First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@LMLP91 - she sounds horrid. So sorry that you have somebody in your family like that. She doesn't deserve your time thinking about her comments. Hope you are okay.

Good luck tomorrow @sarmum14

Sorry about your loss @AnnaMC214, it's a devastating experience. So pleased that you have found our ramblings helpful. It's strange how MC can make you feel alone, i felt the same. If you have any questions, I am sure all the lovely ladies on this thread will help xx

The hormones are raging, aren't they @3204ECL - sorry you had a bad day at work.

Oh @AnnaMC214 I'm so sorry to welcome you to this club. I hope you're doing as well as can be and being kind to yourself. The women on this thread have helped me through my darkest of days. They are the loveliest and great at sharing all of their knowledge and advice.

Agreed with @Amanda81, poor you @LMLP91. She sounds horrid and I hate that she put you through that after the awfulness that you've been going through. Some people are so vindictive. I'm grateful that we have one another and have experienced the best of humanity - kindness to complete strangers!

My cramps really building this evening. Think maybe it is AF. But without O so anaovulatory cycle?!

Sending love to all. Xxx

Sorry to hear that AF is being harsh @sarmum14. In some respects getting over the anaovultory cycle out of the way sooner is better...we are all supposed to have at least one a year (I think). Totally agree with you about the thoughtfulness and kindness of the ladies on this thread, it's nice to have you guys on this thread to share my thoughts with xxx

Morning girls, thank you for your support and kindness. I needed a bit of cheering up on this grey day. Got an appt with a lovely nurse at my GP surgery this afternoon just to have a chat and hopefully have some blood tests done to check hormone levels have returned to normal since the MMC as I just feel all over the place every month in the run up to AF and as I've said before, they're back with a vengeance and are physically (and emotionally) very hard to manage. I guess I also need some reassurance that everything will be okay and one day, my dream will come true. I can't help but feel so disappointed each month and then of course I start to worry that something is wrong. Just need a bit of a pick me up which I'm hoping she will provide 🤞🏼

Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes this evening. Have a great day all 😘 xx

She sounds like such a piece of work @LMLP91! Seriously who would do that. Hope your nurse appointment goes well x

Good luck today @sarmum14 you are so strong, I hope it goes well for you

I'm so sorry for your loss @AnnaMC214 The loneliness is so difficult, hope you can find some comfort in others who understand what you're going through.

@LMLP91 sorry you are feeling low. Some days are so hard. I hope it goes well with the nurse and she can offer some support and the tests you want

@AnnaMC214 so sorry you are here. It's a very lonely place but the lovely ladies on the this thread have been a real life line and hopefully can bring some support to you too.

Hope you're all having a good day, good luck with the interview @sarmum14 x

@AnnaMC214 I’m so sorry you found yourself here, but I’m really glad if it helped in some small way. We all feel really alone in this and it’s incredible to find this group of ladies who understand perfectly what you are going through and can give advice. I’ve learned a lot in the past two months. Mmc is a long process, so please feel free to reach out whenever you are feeling low.🤗

@SARmum14 good luck today! You’ve got this. To answer your previous question, the coverline is that red line on my chart. As you can see today, it way below and I’m expecting AF any minute. Are you sure you didn’t O this cycle? I definitely did before AF, but I think it’s also common not to, particularly since you had the MVA too. I wouldn’t worry about it, just keep tracking for next time! First cycle is bad for ttc anyway 😔.

@LMLP91 I feel your pain on that, I think I would hate it if someone said that to me on MD! It’s very insensitive. Hope you are getting through the AF pains and just try to pamper yourself today and take it easy.

@Amanda81 here’s my latest chart - clear temp drop today. It looks pretty good, right? I’m sad a bit that second pregnancy is ending like this, but it will be a relief for the hormones to go. I got my next tests from CX due next week.

Spoke too soon...bleeding just started quite suddenly and heavily. A bit shocking to see. I’m glad the temping was right though and that I expected it.

DH has been reading French parenting books all week and I found it so sweet and also makes me sad. I feel like a failure twice over now 😔

@Amanda81 @sarmum14 @bananamonkey @3204ECL @sadtoday21 thank you all so much for your kind words. I think it's really amazing that you all have room in your hearts for others when you're going through such tough times yourselves.

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. Please don't feel like a failure as you're anything but. Failure isn't the absence of success any more than bravery is the absence of fear.

@LMLP91 how're you feeling? How was lovey nurse? I hope helpful.

And how're you @sadtoday21? I'm so sorry to hear that bleeding has been shocking but you're not a failure. Not once, not twice. Not at all. I feel like you're so strong, you're a bloody superstar. Look objectively at where you are. What you've survived. What you've overcome, with this and the loss of your mother. What you've achieved. And here you are, temping, understanding the science, reaching out and supporting all of us. You're a bloody marvel. Please know that.

The interview this morning was actually really tough and gruelling and kind of knocked me for six. I think when it finished I felt deflated as I've had so much to prepare for all of them that I was even kept distracted from my MVA as I had so much to write and so many presentations to create. Today was the final one and I left it and headed to work and sat at my desk and suddenly everything over these last months seemed to hit me. And I realised. I don't want this bloody job. I don't want my current job. I don't want anything but my baby back and I just feel so sad. Crying now whilst typing this on the tube. Think the job interviews have been a challenging focus to distract me. And now I'm just left with my sadness.

Sending love to all. Wish we could just meet in the pub and have a good cry. I think I need a glass of red.

Xx

@sarmum14 what you said completely resonates with me. I feel exactly the same way about work and when I have bad days I just cry in the car on the way home. I think this whole experience has helped me to understand what's really important to me in my life and it's been a major reality check. DH and I have even discussed plans to try and do something a bit different from a work perspective to allow us more time together and more time with our babies in the future. All of a sudden our priorities are very different and I hope that for the future that might be a vague positive that comes from this awful experience.

I'll be joining you with a glass of red tonight! Sending love and hugs x

@SARmum14 I think you are a rockstar for getting through this challenging interview process at the same time as everything else you’ve been going through. Most people would just stay in bed and hide through all of it. I know what you mean about work being a distraction and also not enough to fill the void of the lost baby. I feel that way too. In a way, I’m glad this has made me realise how important starting a family is and it’s also helping me learn to appreciate every precious moment of life. You crying made me want to cry just reading your post. Sending you that large glass of red in my thoughts 🍷

@AnnaMC214 thanks for your kind and inspiring words. You are absolutely right, very well said. Sending you hugs!

Aww @sarmum14 - all I can say is you are a TOTAL LEGEND! And no matter what happens none of this will have been in vain. All these experiences, as shitty as they've been, are shaping and defining your strength and laying the stepping stones for you to move forwards. I totally totally get what you mean about work, and I'm frequently finding myself questioning if I can stick it out much longer, being in the environment I'm in, with no distraction from it whatsoever. I feel like I'm hanging on for something that isn't happening (yet) and feeling miserable about being there. However, it's also a bit of consistency, familiarity and security for me which I feel is what I need. It's just a bit rubbish all round really...🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyway, the "lovely" nurse was shockingly very matter of fact and cold with me today and basically told me that it's "not her job" to "deal with" pregnancy/miscarriage and she couldn't help with any investigations or blood tests etc. I honestly could've sat and wept, but I think she realised she had been a bit blunt and she squeezed me in with a doctor who's arranged for me to have a whole heap of blood tests tomorrow to cover all bases. Hopefully I'll get some answers/reassurance soon 🤞🏼

I'm sending a huge hug to you and anyone else who needs it this evening, along with a whole bottle of red...forget the glass lol!

Xxx

Well done on getting through it @sarmum14 I always find when the adrenaline goes you feel sad but you are amazing! I know what you mean, I had my appraisal today and we were discussing goals for this year and all I could think of was that I just want to stay as I am for now and go on mat leave ASAP!

Sorry the nurse was rubbish @LMLP91 hope the GP can do better 🤞🏻

Sorry the bleeding was a shock @sadtoday21 hope you’re feeling ok now x

Hey everyone,

@bananamonkey there is so much conflicting information about trying again. Seems your surgeon was right about waiting, to avoid another loss.

I know what you mean about the pregnancy announcements and bumps not being anyone's fault but it still stings to see them and I think that's acceptable, especially so close to MD. I just kept thinking it would have been my MD as a Mum with my 20 week bump. As much as I tied to put it out of my mind it was hard. It was nice to see the sun though. Well done for getting out in the sun even with a cold. Xx

@Amanda81 Sorry to hear you've been ill too. How are you feeling now?

Things are fine with DH. It was a surprise as I've never seen him in a mood before. I guess we have only been together for just over a year. It's easy to forget that after all we've been through.

I hope you've now confirmed o so you know when to have the progesterone test. I've got my doctors appointment tomorrow so hoping I can have mine done too soon when o comes. Xx

@sadtoday21 I'm sorry to hear bleeding came with such a start. Good it's here though so your body can get back on track. How are you feeling? Are you coping ok with it?

I think you're right about the stress mounting up on the man. My poor DH just wants our dtd to be right and was being hard on himself which unfortunately led to a difficult day for me too. He's very sorry and brought me flowers yesterday and today so all is fine now. Your DH sounds lovely and very supportive. We're so lucky on this thread. I don't think I've heard a crossed word about partners.

Remember you're not a failure, far from it! Just such rubbish luck for you both. It can only get better! Xx

@sarmum14 Well done on the job interview. I'm so sorry you've felt so sad and conflicted about the new job. Every time I make positive steps towards restarting my business I feel sad and just wish I was pregnant again. It's just so hard to go back to the hopes and dreams that were there before the pregnancy. A baby seemed so abstract before I was pregnant and part of a much bigger picture. Now it's the only picture I can see.

I'm also so glad you finally got your negative test. Hopefully now your body can fully recover. It's so annoying that such invasive procedures have little after care. Good the nurse filled you in on what to expect.

Things are fine with DH thank you. The relationship with my Mum is challenging but it is what it. I'm glad I have her though despite it being hard. Xx

@3204ECL It's such a tricky one isn't it being lucky enough to have a Mum yet having a challenging relationship. I always try and be grateful for her but she doesn't show much interest in my life which hurts. I'm sorry MD was tricky for you too. I guess it's to be expected after loss. Xx

@LMLP91 Your brother-in laws girlfriend sounds extremely insensitive. I don't get why others don't understand MD is hard after pregnancy loss. Even before I experienced it I would have been sensitive if someone I knew was going through it. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Good you're getting some tests done but the nurse sounds very blunt. It's really not helpful when healthcare professionals are like that. Xx

@AnnaMC214 I'm so sorry you find yourself here and that your first experience of being pregnant ended so sadly. My first pregnancy was a mmc and my second was a mc. I hope we all have pregnancies with a positive outcome soon. Until then this is a very supportive thread. Xx

As for me I'm cd15 waiting for o. I have my GP appointment tomorrow to talk about getting some testing done. My IBS symptoms are horrendous so want to discuss what else I could try. I'll let you all know how it goes! Xx

Good luck with your GP @Catconfusion

I need to ask a TMI question, don’t read ahead if you are squeamish as it’s a bit gross...

So my first AF had been pretty standard bleeding wise but the blood seems like it’s been mixed with a lot of CM, do you think that seems normal? Also today is the last day I think, only a little red-streaked CM on wiping however I just found a clot, only the size of a 10p but on closer inspection it’s not a clot it’s more like pale tissue - like the fat you cut off raw meat?! I’m not really sure what to make of it, is it just bits of lining coming out or could it be something more strange?

@bananamonkey I am also having blood mixed with a lot of CM - it looks like EWCM, but reddish brown. No large clots like that yet, but it does sound like it could be retained tissue coming out. Would just keep an eye on it and call a doctor if it gets worse/more weird.

Thanks @sadtoday21 that’s reassuring, it just freaked me out a little just before I went to bed. Nothing else so far so hopefully just a weird one-off.

@sadtoday21 @bananamonkey I've had very similar. Thought it was the start of AF but just blood streaked CM so far. Who knows!

@bananamonkey hopefully just a one off, sound like a bit of retained tissue or lining but I'd contact the doctor if you see anymore.

@Catconfusion hope the doctors appointment goes well and you get offered the tests you want. X

@sadtoday21 and @bananamonkey mine was like this too so maybe to do with early loss or ERPC. Guess we have those things in common.

Thanks @3204ECL I'm feeling a bit nervous. I had an awful day with my mental health yesterday. My IBS is bad and I felt very sad. My temp chart is very up and down so not sure if hormones causing the low mood or low mood causing the hormones to fluctuate. Guess it's a chicken and egg thing. I'll let you all know how the docs goes. Xx

Good luck today @Catconfusion xx

Good luck today @Catconfusion. Hope the doc is helpful and thanks for your support.

@bananamonkey - I've had a bit of this recently. I though AF was coming because I've had cramps but nothing yet, but blood clots and streaked CM for sure. I think it must still be retained tissue coming out?

Thanks for the kind words everyone and virtual wine @3204ECL @sadtoday21 @LMLP91 @bananamonkey! I had a couple of glasses and went straight to bed. I got a call last night to let me know I've been offered the job! And my head is all over the place. They were a bit tough yesterday and I feel at my lowest ebb mentally - is this the best time to take on a new challenge?!? But a year ago I would have killed for this. I'm giving myself a few days to decide. Any insight or advice appreciated.

@LMLP91 I'm sorry that lovely nurse was less so yesterday. That's so disappointing. But pleased she's booked you in for the doctor for the tests. Are they today. Good luck and keep us posted.

It's over two months since I had that fateful scan and here I am, v much still in the depths of the miscarriage. Someone really ought to say how long and tough this is for women.

Sending love. Xx

@SARmum14 CONGRATS!!! I knew you could do it, but so pleased for you. FWIW, I would definitely take the job if I were you. TTC is such a slow, long process and you need something to take your mind off it and give you self-confidence and purpose. You can totally handle it, look at what you have achieved thus far!

I never had blood streaked CM before AF, but it is abundant now. It sounds like AF is on her way for you too @3204ECL and @SARmum14. The cramping and bleeding is heavier today (now I remember day 2 is always the worst for me!). I'm pleased to be getting it over with but timing is bad as usual, since I have two major meetings today and am a bit nervous. Feeling off my game because of all of this. Also feeling off with DH, we had a big fight last night over nothing that he instigated (I think he is PMSing??). Felt unfair as was already feeling low. But c'est la vie, got to focus on work today and trying to ace the meetings. Wish me luck!

Congratulations! @sarmum14 If you can get through a tough interview process under these circumstances and still get the job I think you should definitely take it. I think you just have to go for things.

Good luck today @LMLP91 and @Catconfusion with your appointments. I hope they get you closer to some answers.

Huge congratulations on the job @sarmum14 !! I can completely relate to not feeling able to focus on other things right now but the world keeps determinedly turning and, if you decide to take it, I'm sure in the long run you'll be pleased you did.

I'm really struggling today. It's a couple of days since my mva and I feel like I should be getting on with life now but don't feel vaguely ready yet. I'm not sure if my hormones are finally starting to drop but everything feels very dark.