First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@SARmum14 I was told you’d to have at least 20 days blood free before it could be classed as a period or anything but I honestly don’t know. Thank you.

As for bed, choccy and old tv, no judgment. Sounds like a plan! I just want today to end tbh xxx

@amanda81 - yes I agree. It’s too early for a new pregnancy to be detected and I really don’t think I could conceive whilst I still have HCG in system? Am worried it’s retained products also. Think bloods will help confirm. Dreading a return to EPU. When I left after my ERPC the Consultant said that they perform the procedure using ultrasound to guide them so they won’t have left anything, but I know (from reading everybody man thread ever) that women have had that happen and either passed tissue or had to repeat the procedure.

I haven’t tracked or noticed CM so have no idea.

Are you going to call your EPU @ Sorry you had a tough first day back

Just for comparison if it helps I’m 3weeks post-op tomorrow, still bleeding slightly and still have a +ve but it’s super weak (hopefully the picture works!). I don’t think I’ve ovulated yet but I think it’s coming. I’m going to ring on Wednesday if it’s still the same.

Sorry cross posted @SARmum14

@SARmum14 sorry to hear that your day was a bit rubbish. I definitely understand how hard it is to be back at work and it must have been really difficult when your colleague told you about her pregnancy. Hopefully it will get easier in time and at least work will be a good distraction, if nothing else.

Your line seems really dark to me, way darker than it should be after three weeks. My test at three weeks was so faint I could barely see the line, nothing like yours. Is it exactly three weeks for you now? The soonest you can ovulate is two weeks after the surgery, so there is no way to be pregnant again until four weeks post mmc (as far as I understand, because you need to wait two weeks after O for the positive pregnancy test). If you are close to four weeks, it could be another pregnancy (fingers crossed for this!) or it might be taking longer for your body to expel the hcg. Worst case scenario is retained material, but the GP can confirm this with a blood test first (to check for falling hcg levels, has to be done at least twice) and then a scan if needed. I really hope you have some answers soon - I know how hard the wait is when you just want to move on with ttc!

Love gossip girls, great idea. Take care of yourself and try to rest xx.

It's more than likely that the hcg is still working itself out of your system @SARmum14 - if you feel well in yourself and have stopped bleeding then it is unlikely to be retained products, but best to get it checked. Hopefully your bloods will confirm either way. When do you get your results back? Do you need to have two tests?
I hope you are okay. I found the lack of control overwhelming and was the worst thing to cope with.

Regarding comments on knowing cycles etc... I must admit before the MMC I was ruddy clueless. I have taken the last four months to educate myself and to get to know my body as it gave me a sense of control. Keep being kind to yourself.

P.S. when I got home from site today, I was straight into my PJs - this was at 5.30pm 😂😂😂

Hi @bananamonkey, thanks so much for the comparison. Yes, I had my ERPC on the 11th Feb so three weeks ago today. My bleeding stopped after 5/6 days and I called the EPU today and they said it was unusual for the test to still be +ive after my bleeding stopped so long ago. We’re staying with relatives for a month so nowhere near our original hospital or home so the EPU said they were going to call a hospital local to where I’m staying and refer me in for bloods. As a back up I also have a visiting GP appt with a local surgery here at the end of the week.

I know you’re probably right @sadtoday21 - I know it’s foolish and yet it’s the tiniest glimmer of hope and I feel like I’m holding on to it. Trust my luck to be one of the women with retained tissue and a need for repeated ERPC. I don’t think my mental health could take it. When I burst into tears today my line manager actually suggested I might need more time off, which I’m considering. My brain is all over the shop.

How’s your health @sadtoday21? Are you starting to feel a bit better?

Xxx

@bananamonkey my test was also like this just before the three week mark - super light and basically negative. Got a full negative the next day. When are you going to start testing for ovulation? I'm starting to test now (3 weeks, 3 days post surgery), but I have no idea when it might start or if I already missed it for this cycle. Also kind of wondering if it just won't happen until after AF.

I am temping now, thanks to VERY helpful advice from @Catconfusion and @Amanda81, but only done one day so far - temp 36.61. Does this mean anything to you guys? How long do I have to temp for to see a pattern? Should I still do the sticks, since temping will tell me after O has occurred? My sticks show a line, but not as dark as the control. Going to see if it gets darker to show that O as approaching, as @Amanda81 suggested, but so far the line has stayed the same. Not sure if this is worth doing given lack of CM or any other ovulation signs. Maybe I should wait a few more days? It sounds like both of you are back on track and that is so great to hear. I really hope you are having early pregnancy symptoms and can share good news with us soon!

@mommato3 really sorry to hear that you had a bad day as well. It is the worst to learn about other people's pregnancies right now. It really does hurt. I'm not ttc yet either - DH is also a bit nervous and wanted to wait until after my first AF. I'm actually a little nervous about dtd again after the surgery, but I am sure it will be fine. I think I'll try to get us back on the ttc journey again as soon as I am fully recovered from this virus.

Good luck to everyone and fingers crossed for our rainbow babies soon!

@SARmum14 no, it's not foolish at all. I would feel the exact same way if I saw a test that strong. I think @Amanda81 is right, it probably is just taking a little longer for the hcg to leave your system. I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about if you feel well, but hopefully the GP can give you some answers with the blood test. I wish they had an hcg test with numbers on it! Oh, by the way, you could take the digital clearblue pregnancy test (the ones that tell you the number of weeks), just to see how many weeks you are at in terms of hcg..i.e. if it says 2 weeks, 1, etc.? That could give you a better idea.

I am starting to feel a bit better today, thanks for asking! I am hoping to be back to normal this week.

Thanks that’s so reassuring to hear @amanda81 and you’re probably right. I do feel well in myself (hence frenzied spin classes last week!) and no more bleeding. And it’s typical of my sluggish metabolism (nothing to do with eating chocolate in bed) so break down the HCG slower than everybody else. I’m getting a call back from the EPU tomorrow so will know more then, but presume they’ll want to do two tests to compare if it’s going up or down? We’re away this weekend so I’m hoping they can get it over with this week.

You’ve completely hit the nail on the head with the out of control being overwhelming. I still feel like I’m freefalling, flying through the air and without a net beneath me. My mental health is really suffering. Teary and feel discombobulated. Like I can’t trust that North is North and South is South anymore. Does that make sense?

PJs at 5.30 is genius. My favourite thing to do every day is take my make up and bra off. The greatest feeling ever. Small mercies 😂

@sadtoday21 it’s been showing up like that for nearly a week now 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been feeling “my normal self” e.g. not feeling rough with pregnancy for at least 2 weeks though so I’m pretty sure majority of the hormones have abated.

I’ve done a couple of OPK dipsticks and got a faint line, despite the bleeding I have increased CM and my boobs have been a bit tender so these are usually signs for me. I’m pretty sure it hasn’t happened yet.

Ohhh, first temp day @sadtoday21 😮 exciting! My pre o temps at quite low 35.90 to 36.20 and post o temps range between 36.40 and 36.60 - everyone's different and every cycles can be different. There does tend to be a pattern and little clues as to what's happening. I've attached my chart for this current cycle. You can see the rise at o, which I confirmed with OPK's. I would probably keep tracking with the OPK's...but watery and egg white Cm are good indicators too.

@SARmum14 that feeling will continue for a while, well it did with me anyway, and it will come in waves. All perfectly normal. Make sure you keep talking and give yourself time to heal (physically and emotionally). Remember, you have been through a significant life event, and all that you are feeling is completely normal. When your body starts to play game again and is ready for you to move on, I promise you will feel better.

Bra off 😂😂😂 I know exactly what'll you mean 🤪🤪

@sadtoday21 I forgot to post earlier, but I found these pages very useful with understanding how bbt works. You may have already discovered this.

www.readytogroove.com/the-cycle/

@Catconfusion if you do make a new thread...you will have to let me know on this thread as my notifications don't work for some reason 😳

@Amanda81 I was literally just reading that website as you were posting it!! haha great minds :). It is really useful and thanks again for the info. I realize I probably shouldn't have tested at night, but I was so excited to get try it out! Will try again tomorrow morning. Thanks for sharing your graph and hoping for a BFP for you soon!

@Amanda81 indeed I'll let you know. Let's hope we get BFP soon. Thanks for posting your chart. Mine does exactly the same with the small rise day of O, stays the same for the next and then a big rise.

Good night everyone and I hope you all get some rest tonight! xx

Oh ladies, I sobbed all of last night and am currently holding back tears as I walk into my office. I didn’t sleep a wink last night and think this is either still the pregnancy hormones or I’m having a breakdown and the MMC is what pushed me over the edge. Any advice or suggestions? I’ve already been signed off for a month which I think is incredibly generous. I don’t know that I can take more time off and am worried about my reputation at work. But also worried that I’m failing to hold it all together. The test yesterday was too much. It’s heartwrenching this whole process.

Oh @SARmum14 I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If you need more time, you need more time! Don't worry what other people think. What does your partner say? I think it's completely normal to feel this way. What makes it worse is not having the closure of your body getting back to normal. You've had a significant trauma and I think that can bring to the surface other demons. I've certainly felt I've been dealing with stuff from the past that's come up since the loss. How about just taking one more week? I'm sure your doctor would be fine with that. Perfectly reasonable since your body is not fully ok yet. It might be all you need. Be gentle with yourself today and go home if you need to. Xxx

@SARmum14 I am really sorry you are having such a bad day. It's the hormones, not you. They mess you up so bad. I wish I had advice, but it seems the only thing we can do is wait. It's so frustrating and painful. I am just in pyjamas today at home, can't handle work at all. You should do the same, if you can. I know it's hard not to worry about what other people think, but you have to put your health and sanity above all else.

The hormones are driving me insane too - even though I had a BFN, I don't think they are regulated yet. I woke up to seven(!) deep cystic acne marks on my chin this morning and I also started crying. It's like I am wearing this mmc on my face and nothing I do, absolutely nothing, fixes it. I feel so helpless and out of control of my body. I just hate myself. I am really hoping that when AF returns we will both start feeling better. Just waiting for better days...

Do any of you ladies have advice on this whole hormone thing (i.e. how to regulate them and/or get AF to come sooner)? I know this sounds stupid, but is there anything I can do to flush them out of my system, besides getting back on bc which I don't want to do for obvious reasons. I need to balance them somehow and I don't feel like I can go on like this for weeks or months more. Thanks in advance for your advice x.

@SARmum14 I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way today however I have to say I hear ha. Loud and clear. I definitely have to say that I’ve felt worse since yesterday afternoon than I have since the whole thing happened 3 weeks ago. My partner is making me go out places to stop me sinking into a rut at home but I’m starting to feel conscious that people are staring. Almost as if they know even though they don’t. I know the whole process will take time and there’s so many different emotions involved in this. I hear you. I really do. Put yourself first. Take whatever time you need from work, from others, from everything. For me every day is different. Tuesday always seems worse as it’s ‘that’ day. Then Wednesday as that’s the day I’d have been x weeks etc. Keep having thoughts like, we’d have been booking our gender scan had we decided on one, 20 week scan round the corner. I can’t even help it.
It sucks. The whole thing. As for flushing hormones I wouldn’t have thought so but if you find a way do tell!!
Meanwhile, huge hugs. And look after yourself xxx

@SARmum14 @sadtoday21 sorry you are not feeling to good. Everyone grieves in different ways and it's difficult to give advice. I can only share my experience. I think i did the most of my grieving over Christmas...me and the DH stayed in doors for a whole week without seeing anybody. That helped, along with the wine and Christmas food! New Year's Day gave me a kick up the arse to start the new year in a positive frame of mind, or at least try. I still have waves of sadness. Getting out like @mommato3 suggested can help heaps.

How are you both feeling this evening?

Regarding how to reduce hormone levels, I don't know of anything. Just time and lots of self care.

How are you today @Catconfusion ?

Thanks @Amanda81 you are definitely right. I have good days and bad days - today was particularly bad because of this huge outbreak that I have. I feel too hideous to even ttc and, while I know it is stupid, I just don't even recognize myself right now. It feels like too much on top of everything else, if that makes sense. How are you doing today?

@SARmum14 and @Catconfusion I don't think either of you have had AF yet (like me) so thought I would share some things I learned about how to get it to come sooner. Apparently vitamin C, eating pineapple, exercising, and sex are all ways to get AF to show up. I don't know if that's true, but it can't hurt, right? Hoping for mine this week...maybe that it also the reason for these out of control hormones. How are you both feeling now? @Catconfusion when you can you check for your BFP? Thinking of you both x.