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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

waiting to see if i miscarry - doctor told me anxiety will expel my baby from my womb!

367 replies

Lcy · 15/08/2007 14:27

Hi

I just need to vent. I am 10 weeks pregnant and had brown bleeding at 5-6 weeks so EPU scanned me and saw a heart beat - bleeding stopped and i felt all was ok.

Yesterday i had a big brown bleed again and incredibly sore lower back pain so went to EPU again this morning. They had a new doctor who asked me to tell him the symptoms. After talking for 10 minutes he asked me whether i could be pregnant!!! I WAS IN THE EARLY PREGNANCY UNIT !!!

He then told me that lower back pain is not a sign of miscarriage and that i should ignore it. He did an internal and i could see that the blood had changed to bright red and i started to get tearful. He told me not to get anxious because anxiety would expel the baby from my womb!

Anyway - he told me i am having another threatened miscarriage but i will just have to wait and see if i miscarry and that i cant have a scan and that i will have to wait 3 weeks for my dating scan because they are busy.

Just feeling really anxious - i am waiting for my midwife to phone me back. I know that they cant stop a miscarriage but i would like to know whether the baby is alive or not.

Vent over - Lucy

OP posts:
Renaissancewoman · 19/08/2007 17:25

Funny day today. Slept a lot. Been just surfing around on internet a lot, planning what I will do with the next few months. Lots of exercise and finally getting round to starting business as personal trainer seems to be my best plan and back to original plan of trying for baby next year. Played lego silently with my 17m boy for quite a while - that was nice and soothing.
Read moving piece in Stella magazine (Sunday Telegraph) on m/c. Made me cry. Needed that not cried at all before this. Think my hormones are worse than worst PMT at minute. DH doing a great job leaving me alone to wallow. Hopefully I'll be functionning tomorrow - have a business meeting to attend. Thinking about returning to Bikram yoga as well tomorrow - the hot one! Started this before pregnant but not been for ages because sends your b/p up so notgoodfor baby. But worried when I get into the zone am likely to erupt into tears!

Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 17:29

Oh and daisy i have just looked at your photos - your children are beautiful. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter x

OP posts:
pipsqueeke · 19/08/2007 18:31

ren - my DS is 18 months now. and bless him int eh days after this m/c I found him so funny all his little quirks and mannorisms had me smiling, taking comfort in how amazing he was really did help - at least it made me realise I am a good mum after all.

lcy - good luck for tomorrow, we'll all be thinking of you, and hope everything goes as well as expected. re the grief - I think you're right, with my first one at 16 I ran away, (literally left town moved 200 miles away) and didn't go home for over 18 months- just couldn't - tbh it was the worst thing to do. took a lot to get over it. the second one I threw myself into work (stayed at work on the fri when bleeding had the weekend and monday off then back to work) DH was working. it was a dark time for us both I think - we deal with it individually by working. (until dr who came on ). this time I just want to get pg again as quick as poss. not working is proving a bit of a hinderance this time - whilst I have ds to distract me I also have more time to think of things iycwim. anyhow.

TJ - men ah men, for them (and I suspexct those with LO's will agree to an extent) men don't appricate how much women change and the hormones etc esp in the first trimester - as far as my DH was concerned I was just a moody mare who threw up on occassions but bit his head off more often. BUT! once i'd ahd my 12 week scan he was a bit more intrested and then once the bump came and the 20 week scan etc he started to get more excited but it wasn't until DS was born he fully appriciated he's a dad - and to quote him he 'cried like a girl' outside the room where I couldn't see him. thing is for us girls it's real from the minute we get the BFP, we feel everything, every morning sickness, every tiny pee we do after thinking we've got a full bladder. so it's not nec that he's over it quickly - it's prob more a case of he doesn't know what to say and how to help you. I know all my DH wanted to do was make things right again - but he couldn't so he carried on as the 'rock' I broke down he picked me up. he still hasn't broken down yet - at least not to me but he doens't have a good support network. I suspect it's something similar for your BF. have you tried talking to him about it?

Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 18:54

Ahh mum love to fix things dont they - that is my DH's main coping strategy

OP posts:
pipsqueeke · 19/08/2007 18:56

lol. did you mean men? lol. yes that's my DH's way as well - think it's true of most men, and unfortunatly they can't fix what we want the most iycwim. makes it jsut as hard for them to feel helpless and watch us I think.

DB was asking today 'what's wrong all teh time - can't tell him the real probs thou )

Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 18:56

i meant men - thinking about mums because mine has just pjhoned and she was saying how upset she was about her me and her first grandchild - i said i know but dont go on - and she said "you will understand this type of love when you are a mother" - cheers mum - ive just lost my first baby!!!

OP posts:
mum2ozzie · 19/08/2007 19:01

Lcy - Just wanted to say I'll be thinking of you tomorrow morning. Hope all goes well.

Accidently also spent £60 on toys for DS as feel so lucky to have him... Pip I agree I'm finding so much comfort in him at the moment (he is 15 months)..

Tj - Exactly the same for me with DH - he seems 100% fine now. We both cried Friday night and he was sympathetic again on Sat morning when I just started out of the blue but now its as if nothing has happened...he has had to tell his boss as he is coming with me to the scan tomorrow. I think if he'd been there Friday night the whole thing might have had more of an impact. The not knowing for sure..and the bleeding starting that was really bad...

Just had two glasses of wine would recommend this to you all xx

Renaissancewoman · 19/08/2007 19:01

Lcy - you should write a book on what not to say in delicate situations - you seem to collect some corkers!

pipsqueeke · 19/08/2007 19:04

lcy, OMG!!!!! good job she's not my mum - mine had to deal with everything as I couldn't and DH was away.

whilst I don't think we always appriciate our mum to say that is horrid - tbh my mum said 'it's not the end of the world and don't be a myrta to it' and I felt like saying i'm not mum but thankfully oyu don't know what i'm feeling as you've not been thru it - yes v selfish after all she's done but really I do think sometimes with all the best intentions our mums just don't appriciate iycwim. MIL on theotehr hand was the exact opposite after suffering several herself and a SB.

whoops · 19/08/2007 19:04

Lcy - I'll be thinking of you too tomorrow, hope you get through the day ok x

Renaissancewoman · 19/08/2007 19:10

When I called my Mum to tell her I was going to see Dr yesterday at 10am. Her response was, 'I'd come but I've got yoga at 12' and then I called her afterwards and she said 'I'm glad, that's a weight off my mind'. I was in car with DH driving home from the hospital and had a right laugh, my mother is hilarious, as mad as a box of frogs.

mum2ozzie · 19/08/2007 19:32

My mum said perhaps "it was for the best as DS could be a baby for longer..." Implication being I was having them too close together (DS would have been 20 months when this lost baby born)...not the most supportive response. They had previously made comments about me ignoring DS when no. 2 born which had pissed me off. As if he would let me and as if I would?!

Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 19:39

and if i hear "in my day we wouldnt of even known we were pregnant at 6 weeks" - im like yes but i was 10 weeks you still would of known you were pregnant for 4 weeks????

To be honest she is a fabulous mum and very sad for both of us - just not always the first with the most sensitive comments

OP posts:
pipsqueeke · 19/08/2007 19:47

it's their age my nan said to me 'ah well you're young enough to try again' - ah well that's ok then nan! lol.

m2o - mine would have been just 2 - my other nan chirped in and sai

' well maybe now she should focus on DS and the dogs and wait a few years as she's got her hands full' - wtf this coming from the lady who had 3 kids under 3 and then the 4th came along 2 years after that.

Gumbo · 19/08/2007 19:54

I'm delighted to hear it's not just my mother who's insensitive then! She lives 8000 miles away, so I only see her every couple of years, but she's coming over to visit next month. When I told her about my m/c she said 'Oh dear. Oh well, at least I hadn't bought anything for the baby yet"! Well, that's the main thing, then...

mum2ozzie · 19/08/2007 20:01

Lcy - LOL - my MIL has said exactly those words too!!

Pips - Wait a few years!!! Honestly they must have forgotten what its like which in fact is true as I can't remember what it was like to have a nb and it was only 15 months ago..

Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 20:03

You have to laugh

OP posts:
foxybrown · 19/08/2007 20:15

Lcy, just to say hope you manage to get through tomorrow OK. Good luck x

Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 20:17

Thanks foxybrown - feeling a bit worried about it but watching Xfactor on ITV2 is helping - its hilarious (dont judge me!).

OP posts:
Original poster
Lcy · 19/08/2007 20:18

Oh and congratulations on your new baby (seen you on the antenatal thread with bumper)

OP posts:
foxybrown · 19/08/2007 20:27

thanks Lcy, - and don't worry, no judging here! hope you are ok x

daisyandbabybootoo · 19/08/2007 20:34

Thanks lcy for your comment on my DCs....DS is a bit of a nightmare at the moment...classic dethronement syndrome whilst looking like butter wouldn't melt.

You will have your own beautiful DCs soon enough I'm sure .

Renaissancewoman · 19/08/2007 21:09

My DH has been a love the last couple of days. I knew he couldn't keep it up. Just caught him. On phone to his father explaining how I was OK just hormonal, up and down, you know hormones all over the place. This was just after we'd had a conversation about not telling people about what had happened. Oooh. At that point I wanted to go up to him and show him, with a punch, just how hormonal I was feeling.

EllieG · 19/08/2007 21:14

Hey lcy - thinking of you for tomorrow. I had a D&C in march and was very quick, and was better than the waiting game. But is still a horrid time and am sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way x

EllieG · 19/08/2007 21:18

Oh and just scanned the insensitive comments - they were so like the ones I got! People are stupid and don't know what to say, and they think that minimizing it is best and that things like 'well it wasn't even really a baby at that stage' are helpful. I even got told that it was too small to have a soul so wouldn't be in heaven. People are stupid and crass and insensitive, and you have to ignore them and talk to people who will be supportive and not tell you how to feel. Tbh, MN for me was the best place for that - when I was feeling raw and lost and bereft it was only here that I found people who got how I was feeling and really understood. Hugs and love to all x