First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@SARmum14 How did the rest of today go? Been thinking of you.

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you've had a bad day too. It's horrible what hormones can do to you. Even after a negative test it's probably still in your system in small level. I think your best bet is to do all you can to get AF to come. All good ideas with pineapple etc. I'm 5 DPO so just biding my time and trying not to think about it. Once I've ovulated its 17 days to AF. I got my BFP 13 DPO last time. We've decided this cycle to test at 14 dpo so still 9 days to go. I'm still doing my Ovusense to see if temps go up again which will be a heads up something has happened. We'll just have to see. I think I'll be absolutely fine if AF comes as I guess a sign I needed more time.

Hi @amanda81, thanks for asking after me. I'm ok but still symptom spotting. I've still got an upset tummy which I had with the last pregnancy. Trying not to read too much into it. Haven't changed my diet or supplements so it is unexplained unless just the rise in hormones. Also been very tired. Had to nap today for the first time since just after op. Very sore boobs too. How are you? When will you test?

@Mommato3 I know what you mean about coming up to key dates. It should have been my 16 week midwife appointment today so that made me sad. I've just tried to get on and resist curling up on the sofa with Netflix.

Have a lovely evening everyone! xx

Hi @sadtoday21 @Catconfusion - I'm feeling like I need to stop symptom spotting 😂😂 I cleaned all the bathrooms in the house today after work just to keep myself busy. I hate doing the bathrooms, so am desperate! 10dpo here. Usually get some spotting, but nothing has arrived. I have a weird UTI feeling down there, and the cramping has stopped. Weird cycle this one.

@Catconfusion today was my 16 week midwife appointment too! Also sad and curling up with Netflix. I think you are right to just try not to think about it too much, even though I am sure it's hard. I almost don't want to know right away the next time around, just because of all the anxiety I will have. Either way, a BFP or AF is a good sign that things are moving forward.

@Amanda81 It sounds like keeping busy is the best thing to do until you know more. I don't know why, but I have a good feeling about it! Fingers crossed for you x.

@Amanda81 I know exactly what you mean. Woke up with upset tummy and cramps. Probably unrelated as Ovusense and FF are now saying I ovulated later than I thought. Chart below. I definitely have breast pain and a dull ache low down in my tummy. Been emotional too. Guess 3 dpo is way to early for that. At least we caught it with plenty of dtd. Guess I just wait and see. Do you get any symptoms when you ovulate? X

@sadtoday21 I know exactly what you mean. We will not test until 14 dpo. Now my Ovusense has confirmed it I'm not going to continue using it. I think it just might drive me mad. Just going to get on with life and try and pretend we're not ttc. X

@sadtoday21 forgot to say, It is horrible getting these appointment dates. Hopefully now you're through the worse. Such a coincidence we would have had our midwife appointment on the same day. I just kept thinking mine must now know we miscarried. I asked her at booking in what our risks were at 39 and she kept saying we were low risk and not to worry. Sometimes losses happen and nothing we can do about that. She just kept avoiding the question and taking about the classes we could do when I get to 14 weeks and where and how did I want to give birth. She examined my tummy and even said I was measuring big but all felt nice and healthy. We came away feeling much better. Irony is baby had died at that point. I wish they would change the booking in appointments to be just taking details. There shouldn't be the assumption all is well until there's a scan.

Good morning @Catconfusion
You have cross hairs! So ff isn't sure. Do you recall what your Cm was doing over the weekend? This may help pinpoint when you ovulated. Chart is looking good though! With what you have been through, it is good to see the gentle decline. There are a few mountains pre-o, but that is to be expected.

I understand that we get a surge of Estrogen around 3 to 5 dpo which can explain sore bbs. I never get any symptoms around this time, but do often get a dip in temp. I only get back ache around ovulation, but I have history of lower back problems from a snow boarding accident, so don't trust it as a symptom.

I'm feeling anxious today! Usually I am very pragmatic in every day life. But when it comes to ttc, I am not rational at all. I'm not really sure when I should be testing this month due to my earlier that usual ovulation. Going by my LP of 11 days i will be due AF tomorrow. Going by my usual 28 day cycle, it would be Sunday. I think
Your advice of 14dpo is sound, which would be Saturday. I left it to cd33 last time! I can't believe how cool I was about it all back then. I wish I could get back to that!

Oh and my temps are up! Not happened since I started temping! They normally start to go down at 10dpo. Trying my best not to getmy hopes up!

@Amanda81 cm seamed to have dried up Sat and Sun. I had it on Thursday and on Friday. My Ovusense is saying I ovulated Sunday too. So confusing as I could have sworn it was Friday. I can't explain it but just had a feeling it had passed over the weekend. I had back pain on a Friday but like you I had a prolapsed disc a few years about so could be that.

TBH I'm pretty shocked at how quickly my body has pulled this out of the bag without a period. I have long irregular cycles so this is pretty typical pattern. I'm making friends with my body again.

You're probably right about the symptoms being down to rising oestrogen. I've been a lot more tearful since Monday. The tummy upset after ovulation is a new thing that started with the pregnancy cycle. We'd just got back from honeymoon and I put it down to eating badly. This time I've been super healthy and nothing can explain it so seems linked to ovulation.

I know what you mean about ttc. It's so emotionally laden especially after a loss. It's so hard to busy yourself and not test, knowing you could be pregnant. Trying to get your hopes up is hard. The earlier ovulation could have thrown things off for you so might be best to wait it out if you can. I've just put the testing date in the diary and I'm trying not to think about it! I'll treat my body as if I am I.e no alcohol etc until then.

I hope you find some things to do to take you're mind off it! X

@Amanda81 meant to say that chart does look promising! Good luck!

@Catconfusion it really is a huge coincidence but not only did we have our 16 week appointment on the same day but I realized my baby also lost its heartbeat around the same time as my booking appointment, just like you. I also was worried about not having any morning sickness and asked if everything was alright and the midwife said don't worry at all everything is fine, etc., etc. It really is ironic that she was asking me about birthing options and spent an hour talking to me when the baby didn't even have a heartbeat at that point! I asked if she could listen to the heartbeat and she said no. Now I really wish I had a private scan earlier - just so I would have known something was wrong earlier and not wasted three weeks. Will you do a private scan next time? Or demand a reassurance scan? I think I will, even though I know anything can still happen later. I just don't want to wait to find out until 13 weeks. Sigh, can't believe I am already thinking about this when I haven't even ovulated yet!!

@Amanda81 your chart looks really good! This is your third cycle since the mmc, right? I think there is a good chance around that time to conceive again. My chat is really up and down and consistently high (36.1), but it's only been three days. I think I need to be better at testing at exactly the same time though. I'm worried about lack of CM and now the lines on my CPK tests are getting fainter. Do you think I O'd while I still had a positive HPT? And that maybe I'll get AF this week? Or is that impossible and more likely either no O or it will be late? Still very confused about what is going on with my body :/. Best of luck trying to distract yourself and not think about the test!!

@sadtoday21 it just messes with your head doesn't it! I think they should change the whole booking in process. It's appointments like this that allow mmc to happen. All the reassurances you get. My midwife literally just felt my tummy and said everything feels good. I didn't ask about the heartbeat. Guess too early to hear one with a Doppler. With the severe sickness I was having she told me it's a sign all is healthy and not to worry. I think they should tell you that obviously without an ultrasound we won't know. Then you at least can decide to have a private ultrasound.

Sickness and no sickness are normal so don't worry about that necessarily being a sign something was wrong. You clearly had high levels of hormones in your body so just didn't affect you in that way. I felt like death warmed up so just hoping next time isn't as bad.

It does seem like they keep you calm so you won't ask for an ultrasound due to demand I guess. I thought my age would be reason enough to get an early scan but it was still treated as a low risk pregnancy.

My GP and Early Pregnancy Unit both said I'll get an early reassurance scan with next pregnancy. You should get one too on the NHS So demand one, for your mental health more than anything. There's far less chance of miscarriage after a heartbeat is seen so worth getting.

I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you wasted all that time thinking you were pregnant. It's really cruel. Now it's one big waiting game. We'd not planned to try until after Christmas but now feels like something we wanted has just been dangled in front of us and pulled away. I guess we now realise just how much we want it.

Anyway it's difficult to say if you've ovulated or not. The high temp could indicate you have. You might find AF comes at the time it should have done. I hope either way you're feeling better soon. X

@sadtoday21 36.1 may be low (pre-o). It would be for me. However, everyone's temps are different. Until you chart a full cycle (or 2) you may not see a pattern. Keep tracking bbt and Cm. Some women don't o in the wtf cycle after MC. TBH until I got my first AF I didn't have a clue what was going on. Although looking back, the CM I got was the indicator. Are your trying again yet? Xx

@Catconfusion totally agree with everything you said. The whole process really does mess with your head! If miscarriage is so common - which I'm not entirely convinced about, at least for mmc - then you would think that at the booking appointment they would tell you that there is a risk things won't go to plan and you won't know anything for sure until the scan. I also might have considered a private scan if I had known, but was so naive back then.

All I would say about the scans is, even if I did have an early scan at 8 weeks, I would have seen the heartbeat and thought everything was fine (risk of mc is supposedly very low after you see the heartbeat then) and yet baby still would have died at just over 9 weeks. So I definitely won't be reassured by the scans until maybe week 20? Also, I know it is way too early to start talking about this (since we haven't even started the first pregnancy after mmc thread yet haha), but I am really concerned about the next time around and having to go back to the same room for the scan at 12 weeks. I think DH will have to drag me there. Or I might go broke paying for private scans every two weeks, I don't know. All I know is the "wasting time" thing really bothers me and I don't want to go three weeks without knowing what is going on again. Do not trust my body to tell me anymore, sadly.

I think you are right about the hormones, if we made it to 9+ weeks without problem it generally means the hormone levels were high enough, right? I asked the midwife this because I was concerned about low progesterone and she said you made it so far into the first trimester, it's not a concern that late. But I also think they don't really want to investigate or do anything until its recurrent. Are any of you ladies taking aspirin by any chance? Read a lot about it on other blogs as a recommended to prevent mc.

@Amanda81 sorry, meant 36.61 - this has been my reading for a few days, which seems a bit high. Combined with the line growing fainter on the OPK test, I am wondering if maybe I did O even while I had the BFP and now temps are climbing as I near AF. I know it's really too soon to tell, but I am hugely impatient haha. Probably wishful thinking. We are ttc again as of just yesterday, although I definitely think the timing was off given lack of O signs. I decided getting the BFN was enough and I can't really wait around for AF forever, although I think the chance of conception before it are really quite low anyway. As you said, I just need to distract myself in other ways and stop thinking about it!

@SARmum14 hope you are feeling better today. Did you get your BFN yet?

Good afternoon, hope you’re all doing well.

Just to say about scans I’m also having the same thoughts. The surgeon said I could maybe request an early reassurance scan next time but it didn’t sound like a definite possibility. I didn’t have an early scan as I have mixed feelings about them as they can give you false hope, it wouldn’t have helped me if it’d been before 8 weeks as all was fine till that point. I did have an early scan at EPU at 7 weeks last time because I was experiencing bleeding but it wasn’t by design.

The thought of going back to the antenatal screening room fills me with dread, that was the worst point of the whole process and I think the only way I could cope would be to have a private scan just before which is totally illogical and would be a waste of money but at least I’d have some reassurance it would be ok.

I’m still having some blood on wiping and the tiniest faintest positive line. Have decided to wait another date before calling for advice.

Also on symptom spotting it can drive you insane, I didn’t have any nausea or sickness with my first pregnancy which was healthy yet this time I was feeling really rough, it makes no sense 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your kindness and support. Yesterday was a really rough day and I just felt so lost and out of control. I’m just leaving work and headed back to the EPU now - my tests still strongly positive so they said that they want me to come in and have bloods done and a chat with them. I think I’m going to tell them that I’m struggling a bit with my mental health too. I’m dreading going back - to that waiting room surrounded by Pregnacare vitamins and Miscarriage Association posters.

Do you all think it’s possible to O with +ive HPT? We’ve been TTC since a week after my surgery now as were so worried about my age and potentially missing any window to conceive again.

Will let you know how I get on today.

Good luck with your appointment @SARmum14

@SARmum14 thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck today with your appointment. I really don't know if it is possible to O whilst still having a positive HPT, but I would be interested in the answer to this question if you happen to find out. I feel it might be possible and maybe this happened with me, but no way of knowing really. I understand what you mean about ttc and anxiety about missing the window. All I can say is you are not alone in any of this, I feel exactly the same way and I also still feel really sad and depressed about the whole thing. Let us know how you get on and what they say today. In solidarity xxx

@SARmum14 so pleased to hear from you. Yesterday did seem like a rough day for you, I hope you get some answers today. I'm not sure about ovulating with HCG in the system, it's possible I guess if the level was low. Definitely a question for the epu staff. Please do keep us all updated. Lots of hugs 🤗 x

@sadtoday21 36.61 seems more like a post O temp. I hope AF is just around the corner for you. I usually get a drop in temp just before AF (usually 2 days before). It may be the same for you??? I know what you mean about being impatient. I recalll the feelings, it's not pleasant as it can't take over your every thought. Who am I kidding, it's still does 🤣🤣😳 x

@bananamonkey I completely agree with you on the scans. How many weeks post mmc are you? Are you ttc again?

It was 3 weeks post-ERPC yesterday, that was at 12 weeks, baby stopped growing about 8. We haven’t dtd since as I was worried about infection since I’m still bleeding, although I think I’m happy to now. I was planning to wait a cycle for TTC, I just don’t know what to do.

@bananamonkey that is almost exactly the same as me, except baby stopped growing at 9 and I haven't bled now for about two weeks. I was also really worried about dtd again post surgery and was planning to wait one cycle before TTC again. Yesterday I broke that rule...oops! It was a bit weird but otherwise fine. My biggest issue now is not knowing where I am in the cycle and when AF might show up. I am really hoping for day after tomorrow at four weeks, but I doubt it. I just hate that I am at the beginning of this emotional rollercoaster all over again.

I had a scan which confirmed some retained tissue. They’ve given me misrprostol (sp?!) which I’m going to take when I get home. If that doesn’t work I have to go back on Monday. And either way I have to go back in a fortnight for another scan. If it doesn’t work I have to have another ERPC. I feel so low. Like I’ve been kicked in the guts when I already thought I was pretty low. X

@SARmum14 good luck with the appointment. I really hope you get some answers. Do let us know what they say, especially regarding ovulating with hcg. I hope you're ok! X

@sadtoday21 I completely understand why you'd prefer a private scan. It does bypass needing the EPU and having to be in that same room again where you got your bad news. We found out at a private scan and I have to say they were not nearly as well equipped at dealing with the emotional side of it. It was all very matter of fact. My EPU are amazing and we had a lot of counselling as well before and after the scans. Although I don't want to go back, personally I would prefer to have a scan there as I know we'd get the support we need. Every hospital is different though and private clinics vary so could be a better option.

I know if there's a heartbeat at 8 weeks that doesn't guarantee anything but there might be other signs something is wrong and I would rather know if we're heading in the same direction. I just can't stand the thought of wasting more time. If it all looks normal I'll be a little relieved but hold off the excitement, probably until we bring a baby home.

My friend was just round and she said her midwife at booking in with both her kids was very cautious and told her to bare in mind it is early and without a scan it's difficult to know how viable the pregnancy is. Maybe we were just unlucky to be given so much false hope.

I'm sure your hormone levels were good. I've been told they can be almost too good in a mmc as you retained the pregnancy. I have heard of ladies taking aspirin for RMC. It might be worth looking into whether it's safe even if blood clotting isn't the problem.

I had my test results back today and everything was normal so definitely not thyroid related or b12 deficient. It is a relief so I guess I just need to accept it was chromosomal.

Hi @bananamonkey If you can afford private then might be for the best if it's too hard revisiting the EPU. I personally didn't have the best experience at my private scan but clinics vary so much and at least you wouldn't have to go back to the same place.

I know what you mean about the sickness being a bit random. I was pretty much bedridden for a month with sickness before my mmc. It majorly kicked off at the point we would have lost the baby which is confusing. I guess the placenta just keeps going. I know plenty of people who've have not felt sick and had healthy babies. I hope you get the negative test soon! X