Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

@Hol54321 Oh good, so glad you’re getting seen to and quite soon, too. Definitely push for what you want, it’s so much harder at the mo with the current situation but it is doable! Good luck xx

Hi @Hol54321 sorry to hear you sad news at this already scary and difficult time.

I just wanted to share my story too, I am currently going through a missed miscarriage after having a misscarriage last year at around 5/6 weeks.

This time round I got all the way to my 12 week scan although it had almost been 13 weeks since my last period.

When I arrived at my scan I instantly new something wasn't right as it definely wasnt a baby I was seeing. As she took measurements and asked questions I saw 6 weeks 2 days pass up on the screen and that was such a shock.
As my periods wernt 100 percent normal after my last period it's possible my dates were a little wrong but either way the baby stopped development weeks ago.

As I knew what it's like to misscary at around 5/6 weeks my biggest worry was not the process but just how long my body could remain convinced I was still pregnant so I trailed the Internet trying to se if there was any danger etc.

I have to say the hospital has done an amazing job in the circumstances and use been so informative about everything.

We agreed they would call me a week after the scan to see how I was doing and if there were any changes. The nurse had actually told me that sometimes once the mind knows the body catches up.

It felt so strange to be desperatly wanting to see blood when I went to the loo after so long of being desperate not too!

Anyway she called me on Thursday morning as planned and I had no changes but wanted a few more days to decide. She explained the procedure for taking the tablets when I asked and told me that there is no risk in waiting of that's what I wished! That same afternoon I started spotting and have had light spotting /bleeding for couple of days.

As my last Misscarriage came so quickly last time and I passed things quickly I have a feeling this will be longer but hope I can do all naturally.

The reason the hospital gave me for not offering the operation is that they would have to put me under general anesthetic it can affect the lung and they want to about that when possible.

Sorry for such a long message and my thoughts go out to all you you going through the same xx

@Hol54321 hey I have not been Checking this thread but I just had a quick look and saw your experience seems so similar to mine so I thought it might help you if I chipped in.

I opted for expectant management, scan confirmed mmc last Friday morning. That Friday night I had such painful contractions I can't even explain, for about 3 hours, but I barely even bled. Along with painkillers I took 10mg diazepam which seemed unbelievably to finally completely stop the contractions and that night we fell asleep in the hall on the floor outside the bathroom. I am not prescribed diazepam so I appreciate this might be a very irresponsible recommendation but for me it was a miracle drug as it is both a muscle relaxant and also helps anxiety. So if you can get some, I can't officially recommend, I know it's addictive, but it worked for me in the short term.

I had mild contractions coming and going in waves all weekend. Emergency gp prescribed codeine which made the contractions manageable but did not stop them. So I went back to diazepam and then they were totally gone.

My EPU was closed over the weekend so I spent sat and sun praying I could hold on until Monday. I called the EPU at 8am and a doctor advocated for me and I had an ERPC on the Tuesday morning. I cried, let her know I was terrified of the contractions coming back. My hospital was not offering the operation but they bent the rules.

So for your situation, I think you already have the right idea - don't relent if surgical management is what you want. Beg, cry, whatever. Don't feel bad or guilty or like you're asking too much. I was worried the staff would think I was demanding but in the end they were all very compassionate.

And regarding your contractions, I don't know how much or my experience was down to the the diazepam, but I certainly had incredibly strong contractions that then calmed down but I didn't even bleed very heavily for the next three days. I was constantly worried I would spontaneously pass the sac & foetus because I couldn't understand how I could have such strong contractions without it being imminent. But apparently not.

Best of luck with your scan tomorrow I hope you get the help you need. Xxx

@Doughnut100 thank you so much for letting me know. Mines been so similar, so thanks for making me not feel alone with that! I have started the pains again, gwtting stronger as the hour goes by. I know its going to be another nightmare evening. I just hope they dont leave me long after the scan for treatment because I can't take much more of this xx

So glad they are seeing you tomorrow @hol54321. Hoping that tonight isn't too bad for you and they can offer you options you are happy with. Don't feel bad about advocating for yourself

Tonight we ate our naughty tea that I wouldn't have been allowed if I was pregnant (camebert and deli meats) and raised a glass to all the babies that weren't meant to be but will forever be in our hearts

Posted too soon! It was our little way of marking what has happened and it actually felt really nice to do something in the absence of anything else to acknowledge everything.

On an unrelated note, my hormones must be dropping as my sex drive has made a reappearance, but I'm still bleeding so its a no go zone

Cheers, @workingmama1 - currently having one myself so shall also raise to all of our lost little ones 🥂💕 I KEEP meaning to have Camembert, I really miss it! I have had plenty of deli meats and the lark that I couldn’t have throughout pregnancy though - a meat and cheese board is my favourite meal!
Frustrating about the sex drive and bleeding! I’m almost nervous to get back to DTD - got a bit of a wait yet though 😬 Nurse didn’t actually tell me when we could but I’m reading two weeks as long as the bleeding has stopped?

@Emsnewmum Welcome and I’m so sorry for your loss 💕 I hope everything goes as smoothly and painless as possible for you. We’ve all had a lot of different experiences so do ask if you have any questions. Good luck with everything 💕

@Doughnut100 I’m so sorry you had such an awful experience but really glad that the hospital let you have the ERPC. I hope you’re doing ok now 💕

@Hol54321 Hoping tonight is as ok as it can be, thinking of you 💕

@Hol54321 I will be thinking of you tonight, I really hope you are ok and not in too much pain. Do you have ibuprofen or naproxen? A nurse on another thread told me as they are NSAIDs they reduce the bleeding - so if you are trying to miscarry naturally ASAP it's a bad idea to take them, but if you are trying to NOT miscarry on your own and stop potential bleeding and opt for surgery it is a good idea. Hope you can make it through tonight and that you receive good care tomorrow X

@SkyBlue20 thank you I am doing ok although I cry all the time but I'm sure a lot of ladies here are like that right now , sorry every time I start writing about my experience it turns into an enormous rant ha! Xx

Ladies enjoy your drinkies and thank you for raising a glass for all the angel babies ❤ just want to be soppy and say thank you to you all for the well wishes, replies and thought. I won't know who you are or have the chance to give you a big hug but you've all made such a difference to how I feel. Love to all x

I have everything crossed for you that tonight is ok @Hol54321

@Doughnut100 it's completely ok to be crying all the time and this is a safe place to feel like that. Please don't apologise for anything you say on here. We've been through something no-one should have to go through at the most difficult time, not only when the NHS isn't there for us but our friends and friends can't be either.

Hopefully this group has been a source of strength for you in the same way I've found it to be. Ladies of it wasn't for you I have no idea where I would be but it wouldn't be the same place I am now without you support and solidarity xxx

Also @SkyBlue20 we must be kindred spirits, I love a good cheese and meat board!

Just wanted to let you all know that I can finally start my road to recovery (sat in the bath whilst typing this) but I've not long just miscarried and passed everything.
The pain is starting to ease, so just hoping the bleeding stops pouring out so i can actually wear a pad that's not flooded in minutes, I'd like to get into bed tonight at some point. But thats why I've found comfort in the tub, not a pretty scene but at least it's warm and it means no need to constantly wipe the blood away with tissues. In a heart wrenching, upsetting but somewhat comforting way, I am glad that I got to see our baby - even with features like it's very little hands and fingers. We may not have got to meet you properly little one or give you the kisses and cuddles goodnight, but when we know how, will give you the send off you deserve ❤ sweet dreams my angel.

Stay strong ladies Xx

@Hol54321 oh Hol, I don't know what to say

I'm sorry that you had to suffer through some pain the past couple of days and last night, but if I remember how you wanted things to go initially, this was your preferred option to go natural (please forgive me if not) so I'm happy you got your wish. It sounds like you handled everything wonderfully, and you were able to get some closure from how it happened. As you've said, you can move on with your recovery now.

Are you still going to go into EPU today? They should be able to scan and can give some extra reassurance that everything's gone, but it's obviously your choice. Baby yourself and have some treats today

@Hol54321 Sending so much love, I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that but so glad it’s over for you, I hope you managed to get some rest.
I will say, if you’re still bleeding really heavily, please call EPU - when they sent me home from medical management they said that if I’m filling more than two pads an hour to go straight in (via ambulance if necessary) so please please do let them know if it’s still super heavy.
Hope you’re doing as well as can be, sending lots of love xxx

@Hol54321 so sorry that happened, it sounds very traumatic, none of the 'choices' are easy or pleasant ones. Glad that part is closed for you now, and you can start dealing properly with what has happened.
Hope the bleeding has let up a bit, and you have managed to get some rest. X x

@hol54321 that sounds terrible and so sad, but glad you found some comfort and can now move on.

So looks like most of us are over the worse. We did it, ladies! We've survived one of the worst experiences of our lives. You are all strong and I hope we all go on to have successful pregnancies and healthy babies in the very near future! That's the least we deserve.

Hoping to see lots of positivity and hope going forward, but offcourse it's ok to still cry, rant and be angry for as long as you want.

Lovely words, @Sakura54! We did, we survived it! We may still have a way to go emotionally but we’re over some of the worst parts. I took down all of our ‘thinking of you’ cards today, felt like the right time - time to focus on the future for us now, whilst never forgetting our little one and this whole experience. There will still be ups and downs, of course, but hopefully more ups than downs as we all battle through 💕

Definitely hoping to see some successful pregnancies and healthy babies as we go on and I would love to stay in a thread with you ladies to cheerlead from the sidelines 💕

@Sakura54 @SkyBlue20 thirded!

Making it through this in the individual ways everyone has just shows how strong and resilient you all are - you are all amazing!

I wish everyone the best of luck with their TTC journey - whenever or however people choose to move on from here. Much love and luck to you all xx

@Hol54321 sorry you had a tough night, hoping that the physical part is over for you now.

Was feeling so positive and bright this morning and this afternoon, it’s hit me all over again. It’s that realisation that it’s all over and now we have to go back to ‘normal’ - it’s like that feeling after a funeral when all of the practical stuff is done and you just have to go back to your real life. It’s the realisation that now I should have been just a couple of weeks away from my 20 week scan and been half way through my pregnancy. It’s looking back at us at the start of the year and thinking how happy and optimistic we were to have made this huge decision to try to start our family. How happy we were when it happened straight away. How naïve we were. I guess there will be ups and downs but we’ll be ok in the end. Going to go for a walk to get some sunshine and clear my head, it’ll help. Urgh, this is all such a rollercoaster.

@SkyBlue20 I feel you. I've been feeling ok even though I just found out the other day. I didn't set any expectations for this pregnancy to go well as I've said before so maybe that's why, but offcourse I'm sad.

I've been thinking if only I didn't wait so long. All this could have been over with and I could have been on to my next pregnancy already. We all wait until we are ready for a baby, but how were we supposed to know this was going to happen? My age and potential age gap between the kids was a big factor for me, but I just wasn't ready before and now look. It's just going to get bigger. I really don't know how long I will wait. TBH, after my MMC, my mum told me she was so worried about me being pregnant in these times, so she probably would think I was crazy to try to get pregnant again so soon. I said to DH long ago when I was still contemplating: 'if only this whole baby thing wasn't such a long process. If only we could be ready and then boom, get a baby!' Lol.

@Sakura54 Same here - we actually started trying when we did in case it took a while but now I’m like ‘why didn’t we start earlier?!’ This could take ages and it’s already been five months. But equally, it might not 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m a planner and very impatient so when I start on something, I want it yesterday, so like you I’m thinking if we’d started earlier then we could be on to the next pregnancy by now. But I KNOW all of that isn’t worth thinking about or even realistic, it’s just hard to keep out of your head sometimes, isn’t it? It really would be nice if you could just order your baby and the stork would deliver it a few weeks later!

I wish that you could just get a delivery from the baby stork!

Interesting to read that some fertility treatments can start again shortly. I don't think any of us were im that boat but it gives me hope that I'm not crazy to think about trying again, despite the advice on the miscarriage association website
www.gov.uk/government/news/health-secretary-welcomes-reopening-of-fertility-services