waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

[Lcy]

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

hi upsidedown - hope you are feeling a bit better.

I was thinking about the alcohol thing this morning - apparently not a good idea after a general anaesthetic anyway, plus hormones plus being a total bantam-weight after not drinking for best part of nine weeks meant that i had a total meltdown, luckily at home on my own but my man got a shouted at for a minute when he got home before i dissolved into tears again. nice goat cheese sandwich and cheesecake that he brought me kind of helped out.

pips - are you doing better? we seemed to have silenced the march 08 thread a bit . . .

hope we are all getting on an even keel today

TJuice & Lcy, Thanks so much for the kind words. It's really helped reading about how others are coping.

Oh, and Lcy, the good news is that now that I'm actually miscarrying my body no longer thinks it's pregnant, so my boobs aren't sore any more etc.

Yesterday I had a really horrendous internal exam for them to confirm I was miscarrying. The whole process seems horrific (a d&c would definitely be preferable) and I'm afraid of going near the loo because it brings it all home again. And worst of all, I expected it to be like a heavy period, but it's not! It's just like after I gave birth to ds, which makes it even worse.

I suppose I'll have to tell my boss why I won't be in this week. I've got so many wierd and unexpected feelings going on right now.

I'll be back here later, no doubt! I'm off to eat some goats cheese now!

TJ - i'm doing fine thanks, today's been a test as SIL is down (and due in april) but surprisingly i'll all a bit surreal as if my m/c happeend to someone else. anyhow, still having mega hormones, DH is quite good thou and understanding. (shouldn't worry aboutt he march girls it will bounce back again )

I agree withy ou lcy you have to hit rock bottom before coming back - for me it was when the sac passed, that was a real dark day lots of tears - some still come and go but on the whole we're getting there - so there is hope

oh gumbo I feel for you truely. the m/c I had a 5 weeks requirewd an internal - damn lady dr you'd think they'd be a bit nicer. (((hugs))) be good to yourself honney.

I'm kind of glad (though sad too if you know what I mean) that so many of us are going through similar things at the same time right now.

Sorry about your internal exam Gumbo. Not fun

I don't think I'd appreciated the effects of the hormones. It really is similar to after you give birth. Even my hair has started falling out!

The work issue is difficult, isn't it? My boss has been tip-top, but I'm really struggling with going back to work, and then having to disappear every two days for more tests. Going for tests just wrecks me for a few hours afterwards. So I'm signed off for next week - but now have to fill my time with more than tears, Martinis and my little boy.

Plus what do you tell your work colleagues? If I go out every two days for tests, it looks like I have something much worse than an ectopic pregnancy (cancer etc) so is it better to tell people so they don't worry?

But then I'm afraid that I'll get too many sad looks and yet more stories of their amazing friends who conceived triplets two days after an ectopic pregnancy etc etc. (I've had a lot of that and I know that people are being kind.)

Hormones - eek - i look like a teenager with spots all other my face - i have never had spots before in my life.

Glad we are all here to support each other. Im getting pretty stressed about D&C - but atleast i wont be aware of it - unlike the dreaded internal!

I hope you all have a relaxing Sunday xx

Gumbo - I had two internal exams on Friday to establish that I was miscarrying and they were both hideous. The thing they stuck in me was really hot as well for some reason??

I kept reminding myself that the last time I had Drs fiddling around down there they were stitching me up after DS and that was much worse. .

I also expected this to be like a heavy period but the bits and clots are just really sad....

I found this link quite helpful in explaining why m/c occurs, dealing with science, stats etc.

www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/problems-in-pregnancy/miscarriage.htm

I didn't expect to feel wobbly but do a bit. Feeling wierd. After op yesterday, all symptoms of pregnancy and m/c have suddenly stopped. Had got my head round being pregnant - was an unplanned shock. Now feels so strange that will not have a baby in feb 08 and a big tummy at christmas. Am sort of stuggling to think what I will do instead.

With you Mum2ozzie on the clots. How many weeks were you?

I was about about six weeks and going through two pads every half an hour at the moment. Can't last too much longer.

I started to miscarry on Friday at 7 + 5. Would have been 8 weeks today. Annoyingly I ringed my calendar to highlight key points - 12 weeks, 20 weeks etc. so have now thrown it out. At least its the start of the new academic year so I can get a new one..

Sorry to hear about those of yu having a bad time now
Lucy don't worry too much about the D & C it isn't as bad as you think, I worried the whole time leading up and wonder now why!
Mum2Ozzie - I am the same with the dates my pregnancy started at the begining of the year and I would be as many weeks as we have passed this year so far so everytime I look at a Monday on our planner at work I see where I should have been in the pregnancy

me too ... i put what i would be each week in the corner of my work diary - that is going in the bin. we also have a wedding when i would of been 5 months and have all my family coming to me at Christmas and we were all joking about me waddling about . Isnt life s**t at times!

Thanks for that link Renaissancewoman - hope you are ok x

I had no idea there were so many others having to go this right now as well. I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

Mum2ozzie, I know what you mean - the last time I had people between my legs in white coats with miner's helmets on was when I was being stitched up after ds too. But the difference was that then my body was awash with wild birth hormones and I didn't give a monkey's - yesterday I found it humiliating and somehow shameful.

Thanks for the link Renaissancewoman, it was useful. (I have to say, it's scared me a bit, as age isn't in my favour anymore...)

Pipsqueak, my doc was a woman too; but like yours, seemed really rough and hurt me a lot. I just lay quietly with tears streaming wishing myself a million miles away...

Upsidedowncake, how long are you taking off work? I never go off sick, and really don't know what to tell them. I s'pose I'll drop my boss a mail tonight to tell him I won't be in this week (although perhaps I'll work from home a bit to take my mind off things). I just don't know what to tell him...

Gumbo I found work a hard thing, I had told my bosses that I was pregnant so when I miscarried they knew. I only took the day I found out and the following day then the day of the second scan and then 2 days for the D & C, I wish I had taken e bit longer but felt a little pressurised into being at work as my female boss had been through the same thing and felt me being at work would be best
You do what is right for you and not what anyone else thinks you should

My boss knew i was pregnant because i had to do a risk assessment - so i told her she rang me at home and was very upset for me. Told me to take the week off and then come back to work slowly. My dad died very suddenly 2 years ago and i went back to work to quickly - big mistake i used to sit at my desk with tears streaming down my face - this time i am going to take it easy on myself.

I am so sorry about your awful experiences with your internals - i think i will probably enter the hospital crying tommorow and wont stop till i leave

Thanks Whoops. I had been thinking that I'd take this week off (still in a lot of pain, bleeding massively) but I don't want them to think I'm taking the mick...

I'm going for a scan on Tuesday to check that everything's gone...

Thanks Lcy. I'll be thinking of a lot tomorrow - I'm sure it will actually end up not being anything like as bad as you think it's going to be.

My work doesn't know I was pg. (When my dad died I went back to work after a week, and I was fine - bizarrely, with this m/c I think I'll be more of a wreck! Ironically, my baby was due on the same day that my dad died a few years ago...)

Ahh Gumbo thats hard

Gumbo - thats just how I felt lying there Fri - I also couldn't stop the tears. When I arrived I beeped to get into the EPU and no-one came for about 10 minutes. By the time they did I could bearly get out the words "I am having a miscarriage" as I had been crying for so long. THen I had to wait in a room by myself for an hour before I was seen. This was definitely my lowest point.

I've got my scan tomorrow at noon to check its gone.... Luckily DH & DS will be there this time for support so won't be as bad as Friday by myself..

I had 2 miscarriages, but have also 2 beautiful intelligent boys. My first m/c was an absolute shock, as I was approaching 12 weeks and thought all was going well. Then I started to bleed while i was at my sisters' so she rang her local doc who said i should take 2 aspirin and put my feet up!!!! what an arse! plus i'm allergic to aspirin! i did actually have an internal at my own surgery that night, and they booked me in to epu for next morning. Unfortunately my baby had died earlier on in my pregnancy but my body still thought it was pregnant for a few more weeks. I was devastated, and I had a d&c which all went well. 2 months later i fell pregnant again and all went well, although my hub treated me like a china doll, and wouldn't have any kind of intimacy with me at all. my baby boy arrived 2 weeks late at a whopping 10lb12oz!!! my second pregnancy also terminated very early and i was shocked again.. this time they gave me strong pain killers and said my body was self abort. it was bloody awful, and the support i got was shit, my husb said "think of our boy" and my mum said "at least it wasn't stillborn" - support???? me and my husb's relationship suffered greatly and i had an affair with someone who "listened" to me and seemed to care about my feelings. a few months later, i tried to get pregnant, both with my lover and my husb, that's how much i didn't care about myself anymore! i did fall pregnant and my son was and is absolutely gorgeous (he was a bit smaller, 7lb7oz). my relationship is crap with my husb tho and we are gonna split in the near future. I believe in destiny and all thru my second pregnancy i was active and fit. If the baby is strong, NOTHING will affect its growth. Stay strong for yourselves and listen to your instincts. Women are definitely the stronger sex, in every way.XXX

rennaisance - i feel exactly the same way.
but i am hoping that tomorrow i can just get back on the whole healthy eating/exercise and getting stuff done tip and not lose momentum, so that i will be a bit more prepared for the next time, if its to be.

also think i will just try and soldier work this week. don't really want to tell them, as its male-dominated advertising company and on thursday, they announced that they acquired two other companies and will be merging. all our jobs are okay but the next month will be important and if and when i want to take the whole maternity leave negotiations with them, i want to be well-prepared, with facts at my fingers. so i'm thinking its best that they don't know if I am "trying" or whatever. maybe i am just paranoid.

i got a bit annoyed earlier. my bf seems to have just got over it really quickly. maybe its a male thing but its almost like business as usual today but i am still having crying sessions etc. i mean it was only friday . . .i know, people deal with things in different ways i guess.

hi lcy, im from the march thread, im so sorry about whats happened and your crappy treatment i just wanted to offer some reasurance. i had a mmc 2 mths before this pregnancy and thought id never get pregnant again. i did after my first af and fingers are well and truly crossed. apparently after one mc you still have an 80 % chance of everything been fine the next time. i hope your ok xx

lucy...just wanted to say i hope it goes ok tomoroww. my mcs were natural so didn't have to through a D&C.

Sorry to hear about everyone else going through this at the moment. There is great support on here and I found it invaluable when I MC'd and when I was pregnant with my DD.

I hope you are all OK (or as OK as can be expected). There will be a time when the good days outnumber the bad and you'll want to think about trying again. MN will be here for you when it happens

Hi Spugs - good to hear from you - glad all is going well with the bean - it really does fill me with hope when i hear that people got pregnant again quickly. I dont want to replace this bean but i do want to get pregnant and have a baby.

Hi Daisy - thanks for thinking of me - dreading tommorow but also looking forward to it all being over and moving on.

Dolcezza - it sounds like you have had a really hard time x

TJuice - sorry your friend is not being as sympathetic as you need

Hi to everyone else - i think everyone deals with grief differently. It can be affected by other losses/bereavements you have had, difficult relationships, support you have etc. So i guess we will all do things differently (e.g. try to get pregnant, go back to work). But i for one am so glad that i have found you guys so we can just support each other non-judgementally.