-is-losing-a-pregnancy-so-shrouded-in-mystery

Warning: it's very long!

Hello - feeling very low today after a couple of good days. Just feels flat. I think trying again would help in that sense but we can’t for a while.

I think I need to start to try to think about something else so may read but not reply for a while. Thank you all so much for you support over the past couple of weeks - I will check in again xx

Sending love, @Ranoutofgoodnames, hope to speak to you again when you're ready xxx

@Hettie1981 yep, operation looking likely as by next week it’ll be 2 weeks since nothing changed and my body doesn’t seem to get rid of these - it’s like it’s holding on, which breaks my heart a bit.

Also, FWIW - I’ve also got a bicorneate uterus and my lovely consultant says it in no way stops me getting pregnant or increases miscarriage risk.

@SkyBlue20 - it was terrifying, frankly. I basically had scans every couple of weeks up til 12 weeks because I was so scared. But once that marker was past I found I could totally relax. But it was also very soon - we conceived him 3 months after my operation so suspect I’d still some grieving to do - hence some of the freaking out.

@Ranoutofgoodnames Sorry to hear you’re feeling low - hope it passes soon. I keep telling myself tomorrow will be a tiny fraction better than today and so on every day until things are OK. Sending hugs

@Curiousfruit
Oh I really hope it goes OK. Its all hideous isn't it.
Ahh really thats good to hear. I havnt seen anyone consultant wise and don't think I will unless this happens another couple of times. The lovely ladies at EPAU said it shouldn't be a problem as well so fingers crossed 🤞.

@SkyBlue20 I will have a read of this later. I do kind of feel a bit abandoned with my questions not answered. I guess for us its a huge thing, and the professionals deal with this everyday.

We all just need to deal with it in our own way and one day at a time xx

@SkyBlue20 thanks for sharing, was an interesting read

@Curiousfruit sorry you have found yourself here, MMCs are tough and the way the drag out makes it even harder!

The sonographer mentioned to me my uterus was tilted backwards today, I didn't think much of it at the time but they said that at my scan a few weeks ago too (I thought she was saying it to explain why she couldn't see a baby on an abdominal scan). I'm guessing as I've had a successful pregnancy it isn't an issue?

@workingmama1 lol looks like you're part of the TU club too! It's interesting how most of us here have tilted uteruses and have had MMCs...hoping it's just a coincidence. It was never mentioned to me previously either...

@Ranoutofgoodnames we will still be here if you need to have a rant. Do keep us updated when you get your results!

I've now found myself googling chemical pregnancies. I don't test until I miss my period so would have no idea if I have ever had one, but they count as MCs. One time AF came 2 weeks late though, but this was a month before I got pregnant with DS...

@Curiousfruit Yes, can only imagine how scary it was, I think I’ll be much the same. Thank you for sharing 💕

@Workingmama1 Tilted uterus here too - I wasn’t actually told but saw it on my notes. Like @Sakura54 says, it is worrying how many of us here have it but hopefully just a coincidence.

@Sakura54 Chemical pregnancies terrify me, it’s the reason I tried to hold off testing for as long as I could this time - I didn’t know when my period was due as was just off the pill and I think I’d just rather not know if I have one, as bad as that sounds. It’s so scary how perfect everything seems to have to be to go on and have a successful pregnancy!

How is everyone this morning? I woke up at 6:30am but am still sitting on the couch watching telly, really need to go get ready and start work!

@skyblue20 go easy on yourself lovely - after my first one I plunged right back into work and life and in retrospect it wasn’t right for me - I needed time to let it all settle a bit.

@Sakura54 I’m not TU proper but it’s slightly out of line as it turns out - what yesterday’s scan did show was a monster fibroid right on the lip of my cervix, which explains why all vaginal ultrasounds are bloody agony, and also is pushing cervix and vagina out of line. Never ends!!

@Curiousfruit @Hettie1981 sorry for your losses. Not sure how much of the thread you've read, but I was also told by a confused sonographer that my womb was split and whether I knew. Strangely, a different one couldn't see this a few days after and instead said it was tilted.

@Curiousfruit how old is your DC? I'm quite upset about the age gap my kids are going to have now. I only tried for another as didn't want a big gap...wishing I didn't wait so long. its sad that you've been through this before.

I was already concerned about my risky pregnancies and now have to worry about whether it will even stick next time. Yes @skyblue20 this whole thing is just bonkers!

What the heck. My post is all bold!

Thanks @CuriousFruit - generally, work has been good for me as it keeps my mind off things but I think today I'm just really tired and had one too many wines last night (we did garden drinks with the neighbours - them in theirs and us in ours, was nice). Luckily I don't have too much on today so might just power through as best I can and spend some time in the garden later on!
The fibroid does not sound pleasant - is there treatment for it?

@Sakura54 How old is your DC? Try not to worry too much about the age gap - there are 29 years between me and my half sister (and 26 between me and my half brother) and we still like each other! 😂🙈 That's to say, I'm sure whatever the age gap is, they'll be absolutely fine as it'll be normal to them 😊
Your post isn't showing bold to me xx

@sakura54 it’s ok - it doesn’t look all bold to me! Didn’t see that but how weird that you got told such different things!! How frustrating!!

I know exactly what you mean about the age gap - my DS has just turned 2 and we’d love a 3 year gap, so this was a tiny bit earlier than planned but I now feel so frustrated that I’ve effectively lost all this time!! Another week til my final scan, then the op, then wait for cycles to get back to normal. Am freaking out a bit. Also, I’ve just turned 39 so do not feel time’s on my side.

What age gap do you want? How old is yours?

@Sakura54
Funny you should say that as when I ve been for smears etc I have been told I had a tilted uterus. So I had told them that but no comment was made.
Its so confusing! If we knew what was wrong and why this was happening then we and the medical professionals could do more to prevent it happening in the first place xx

Totally get the frustration of the age gap @sakura54 @curiousfruit. If this pregnancy had worked out there would have been almost exactly 2 years between baby and my daughter, plus being born in the same season i could have reused clothes! Also I want to get all the baby/toddler stuff out of the way in one go, I don't want to have gone past nappies and then have to start using them again! It's stupid and a small thing but still frustrating....

It hit me today that I should have been having a baby in six months time and a newborn for Christmas and now I'm not. That felt quite shitty when I thought of it that way. Hoping I will be pregnant for Christmas at least. Worked out that even if I get pregnant first cycle it will still be four months later, I know that's not a long time in the grand scheme of things but it feels like an age, and there's no guarantees on either getting pregnant quickly or the next one sticking...

I'm using the app and I've seen other people's post go half bold sometimes too.

Yeah see, mine is older. He's turning 3 in July! At this rate there's going to be a 4/5 year gap. I wanted them to play and be tiny kids together, but I supposed when they are older it will turn out ok. Have to look on the bright side really as nothing I can do now, plus he can help me out with his future sibling lol and it'll be easier for me to survive when one is somewhat independent. I didn't have one sooner because DS is such a handful, doesn't stop moving and needy, so was hoping he would get easier by the time a new baby comes, but should be alright now! I just hope I can even give him a sibling!

@Workingmama1 Completely understand what you mean by feeling like you’ve lost time - it’ll be at least five months for me from getting pregnant to getting my next period and it just infuriates me. I too am hoping I’ll be pregnant for Christmas - it’ll take the pain away from not having a three-month-old at least. I have in my head that my next due date will be April but no idea why, think that’s just the earliest it could be! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Random question - did anyone have the anti-nausea injection during any of their treatments? Had one during the medical management 2.5 weeks ago and my arm is still SO sore, just wondering if it’s normal.

Does anyone have any nice lock down bank holiday weekend plans? Xx