First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Hi ladies,
Sorry I haven't caught up on everything on the thread but need some advice. It's been eight days since the op and I've only really had a small amount of brown spotting that had pretty much stopped this morning. Just went to the toilet and I'm suddenly bleeding quite heavily and have some mild cramps. I've called gynae and they said keep an eye on it, every woman is different and you can bleed for up to four weeks after. She said it could even be a period, but surely that's not possible only eight days after the op? Wouldn't I have had to ovulate first and then get a period two weeks later? And also, it shouldn't have got worse and suddenly started bleeding after over a week? It's more likely retained products isn't it? Seems like a kick in the teeth.

Hi @Birchwoods I just saw this and thought I'd jump in. I think the bleeding can vary so much. I only bled on the day of the op but had a horrendous bleed the next period.

I'm not sure if it could be a period. I know you can bleed without ovulation but seems very quick for it not to be related to the op. Try not to panic as sporadic bleeding seems common in the weeks after the procedure. I was told I possibly didn't bleed enough hence the horrendous bleed weeks later. It might have taken a bit of time to come on if it's been light so far.

Keep an eye on it. If you're soaking through pads or not coping at home call back the gynae ward and ask to be checked over.

Keep us posted and I hope it subsides! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion. I'm worried now that this is going to delay me getting my period. I'm getting mild period pains now.

@Birchwoods do you have a BFN yet? If so, then it’s probably not retained products. I would go back to the doctor if the bleeding continues or gets really heavy. So sorry you are going through this and here for you if you need to talk xxx.

@AnnaMC214 thanks for your kind words. I hate that we are all going through this and that the recovery takes so long. There are so many complications with mmc and even if everything goes well, the recovery is still a long process. It helps to vent on here because everyone here understands this. I thought I was starting to feel better about the whole thing myself, but it still hits me from time to time out of nowhere.

@Catconfusion how are you doing today?

@sadtoday21 I haven't taken a test yet as it's only been eight days. Do you think I should do one? The gynae nurse tried to find out what my hcg levels were before the op earlier but none of my notes were on the system as I had the op at a different hospital.

Just did a test and it came up positive straight away

@Birchwoods I'm sorry you're having a scary time of it. I agree with what @Catconfusion said that it seems quite common for the bleeding to come and go. I've heard it can particularly happen if you've over exerted yourself a bit. Do you think that could be the case? I wouldn't worry too much about the positive test as it's still early days. I'm not going to test until it's been at least 3 weeks.

Hello @Birchwoods - I just wanted to add that I didn't get a bfn until 3 weeks after the erpc. If you are bleeding through pads then this is when you perhaps need to get some further advice. If you are concerned at all, the epu are always happy to advice, and dont feel like you are bothering them. So sorry you are in this position, sending hugs x

@Birchwoods it’s normal for it to still be positive if it’s only been eight days - it took me three weeks to get a negative. Some rare people get it earlier and then O and have AF right away. I doubt the bleeding is AF if you are still getting a BFP, but it may be a good sign that you are bleeding and everything is clearing itself. It doesn’t necessarily mean retained tissue. Just keep an eye on it and make sure to see someone if you don’t have a BFN in another two weeks or so. Sorry you are going through this right now ❤️

How are you doing today @Birchwoods?

Agree with the others is massively unlikely to be AF so soon. My bleeding came and went a little and I didn’t get a BFN till 3 weeks later.

Hi everyone. I knew it wasn't possible for it to be AF so soon, was surprised that the nurse even suggested it could be.
The bleeding has lessened today but still there. What worries me most is that I had virtually no bleeding at all until last night, and what I did have was brown. The consultant that did the op said it should trail off after four or five days and not get worse, but I've had nothing for eight days and then heavy red blood. I think I'll contact the doctor tomorrow if it continues as I've read so many posts by ladies who have bled on and off for weeks and three months later it's been discovered that they had retained products and had to have a repeat ERPC. It's so hard not being able to do anything to get back to normal isn't it, and not knowing when it will. If I had a definite timeline, ie AF will return in x weeks and I'll be able to start trying after that I'd probably relax a little, it's just the not knowing. I feel so much pressure as my daughter is four in August and I have so much guilt for not getting on with it sooner to give her a sibling.

How is everyone today? What do you all have planned for your Sunday? I've decided to take this week off too, thanks for your advice on that. We're heading out to an Easter fair at a farm in a minute.

Hi ladies! How is everyone doing this weekend? I am wondering if anyone is feeling the same as me lately. I feel I am slowly starting to recover from all of the trauma of the mmc, but now in this strange holding pattern where I am not actively doing anything in terms of ttc. I stopped temping during AF and I haven't resumed yet. I feel unmotivated to think about ttc since I have the test results hanging over me. Thinking about breaking out the evening primrose oil now, but not strongly motivated to do it. I think I feel a bit depressed to be doing all of this tracking and preparation when we still aren't even cleared to ttc again yet. Not dtd either for the same reason and that's also really isolating. The most recent scare has made us both realise the importance of following the doctor's instructions, but it's also made me realise I needed a short break from ttc after all, since I was not fully healed and not ready to go through all of this again. Now I am just in limbo--not fully out of the "pregnancy" mode mindset, but not fully in it either. I don't know what to do and I am a bit up and down still as a result.

It's also hard to think that it is now April, when I would have been five months pregnant, and now approaching my due date in August. I realised that even if we get pregnant again in the next month or two, I will still only be approaching 12 week dating scan in August, not even in the second trimester. I feel I really really have to relax about the whole ttc thing and the next pregnancy, because anything can happen and it is out of my control. I'm just not sure how to do that. Do you guys feel that way too?

Hi @sadtoday21 I think I can relate to what you're saying although we are trying. In the aftermath of the mmc I felt really motivated to try again as I just wanted to be pregnant again. Now it's sunk in a bit more I feel a lot more apprehension about falling pregnant. Also not very motivated to temp. I am using Ovusense but some mornings not even checking what the temp is. I'm ovulating this weekend and luckily I'd realised the subtle changes I get just before so we've timed things right. I'm not as hopeful as I was last month. Just feel disheartened by the second loss. I also keep thinking about my original due date in Aug and how I'd be 5 months by now. Turning 40 soon doesn't help. There's nothing like a couple of miscarriages to make you feel old. I want to be positive and stay relaxed as I know it'll probably help the outcome but it's hard.

So in answer to your question I'm not sure what will help. It's just really unfair we've all been through this. I think it's great you're throwing yourself into work which must be helping a bit. I'm going to try really hard this week to change the focus and take my mind off the two week wait. I have some client work and lunch dates booked in. We've also planned some nice things to celebrate 6 months of being married too.

I hope you're feeling better as well as can be expected this week. Time I'm sure will help us all! Xx

@Catconfusion how strange that we both were originally due in August and had an early mc after the first late mmc! Are you me?? :)

GL with the TWW, I have everything crossed for you! I know what you mean about the fear starting to set in after the initial "I have to get pregnant again immediately" phase that I think is quite common after mmc. Now I keep thinking, can I go through this again? For me, the early mc was not nearly as bad as the later mmc -- I don't say this to downplay anyone else's early loss in the slightest, but only to say that the 12 week mmc and D&C were really traumatic. I can't stomache the idea of going through that again yet. Next time I have promised myself to scan every two weeks starting at week 6, at least until 12 or 14 weeks. I know that sounds a bit crazy and would probably cost more than I can afford, but I refuse to go another three months without knowing what is going on again.

@Amanda81 how are you doing? How is ttc going with the more relaxed approach? Still frustrated for you over the testing.

@SARmum14 have you had AF yet? Hope all is well! xxx

Hope everyone’s having good weekends. I too should have been 20 weeks this week and it stings, especially when a woman at my dd’s class on Friday mentioned she was 20 weeks with twins, DH and I kept joking about twins as I’d felt so ill this time around I feel robbed of the milestones like the 20 week scan.

Fingers crossed for you @Catconfusion! Positive vibes your way. I think I should ovulate next weekend, which is handy as it’s my birthday and DD is staying at her GPs. I really hate the process of ttc anyway but now it’s added pressure, I’m terrified of months of disappointment to come.

Evening All
It's been a busy weekend here...chores and work! So nothing exciting, but weirdly I enjoyed the cleaning. Must be spring!

I know what you mean about 'being in limbo' @sadtoday21. Feels like I have been in that status for quite some time now. I find that the only way to progress in a positive frame of mind, is to actually plan for Plan B (if baby doesn't happen). Plan A is definitely to have a child, but I am unable to control the outcome of this. Plan B is to go on loads of holidays, find happiness in the everyday, get a dog, build our own home, enjoy wine, enjoy sleeping in at the weekend...I could go on, but I would be here all night. I find that TTC can create a unhealthy imbalance in future desires, and I’m tired of it and don’t want to set myself up for a fall. In every other aspect of my life, I always plan for the worst, so when the worst happens, I’m prepared. This may seem a little negative on the face of it, but I guess it’s my coping mechanism. I have re-adopted this approach when dealing with TTC, and so far it is helping me through this past week or so (since i returned from Scotland).

My due date is fast approaching, May 21st. ☹️ I am trying my best not to focus on this, but it will be hard.

My cycle is all over the place at the moment. It looks like i have tried to ovulate, and failed. My temp went down this morning, so hoping it will have another go. Shall see what the next few days bring in temps, but pleased that I am understanding all the signs now, 2 months ago I would have been in a panic. I have stopped all other vitamins at the minute (except prenatal) as these may be throwing it off, or it could just be after the MC. Who knows 🙄 I have some further research on supplements, but that's for another night (been looking at screens too much today).

Congratulations on the 6 month anniversary @Catconfusion 🤗🤗 what do you have planned?

Hope you've all had a good weekend xx

@Amanda81 I love your attitude about ttc and dealing with the “in limbo” times like these. I’m also a huge planner and like to evaluate every possibility. I’ve decided I will use the time to get as far as I can in my career and then take a well deserved break and slow down a bit when I’m pregnant again. I’ve also decided now is a good time for a lot of wine, coffee, travelling, massages, and hot tubs! So I think our approaches are similar. It’s good to think this way and stay positive, but I have to admit I still feel sad sometimes. I’m so sorry that your due date in May is approaching, that must be really hard. We have to try to not think about the months going by somehow...such a long process! 🤗

Let us know about the supplements when you have a chance! I would be lying to myself to say I’ve given up on this ttc lark, still secretly obsessed 🙄

Hi all, busy weekend so have been reading but haven't had time to post.

I know what you mean about being in limbo @sadtoday21 - I feel completely there. I've lost motivation to temp but still kinda doing it. No AF yet and don't think I've had O either. After telling my husband what has happened to so many of you after the MMC he agrees that we should wait for AF. I'm also really torn because the new job means I'm going to have to wait a while so I a) qualify for maternity pay and b) so my new employers don't hate me for joining and then pissing off pregnant! I'm also nervous because we DTD the other night without really thinking of the consequences and whilst I'd love to be pregnant again I find myself willing it to not happen which in itself is at odds with how I've been for nearly a whole year now. It's so hard. Why is it so so hard?

@Amanda81 - oh my love. That's going to be hard for you, with the due date approaching. I don't have anything helpful to say other than be kind to yourself. And that we're here for support if you need. And that it is objectively shit and hard and I'm so sorry.

How's everyone else doing? @Catconfusion - I think planning lots of lovely things is a fab idea. I might join you in that. Trying to make the most of wine and coffee now that I can for a wee while.

Sending love. X

@sadtoday21 I know, the similarities are spooky. Also living near @bananamonkey and @sarmum14 having the connection with Norwich.

Thanks for the luck. I'm not hopeful this time, I don't know why. My temp has gone up but o not confirmed yet. A bit worried it will go down again, a bit like what you're experiencing @Amanda81 My temps have been rocky up until now and so has my mood. I did get a opk that looked positive today so who knows.

I feel similarly that it was much easier to dtd and the temping last cycle. I just felt desperate as if to put right a wrong, to cheat the fate of the last baby by creating a new one. This cycle dtd has been a bit strained. I've really not wanted to. We have managed to time it well despite this. I just hate the pressure ttc puts on things. It's like getting in a car when you've had a car crash. Dtd equals pregnancy equals miscarriage. It's so hard to stay positive and associate it with baby making feather than baby loss. After what we've been through the whole process somehow loses its meaning.

The scans sound like a good idea for your mental health. I think some private clinics do blocks you can book. My EPU won't scan before 7 weeks but due to my longer cycles I'll probably be 6 weeks when I'm 7 weeks according to my last period. I might then book a private one for 8/9 weeks. I think it's a case of doing what's best for your mental health. Xx

Thanks @bananamonkey And I'm sorry about the lady at school. I used to be a primary school teacher and I'm so glad I don't work in a schools any more because generally lots of pregnant ladies. You must have been due a similar time to @sadtoday21 and I. I sometimes daydream about what 20 weeks pregnant would feel like. It just feels so unfair and a bit wrong it's not still happening. I think we were all robbed. It's lovely ovulation will come on your birthday and you have some time alone. Do you have anything fun planned? Xx

Thanks @Amanda81 We saw Captain Marvel yesterday which we both loved on our actual 6 month half anniversary. Tonight we did a film quiz. Tomorrow we'll take our dogs to the beach. Just lots of fun reasonably low key things.

I'm sorry to hear your body is stalling a bit this cycle. I've had a rise but I won't know until tomorrow if definitely O. I've felt like my hormones
have been even more unstable this cycle than after the mmc. I hope you get a confirmation soon. When I first started Ovusense my first cycle was very up and down. I kept getting little rises that didn't come to anything. It went on for a few weeks. I did ovulate but it was an 8 week cycle in total. I think it was wedding stress doing it. Do you feel reasonably relaxed?

I really like your attitude of focusing on plan B. I've read some stuff on stoicism and the Romans would do this: focus on worse case scenarios and plan for them so they could make the most of them. I think focusing on a life without children might be a good way to appreciate and possibly be more grateful for the likelihood of having children. We're all fertile and it's highly unlikely anyone on this thread won't achieve another pregnancy. It's easy to lose sight of that when wrapped up in it and wanting it so much. Xx

@Amanda81 so ovulation wasn't confirmed and my temp came back down. I'm so confused. It does seem like a failed attempt. I'm so worried now my cycles are messed up. How are your temps looking today? Xx

Although @Amanda81 FF is saying I did ovulate. I'm wondering if it's s fallback rise.

@Catconfusion could it be an implantation dip?

Mine are the same @Catconfusion, very rocky and hasn't got a clue what it wants to do. Estrogen does tend to kick in 3-5DPO, so could be the reason for the fall back on your chart and could be related to the surge. If this is the case, it should go back up tomorrow. It's unfortunately a waiting game to see what it does over the next few days.

My cycle is messed up also (attached my chart). I did have a cold for quite some time which may have kicked this cycle around a little. It could also be anovulatory cycle (which can happen after Mc). It could also be that my OPK's missed the peak and FF hasn't registered it. I am fairly chilled about this cycle, and am just waiting to see how it goes and get it over with. Any observations on my chart from anybody would be welcome 😘😘

I wouldn't worry to much about it, and best not to worry really as this can have a negative impact. If you are ttc this cycle, looks like you dtd at the right time, so all bases are covered there.

I've just been out for a 2 mile walk around the village, intend to do the same this afternoon. I got in the scales this morning...wow! Need to get back in it, been very very lazy recently! Xx

@Catconfusion - also...you have dashed crosshairs on ff, this means that ff isn't due about your O. Therefore, you may not be out this month...keep tracking. Xx

Soz 'due' should read 'sure' xx