First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@3204ECL - have you tried manually adding a fake AF? Say for today, just to see if it resets it?

@Amanda81 bingo! Must have been because last AF was so long ago. I'll just wait until after AF I think then start trying to track properly again.

@3204ECL MASSIVE CONGRATS! That must be a huge weight off. I've been told I should get a BFN within two weeks now. I think I was going to hold off on testing until next Tuesday. It'll have been 7 days since the MVA then. Was going to wait until Sunday but we have a boozy wedding tomorrow and I know I'm so lucky to have a DS but think I could do without the added emo of testing on Mother's Day.

@sadtoday21 - thanks for sharing your chart and asking all the questions - I'm shamefully clueless about my cycle so have been learning through everything you're asking about. Good luck with your results today. Will you let us know how you get on?

@bananamonkey - I'm not sure if you've said before or if you want to, but do you mind me asking how old you are? I'm in a similar boat with a DS and worried about my age as well as the age gap. Now that my SIL has announced her pregnancy the whole of our extended family are asking why I don't want to join her and bring home a sibling for me DS. I'm finding it really hard to navigate.

@Catconfusion - I don't know what the answer is to DTD. The MMC has completely affected me psychologically and I'm tired and sad and just want to be in my PJs a lot. A few weeks ago I decided that aiming for every other day whether I was O or not was a sensible thing to do and would help to connect us but after the setback of the retained tissue and then the MVA I don't think I can bare to face a military schedule around it all again. I don't know what the answer is. But am in a similar boat if it helps.

I've been trying to look back and see but can't find it, did anyone find out anything about Vitamin D and fertility? I'm deficient in it and used to take a high dose supplement because it's connected to another condition I have and am wondering if I should restart it?

Hoping you're all okay and enjoying the spring sunshine xxx

Hey @sarmum14 - I've been doing a lot of research on supplements. If you know you have a vit D deficiency, I think it is recommended to be taking a supplement as it's hard to get what you need from food alone. I would ask your GP on how much dosage you need. I know that boots do a folic acid with Vit D included.

My GP tested me for vit D levels when she knew I was ttc, so there must be some relevance to it.

OMG my hcg has gone up from 7.5 hcg blood test last week at the EPU. CX said my blood test was 45 hcg and urine was 29 hcg. How is this possible? I really don't believe that the machines at the EPU and CX are that different that it would go from 7.5 to 45 in a week. And 29 in my urine is a positive pregnancy test. Help! Do I have cancer? Am I pregnant again?

I feel so defeated, I just can't do this anymore.

@sadtoday21 have they called you to tell you? What did the doctor say? Is there a change you could be pregnant again?

@sadtoday21 - I remember you saying you had DTD before getting the letter. Could this be a new pregnancy? I hate the thought of you worrying, can you call the team at CX? I've heard they're meant to be incredibly helpful. If in doubt call them please, before the weekend.

Call the unit @sadtoday21 - you need to speak with somebody to see what this could mean...hope you are okay, deep breaths xxx

I took a pregnancy test...it's positive. I did speak on the phone with CX when they gave me the results and they said it's possible it's a new pregnancy or its return of abnormal cells...they won't know until 6 week scan. We dtd five days before I O'd, when I got some heavy EWCM but no LH surge. Is it possible sperm live for five days? I thought it was too early to get pregnant again, but it's not impossible. More blood tests next week with them to continue to monitor.

I am freaking out, I really really am. I was so certain the test would be negative today. I had a negative BFN just seven days ago. If it's molar cells and I need more treatment, I will be devastated. If it's a new baby then I think I have killed it because I was drinking a lot because of the stress over the partial molar and taking antibiotics and working out really hard and I even fell down the stairs once. Shit. I don't want to be pregnant again yetit's too soon and I wasn't cleared with the partial molarbut I hope to god it's a new baby and I haven't killed it yet. I can't contemplate the fact that it could just be abnormal cells growing that need chemo. I don't know what to do.

@sarmum14 I’m 37 next month and DD is 2.5 so was hoping for a 3 year gap.

Just anecdotal but if nothing else I find taking high dose vit D improves my mood, I read somewhere that everyone in the Uk should take it.

Oh my goodness @sadtoday21 that's so stressful for you. I'm so sorry it's not more obvious what's going on. I would love this to be a new pregnancy for you. I wouldn't worry too much about drinking and exercising as it would be so early on. I heard sperm can live for up to 7 days so it's a possibility. The main worry would be the PMP and how that would affect it. Maybe they got all the cells with the ERPC as your hcg was very low.

If it's not a new pregnancy those new levels still sound low and hopefully you can have treatment to bring them down again. I really don't understand enough about it to give helpful advice but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. What did the hospital tell you to do? xxx

Sorry I cross posted @sadtoday21 before I refreshed and saw your post, I’m sorry that sounds v stressful. If it is a new pregnancy you won’t have done any harm, I had my worst hangover ever a few days before my bfp for my DD and no issues. That early on it’s so tiny and protected deep inside you that it would be very hard to do anything harmful, particularly pre-implantation.

Thanks @Catconfusion, @3204ECL, @SARmum14, and @Amanda81 for your replies. I know there is nothing anyone can really tell me at this point, even the doctor's don't know what to say yet. I have a BFP on the same brand of test that was clearly negative a week ago, so I know something is up. If it's really a BFP, it would be three weeks since conception (obviously I can't date it from LMP, but I guess that it would around 5-6 weeks?). Do you think I can get a scan at the EPU next week to see what is going on or would that be too early?

Does anyone know of anyone who got pregnant before the partial molar follow-up was complete and what the outcome was? This is killing me so bad...I don't know whether I should be happy or deeply depressed. Part of me is hoping that I will just start bleeding soon with AF and can resolve it naturally. Of course I really want this baby, if it even exists, but I'm too worried about the health implications for it and for me. I don't want to have to undergo another mmc or surgery or chemo. So anxious! Oh man, I wish I never knew about any of this and why does it always happen before the weekend, when no one can help or give you answers...I guess I just wait some more then and hope for the best.

P.S. it's not retained tissue right, if I had a three BFNs consecutively after my surgery at 3, 4, and 5 weeks post-op?

@bananamonkey cross-posted as well haha. Thanks for the reassurance, I think you are right about that. I guess only time will tell whether it is abnormal cells or a new baby, I just feel so sick at this outcome and mad at myself for even daring to dtd before the first AF! I wouldn't have risked it at all if anyone in the f*ing medical community had TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE RISKS. haha sorry, just a bit frustrated over here and v. worried.

I hope you are doing ok and that everything works out. This pregnancy lark is so hard.

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you're starting the weekend with this news. I really think this is another reason they should tell all ladies to wait for a cycle post ERPC. Just from our circumstances on this thread we know there's more vulnerability to chemical pregnancy and although it's rare could be MP or PMP.

You were assured ok to try again and then got the letter, then they wouldn't tell you what it was about until the appointment. Of course every chance you'd have dtd by then so seems medically irresponsible not to tell you sooner. I guess the lab results take time but again, they should say wait for lab results.

Try not to be mad at yourself as not your fault and you couldn't have known. I appreciate you're scared and confused at the moment but hopefully you'll have more information soon. Just take care of yourself in the meantime and try not to think the worst. We're all here to support you through this! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion I really appreciate your support, more than you can imagine. It's really surreal to see a BFP like that under the circumstances. I think I would have been happier not knowing anything for a few more weeks. I suppose it's possible that AF will still come and tell me something one way or another. Looking at my chart, I don't see an implantation dip or triphasic pattern that would indicate pregnancy, do you @Amanda81? Going to take some more tests tomorrow and keep watching the hcg, even though I know that won't really tell me much without a scan.

Thank you all for listening and being there. Don't know how else I would make it through all this. Hugs to all!

You are more than welcome @sadtoday21 I just had a thought. Would it help to get some HPTs with a very low sensitivity of hcg 50. If your level is 45 it would probably be negative or faint positive on this type of test so you could repeat to see if levels are rising and triggering a positive. Just a thought. Xx

@sadtoday21 so sorry you're going through this and how typical it's just before the weekend, why does that always seem to happen?

Please don't let yourself think you've done anything wrong, you didn't know at the time and I wouldn't have thought you would have done any damage that early on.

What HPT did you use? If there's one thing I've learnt in the last few weeks they are all very different! My EPU advised I only needed a negative on a cheap strip tests as that was the level at which they would measure it. Like @Catconfusion said may be worth trying?

This must be such a difficult thing to process and get your head around but try and stay positive. What will be will be and you are strong and will get through it whatever. Hope you managed to get some sleep last night. X

How're you doing today @sadtoday21? Did you sleep? Thinking of you and all the other ladies here this morning. X

@3204ECL thanks so much for your reply and for asking after me. I didn't get much sleep at all, but only to be expected I guess. These things do always seem to happen on the weekend, don't they? I used the same HPT I was using previously, for consistency with the results (it is Sainsbury one that picks up 15 hcg). CX already told me yesterday that my urine sample was 29 hcg, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised it is reading positive. I wanted to use the same test that I did for the BFN last week because CX seemed to think maybe the discrepancy between the blood results was due to different machines at the EPU and their lab...but the HPT test I took was the same both weeks, one clearly a BFN and one clearly a BFP after that. The BFP was exactly when I would have been testing in the two week wait - exactly 14 dpo. Before that, my hcg never went up - it went down for three weeks all the way to 7.5 (almost negative). All of this makes me think that something is up for sure.

I took another test today and I might be imagining it, but line seems to be a bit darker. Either way, it is still a clear BFP and temps also started to rise this morning. I think you are right @Catconfusion about taking a test that only measures below 50 - I guess those would be the clearblue digital ones? Stupidly, I ordered the FRERs on amazon last night, so I must have been thinking the opposite! I don't know why I did that, clearly my hcg in urine is at least 29 so all those tests will be positive.

Clearly, I am really hoping this is a new pregnancy, despite all the fears that I have about the molar and whether this would trigger the regrowth of abnormal cells. Otherwise, I have to think the worst and prepare myself for chemo and waiting another year to ttc again. I really want to cry when I think about how the doctors never prepared me for this and aren't helping me in any way when I'm so desperately worried. I keep thinking, ok I had an mmc, but now I'll recover and be fine next time. And then, ok I had a partial molar, but my hcg is only 7.5 and surely I'll be negative and finish follow-up in a month. And now, holy f* the hcg is rising, surely it's a baby and not molar regrowth. And I don't want to know what comes after that sentence. I can't bear to hope anymore and to be crushed again. I can't bear to be in the 1% and then .1% and then .05% of unlucky people anymore. I like to think I am strong, but really how much can one person take?

Now that I am in this place of deep uncertainty I am not sure what to do. I'm reluctant to give up coffee and wine (my favorite things) for molar cells, particularly when I am already feeling so low. I'm sure that makes me a terrible person. And I'm taking an antibiotic for my skin too that is working well, but now I'm afraid to continue with it. I have a slight twinge in my stomach the past few days and I don't know what it means. I don't understand how the doctor's can just make me wait another week for more blood results. Do I continue to put my life on hold for this never-ending miscarriage?

@SARmum14 thanks for asking after me. Couldn't sleep at all due to the anxiety, I'm sure you can relate to that sadly. How are you doing?

I'm so sorry @sadtoday21 I keep trying to think of something I can say to help. The only other thing I thought of was a 48 hour hcg blood test. If it's a new pregnancy the hcg should double in 48 hours. Not sure what it does with PMP but the rate it's increasing, if it is, could give a clue to what's going on. I'm just wondering if you go to your GP on Monday whether they could order that test. When they see what it's doing to your mental health surely they could help you. It's such a horrible kind of limbo.

I think you're right, there's only so much one person can take and they should be safeguarding your mental health. This is scary stuff and as strong as you are you need answers very soon. If it is a new pregnancy you need to be preparing for that. It not you need to know what will happen next. I'm sorry we can't do more to help you on here but my heart really goes out to you. It's simply not fair! Xx

@sadtoday21 I wish I could give you a big hug, you've had more than your share of the bad luck and it feels so very shit and unfair.

The weekend wait is the worst and feels like such a waste of time always. Hopefully you'll be able to see someone and get some more advice on Monday.

Like @Catconfusion said, I wish we could help more but are here to listen always x

I am struggling to know what to say @sadtoday21 - I have very limited knowledge in this area, and feel that @Catconfusion has summed it up nicely. You need to see a doctor to provide you some guidance/info in next steps. If it a new pregnancy, I would do everything you can to support that possible life. All the odds are stack against the little bean growing, but gosh if it was and it did...what a miracle! Take it easy, you are going to have a week of anxiety ahead of you (no matter what the outcome). I wish I was better at putting things in to words at times like this. If you where a friend of mine, I would just hug you until I got a smile out of you. You need to look after yourself, physically and mentally. We are all here to listen and provide support/advice where we can. Hugs and kisses 😘

I hope everyone else is doing okay today. I'm back at home now and was pleased to be back in my own bed.