@SunStruck I booked Santorini and Cornwall so far, both spring time next year. I don't normally visit the same place twice, especially abroad, but I adore Santorini, it's my happy place, so we're going again 😊
@Catconfusion Thank you for being so calm and collected, the voice of reason again. I think it's near impossible this month, there's no progress and looking at the calendar it would have to be a miraculously quick spike and then a miraculous conception and implantation in such a short time before AF is due. To be truthful, I had a suspicion in my first pg that I conceived quite late in the cycle, but the lines are fainter now, so not putting my hopes up.
@zoomies1 You've summed it up so well. It is very difficult not to have anyone in RL going through the same thing in the same time as you. I've always felt a bit behind on here as well, I guess, because my MC happened a bit more recently than everyone else's. So whilst everyone was a step or two ahead, whether getting better mentally, stronger physically, and eventually pg again, I've always been the last one, haha! But at least we have the shared experience and this thread did give me a lot of hope that there's life after the MC, it's not the end of the world.
I personally think I need to admit that something is wrong, my body isn't working the way it should. That's the first step. Ultimately, even if O happens, ovulating so late in the cycle isn't normal. Having iregular length cycle isn't normal. Having a short luteal phase isn't normal. Maybe things will work out for me naturally at some point, as I'm not completely infertile. But the reality is, I am not in the perfect position I thought I was in when I started TTC for my first baby and caught very quickly. It may well have been a lucky accident. Acknowledging this makes it easier for me to face the fact it's not happening again.
I'm going to give it another few months and then see my GP. I'm also going to lose a bit of weight, I don't desperately need to, but I have gone from normal-with-curves to chubby after the MC and it will do me good.
That's that. Not much else I can do. I don't want to worry, it's not me, I'm a happy, dynamic person and this TTC business has turned me into an emotional wreck. I hate this and I'm not going to stay in it any longer! I don't want to look back at my 30s and think it was the most miserable decade in my life, it's our prime time!
@SunStruck I hear you, you can't imagine how much I can relate to what you wrote. I think if you get to the point you're pretty happy with what you've achieved in life, and then something like this goes wrong, it's an extremely bitter pill to swallow. It feels like my life has just slapped me in the face, I guess it's my time, after all. 2019 as a whole has been the worst year in my life, by far.
We all get it, just in different shape and form. It's the simple truth, you cannot have it all in life. Some women have regrets about not having an education, dream job, money, the perfect partner, you name it. But they have children. I don't envy them. Equally, I respect who they are and I don't think less of them. We've made different choices, and my life isn't perfect either.
It makes me think, why am I so harsh about myself, this is completely against what I preach to others about self-love. I mentor people in business to encourage them to thrive, regardless of how bad their starting position is. And then there's me. Yes, I may not be able to have a baby now. Is this the end of the world? Does this render me worthless? Absolutely not. I need to pick myself back up and keep working on myself, remembering that nobody's life is picture perfect, and that's just my fair share of crap.
It seems to me that this whole world is construed on a premise that we as women ought to have children, that this is our role. The amount of interviews I've read and women I heard saying "What's your greatest achievement in life? - My children", I mean, really? As if our entire worth was pinned only on motherhood. Our children are a product of biology in 80% and luck in 20%. They are separate human beings to us. Yes, we can be proud of them, proud of the work we've done nurturing them, but they are not our "achievement". In my book, achievement is something we work on that is within our reach. It can be measured differently, but ultimately, we achieve in our own capacity as individuals, regardless of whether we are mothers or not. That's what I truly, deeply believe in.
I'm a feminist and feeling low about this TTC business, whilst understandable, I guess, is against my core beliefs. So I'm going to dig myself out of this big, black hole that doesn't help anyone, and get my stuff back together so I can be me again.
Wow, that was philosophical. I'd better shut up and get on the gin tonight! 😉🍸