First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

And congratulations on getting through your interview @sarmum14

@bananamonkey it's good your body is now kicking in and doing its thing. My second mc was similar to yours and I think it does count. I felt pregnant for that week and everything that comes along with it. It's still really sad it didn't work out and although not as traumatic as the first still significant. I've felt I've gone through similar emotions on a much much smaller scale. Allow yourself to grieve for it.

It's good you're busy with work and family stuff. Distractions are always helpful! Xx

@bananamonkey I think it does count, if you want it to count. If you don't, then that's also fine too. As you said, there is really no one way to heal from these things. The important thing is to let yourself feel what you are feeling and not keep it bottled up inside. I have to remind myself of this too because I also feel that I should be more over it by now then I am. I keep waiting for some kind of closuremaybe AF will be the closure I need to move onor maybe there just isn't any. I'm trying to be more gentle with myself these days, which isn't really easy for me because I'm actually quite critical and hard on myself.

What are you going to do next? Carry on with ttc next cycle? Hope you are doing ok with the waiting and it is great you are keeping so busy xxx.

@Catconfusion meant to say that I think the journaling is a really good idea. I guess this thread is sort of like journaling for me in a way. I also really like @Amanda81's idea of getting super fit and healthy. I've let things go a bit since the mmc and subsequent illnesses, so I really need to build some muscle back. Would love to get into crossfit or something similar and become one of those really strong women. I have a feeling I will need some strength the next time around that we get pregnant!

Was going to ask you guys, was your first AF two weeks after you O'd before, or longer/shorter? Did you have cm right beforehand or any other usual pms signs? Sorry in advance if these are obvious questions or if I have asked something similar before. I am just still trying to figure out where my body is in the cycle, tomorrow is 7 weeks since my D&C without AF and I feel that is really way too long.

@sadtoday21 even though I had the early loss, the bleed came exactly 17 days post ovulation. My luteal phase has been 17 days since I started temping as it's on the long side so no change there. I got worse cramping and twinges than usual. Everything else I think were pregnancy symptoms. I hope AF is on the way soon! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion! This is definitely showing my ignorance here, but if before the mmc I O'd 19 days after AF, does that mean my LP is 19 days long and I should expect the next AF to come 19 days after O? It seems really long to me, but I only tracked it one time, so I am not sure if there is variation from cycle to cycle. Thanks again X

No the LP is the time from o' to AF @sadtoday21 It should be between 10 and 17 days. The average woman has a 14 day LP. So if you're 13 dpo AF should come very soon. If it doesn't come in the next week I'd maybe see your GP and see if there's anything they can suggest. Are you feeling like it's on the way? Xx

Hi @sadtoday21 I didn't pay any attention to when I O'd prior to MC. I was one of those who thought I was average i.e. 28 day cycle, cd14 O. As I didn't track O before MC I have no idea if the MC has played around with my cycle. However, I am still 28 days, but I now spot the day before AF.

My cycles since Mc have been:

1. 28 day; O on cd17, 11 day LP
2. 28 day; O in cd16, 12 day LP
3. O on cd14, BFP

I had no idea what LP meant before MC!!! Shocking really, but actually quite common not to know. Our sex education, or biological education, was very poor when I was growing up. I stated taking ubiquinol in cycle 3 after MC, so not sure if this brought my O forward, or if indeed my cycle was returning to average after MC. I am currently cd10, but as I have a cold and am away from my usual environment I don't trust my temps.

How long are your usual cycles? If you O generally on cd19, you can subtract 19 from you cycle length. This may give you a general indication as to when to expect your AF. However, I would say that MC can throw your cycle up and down a little. But I think you are due yours soon, perhaps a few days or so. When I got my first AF after MC I got some EWCM. If you get a decline in temp, you are most likely to expect AF. How is your chart looking? Xx

@bananamonkey - so pleased you didn't have too much of a heavy bleed. It's hard though isn't it, you almost expect a significant event due to the event, but when it is a normal bleed, it plays it down a little on a physical sense. Still doesn't mean you where pregnant again for a short time. Sounds like you are coping okay and the work is a welcome distraction. I get waves of complete 'OMG' but generally I feel like I am doing okay. This feels kinda weird, as surely I should be feeling worse! I hope that one day it doesn't come crashing down on me out of the blue 😬😬😬 so pleased to hear you have family staying for a few days and have things planned - this does help! Fingers crossed for your next cycle xx

Hi all, sorry for the silence and lack of responding, I've been away for a couple of days for work and just catching up!

@sarmum14 I'm so sorry the procedure was so traumatic, it sounded truly awful. How are you doing now? Have you had a BFN yet or do you have to give it a few weeks again?

@sadtoday21 How are you getting on with your tests? How are you feeling about things now?

@bananamonkey Glad you haven't had too bad a bleed and have had some good distractions. Totally agree with you on some days feeling good and other just feeling frustrated that I'm not "over it" yet. Will you plan to TTC again straight away of take a break?

@Amanda81 And @Catconfusion Totally hear you on the work front. I work for a big company and have always been quite career driven but from the minute I found out I was pregnant and since the MMC I've lost all interest in being there let alone getting promoted etc! I think it changes your perspective on everything and definitely helps you understand what's important in life! I've actually not told my parents about the MMC because I'm just not close enough with them and would find their emotions or probably lack of even harder to deal with I think. I've told quite a few friends now, who have in the main been an amazing support and whist some have had losses none a MMC which I do believe is still very different!

@Catconfusion I stated journaling when I found out I was pregnant and continued through the MMC. I haven't been using it for a few weeks, mainly because of this group I think but it definitely helps! Reading it back now I can also see how far I've come since finding out and the few weeks after. It's a great outlet and I find using it to reflect back really helpful.

@Amanda81 I'm like you in terms of wanting to understand thing and research all eventualities as I find it helps me prepare myself mentally for any situation.

Anyway, hoping to bring some good news to you lovely ladies on this sunny day... I took these when I got home last night and have taken another with FMU this morning, looks like I'm finally clear! X

So pleased @3204ECL that must be a weight off x

I’m happy to try again straight away I think, I’m worried about my age and potential age gap for DD but we’ll see how it goes, it’s just so emotionally draining I hate all the tracking and waiting and disappointment.

Amazing @3204ECL - congratulations!!! That's. nice way to start the weekend.

@bananamonkey agree the tracking and waiting is exhausting. I'm not getting on very well with temping... mostly because I keep forgetting but my temps just seem all over the place when I do remember! I'm going to wait until AF then try again I think. Did you track before the MMC or are you knew to it as well?

@3204ECL good to hear from you. I've just started journaling and I've found it great so far. It's made me a little emotional today but think I needed to get some stuff out. Great it worked for you too and the group has been so beneficial. I'm so pleased you got a negative test. Xx

@bananamonkey I completely get why you want to get on with trying again. I feel the same with my 40th birthday looming and I just don't want to miss opportunities. The tracking and waiting does feel a lot more stressful now there's more riding on it. I guess we just carry on and hope for the best. Xx

I was just wondering how everyone is finding dtd when it's not the fertile time? My poor husband is being understanding but I feel bad for not having wanted to since before the second loss. I do wonder if feeling down has affected my drive. I do however know I'll want to during the fertile time. DH has raised the point that we shouldn't just be doing it then and I agree but not sure how to get over this. I just feel really tired at bed time and just want to sleep. Just wondered if anyone had thoughts on this?

@3204ECL I don’t do temping as I find it too much although I bought a thermometer to start it just before I conceived the first time as we’d been trying 6 months and I got desperate! Otherwise just doing some OPKs and observing CM have worked for me, I’ve also started getting ovulation pains which I’m sure I didn’t have that first time.

@3204ECL I found temping such a chore so I use Ovusense so I don't have to think about it so much.

@3204ECL I'm so pleased that you finally have your BFN! Now on to the waiting for O and AF :). Sorry to hear the temping hasn't been going so well for you, I find it pretty useful myself and that the results are pretty consistent, even if you did it within an hour or so of the same time each day. The thermometer I bought records automatically so I can practically do it in my sleep - it's really good! But everyone is different, and maybe an automatic sensor like the one @Catconfusion has would be a better option for you. Either way, it's great to have some idea what it is going on!

@Amanda81 thanks so much for the detailed info on your cycles and LP - it was really helpful! Unfortunately, I don't know how long my cycles are, which sounds stupid at 31, I know. It's just that the only time I tracked it had AF and then O and then BFP. I guess I won't know my LP now until I have a few more cycles. Attaching my chart here - as you can see on dpo14 and still no temp decline - I was so mad that it went up this morning! Do you usually see a gradual decline a few days before AF or is it just a sharp decline the day before? Thanks again for your help, you are my charting mentor! xxx

@Amanda81 actually I think I used to get AF around the same time each month before. Does that mean I have a 28 or 30 day cycle? Should I subtract 19 from that to get the LP?

@Catconfusion thanks very much for the info, I had never heard of LP before the mmc! It's great to learn from you all. Where are you in the cycle now - waiting for next O?

I definitely related to your comment about dtd. I think it is a common feeling that happens to a lot of couples. Personally, the mmc was pretty traumatic for me and with all the hormones in my body I can definitely say that I haven't felt remotely sexy for two months now. I also feel really tired as well and was definitely more motivated during the fertile window. Still, I do think it's important to stay close to your partner and to connect on a physical and emotional level. The worst part for me is that we aren't supposed to be ttc yet and I don't really want to go back to contraception at this stage. So, I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say that what you are feeling is completely normal and I am sure you'll get the mojo back soon ;).

I called CX today and might get the test results this afternoon, if they are ready. Fingers crossed that it will have gone done! I'm actually really scared, tbh. Happy Friday to all! X

Hi @sadtoday21 - well you can clearly see when you O'd. Nice temp rise there. However, FF is still showing dashed crosshairs. This means it's not sure due to the data inputted. I think it's because you have inserted that you've had wet CM around cd10/11. I find if your graph is showing a clear indication of when you O'd, its worth adding a note as opposed to recording fertile CM. If you remove the CM records from cd10/11, the lines may go to solid lines.

If you usually get AF around the same time each month, you could quite well consider that you have a 28-30 day cycle. If this is the case you should anticipate AF soon. Also remember that your O may have been earlier or later than usual this cycle, so there really isn't an indicator on this cycle. But going forward, if you O on cd19, and say your cycle is 30 days, your LP would be 11 days.

I have had a variety of endings in my temps before AF. My first cycle I got a gradual decline, my second cycle I got a sharp drop which then went back up ever so slightly to then fall again. Not had a pattern at the end yet.

I know temping isn't for everyone, but I really like the science behind it all. For example, I get a surge of Estrogen around 3-5DPO which I get sore bbs, but my temp also goes down a little...I find it incredibly fascinating. I also see a temp high after I've drank wine...which makes my chart look more like Rocky Mountains 🏔 as opposed to gentle flowing of a river. It will be interesting to see what happens in my next cycle as I won't be drinking alcohol. Also, when I've had a disputed night sleep I get lower temps...if this happens before O, it can fool you in to thinking that fertile week is here. That's why I back it up with OPK's, gotta love POAS! 😂

Hope this helps xx

@Catconfusion - ah the libido. Firstly, just wanna say it's total pants that you are having these feelings, you are newly weds and this shouldn't be on your mind. I'm so sorry that your in this position. Your libido will come back, it might just take a bit of time. If you are also tired in the night, perhaps try in the morning...not sure what your DH work patterns are like. Perhaps going on a date or re-enacting a date from before the MMC might spark up more happier memories and get you there.

From my own experience, I didn't quite lose it, but I became very aware that I was focusing on when we needed to dtd. This added a lot of pressure and it became less enjoyable, almost forced. We've never been a couple who are at it like Duracell bunnies 🐰, but also never had to dtd on demand (we've also been together for 15 years, which may have something to do with our activity levels in this department). There was a stark difference from dtd during FW and for pleasure. I think the time it has taken us to get to here, it can make dtd stressful.

Every couple will have their own pressures related to dtd, the best thing is to talk about it with each other and find a way through it.

Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 for good results @sadtoday21 xx

@Amanda81 you are right, that completely fixed the chart. You are my FF guru 😂. I’m doing all the same things as you for tracking and agree about poas! Oddly, my temps don’t become Rocky Mountains even when I drink or vary the times a little. It’s so sad, but I absolutely love looking at the chart, it’s the only proof I have that my body still works! I think you are right and will probably get a drop sometime soon, just have to be patient 🙄. Thanks for wishing me luck, will let you know if there is any news!

@Amanda81 @sadtoday21 I'm 99% sure my issues with FF are down to me being a bit useless! I just can't get a chart... I've been putting temps in most days for about 10 days and all it shows is last December because that's when I last had AF! Do either of you know what I'm doing wrong or do I need to just wait for AF?!

Hi @3204ECL - is this a problem with printing? Or in general viewing? Do you see any of your plotted temps. I have no idea why it would be happening, but could it be something related to your settings? Sorry I can't be of any help...tech glitches frustrate the hell out of me...so this will bug me until it is sorted 🥴🥴🥴