Missed Miscarriage

[Hol54321]

Hi Ladies,

Just looking for some friends at this devastating time. It's one of those, that will never happen to me moments but sure enough it did. Went along to my 12 week scan and boom, I'm hit with the news that baby has no heartbeat. They also said baby looked smaller than expected so did an internal scan too. They measured baby and said it was approx just over 9 weeks. Can not explain the effects on both myself and my husband. It was our first baby. Gone but never forgotten 💖

@Sakura54 glad you are home and I hope you are on the mend. Yes I echo your thoughts on try having an mmc during a pandemic. I have never wanted a hug from my sister so much in all my life.

On a positive note, I have had hardly any bleeding today - ten days on from surgery. I didn’t do any exercise today so that helped I think (I don’t want to give the impression I am normally up and out exercising every day - this is a new thing so I can get back into all my clothes)

@Sakura54 oh my goodness, you are more than welcome! I just remember feeling so panicked back when I was in that position, worrying that I wouldn't be able to get SM, and frantically casting about for other options - I wanted to share what I found so that at least ladies knew there could potentially be another path if NHS was a no-go and they didn't have private insurance. I'm so, so happy it all worked out for you. As you say, the end is near now. Wishing you a speedy recovery xx

@WildflowerPetals thinking of you today at your appointment - hope all goes ok xx

Morning all!

@Workingmama1 @MochaTea how’re you both getting on? Really hope that is the end of it all for you.

@CAnary0 How did the scan go?

@amyspames Hope you’re feeling a little bit more like yourself today but if not, you know where we are 💕

@Ranoutofgoodnames We too have been really open about everything - we’ve told pretty much all of our friends - partly because we just didn’t want to lie and be like ‘yeah everything’s fine’ when people asked, partly because we find talking about it helps and partly because the only information out there about all of this is hidden in dark little corners of the internet and we hope that should (god forbid) this happen to anyone we know in the future, they’ll know they can turn to us as we’ve been there.

@Doughnut100 I’m glad the surgery went well and you were treated well, too. Take care of yourself xx

@Sakura54 I keep thinking that about pregnant women too and getting a bit irked that we’re forgotten about - there’s so much about how hard it is to be pregnant right now but no regard for those of us who would LOVE to still be pregnant right now but instead are battling reduced services during what is possibly one of the worst experiences of our lives. I know the government/press/general public can’t account for everyone and what they’re going through but it is difficult at times.
I’m glad your surgery went well (though your car ride sounds awful, well done you for surviving that!) Take care of yourself and hope your recovery goes well.

I really should get out of bed, I’ve been lying here for ages trying to avoid getting up but I must go do some yoga before starting work - I’ve barely moved in days and have eaten my body weight in cake!

@SkyBlue20
The scan went as wel as it could at this stage, they think I’ve now had a complete miscarriage so at least I know the worst is over and I can start looking forward now. Have started testing for a negative. Clear blue digital shows I am 2-3 weeks pregnant to levels have dropped already. Getting there.
We too have told lots of people. I felt the need to not have to pretend everything was ok and knew I’d want support if this happened again.
How is everyone’s recovery today? I’m gathering my motivation to homeschool today and hopefully do a half decent job. I’m a teacher so it should be second nature but not this week!

@CAnary0 I'm so glad the physical side of it all is over for you, must be such a relief. How're you feeling otherwise?

I'm being very unproductive this week which is not good - trying to get ahead of myself with work with having Friday and poss some of next week off but instead just seem to keep finding myself on Twitter or reading random threads on Mumsnet! Must do some work!

Good Morning Ladies, Spent all morning in bed reading this thread. Thankyou @Hol54321 for starting what must have been such a difficult thread. So many tears reading each of your stories but Thank you all for sharing. Having gone through a MM in hospital on Sunday at almost 15 weeks, stumbling across this thread online had been a lifeline. Feel quite weak, in pain and very sad at the moment but it really helped me finding this. Stay strong and take care xx

@Helly88 I'm so sorry about your loss and to hear that you're in pain atm :( This really is a horrible club to be in, but you aren't alone - if you feel like you want to vent or just get something off your chest, this is a wonderful safe space to do it in as we all know what it feels like to be going through this. Be gentle on yourself and I hope your recovery goes well xx

@Helly88 hi lovely hope you are feeling okay and letting those tears out whenever you need to.

I have finally started bleeding lightly and that after just over a week since the scan things are happening naturally for me (after thinking I'd be waiting forever)
Strangely i have no pains or aches yet but i am sure that will come. Stay strong ladies and I love to see you all commenting and supporting each other ❤

Whether you are unproductive, confused, angry or any other emotion please remember ladies that it is OK to not be okay. We are going through some very tough times but we are dealing with it however best we can. We're all different but have one thing in common, this space here to chat, vent and say whatever the hell we want and there is and never will be judgement. Let's give ourselves some credit as a boost for this morning, women are amazing! We have not failed and we could never have changed the outcomes we face today. Love to all xx

@tryingtimes20 thank you so much for the reply. It's nice to find somewhere you don't feel alone in all this. Covid makes this whole thing especially lonely and difficult.
I feel quite traumatised by the MM of the situation and hope at some point I can talk a bit more about it and find others who had a similar experience to share thoughts and feelings. Thanks again xx

@Hol54321 lovely to hear from you, and I'm glad that something is starting to happen. Just to let you know there are so many resources in various threads on here (the OP in the pinned post on the sub-forum seems very thorough) about steps you can take/things you can gather round yourself to make you more comfortable and at ease as things go on. We are all here for you as well!

Totally agree with your last paragraph - said perfectly!

@Hol54321 Thanks for such a lovely reply.
Glad things have started happening for you even though it's a really traumatic time sometimes the waiting and not knowing what's happening is just as painful, worrying and devastating.
It's OK not to be OK - think I'll borrow that for a while.
Take care of yourself too. Xxx

@Helly88 you are more than welcome, and of course, take your time. As you've probably seen, I think the various experiences of the ladies here encapsulate pretty much all of the 'choices' available around MC, so there is a wealth of support whenever you need xx

@SkyBlue20 feeling better today I think, though pre-occupied with my 7 year old, she is being very challenging (in real mum speak, a total arsehole).

I know she's finding it hard, but keeps deliberately doing things she knows will piss us off. Last night after letting her not have a shower so she could finish watching something on tv, it was running over the sofa when she knows she's not allowed to and has never done it. Started writing up her plan on not listening to anything we say for the second evening running, but said this morning again she wasn't going to do the plan This morning started dicking about during joe wicks, standing on furniture repeatedly. Has decided she doesn't need us again, and set up security outside her room. Don't know whether to be upset, angry or amused by it all....

Welcome to the new people like helly88 (sorry the tagging function doesn't seem to want to work here) you have any questions about anything or want advice, I think between us we have been through all the options.

Completely agree with @SkyBlue20 about things in news about it being shit being pregnant during the pandemic, this feels even harder when choices have been taken away.

My sick note runs out on Friday, but reckon I'm going to take at least another week off work, my husband is going to go back to work tomorrow or Friday, so it'll take a little adjusting to cope when he goes back, though I think it'll still be a while longer before I can join video call etc.

Shouldn't put expectations on ourselves if we don't have to at the moment.

@Helly88 sorry you've had to go through this, I'm glad finding this thread has helped, there is a lovely bunch of ladies in here all going through the same difficult time, please feel free to use us all and this as a safe space to vent/share emotions.

@hol54321 glad things might be moving for you. It was around 48 hours for me from bleeding to cramps and clots, and then 24 hours until I passed what I think was the sac. But everyone is different and your body will go at the pace that is right for you.

@Doughnut100 and @Sakura54 I hope you are both feeling ok today

Totally agree with you you @SkyBlue20
about going through this in a pandemic. I would love to still be pregnant and not having to navigate a lack of care while going through something so traumatic.

@CAnary0 glad the scan went well and it looks like everything has passed. I can't remember did they know you'd probably passed everything? I can't remember what they said to me about my next scan but planning on going as I want to know that everything has finished.

I've decided to be really open with work. My manager and some close colleagues know as soon as thinks weren't going well, but I'm off all this week and have asked my manager to let the rest of the team know. It means I don't have to deal with "how are you feeling" questions like I've just had a stomach bug, but also I think things like this should be talked about more, so it's not like we are in a secret dirty club. It should be easier and more normal to talk about it.

@tryingtimes20 Thank you for thinking of me today x

My scan went as expected - They confirmed a MMC. I was surprisingly calm throughout it all, I thought I’d be upset and nervous but I think I’ve begun to accept it now. I decided to go for the Medical Management and had the tablets there and then, I just want it over with. Although I’m obviously upset and would never have wished for this outcome I feel relieved it’s all coming to an end. My manager at work has been amazing, I’ve asked her to tell my colleagues about my MC so I don’t get questions when I’m back (I work for the NHS in the labs - not a job you can do from home) and she said she will let them know today which I appreciate. All my friends and family (including my husband obviously!) have been so supportive and I couldn’t have coped without them - or you all on here for that matter! X

Welcome @Helly88, so sorry you join us in the circumstances you do though. How are you?

@Hol54321 You're so right, it's ok not to be ok and I love that we have this space to be completely open in. Horrible circumstances threw us together but I'm glad we have each other. Hope everything goes ok for you with the next steps, thinking of you xx

@amyspames Sounds like your daughter is being difficult! I'd try to just be amused by it all - one of those if you don't laugh you'll cry moments!

@WildflowerPetals I'm so sorry and I hope everything goes ok through the next stages for you, too.

I'm glad everyone seems to have good support networks and that work have been understanding, it makes such a difference.

My stomach keeps shaking, like pulsing today, no idea if it's due to everything going on or because I did quite a core-heavy yoga session this morning but I really hope it's not the miscarriage starting - just hold on until Friday please body!!

How's everyone finding it with people being pregnant/announcing pregnancies? I'm generally ok but find it's affecting me if they have an October due date, which was when I was due. One of the guys in our friendship group (not a super close friend but part of our circle of friends) told us, at my birthday Zoom call on Sat, that his wife is pregnant with their second and I was absolutely fine, really happy for them, and then someone asked when they were due and when he said October, I just had to excuse myself from the chat for a min and go upstairs to compose myself. I'm thrilled for them but I just can't help but think how differently their pregnancy has gone to ours - and he was so nonchalant announcing it, too, it's so easy for them. Same with Rochelle Humes when she announced it on Instagram.
I do have another friend who is pregnant though (same group) and due in August and I'm thrilled for her and want to hear her updates and whatnot, though I haven't told her about our situation as she's just out of hospital from an op (non-pregnancy related) and has other things going on and a young son to look after and I just think she's got enough going on and also don't want her to feel like she can't talk about her pregnancy around me. It actually makes me happy and gives me faith to see people who are going through healthy pregnancies but I understand not everybody feels like that and I could just have easily found it really hard. Such a difficult thing all round, isn't it?!

@skyblue20 One of my closest friends is pregnant and expecting in November just 2 weeks after I was due. She told me about her pregnancy early on as she’d had an early scan - I was so excited to tell her about mine after my 12 week scan as our babies would’ve been so close but then I got the bad news. I’m obviously still thrilled for her but it does upset me thinking that when she’s had her baby I should’ve already had mine x

I’m glad that those going through it naturally haven’t suffered too much. @workingmama1 I'm alright, thanks, just slightly nauseous and drowsy still. Due to me being petite, they were concerned I would fall asleep, so warned me in advance not to. Its possibly why I got the full effects of the drugs...wicked! @mochatea Thanks for the well wishes. Are you able to get a scan to check? It’s so good that you didn’t experience the crazy bleeding.

Lol thanks @skyblue20 As awful as it was, I’m not bothered about the car ride, as atleast I wasn’t in actual pain. Funnily enough, the most painful thing was the anti-sickness injection. Who knows how much more I would have puked without it though.

I echo the fear of others in terms of wondering if something is wrong with my body, more so because of something the sonographer noticed about my womb and the fact I had some issues with my first pregnancy. It doesn’t really reassure me when I’m told that I’ve successfully had a baby before. So what? That doesn’t make everything ok or mean I don’t have a problem. This isn’t something I can emotionally, mentally and physically go through again. I went to an abortion clinic FFS lol!

On a slightly lighter note regarding CV: it was a good thing I wore a huge mask through all these appointments as it ‘masked’ and hid my face and feelings. Also the fact DH wasn’t allowed in to anything meant I was able to keep completely composed for hours, even when receiving the bad news itself. Sonographers are probably used to women wailing on the floor, but that’s not me. Offcourse as soon as I saw my poor DH in the car, I broke down!

@WildflowerPetals I'm glad you got some closure and were able to get underway with the treatment straight away. Please keep a close eye on yourself, and I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible xx

I take my hat off to all of you who are being so open with their colleagues - I think that's exactly the right approach to take. I have to say I'm not exactly following in your footsteps atm as my primary colleagues are a very small, mainly male-dominated, team so the only people who know atm are my manager and a female colleague who I'm close to.

But when things are back to normal, I would like to speak about it publicly to more people. My employer really encourages wellbeing topics and lunchtime talks which normally involve people sharing their personal experiences on issues like autism, dyslexia, anxiety etc, so when I feel strong enough I would like to do a talk on MC.

Wow @tryingtimes20 that would be amazing if you could do a talk on MC when the time is right for you. Someone where I work did a blog on fertility challenges and another on postnatal depression and they both got such a positive response.

I totally understand why you might not want to be open straight away with your colleagues, especially if they are mainly men, my old team was and I'm not sure I would have been so open (which is probably crazy as we are all human!).

I've found pregnancy announcements tough. And my friend whom I'm not that close to sent my a beautiful picture of her breastfeeding in newborn and it was like a punch in the stomach, it really caught me off guard. But friends who were already pregnant I can be really happy for. I wrapped up presents for a friend who is due in a few weeks and was fine with it (she has also been great as she's been through three MCs).

Re pregnancy announcements - I love all my friends and I am happy for everyone who has lovely news and I would never take that away from anyone as I reckon there is more than enough luck and babies to around 🤞

The irrational sad grieving part of me thinks “oh f*ck off” and I just get back into bed and try to sleep again until lockdown is over

I appreciate these are conflicting thoughts and emotions yet my mind manages to do both at exactly the same time

Any day now I will start to bring some positivity to the thread 😂😳

@Ranoutofgoodnames you make me laugh, i also have part of me thinking oh fuck off, and going back to bed. I thought mags would cheer me up as I only buy them when I'm on hols or I'll, but had to ditch them as almost every story mentioned someone's kids, someone's pregnancy news or making babies, as it's lockdown there's little else to talk about!
Don't worry about positivity, there's a time and place for it just like place for rage, it really pissed me off thinking back now when the measurements at the 12 week scan were off and I was thinking something wrong, and then when I had the bleeding, people were like, don't be silly, think positive, blah blah, didn't do any good though did it? Prob just raised my hopes unnecessarily. Do feel much better today though, so sure positivity will come back.

That's really good that you might do a talk on it at work @tryingtimes20 my work does that kind of thing too, but i wouldn't be anywhere near as brave, don't like standing up in front of people and can't see me ever doing it without blubbing, but it would be a really good thing, people generally don't have a clue about what happens or how often it does, myself included before, and it isn't right.

@s