Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

Hey guys,

I’m still reading all your stories and where you’re at. I feel for all of you. We are all at different stages but seem to relate to each other so closely! I can’t wait to find out 100% what is going on. I’m 99.9% sure I know the answer but while I’m still feeling all the pregnancy symptoms it’s so hard to forget. I wonder why my body hasn’t caught up and realised !

@hol54321 what a brave person you are! My thoughts are with you x x

@tryingtimes20 thank you ❤ your absolutely right and it was my first choice. Although if I'm honest having gome through it I wouldn't ever want to do it again that way. I am on the other side of it now and grateful for that but it wasn't without it's hurdles and complications which luckily we were able to overcome in in the comfort of our home. I didn't have the scan today as they wouldn't do it once I'd said I'd miscarried. They will only do it again if a pregnancy test comes back positive in a few weeks x

@SkyBlue20 thank you ❤ luckily the bleeding has really slowed down so I'm no longer stressing about that. Apprecaite your kind words hun and hope you are doing okay too x

@amyspames thank you for the message sweetie, I'm doing so much better. Hope you are doing well x

@Sakura54 thank you lovely lady. All positives from me going forward. Going to do everything and anything to bring some comfort & compassion to others so we can get through this time and get ourselves healed.

@Workingmama1 thank you lovely ❤

@Flex20 thank you so much x

I'm hoping my periods will return when they're ready and I'm personally not going to wait to start TTC again. I hope one day we can all communicate again saying that in one way or another or after however long I pray for our rainbows.

I've actually decided after all of this that it's given me a new lease of life and vision for my future. I want to try my best to change my career by studying to become a fully trained midwife. I want to give women the treatment they deserve and although I'll need to magic some time and a steep career change financially I know this is what i want to do. I always wanted to be one as i adore babies and nursing runs in the family, but instead followed successful jobs in sales until now, but i think its my calling! I want to help people having experienced all this xx

@Hol54321 that’s such a lovely take away from such an awful situation - I’m sure that after all of this you’d be an especially compassionate and kind midwife. Best of luck with it all!

Hopefully those of us who want to TTC again straight away can graduate over to the conception board but I’ll also really miss this thread if people stop posting on it - I’d just like to know everyone is doing ok whatever they’ve decided is next for them. I do hope we can keep in touch.

@Workingmama1 That is really interesting about the fertility treatments starting again - the heads that be must feel it’s safe to do so. Must have been so hard for those going through them to just have them all stopped. COVID-19 has so many consequences for so many people in so many ways!

@Flex20 Remind me of where you are at? Are you booked in for a scan or just seeing what happens naturally at the moment? Sorry to ask - my head has been a bit all over the place this last week or so! Sending love xx

@Hol54321 glad it is over for you. I am also glad it has given you focus and something to plan for in terms of becoming a midwife

I feel ok - have felt “ok” for a day or so now. Bleeding has stopped. Will definitely try again as soon as I get the ok - terrified of my age and not being able to have my own family. Have just bought an Ava bracelet actually to make it easier - can’t bear the thought of temperature tracking and peeing on a stick each morning - when we do start I want it to be a bit more low key if that makes sense

@SkyBlue20
Hey all, I am about 9 weeks since last period. Had bleeding around 4 week ago now so thought I’d miscarried but kept having symptoms. Went for scan last week. No foetal pole or sac but they said they couldn’t be sure it was missed miscarriage. So they said to have another scan week after next. Booked in for scan in morning followed by procedure (local anaesthetic one) in pm if scan still shows nothing.

I just don’t get how your body can’t work out something isn’t right. It’s so frustrating.... :( x x x x

@Hol54321 what an amazing midwife you will make! Such a positive to take out of such a sad time.

I wish we could all meet up haha you guys seem so lovely!!

@Hol54321 go you for taking this experience and looking to the future to make it into something more positive to help other women. I've often thought about becoming a midwife but never had the balls to do anything about it!

Out of interest did they not scan you because of covid or is it their normal policy? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to go to my follow up scan on Wednesday, I'd prefer to have it so I know everything is all gone but they didn't really give me any guidance...

@Workingmama1 if it was a routine appointment then I'd have still gone but as it was only booked because of the pains I was in I think they were doing one specially for me incase i then opted for treatmemt as they legally need to do two scans before treatment she said. But as I'd miscarried they weren't worried about seeing me so urgently. I'd still go if i were you xx

@Ranoutofgoodnames Makes complete sense! We didn’t do any of the temp tracking or anything last time for the same reason (though it was month one - I think I probably would have moved on to it had we been a few months down the line), just tried to subscribe to the DTD every other day method, or every three days at least. It worked (appreciate we were very lucky to get pregnant in month one!) and was quite fun 🙈

@Flex20 Is your appointment and possible treatment today? Best of luck to you, let us know how it goes xxx

I’ve been so tired since my MVA, at about 8pm last night I was so sleepy I felt like crying - was in bed by 9 and slept through until 7. Did the same Fri night and still had a mid-morning nap on Saturday. Has anyone else found they’ve been exhausted after any of the treatments? My mum thinks it could be the antibiotics I’m on maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️ It could just be that my body has been through a lot so just wants to recover, mind.
Back working today - I feel physically well enough and want to keep my mind busy but going to take it quite easy I think and if I need a mid-afternoon nap, I’ll take one.

@skyblue20 yeah same here. I've been exhausted come evening time and been sleeping at 10/11pm which is early for me. I don't normally nap but took a 3 hour one the other day and still got tired in the evening. I'm thinking it's due to waking up early everyday since finding out the bad news plus drugs and SM! We have been through a lot both mentally and physically.

Regarding TTC, I used an app to find out the best week to conceive lol. My cycles are regular. Took me 4 months a few years ago and this time I stopped the patch in Nov, started trying in Dec and my LMP was Jan so it took over a month. I should have known it was too good to be true!

@SkyBlue20 unfortunately not! I have my appointment in around two weeks time as they couldn’t be sure it was a missed miscarriage :(

Ahh sorry, @flex20, I misread your post and thought you meant it was today.

@Sakura54 You’re totally right, it’s been a lot for us mentally and physically so I guess we do just need time to recover. At least with lockdown it’s easy to get the rest you need and there’s no commute or anything to tire us out further!
I used an app too (Ovia) but as it was my first cycle since I came off the pill, it was hard to know if it was right or not as I didn’t know how long my cycles were. Will definitely use it again next time though, I find looking at all the data and stuff so interesting and it’s definitely good to have as a guide even if unsure!

Hows everyone doing today? I’m a bit flat and can’t concentrate very well.

@SkyBlue20 I’m feeling tired today, I didn’t sleep very well last night and also had a cry before bed. I go through fazes of feeling ok but then bad thoughts pop into my head and I can’t get them out. What started me off last night was the thought that “what if I can’t carry a baby to full term?”. This was supposed to be our first child so I don’t have the reassurance that I can actually carry and grow a healthy baby and I’m scared I can’t. I know the chances of that are slim and there’s still every possibility I can but nothing anyone says seems to make me feel any better. Sorry you’re feeling flat today, I know the feeling. Just try do the best you can today and don’t beat yourself up 😘 I’ve just been for a walk and cleared my head a bit.

Also, my nose has been congested since being pregnant (I literally can’t breathe through my nose in the day/at night unless I use a nasal spray). That’s why I had trouble sleeping last night because it wouldn’t unblock 😩 Has anyone else had this problem? I thought it would’ve sorted itself out now I’ve miscarried but it’s not got any better.

@skyblue20 Flat is a good way of describing how I feel too. I was meant to be back at work today but my head just wasn't in it so starting back tomorrow or Thursday. I'm really lucky work have been amazing and told me to take as much time as I need.

First time round I used Ovia, found it predicted my cycles well and we dtd everyday around my fertile period and I led with my legs in the air. Worked first time but I also got a nasty UTI

This time we weren't actively trying as I had no idea where I was in my cycle as I'd only had two periods since my daughter on a 31 day cycle so were just not trying to stop anything. Its annoying as if this pregnancy had worked out I would have avoided a lot of the stress of TTC! But now I'm guessing my cycle is likely to be crazy (I'm still breastfeeding too!) so think I'll probably look into something to track ovulation more than just an app, but I don't want to get too obsessed or put pressure on myself.

@WildflowerPetals I know exactly what you mean and it's hard to just bat thoughts like that away, isn't it? I guess you'll just get them less and less as time goes on, which isn't a very helpful thing to say, I know, but you WILL feel better with time 💕
I've had a REALLY blocked nose and sore throat over the last few weeks but I've just been putting it down to hay fever (even though I don't usually get it). I'm having to sleep on like three pillows (and I usually don't use any) just for any chance of being able to breathe and am waking up with a really dry mouth as having to breathe through my mouth all night. It's awful, I really feel your pain!

@WorkingMama1 It's great how good your work have been - how a company reacts in times like these really says a lot about them, I feel. My husband's work were AMAZING when his dad died and he still speaks so highly of them because of it (his contract ended there or I think he would have stayed forever).
Urgh yeah, the stresses of TTC, I'm not looking forward to that - it's a constant countdown to something whether it's your period ending, the wait for your fertile window or the dreaded TWW. I only did it for one month and was already sick of myself! We're going to try and not get too obsessed either but, like I say, I'm a planner, and I need to know everything all of the time, which isn't very conducive to not getting in too deep! Will try my best 😬 Sounds like it's happened relatively quickly for you in the past though so fingers crossed it will again! 🤞🏼

@skyblue20 It’s REALLY hard to bat them away as I sort of seem to get stuck in a hole of bad thoughts. But like you say - should get better with time. I wondered if my congestion could be hay fever related now. I’ve had a blocked nose for around 2 months, couldn’t have been hay fever back then so put it down to pregnancy, but now I’m wondering if it’s just hay fever carrying on from the pregnancy congestion if that makes sense. The dry mouth is the worst, my mouth feels like sandpaper! That’s what keeps waking me up 😩

Just wanted to say, I’m also a planner, so I feel your pain when it comes to wanting to not get too obsessed with TTC yet in reality you can’t help but get obsessed 🙈 x

@wildflowerpetals Yes, it could be hay fever continuing on from the pregnancy, or your body may still be harbouring a few pregnancy hormones and that could (annoyingly!) be the last thing to go? Hope it eases up soon, whatever it is 🙂
Yep, absolutely no self control when it comes to obsessing over TTC - I don't know any other way! My husband's like 'let's just take it easy and DTD a lot' and I'm like 'BUT THERE ARE CERTAIN WINDOWS IN WHICH WE HAVE TO HAVE TO DTD EVEN MORE, ANYTHING ELSE DOESN'T COUNT' 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have done so little work today it's almost laughable 🙈 Must be more productive tomorrow!

@skyblue20 Yeah you could be right, just hoping it goes soon!
Hahaha, you sound like me and my husband. I go crazy like that too, it’s like a military operation 😂 x

@Workingmama1 @skyblue20 it's so good that you didn't have to go through TTC. Hopefully our luck in that sense continues and to everyone else too. We don't deserve to struggle to get pregnant when we don’t even know if it will stick and after what we've just been through!

Not sure how old everyone is, but we all know our fertility is declining and that’s a scary thought! I just reminded DH that there’s risks if you are over 35 and if it’s been 5 years since your last child...so the clock is definitely ticking...and I have enough risks on my list as it is without adding more on!

I think it’s bad that in order to get investigated, you have to MC 3 times and apparently there’s a 50% chance they won’t even be able to find the cause!

@wildflowerpetals I think I had pregnancy rhinitis too but it and the dry mouth disappeared along with my many other symptoms weeks ago.

@Sakura54 My age wasn’t something I’d really worried about but then this happened and I turned 33 at the same time as going through it and suddenly I’m like ‘I should have thought about it earlier’ even though I know realistically it’s still fine. It’s just that we’d want a few years between children and now I’m thinking ‘what if we struggle, what if it takes a while to have this one, even if we don’t I’ll be 34 by the time our first is born and then the risks are higher after 35 and I don’t want increased risks as what if I have something wrong already and that’s why this has happened’ etc etc etc. Stupid, I know - SO many people have healthy babies with absolutely no problems after 35 and way beyond (I have friends that had first ones at 40+ with no problems whatsoever) but I think this whole thing, especially when it’s so raw, makes you feel extra vulnerable.
Agreed on the not testing until after three miscarriages, too - I can’t even imagine having to go through this two more times before they even begin to question why it might be happening! I also read a thread once where somebody couldn’t have it investigated as they had two MCs then a healthy baby and then another MC - it has to be three consecutive ones! Absolutely devastating for people’s mental health as well as physical.

I started bleeding again a tiny bit today, find it odd how your body just doesn’t bleed for a few days and then goes ‘oh yeah actually I will today’. Know it’s fine and it’s normal, I just wonder what causes to to not bleed one day but then bleed the next 🤔

@skyblue20 yes I've been really lucky with work. But my manager is a friend (we've been on each others hen dos and weddings) and my two directors are women which I think helps, one of who has been through it to. She's also championing improving our maternity policy which is great. DH's boss told him to take the two days he had off to support me and look after my daughter as compassionate leave which I thought was really good too.

I'm stressing out a bit about TTC, stupidly took a pregnancy test to see of the gone had gone down one week on and instantly got a strong positive, was hoping it would be a little weaker! I'm a project manager so love a good plan I'm not going to enjoy not being in control...

I am having tests done to figure out if there is a problem after this time and it’s my first - but I was lucky to get the surgery privately on health insurance and she said no need to wait particularly as am 40. consultant has however said that likeliest result is chromosomal problem with the egg and nothing can be done to stop it happening again. I kind of want that answer and don’t want that answer.

We only tried for three months before I got pregnant but my god I was a drill Sargent - sperm meets egg, temping, peeing - for two months I even tried to figure out changes in my cervix. I was also convinced for the first two months I was pregnant and saw loads of symptoms before I got to month three saw none and was pregnant 🤷‍♀️

I had really bad congestion at first - just realised that symptom had entirely gone away. I guess we will never know which symptoms went away because of the weeks passing in the usual manner and which were because of the miscarriage

@SkyBlue20 not stupid at all. I also turned 33 in April lol! I suppose we still have time hence why I can afford to wait due to CV, but I like to follow rules/guidelines hence why I had my first at 30. Didn't like the idea of kids but they recommend doing it by 30, so I had to go for it and now 35 is the next scary number. Didn't know if I wanted more than 1 kid all those years ago, but now I definitely do, so I'm also worried.

Yes I can't imagine going through this again, let alone 2 more times before getting checked out. Don't know if I would have the strength to keep trying tbh. @Ranoutofgoodnames I hope it is just chromosomal and that you can get pregnant quickly again. FWIW, I don't think you will or should be judged. It's not like we know how long this will all take and what things will be like several months down the line. After what we've been through, I believe we can do what we want lol!

Morning all!

@Workingmama1 That sounds like a lovely place to work 😊
I feel you on the test, I'm lucky I don't have any in as dying to take one (a whole four days after surgery - I don't need to take one, I know what the result will be 😂). I have to wait three weeks which feels a lifetime. How long after the surgery are we expected to get our periods, is it one of those how long is a piece of string questions?

@Ranoutofgoodnames So good that you can have the test right away, I hope all is ok for you and it was just one of those things and your odds are good for a successful pregnancy next time round 🙂 Sound like you managed it pretty quickly last time - love your organisation of it all! Symptom spotting is the worst, isn't it?! Body likes to throw all sorts of curveballs your way so you think you are then think you aren't...why are the symptoms SO similar to TOTM?!

@Sakura54 Glad it's not just me - it's like logically I know 33 is fine but there's still that worry. For me it's more so about baby #2 though as I'll definitely be over 35 for that. But like I say, so many people have easy, healthy pregnancies after 35, it's just a number they have to put out there but it doesn't necessarily mean it will be difficult.

Back to work today. Actually wasn't too bad!

Scan tomorrow which will hopefully show everything has gone...

I think the period question is a how long is a piece of string, from what I've seen it varies from 3 to 10 weeks! Hoping its closer to three. I'm sick of bleeding now, it's eased up quite a lot but not quite gone, I'm getting quite sensitive now after wearing sanitary pads for 2 weeks, can't wait to stop wearing them.