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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Missed Miscarriage

602 replies

Hol54321 · 21/04/2020 14:31

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

OP posts:
amyspames · 29/04/2020 15:12

Oops, wasn't supposed to post then!

Also agree with @Sakura54 about the mask, even though it was a pain in the arse lifting it up and down as people came in, as it was only my eyes showing, it definitely helped being able to hide behind it, I forgot about that.

@Sakura54 what did they notice different about womb on the ultrasound? I was told I had a tilted womb at the private scan where they said no heartbeat, though no-one mentioned this all through first pregnancy, so assume it's happened as a result of first baby, and said everything was stuck inside, though don't know how they knew this, no idea how much they can see during surgery, I assume not much! I'm going to ask for more info on this from hospital.

Sakura54 · 29/04/2020 15:47

@amyspames well when the sonographer was looking for the foetus, she was confused and asked if I knew I had a split uterus. Offcourse I researched this after and found out this can cause MC, breech and premature baby (all happened to me) amongst other things. This added to my worries so I asked the midwife to check yday, but she couldn't see this and instead noticed I have a tilted uterus. Come on man, give me a break. She reassured me that be it split or tilted, it shouldn't cause much problems. If they thought it was an issue, it would have been recorded in my report and she offcourse mentioned the fact I had a successful pregnancy already so.....

I don't know how they saw different things only a few days apart so it doesn't fill me with much confidence. Maybe there's nothing wrong, but what if there is?! I really didn't want to add to my list of pregnancy issues. I was already classed as intermediate/high risk!

SkyBlue20 · 29/04/2020 16:29

I’ll catch up properly in a bit (just finishing off some last bits of work) but as expected, I just got a text telling me I missed my 16 week midwife appointment today (I’d actually forgotten it was meant to be today), despite me checking with the hospital that they would cancel it for me. So have had to reply saying as much and explaining what’s happened. So frustrating, why can’t they just talk to each other?!! 😒

Miniz · 29/04/2020 16:33

I haven’t ever written on any forums but recently I’ve been reading them and taking comfort in the fact that I’m not alone and getting information from other people’s experiences so I thought I could maybe help others by sharing my experience too. What I’ve learnt is ask any questions you have however big or small. And you know your body better than anyone if you have any concerns push hard to have that scan or check up. Don’t let covid put you off going if you need to they are taking precautions to keep you away from the wards with Covid patients.

Firstly I’m sorry so you’re going through this. It really is the crappest club to be a part of! I was devastated when I had a missed miscarriage just a few weeks ago. With my first it was text book all went to plan so I guess maybe I was blissfully naive to what can happen. Oh how I wish I didn’t know this side of it as I’m so scared of being pregnant again. I suffer with anxiety so this has made it even harder to stop my mind racing.

This was my second pregnancy (have a 1 year old daughter) and I had a feeling something wasnt quite right. I was about 6 weeks and I noticed I didn’t have any symptoms anymore like I did with my daughter and just didn’t feel pregnant if ThAt made sense. I googled lots and spoke to the early pregnancy unit but they reassured me that every pregnancy is different and to not worry. I had my booking appointment at 8 weeks over the phone and again mentioned I wasn’t feeling sick or having any of the other symptoms like last time. She didn’t seem concerned.

IThen on the evening of good Friday I had some dark blood when I wiped and called 111 and some light cramps they told me to go to a&e. I was 10 weeks at this point. I had a scan on a machine that they can’t zoom in on but they said they could see a heart beat And I could see it flickering on the screen too. But she said are you sure you’re 10 weeks as they seem smaller than that. But she said all seemed ok and once they’ve seen a heartbeat that’s a good sign and I’d read that once a confirmed heartbeat has been seen then the chance of miscarriage is low.

I went home and the bleeding continued over the weekend it wasn’t a lot but there was what seemed like tissue in there too. It was dark in colour so old blood which made me worried that it’s been there some time. I called up the early pregnancy unit on the Tuesday and they said to come in for a scan that day. I went in and I could tell when she scanned my tummy that there was a problem. She then asked to do an internal scan and said there was no heartbeat and it was a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks. I told her there was a heartbeat on Friday so was she sure. She said she’s sure. I was on my own due to covid my husband couldn’t come with me I was devastated.

I was given some papers to read it I knew I wanted the least painful quickest process to start to heal from it all.

I’d spoken to friends who had a miscarriage which really helped. I never truly understood how awful and crushing it really is to experience this. As far as I’m concerned that was my baby and I will never forget they existed.

A couple of friends said that they tried the natural way which was a bit painful when passing the pregnancy and ended up having a d&c under general anaesthetic anyway as they had retained tissue. So I thought I may as well go for the d&c so I know it’s cleared fully.

I was booked in for a weeks time to have the procedure. In the run up the bleeding got heavier and on the day I asked the consultant if she could make sure there was no tissue left as a friend had to have another one as they hadn’t cleared it properly. She said she uses the ultrasound to guide her so she can see everything as she’s doing it and check it’s been cleared completely At the end.

I was first in at 8am the procedure was quick and no pain at all took maybe 20 mins, I quite like a general anaesthetic as feels like a lovely long sleep. A couple of hours after the op I was bleeding a bit and passed some clots and asked the nurses if this was normal and they said it was. I went home by 2pm.

That night I felt very dizzy and light headed as I think I had been bleeding for a week and the operation but after a good nights sleep I felt better.

The bleeding continued for the next 5-6 days then on Sunday evening I noticed the bleeding had got more and I noticed a clot when I wiped. I messaged the consultant and she asked me to come in on Monday for a scan as bleeding now should be minimal to none.

I went in and she did a scan and said my womb was full of blood and clots and that they needed to empty it today. I could have it done under general anaesthetic or a local anaesthetic. I opted for general again as I’ve heard the local anaesthetic is very painful and I’d rather be asleep and unaware of what’s going on. Due to covid she was able to arrange for me to stay on the Gyne ward which I was pleased about. Before I went into surgery a lot of the clots came out themselves there was lots of large ones so they rescanned me but said there’s still some in there they need to clear.

I had the operation and she said there was no retained tissue and she doesn’t know why I was still bleeding. But this time she did the op there was no new bleeding unlike the first time. She said she hadn’t see this before which I didn’t find that reassuring but hoping it’s ok now. I stayed in overnight as the op was done late and went home the next day. I then had a really itchy rash appear all over my legs and my hands started to itch. I sent pictures and it appears I had an allergic reaction to the introvenus antibiotic they gave me in surgery so told me not to take the ones I had brought home with me to take.

I had the op yesterday and today I still have some fresh bleeding not lots but more than a tablespoon which the consultant said is too much. I’ve now been told to take another antibiotic but it feels like they don’t know what’s going on and it could be an infection. So I hope in the next couple of days there’s no bleeding. I’m emotionally exhausted by it all and I think it’s scarred me from being pregnant again. But I want to believe it will be ok next time so hearing all the stories of people who go on to have a healthy pregnancy gives me hope.

I’d be interested to hear of others experiences about the amount they bled after and how long for.

Workingmama1 · 29/04/2020 16:33

@skyblue20 they don't talk! I had to ring and cancel my booking in appointment myself, as if finding out the pregnancy isn't working out isn't bad enough, we have to actively tell the midwives we aren't seeing them!?

For anyone wanting to gently get back into exercise I just this this simple yoga from YouTube (I was literally the second thing that came up when I put in yoga!) but it was a nice reintroduction and only 20 mins

tryingtimes20 · 29/04/2020 17:21

@amyspames and @Sakura54 I have a tilted uterus too! I sincerely and genuinely believe that this has nothing to do with what happened to us though; we've honestly just been unlucky. Normally the uterus lifts out of its usual position and 'corrects' (I put that in inverted commas, because there is nothing inherently 'wrong' about a tilt) itself as the pregnancy progresses, so it really doesn't have any impact on MC.

@Miniz welcome! So sorry that you're here and a part of this club, but I'm very glad to hear you've found some comfort in reading other people's experiences, and thank you for being brave enough to share your own. You've probably already seen the post earlier on in the thread, but @Ranoutofgoodnames suffered from a bad reaction to her AB too - there are so many people who've had similar experiences here! If you go back little (I find showing 100 messages per page easier) there were a few comments recently where we were talking about bleeding post-op. Please let me know if you can't find them.

@workingmama1 thank you for sharing the link! I really like this channel for yoga videos, lots of them very gentle and good for beginners, take your pick!

SkyBlue20 · 29/04/2020 17:21

@Sakura54 Oh god that anti sickness injection - I had one at me medical management last Monday and sorry to say but my arm is still killing me nine days later! I had vomited so violently before it though that I think I’ll ask if I can have it pre-op on Friday!
I didn’t wear a mask for my appts but my mum sent me some the other day so maybe I should for the op. I feel bad though when most of the nurses weren’t even wearing them when o last went (all the more reason to wear one though I guess!)

@Miniz Welcome. I’m so sorry to hear it’s been such a difficult road for you! I’m afraid I can’t advise on the bleeding as I’m booked in for my MVA later this week (general anaesthetic isn’t available at my hospital due to COVID 😩) but I hope you get some answers soon 💕

@tryingtimes20 I love the idea of doing that talk! Husband and I feel strongly that we’d like to be very open about it all and possibly post something on social media at some point but feel it has to be done in a way that’s right for us - that might be when (if) we announce a next pregnancy or I’m currently leaning towards doing some fundraising for Tommy’s or the Miscarriage Association so could talk about it then. I just feel so strongly it needs to be out there a bit more - until I was in the situation I just thought miscarriage was going to the toilet and bleeding a bit like you see on the TV!

@workingmama1 it’s so annoying - I specifically asked if they would cancel it and they said yes, I wouldn’t have to do anything like that. It was only the sonographer rather than a nurse so I guess I should have checked again but annoying. I text back and explained the situation and they just said ‘sorry, we weren’t informed’ with a kiss on the end which they didn’t put on the previous one. No sorry for your loss or anything - doesn’t sound like a midwife I’d have wanted anyway 🙈
Thanks for the yoga link, will give it a go - I’m trying to get back in to yoga but quite gentle at the moment as don’t want anything setting me off before I get my MVA 😂🙈

SkyBlue20 · 29/04/2020 17:22

I have a tilted uterus too! It’s never been mentioned to me, I’ve just seen it on reports from the sonographer that I have to take to the EPU 🤷🏻‍♀️

tryingtimes20 · 29/04/2020 18:56

@SkyBlue20 we need to set up another sub-club for TU! :) How are you feeling today? Friday will be here very soon now, so glad for you!

Ranoutofgoodnames · 29/04/2020 19:03

Hi @Miniz - I am sorry that sounds so long and painful xxx

I love the way medical people just drop stuff in about your body. Out of the blue people started referring to my tilted uterus too (ante something?) - no one said anything to me about it so I googled it. Mine is apparently tilted in the way that doesn’t cause any issues and a tilt the other way tends to resolve itself apparently.

Work took up more time than expected today so I am now back in bed. Still bleeding - now looking like the tail end of a period of that makes sense. Surgery was 12 days ago now. Will give it fourteen days and see. After that someone somewhere needs to explain to me why I am still bleeding surely?!!

Doing a talk would be so brave. It’s so hard as I really don’t want women everywhere to feel scared etc that this will happen to them but at the same time I think doctors and midwives could be more open about the risk. It’s a difficult one.

Having one of those days where I don’t feel overwhelmingly anything - just flat. And then that feels overwhelming after a while and I start to get anxious I am heartless because I am not crying.

SkyBlue20 · 29/04/2020 19:29

@tryingtimes20 I’m ok, thank you - I’ve just been SUPER tired recently but emotionally and physically I’m otherwise ok. I’m often described as being quite ‘stoic’ so this is quite a normal way of dealing with things for me - I just get on with it. Plus, it’s been over a month now, so I think the initial shock and emotion of it all has subsided but I do fear it’ll come back with a vengeance on Friday. I’m looking forward to Friday but also don’t know what I’ll do with myself once this is all over, it’s taken up so much of my life recently! The thought of going back to trying is quite overwhelming, too - I’m looking forward to it but also quite glad that I have to wait a few weeks for a period, where we can live somewhat normally for a bit! (Well I know I don’t HAVE to but I’m choosing to). How’re you doing?

@ranoutofgoodnames Easier said than done but try not to worry about how you ‘should’ be reacting - everyone is completely different and also every day is completely different. You know how you felt about the baby and the pregnancy and you know you’re not heartless (and even if you were, who’s got a right to judge?!) so try not to worry too much 💕

Workingmama1 · 29/04/2020 20:27

A bit TMI but has anyone found themselves constipated? I'm not sure if its an after effect (I think I remember it from giving birth) or if its because my diet has gone to shit as I'm comfort eating too much crap!

Ranoutofgoodnames · 29/04/2020 20:51

@Workingmama1 - i have been but also was when pregnant so not sure what causes it

@SkyBlue20 thank you I know that’s right. Xx

Ranoutofgoodnames · 29/04/2020 21:17

Just to return to stuff doctors say without explaining it that alarms you: just got my post surgery report from my doctor by email. She noted that I have a “bulky” uterus. This feels like kicking me when I am down...

amyspames · 29/04/2020 22:21

@Workingmama1 - I think we've breached the TMI threshold, so yes definitely to the constipation! 3 days of codeine and over 24 hours of no food or drink in hospital was not kind to me. The max strength my husband picked up on Sunday did nothing at all, doctors prescribed laxido over the phone, which was picked up yesterday but still doesn't seem to be that effective, so will have to up the dosage back up tomorrow. Not like I'm going to get caught short out and about! So uncomfortable, had a swollen stomach for days now, whereas it was virtually flat on Friday before the op. It's really pissing me off now.

@Ranoutofgoodnames - wtf is bulky uterus supposed to mean? How did you get the post-surgery report? Do they send this automatically or do you have to request, and if so, who from?

Ranoutofgoodnames · 29/04/2020 22:44

@amyspames i have googled this now and I am none the wiser. Instead I have emailed the doctor and asked her to let me know.

It was just the doctor’s letter to me confirming the procedure went well and a copy of her letter to the gp that referred me to her confirming what took place. Just “she had op and it went well ps she had a fuller figured uterus”

I don’t know if I get copied in on this because it was private under my health insurance? Not sure what happens on the nhs. I think probably they don’t copy the patient in the correspondence between doctors?

Smilingdonkey · 30/04/2020 00:04

@workingmama1 ... really bad constipation! I remember that after birth last time too. ..

Lactulose is the best thing and you can get it over the counter! It's sad I know that 😩

tryingtimes20 · 30/04/2020 05:51

@SkyBlue20 thank you for asking. I'm still waiting for my bleeding to completely stop - I had a couple of days where I was down to a pantyliner and it seemed to be going that way, then a few more drops will happen. I mainly see some pinky-red when I wipe, and clearly a little is coming out at some point as there is a small mark on a pad (4-5cm long when I check as the pad has spread it out) after several hours, but I could easily wear the same pad for many, many days and it wouldn't be saturated at all. It seems to tail off in the evening and there's nothing there when I get up, but then if it happens it comes in the late morning/early afternoon. The joys...!

The days are a bit muddled in my head atm, but I think I rang the EPU on Tuesday just to check as to what was happening and they didn't seem concerned. I'm not experiencing any other symptoms like pain, foul smell, or temperature, so I'm hoping it's just the tail end of everything. Depending how things go today, I might ring again tomorrow or first thing next week just to check back as I really feel it should all be done by 3w post-op (next Wednesday).

Otherwise I feel fine; my body is still waking me up at around 0530/0600 in the morning, but I just start working sooner meaning I can finish earlier in the afternoon!

@Workingmama1 I also had horrible constipation after my op! I was so happy after I did a proper BM Blush

tryingtimes20 · 30/04/2020 06:07

@WildflowerPetals how are you this morning after yesterday? Flowers xx

Sakura54 · 30/04/2020 08:44

Yeah, I guess now we are also the tilted uterus club! Lol. I’m not concerned about it causing MC, it’s the ‘split uterus’ thing that apparently I no longer have. I’m also wondering if my weight may be an issue. If my BMI gets any lower, I’d be classed as underweight! If only we could find out if this MMC was ‘just one of those things’ that happen or whether something caused it. How are we supposed to relax and be happy in our next pregnancy? How are we supposed to know if we can have kids?

Another thing, DS had a little accident last night (he’s totally fine). At the best of times, I’d get hysterical anyway as I’m such a helicopter parent, but due to the MMC, I’m even more scared of anything happening to him. He’s a daredevil; always climbing, jumping, running etc. I feel like he is now my precious only child and I’m worried. It’s not going to be good/healthy for me or him if I can’t give him a sibling lol.

In regards to bleeding, it’s been 2 days since my SM and apart from the car ride home, I haven’t really cramped or bled, which is interesting. I do have a bit of back/butt ache though lol. I’m hoping it stays this way and thinking maybe they did a great job of cleaning me?...but let’s wait and see.

Doughnut100 · 30/04/2020 09:25

Why the fuck is everyone else pregnant and covered in babies!!? I was in a zoom party last night thinking it would be a bit of escapism as nobody there knew I was pregnant, where a friend announced to the 10 of us that she was pregnant at 5 weeks. I just thought oh, how naive, you poor thing I hope this doesn't bite you later. And then I felt angry and jealous - I bet she sails through her pregnancy and never has to know how precarious it is.

Also yesterday my friend who I was due at the same time as last year wrote me a long message about how hard it is to look after her 6 month old in lockdown. She is only trying to connect as we haven't been in touch but I don't even know where to start. I get very overwhelmed any time anyone contacts me, I am furious with my sister for texting me memes but I know she is only trying to be nice. My partner's family want to drop some food round and all it makes me think is FUCK OFF. I won't be polite and I hate conversations where British manners make you obliged to say stupid little optimistic things you don't mean, like we are doing our best, we'll be fine, at least we don't have to work, thank you so much for your stupid fucking casserole, oh and my favourite - at least we know we can get pregnant. Yes please, tell me all about your minor experiences like how it took you longer than you thought to conceive, and how your aunt had 29 miscarriages and it's all totally normal. That makes it all better I don't remember what I was even upset about now, I really want to hear about your problems, have you considered doing hospice visits?

I guess there's a chance I might be harbouring a bit of anger.

CAnary0 · 30/04/2020 09:55

Also in the tilted uterus club here apparently! Said So in my scan from Tuesday.
I’m still bleeding at the moment but it seems to be lessening. Get occasional cramps and (tmi) tend to pass small bits of tissue/clot soon after this so seems my body is working. Private Scan showed a complete miscarriage with 6mm lining which epu said is what they’d expect so I’ve been discharged. Waiting for negative test now. The digital had gone down to 2-3 weeks yesterday so fingers crossed it won’t be long.
It’s my birthday tomorrow - not really going to feel like celebrating but oh well.
@Doughnut100 I know what you mean about everyone seeming pregnant around you , and then the headlines about the pm too - it’s everywhere! So many others seem to just sail through in blissful ignorance. I’m doing better this time with those feelings than last time though. They’re totally understandable.
How are we all today?

Mlou32 · 30/04/2020 10:10

@tryingtimes20 thank you, I'm doing a lot better now. I'm still bleeding but no pain. And emotionally...well I'm still upset but not as much of a mess as I was on Friday and over the weekend. I just want to move forward and start trying again i think. Not in an attempt to just replace this baby, because i do feel a bit guilty to be honest about starting again so quickly, it feels like I'm just trying to erase the whole episode, but I'm not, it's because I've just turned 38 so I feel like time is not on my side.

How are you doing?

tryingtimes20 · 30/04/2020 10:15

@Canary0 welcome re. TU sub-club, haha.

I'm really pleased for you that the private scan showed everything has gone - a question on that if you don't mind, I had been thinking about possibly getting one for the same reasons as yourself, but I didn't think that a private scan would necessarily be able to confirm that (I seem to have gotten this idea in my head because of seeing a disclaimer somewhere on the website I went to for mine that they cannot give medical advice - I think this is probably more to cover their backs I'm guessing) but it seems they are able to give reassurance on that front? I mean, I would have expected so, seeing as the staff are trained sonographers/sometimes midwives themselves...

SkyBlue20 · 30/04/2020 10:15

Morning all!

@tryingtimes20 Sounds like a good plan just to give them another ring - it does sound like it's tailing off though so hopefully it's just taking longer than expected rather than there being anything wrong. Hope it stops soon for you!

@Sakura54 I'm glad your DS is ok and completely get your worries but try not to be too hard on yourself - you're going through a lot and it's normal that that would make you want to protect your son even more than usual.

@Doughnut100 Completely valid and normal feelings - it's still so early, the feelings will subside but for now, just allow them. Also with you on 'at least you know you can get pregnant' ... yes, that's good, but can I STAY pregnant?! That's the bigger question here!

@CAnary0 Happy birthday for tomorrow, a fellow Taurus! Do you have anything nice planned?

I'm getting nervous about tomorrow now, the pain mainly. Will be glad when it's over though. You know what I'm REALLY looking forward to? Not obsessively checking for blood Every. Single. Time I go to the toilet. From the minute we could possibly have conceived I was checking in case my period had arrived, then when we found out we were pregnant, I was checking in case I'd miscarried (ha, that sure showed me) then after my 12 week scan I've been checking in case the miscarriage has started - and I've been bleeding EVERY DAY since then but only tiny amounts. I'll be so glad when my life doesn't revolve around it! Know it won't last long though as I'll undoubtedly bleed after the MVA then when I eventually stop I'll be waiting for my period, then we'll try again and I'll be back in the above cycle. It's exhausting!

Sorry, blood rant there!!