First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Handcock

Ah where are you @bananamonkey? Having a nasty cold really doesn't help matters. It's good AF is out the way. My mood has been very up and down too. I seem to get a good day then a bad day. I do wonder if the hormones are a bit unbalanced due to mc. Xx

I’m in Norwich. Yes I hate hormones, not an issue when I’m on the pill but when I’m not it’s a nightmare! I feel like a teenager 😫

Hi @Catconfusion - I've been holding off on reporting back from yesterday as i don't know how I feel after the consultation with the gynaecologist. I'm in-different about it all really, and as expected a massive anti-climax.

So...the consultant had one of those bed side manners which didn't show any empathy. So in any information she delivered it had this unsympathetic delivery. Thankfully my DH picked up on this also, so wasn't just me being weird.

She didn't quite understand why we had been referred as we had 'only' had two MC's and had 'only' been trying for 15 months. I scream in my head when I write this. But from a medical position, I see her point.

She was positive about our ability to conceive, as she was happy to see we had conceived 9 months after being on the pill for 20 years and then 3 months later with the second.

She was also pleased with my regular cycles and didn't appear to show any concern with my 11 day LP and light(ish) periods. Her comments on my lining was that as I have carried to 10 weeks, and therefore she doesn't suspect a problem with my lining.

She didn't suggest that we do any hormonal tests as we are conceiving and clearly ovulating.

I got the impression she was very much delivering a message of chromosomal issue...with my age being 38!

She did however suggest that I could have a TA/TV ultrasound on my pelvis to check for anything and blood tests to check for any antibodies or clotting issues, there's are called Anticardiolipin and Antiphospholipiol blood tests.

The scan is quite straight forward. However, on the NHS it might be a wait of 36 weeks (as I wouldn't be seen as urgent) or a cost of £350 privately. I am sure I can get this cheaper elsewhere. On the scan me and the DH decided to wait a while on this, as the overall steer from the consultant was try again and see how you get on.

The blood tests are a little more demanding in time/effort.You have to have the first blood test (anticardiolipin) at the beginning of your cycle, if this comes back negative you don't need the second test. If it comes back positive, you then need to wait 12 weeks to have the second. She did say due to our current history, she could reduce to 6 weeks, but 12 weeks would be preferred. If the second test is positive then it would confirm an issue with clotting or antibodies in the blood. The result of this is that they would put me on a small dose of aspirin followed by injections if required during pregnancy. But most likely just a small dose of aspirin 75mg. During the testing we would not be able to conceive. We did then ask, is there any harm in taking low dose aspirin if we conceived, she said no. The chances of having a blood clotting issue is rare.

We don't not want to try. Therefore, we have decided to not progress any further with the blood test for the time being, and just see how it goes.

Whilst I didn't like her delivery, her message was clear which was, probably nothing wrong with you, MC are common, all sounds normal, go and try again. Tbh, this is what I expected, albeit I hate to say it. It would appear that you need to experience 3 MC before you are considered to have a problem.

We are taking the positives from the consultation, which is that we can conceive, we have had to positives in 15 months (after a very long stint on the pill)...I'm also going to focus on me and my health for a while and just enjoy life. Ttc is so consuming, and I don't want it to be my only focus. We only get one life, and i feel (today) that I just need to live it and enjoy it. I want to get back to who I was before the MC and just be a little more laid back about it all. Easier said than done.

On a non medical front, I'm thinking of trying acupuncture, as no matter what the medical people say, I am not convinced that my periods are strong/long enough. I'm also taking the additional supplements, but will monitor how this changes my cycles. Don't want to introduce to much at once, so will probably get my AF back after the MC, have one cycle with supplements, and then start the acupuncture.

Sorry for such a long post... hope everyone is doing okay xxx

@Catconfusion 😂😂😂handcock...made me lol

@Amanda81 the bad bedside manner sounds frustrating. Sounds positive in that the consultant didn't particularly see the need for further tests. Wouldn't CD2 hormone tests be helpful to look at egg reserve though? Acupuncture sounds a good idea and I might look into that too. I completely get what you mean about getting back to the person you were before the miscarriage. It's so hard but so important! Xx

@bananamonkey it's a small world. I'm in Lingwood. Where are you? Xx

@Catconfusion really sorry to hear about all the difficult news with the testing. It does seem really unfair that you can't have a simple blood test or additional support through this. What are you planning to do next?

@Amanda81 thanks for all the info on your appointment. It must have been frustrating to hear that there is not much to be done at this point. Will you start taking aspirin next time anyway? Hope you are doing ok today xxx.

@bananamonkey glad to hear your first AF is nearly finished. Mine is almost done too! Only three-four days after all. Wish we could start ttc again, but still going to have to wait for those test results from CX. Just hoping everything is going back to normal now with the hormones. I feel they are starting to go down, how about you?

Hugs to all!

@Catconfusion small world indeed, I’m city centre.

@sadtoday21 glad it was short-lived. Yes feeling more normal now, I nearly cried this morning but that was all down to a stubborn toddler 🙈

@sadtoday21 glad it's over with and you can focus on moving forwards. When will you hear about the next set of results?

We're not sure what to do. I'm trying to find out more about the cut off age in our area. I'll keep you all posted! Xx

@bananamonkey how bizarre, we both lived in the city but moved to the country after our wedding in October. I lived in the city centre for about 8 years in the silver triangle area.

We probably were in hospital at a similar time and saw the same team of doctors/nurses. How did you find them? Which doctors surgery do you go to? Xx

@Catconfusion the staff for my procedure were all great actually, they really made a difficult day so much easier. Also the EPU nurse who got me in for the surgery on a cancellation was amazing. How were they for you?

I go to the Drs at Oak St, they’ve always been quite good but haven’t had any dealings with them over the MC.

Hello @sadtoday21 - frustrating, yes, but tbh i expected that the advice would be along these lines. The DH is all for me popping some low dose aspirin if we get another BFP, can't do any harm he says. I guess I am of the same view, but don't see any reason too without having a diagnosis as to why I would. Pleased to hear your AF wasn't too brutal and that you feel like your hormones are balancing out. How is your chin? Calmed down much? Have you started a new chart in FF?

@bananamonkey I'm presuming the nurse was Sarah. She was an absolute godsend. So compassionate and got us in on a cancellation too. We're lucky to have a very good EPU so I feel fine to go back there for a reassurance scan next time. The staff at the hospital were generally very good with us both times we were in.

I've moved around the city and I think that's the only city centre one I haven't been registered with. I've heard good things though. Xx

@Amanda81 I wondered about baby aspirin but a bit hesitant like you without a diagnosis. Xx

It was Sarah @Catconfusion she had to do lots of ringing around to get me in for pre-op the next day and was so empathetic, I will always be grateful.

Technically I’m not in their patient area anymore but they don’t seem to mind and I’m reluctant to move now!

@bananamonkey She's such a star isn't she! I found out at a private scan because my midwife wouldn't refer me, even with slight spotting. Turns out it was unrelated to the missed miscarriage but still grounds for a check. Sarah got so mad I found out in this way and not with her team. The department is set up in such a supportive manner. I felt we got counselling as well as the medical stuff.

You're completely right to stay with a doctor you get on with. I'm wondering whether I should change mine as they're being so inconsistent. Xx

@Amanda81 I was reading about the aspirin as well, that's why I was curious. I thought I read somewhere that you shouldn't take it unless you have a blood-clotting issue, so I wasn't sure about it without an actual diagnosis. I'm always paranoid about taking things after a BFP, not that it helped last time, so would be interested in doc's advice on this.

Thanks for asking about the hormones! I think it is starting to calm down, but will know more next week. CX wanted me to wait to do another blood test until next Thursday, so I will know more after that. I really hope the hcg is negative. Haven't bothered to do an HPT during AF, but I might try to check hcg levels over the weekend with it. The combination of the antibiotic and AF is helping to clear my skin, although it is still far from normal. I've booked a vacation in two weeks time and hoping I will look like myself again by then! And, yes, on to a new FF chart, although I've given myself a few days off temping until AF is over :).

Hello all! So much to catch up on but just wanted to say hello and I hope you're all okay.

@Birchwoods - I was signed off for 4 weeks and to be honest feel like I could have done with 8. It's been such a trying time so please do take it easy on yourself.

@Catconfusion @bananamonkey I went to uni there (many many moons ago) and lived in the golden triangle. I am so fond of my time there and loved the area. Am jealous! I keep saying to my DH when we have the "shall we leave London" conversations that I want to head back that way.

@Catconfusion that's frustrating. How're you feeling about anything? I know it's pretty unhelpful of me to say, but I know younger couples who've taken 6/9/12 months to conceive with nothing apparently wrong. I think the fact that you've managed to conceive twice so quickly is positive news and hopefully when you get DH's sperm results back you'll know more and be reassured.

@Amanda81 your experience sounds pretty frustrating too - it sometimes beguiles me why these people become medical professionals? But also, as you point out, from a medical perspective she must think that everything is fine so isn't concerned. I've seen other posts on MN about people preventatively taking aspirin and their medical professionals were never overly concerned by it.

@sadtoday21 glad to hear AF was okay. I'm still waiting for mine! When are you hearing back from CX?

How're you doing @LMLP91 @3204ECL?

I've had no AF and feel a bit in limbo. Also, have decided to go for the new scary job so not really sure where that leaves us with TTC. Maybe I'm looking for meaning in all of this but would never have gone for it if I hadn't had the MMC because I would be counting down the days to mat leave and mat pay. Now I've got it and I don't want to blow it but not sure what I'm meant to be doing about having a baby and don't want them to be cross at me if I arrive pregnant! But also know I'm nearly 37 and that I don't have all the time in the world. Jeeeeez. It's hard being a woman.

Hope everyone okay. I'm counting down the hours to wine. One of the benefits of not actively TTC.

Hey @sarmum14 the world just got even smaller then. Norwich is a lovely city. Norwich meet-up anyone??? It would be a strange origin story but would be lovely to meet you all. Did you go to UEA? I did my teacher training there.

I'm feeling ok thanks. Believe me I know how lucky we are it happened straight away and then again. Definitely a good sign but I just worry we can fall pregnant easily but not keep them. Apparently this can happen when egg quality starts to dwindle. My age definitely concerns me especially since NHS support seems to tail off after 40. As you know miscarriages are very painful and I just want to know I've covered bases and done all I can to find any problems. I know chances are test results will be normal but I'll do anything to prevent it happening again.

It sounds like s good move to take the job. I'm sure they'll understand when it happens. It'll give you a new focus too. All in all it sounds like it was meant to be. When will you start? I hope AF comes soon! Xx

@Catconfusion - yes I did! Studied my undergrad there. Absolutely loved it. A wonderfully caring uni and beautiful city. My DH's family live on the Suffolk border so any excuse to go up and see Norwich is fine with me! We've done lots of convalescing around Suffolk and Norfolk when we were first going through the MMC. I really love it there and it now holds an extra special place in my heart because I associate it with escape and healing during one of the most upsetting times of my life.

The job stuff is a funny one - they kept telling me that this was a step up for me and I get the feeling that they wouldn't be best pleased if I showed up pregnant and ready to go on leave. But a friend's mum keeps saying "what's meant for you won't pass you by" so I'm repeating that like it's my mantra and hoping for my rainbow baby to arrive when s/he's ready. I'm on a 3 month notice so won't start for ages. Hoping to try and negotiate that down!

I know what you mean about age stuff and it's especially frustrating when you consider NHS policies about when they'll step in and help etc. I'm keeping everything crossed for you - you seem so lovely (you all do on here), I really want you to have your happily ever after. Xx

Ah @sarmum14 I am a stone’s throw from the Golden Triangle! Small world.

@SARmum14 I'm so pleased you decided to go for the job! You are completely right about it being hard to have it all - the job, the family, all of it. Women are under a lot of pressure, but I like to think it makes us stronger! Who knows, maybe you will end up getting everything you wanted at once and the timing will just work itself out. I was also hoping to cut back a bit on work for once to focus on starting a family, but it wasn't meant to be for now I guess. I think I will throw myself into work until I get that BFP again! It helps to be doing something productive for the future at least.

How are you feeling these days?

Hi everyone. Just thought I'd check in. Mentally I feel like each day gets a tiny bit brighter. Physically I'm still quite sore from my surgery on Monday although the bleeding has pretty much stopped. How did other people find the recovery?

I've been reading people's thoughts on work with interest. I'm supposed to go back next week after 2 weeks off for the mc and I'm really nervous. I dislike my job at the best of times and get no real sense of fulfillment from it. I couldn't wait to start a family and have a new purpose. Getting back to 'normal' now is going to be tough.

@sadtoday21 thanks for asking. Physically I feel fine but mentally still most definitely up and down. It's hard isn't it, thinking about what might have been and how fundamentally cruel the whole situation is. I know we're all in the same boat but it feels outrageously mean. Instill haven't seen my SIL, who was due the day before me and not sure when I'll ever feel brave enough to. How're you doing? When do you next hear from CX?

@AnnaMC214 oh my love - I can 100% relate. I was feeling really lost and demotivated in my job and then found hope in the impending maternity leave and that made everything feel bearable. Although as you'll see from earlier posts, it's made me go for a big new job that I never would have if this hadn't happened. I had 4 weeks off and due to retained tissue and further surgery I then had another week off recently. There's no right or wrong time to go back to work and the first day is always going to be hard. That being said, if you're not ready do ask for more time. Physically I recovered quickly but emotionally I was still v weepy in the first month and couldn't have coped with it.

Sending everyone Saturday love. Xx

Thank you @sarmum14 for taking the time to reply to me. I think I might just see how Monday goes and perhaps they'll allow me to work from home a bit more if I'm struggling. I'm hoping it won't take too long to get pregnant again but I'm very wary of putting too much pressure on it. I found ttc and early pregnancy incredibly stressful as I was so worried and paranoid. As it turned out my worst fear came true so I'm going to try really hard to approach it differently next time for my own sanity!

I think you're really amazing and strong for going for your new job while dealing with everything else. I wish you every success with it and your future family. Even if you can't quite see how it will all slot together yet, I'm confident it will 😊

@AnnaMC214 I can completely understand your feelings about work. I took a week off, rather than the full two, but I definitely was not ready to go back. Even to this day two months later, I'm still dealing with the effects of the hormones and the loss and I'm not 100% back to myself. I had really high hcg levels from the partial molar though, so it has made my skin go crazy and it's taking a long time to regulate. Every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded of the mmc and what it has done to my body. I try to be strong and to move on from all of this, and it does get better with time. But it still hurts and I think it's hard to realise and accept that this is something that will hurt for a long time. I still can't quite accept it myself. All this to say that you are still very early on in the process and should give yourself time to grieve and to heal. Sending love and hugs xxx.

@sadtoday21 thank you. It's so valuable having the insight and support from people who know what it's like. I wish with all my heart that I could turn the clock back and make everything turn out differently but, knowing that's not possible, I'd settle for getting out of this seemingly neverending limbo. I imagine you feel that even more with waiting for your hcg levels to drop. I have everything crossed for you that you get that long awaited negative from your test next week. xx