First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@sadtoday21 - nothing new to say but wanted to echo the very wise words from @Catconfusion and everyone else. I think for your mental health's sake I would push hard on your GP and get a Monday emergency appointment. There are no words - it's simply unfair and I wish I could take it away from you. Similar to @Amanda81 if you were my friend IRL I'd squeeze you so hard and hold your hand all weekend long until you could see a medical professional and start to get more answers. Do you have a good support network around you? And for what it's worth, I think you're bloody amazing. You might not feel strong enough to deal with more crap news after crap news but by god you are coping and still functioning and working and supporting the rest of us on here. Nothing wise to say and I don't know enough about PMP but I'm sure you've read the same historic posts that I have about women falling pregnant before being diagnosed with PMP and everything working out okay. I can only imagine how anxious you are. I can't stop thinking about you and am holding you in my thoughts. Xx

I was so touched by your words @Catconfusion @3204ECL @Amanda81 @SARmum14. I know we don't know each other in RL, but I really feel that you ladies have saved me in my darkest days. I appreciate the virtual hand holding and hugs so much. As you may have gathered from my posts, most of my family and friends are overseas, so it is just me and DH here for support. Of course DH is wonderful and trying to be strong, but it impacts him too and he's worried about me. I don't always want to add to his worry by sharing all my fears.

I've been trying to work today and stay off google, not that there is anything left to google. I feel this weird sense of being in a very surreal place, where the next time I hear news from the doctors I know it will either be very bad or a glimmer of hope. I don't know what my body is doing to me, I just keep getting all these BFPs suddenly and its strange and a bit shocking. Lovely lines, terrible lines. What do the lines mean? They weren't there last week and still no sign of AF. I really want to not care and just carry on with my life, but it's hard to do.

@SARmum14 your post almost made me cry because I want to be the person you describe, but feel I am failing at it. You ladies are all so strong on here, I can't even think about all the things we have gone through on this thread together, just in the past 1.5 months! MMC, more mcs, retained tissue, MVAs, molars....it's overwhelming and you are all so brave to keep carrying on.

I think I will call the EPU on Monday and just go get a scan and bloods, even if it's too early. Anyway, enough about me. I really want to be there for you guys as well and I'm sorry it's been so much about me on here lately. Wish it wasn't :/. How is everyone else doing? Distractions, please! xxx

To all the amazing, strong and effortlessly kind women on this thread...I just wanted to to say that no matter how hard today feels for us all, know that we have all come such a long way and will continue to get stronger with each day that passes. One day, this will be our special day too. Thinking of you all ❤️💐 xxx

Morning ladies, I hope you are all doing ok today. It's a bit rough, isn't it?
I agree with @LMLP91's amazing sentiment though.Very well said.

I personally am going to stay at home and ignore what today is. Ironically, I think I might actually miscarriage again today. The lines on the FRER test are much lighter than yesterday and my temp spike had a sudden drop this morning. How long do you think I have to wait for the bleeding to start? I hope it starts v. soon so I can finally move on and I hope this brings the hcg levels right back down.

Hugs to all and sending good thoughts. X

Good morning everyone, I just wanted to echo what @LMLP91 just said. We are getting stronger and closer to our dreams coming true every day. It is just another day but waves of sadness are inevitable as we all have struggles we're still dealing with. What I do know is having this thread and each other makes it all feel easier to cope with. Thank you for being there ladies and hang on in there today! Xxx

Oh my goodness @sadtoday21 I'm so sorry. How horrible! It sounds like what @bananamonkey and I had happen; we fell but it didn't implant straight after ERPC. @Amanda81 too a few months after but held for a bit longer.

I would say if your temps have dropped and you have a faint line it will be in the next few days. Mine came two days after faint positive. Every chance it'll be like a heavy period. Mine was extra bad because of IBS.

What a horrible day for this to happen on. It would be a difficult day nether the less. I'm thinking of you and hoping you have better news from here on in. I think like you say a good idea to stay in, stay away from social media (it's already upset me this morning) and rest up. Let us know how you're feeling Xxx

Thanks @Catconfusion, that's exactly what I needed to hear and helps a lot. I hope it won't take more than two days to start, my body is so stubborn! Did you test until negative or just wait for the bleeding to start after the faint positive? My line is clearly going down since yesterday and, since its a sensitive FRER measuring 7 hcg (?), its still visible but faint.

It is a horrible day for this to happen on, but also kind of fitting in a way. I came to peace with everything last night - before I knew about impending mc - and went through all the possible scenarios from chemo to chemical pregnancy to baby and everything in between. I tried to think of a way to cope with each outcome and the anxiety and fear and pain. (Most of my coping strategies ended up with me on a beach in the south of France, sipping expensive wine, and looking fierce hahha :).) So I am prepared for this, I think (do we ever really know until it happens?) and will try to focus on work today. I don't think I'll go to the doctor's tomorrow either, unless something bad happens overnight. Just need to give my body time to do its thing now.

Love and hugs to all, stay strong ladies xxx.

@sadtoday21 I tested on the Saturday and got a faint positive. Got an even fainter positive, almost negative on the Sunday. I started bleeding on the Tuesday. I felt certain it was over so didn't test again. I would just look after yourself and try and take your mind off it as much as you can. Maybe best not to see the doctor as not much they can do. I had a phone call with mine who just told me to expect to bleed soon and go back if it doesn't start or is very heavy/painful.

I think you have a lovely happy place with wine on the beach. Just keep going there if it gets tough. You'll get through this and as we all know life can change very quickly for the better. We've all had changes for the worst so we're all due some good luck, you especially! Xx

Sending lots of love to you all today and just want to say thank you to you all again for the amazing support and comfort we've shared on this group

@sadtoday21 so sorry this is so sadthinking of you today and sending hugs x

Oh no @sadtoday21 I’m so sorry it just keeps on coming. If it helps I got a positive on Thurs/Fri then a negative on Sunday. A bit of spotting then bleeding started on Tuesday, it’s been no worse than a normal period and I don’t get heavy ones. If I hadn’t tested early I’d have never have known the difference. Still sucks though, your happy place sounds like a good one

I’m feeling really pissed off with the world these last few days, don’t know if it’s period hormones or this is pretty standard? It’s unusual for me, DH is getting on my nerves way for tiny things, my patience for toddler strops is low, I got a stupid traffic fine, I can’t get rid of this shitty cough/cold so haven’t done any exercise for a week and been eating a tonne of crap. Bah! Sorry that’s very self-indulgent and petty but I need to get it out!

@LMLP91 I've been exactly the same and poor DH is taking most of the pain! I sometimes get similar symptoms for maybe a day before AF but this has been going on for nearly a week. I want to eat every carb in sight, I'm so ratty and irritable! Hoping it's a sign that AF is round the corner but who knows... currently sat here at 11am eating a scotch egg I got from the market yesterday!! X

@bananamonkey sorry not @LMLP91 I'm clearly loosing my mind!

Urgh @3204ECL and @bananamonkey some weeks it just all feels too much. My moods have been a bit like like that. I'm CD 12 and my temps have dropped low so feel O' is on the the way which is early for me. Has anyone else had low mood just before ovulation? Its felt more like pms. Probably just the aftermath of the last couple of months! Xx

Thinking of you all today. Xxx

Hi everyone! How are you all doing today? @bananamonkey @3204ECL @Catconfusion I think it's totally normal to have these up and down mood swings - we've all really been through a lot and the hormones are still probably readjusting. I definitely have been up and down a lot, and I am usually a very calm, non-emotional person. One of the first things people say about me is that I am really serious! haha, they just don't know me. I can't say that my mood was particularly lower before O, @Catconfusion, but actually it probably was because I was so anxious about whether I would O again. It could also be the hormones dropping.

I'm feeling a lot better today actually. My temp dropped below the coverline this morning and, though I haven't started bleeding yet, it seems like a sure sign that AF is on her way. That and the nearly negative HPT that I did yesterday, which was faint even at 15 hcg. I'm hoping that means the levels are dropping back down from 45 and the bleed will get them back to normal finally for CX. And then I can be discharged after one month and try again! That would make me so happy, even though it does feel kind of bad to be back at square one again.

Since the second mc hasn't quite started yet, I'll let you know if this happiness continues...obviously, I'm really sad about the second loss as well, even though it's hopefully going to be much less traumatic than the first one. But I am also relieved because I was really afraid it was going to be another molar. The cramps aren't bad yet, but I haven't had an AF for five months (crazy, right?!) and so I think I have forgotten whether my periods are painful or not. I think not, usually. I'm trying to take my mind off it with work and just finished up a big project, so it seems I'm finally able to think about something else besides the mmc/mc.

Do you guys think all of the second mcs we have had on this thread right after the first mmc are just lining issues? It seems like a large number of us, even though just anecdotal evidence obviously. I guess this answers my original question when I started the thread - yes, you MUST wait for one AF before ttc again! You will be MORE FERTILE after the mmc, but the baby won't stick. You are NOT the lucky one who gets pregnant again right away and then it sticks! You are NEVER the lucky one! (I say all this to myself and sigh). Sorry, just ranting a bit. Still can't believe we somehow managed to conceive five days before O even started.

How are you guys doing @Amanda81 and @SARmum14? Any updates? Thinking of you both and once again so thankful to you @Amanda81 for showing me how to use FF. It's really given me peace of mind to look at the temps and know what is going on in my body.

Hugs and love to all. Enjoy the sun-shiny, glorious day!

Hi @sadtoday21 it's really good to hear you're feeling a bit better. Unfortunately I think you're right that an ERPC surgery does leave more vulnerability to early miscarriage. Whether that's the lining, the stress or hormones is difficult to say. The nice GP I saw who agreed to do the fertility testing said she thinks it's really wrong the hospital says it's safe to try again straight away.

I think technically it is safe, in that an early loss is not harmful to the body but it's not good for the mental health of the woman so they should be upfront about it. I guess there will always be lucky ladies who do fall pregnant straight away and it sticks. Just from this group though it seems like they are a minority.

I have to say I feel much better now I've had a decent bleed. It felt like a bit of a purge. The doctor at the hospital said it might be what my body needed and no reason not to try again straight away.

It does seem pretty miraculous that you conceived so long after dtd but a very good sign your fertility has returned quickly. Your body did a very good job of trying to give you another pregnancy hopefully you'll get the all clear soon so you can try again.

Enjoy the lovely sun too! Xx

I think my mood trouble was actually apprehension about Mother's Day. I don't have the best relationship with my Mum. She upset me by showing no interest in the miscarriages or the fact MD might be difficult for me.

I then had an argument with DH (we never argue). He was in a strop all day and very uncommunicative. Eventually I got out of him what was the matter. Basically we dtd for the first time in several weeks. He didn't last very long. I didn't say anything about it as I could understand why. Turns out he was disappointed with himself so decided to make the day even more challenging by being in a mood. I got upset because I'm trying to limit stress as I should be ovulating soon and don't want anything to affect it. He was very sorry but it was surprising behaviour from him.

Things are fine now but I have to say I'm glad MD is over! Xx

Glad you are feeling better today @sadtoday21. My surgeon advised leaving it for 2 cycles to “allow the lining to get nice and thick again” so it maybe has some truth to it? I had decided to wait 1 before actively trying but if it happened first time then I was ok with that. There’s so much conflicting information out there, I couldn’t find anything online to back up what the Dr said and I didn’t know what to believe. Someone I know had an ERPC a few weeks after me and was told by the hospital it was fine to try straight away! All the information I could find just talked about MC in general and not ERPCs but I think there must be a difference. I also think there are some lucky ones where it’s not an issue to conceive straight away but for myself that wasn’t the case.

Sorry that your MD was tough @Catconfusion

Hope everyone can get some sunshine today! I had a wobble this morning as someone I know who got pregnant just after me posted on FB about getting her maternity clothes out of the loft (not her fault just made me think that should have been me) then a Mum from my DD’s class at nursery I haven’t seen in ages turned round to show a huge bump and it made me feel I’ve failed my DD. All so silly but caught me off guard. I managed some exercise at lunchtime which always helps my mind and it was good to get out in the sun despite this stupid cold/cough.

Hello lovely ladies 😊

It's been a busy few days since I returned from my holidays, I have been keeping up with your posts, just not able to have the time to write anything down.

I was a right Debbie downer yesterday @Catconfusion - this could be because of mood before O, or because I can't get rid of this sodding head cold - driving me nuts it is. Anyway I'm popping Jakemans cough sweets like they are sweets (ruddy love a jakemans) - they are helping clear the sinuses and therefore my mood. I do get backache before I O, it's ever so slight, but is noticeable when standing or getting out of bed. I get it for 2 to 3 days before/during O. I hope your DH is okay. I am pleased that you got the feeling back to be intimate, but sorry it ended up in a bit of a strop from DH. When my DH goes in to sulk, gosh he can string it out. I know how to get him out of it now...which has helped. Admittedly, when I get into a sulk, I am equally as stubborn, but he has yet to master how to bring me out of it 😂😂😂

Pleased to hear you are feeling better today @sadtoday21, a temp drop below your CL is a clear sign that AF is on her way. I truly hope so for you. I'm no expert on FF, but have worked out a few things from making similar errors 🙄

Not much going on here on the ttc front. I'm still tracking O (bbt and opk). Not sure if we are actively trying this month, which feels very odd. I think it has become the norm now for tracking O and making sure we dtd at the right moment. I'm cd14 today and think I will O cd15 to cd17. I have a very nice looking chart this cycle so far, which in itself is a shame not to ttc. We have the appointment with the OB/GYN on Thursday, so a little apprehensive about that, but trying for it not to flood my every thought. I am sure it will be a massive anti-climax! I guess the main reason for tracking O is that I would want (if possible) to have the first blood test done 7 days after i O. This is usually referred to as the 21 day test, but as I very rarely O on day 14, it would seem pointless to do the test on cd21. I also wonder if my cycle this month will be out of whack due to the early MC, i am usually 28 days, but anticipate a 30 day cycle this month. Still loving the science with all this 🤓 🤓

Wishing everyone a positive and healthful start to the week xxx ☀️ ☀️ ☀️

@Amanda81 I love science! Also obsessed with the charting, so thanks for sharing yours. I find it really interesting to compare trends. DH calls it my “thermometer hobby” - he thinks I love thermometer. So cute. Do you stop temping after AF and when do you restart? 🤓🤓🤓

It is weird to not be actively trying. After this most recent scare, DH has sworn off dtd until we get cleared from CX, which is going to take at least another month. I’m not super happy about that but I think I have to agree. Reading your post @Catconfusion got me thinking about arguments I’ve had with DH in the recent past and I think it is hard for them. They are under a lot of pressure to perform and worry about us when we get really upset. Not to mention that ttc is not always the sexiest thing, not what you would imagine. Nothing glamourous about poas or mmc. Actually it’s more blood and gore than romance so far 🤣😂🤣. I’m kidding (sort of). All this to say that we’ve all been there and it’s a miracle we make it through the day sometimes but I’m sure our dreams will come true soon.

@sadtoday21

Science geeks alike! 😂😂 I try to temp everyday. I didn't for two days after the MC, simply because I couldn't be bothered. I then kicked myself afterwards, as it would have been nice to see if it had gone any higher after the MC. Hey ho.

I know what you mean about dtd...so not romantic!! There is definitely a difference when dtd during FW. We try so hard not to make it any different, but can't be helped sometimes. I think your DH is right about not trying until you get the all clear. Seems very sensible. I can't wait until we have our first child in our arms, then all this ttc business can be forgotten about...just think, the days without temping and poas. Actually, that reminds me, I need to do my IC POAS...I've had my second high flashing smiley on my CB adv opk this morning, and i think I get my Lh surge early evening, so am going to test the next few evenings to see if I am right...here goes xx

Hi all! First of all, let me join you in saying my mood has been all over the shop. F**k knows what's going on but hormones and traumatic loss and the unknown of my body definitely all have a part to play in it.

I'm sorry to hear about MD @Catconfusion - I know what it's like to have a difficult relationship with your mother as I have one of my own. How're you feeling now it's over?

@bananamonkey - I can empathize. I've deleted FB and Instagram because I'm not in a place where I can see all the pregnancy chat of friends and celebs. I've decided to come off it for a while until I feel ready. It doesn't take the sting out of it but I like to think of it as micro survival tactics.

@sadtoday21 - how're you doing? Can I ask what temps below the cover line means? I'm still grappling with this BBT stuff.

My only news is I did a HPT this morning and got a BFN!!!! Although it was a Boots test and the same type that gave me the false BFN a few weeks ago so don't know whether I should trust it. My apps have told me that O is coming but they don't know about the MMC or the MVA last week so I did an OPK and it was negative. And when I did a wee just now a large blood clot came out. And since then I've been feeling a bit crampy. Maybe AF on the way??!?! Who even knows. My temps steady around 36.32 so O can't be coming because they would have risen then?

And yes, I think everything we've seen on this group shows that whilst it is possible to conceive after ERPC there should be more information available about it sticking. I was left after the MVA and no one told me anything about anything really. I asked one of the nurses during the procedure about when to expect a BFN and AF and thankfully she told me. It's terrifying how much we are just abandoned by the system once the surgery is done.

Hope you're all okay. I have final interview for big job tomorrow. Eeeeeeeeeeeek.

Xx

@sarmum14 good luck with the interview! good news on the BFN, fingers crossed AF is round the corner. I think I might have started this afternoon but does feel a little different to normal (not that I can really remember what normal feels like!) and my temps haven't dropped so we'll see.

@Amanda81 and @sadtoday21 thanks for the advice on FF, I seem to be getting on a bit better with it now but AF today will confuse it a bit no doubt! It's certainly addictive but helps at least give a bit of an idea of what's going on!

My mood hit an all time low after a really shitty day at work today! I'm certainly less tolerant than usual! Hoping AF will help
settle things down a bit.

@sadtoday21 Glad you are feeling a bit better today and hope AF comes soon, sounds from your temp drop that it won't be long.

@Catconfusion Sorry you found MD so hard, I must say it hit me a bit harder than I was expecting as well. I also have a troubled relationship with my own mother so always find it a bit false and awkward but this year was that little bit harder.

@bananamonkey Sorry you had a wobble but I can see why! It's really hard when people you know around you are at the milestones you should be hitting. I'm also noticing pregnant women everywhere!! I'm sure there were as many before but I'm just noticing it more, DH has said the same thing!

Hope you're all having a nice evening x

Evening all, glad to see we all survived the day yesterday! It was harder than anticipated for me and NOT AT ALL helped by my brother-in-law's horrible girlfriend, firstly posting a really gushy and pointed Mother's Day message in the family chat to my MIL and SIL - reinforcing that she was wishing the TWO mum's in the group the best day...but she then went on to message me directly to wish ME a happy Mother's Day!! I was in a state of shock and couldn't actually bring myself to open the message. Instead I let it hit me like a tonne of bricks and make me feel shit. My DP was great and tried to reassure me that she "probably didn't mean it to be nasty" but he SO doesn't understand the deeper level of manipulation that women operate with. Anyway, it's just re-confirmed what I already knew and felt about this girl, and I intend to keep my distance.

Sorry for the rambling, it's just been whirring around in my mind since yesterday and needed to vent. Such a shame that the people I have to see and interact with can't be as kind and compassionate as you all. Plus I feel like AF is getting ready for her comeback this month and it's going to hurt!

Hope you're all enjoying your evenings xx

P.S - good luck for tomorrow @sarmum14 🤞🏼😘

I just wanted to pop on here quickly to say hi and thank you. I had a mmc confirmed last Monday at my 12 week scan and my mva today. It was my first ever pregnancy. I've been sort of lurking and following this thread for the last few days and, as well as being a fountain of knowledge, it's helped me to feel less alone. So I just wanted to thank you all for sharing your stories 😊 xx