First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@sarmum14 good luck with your interview and appointment today. Will be thinking of you. X

Good luck today @sarmum14 - let us know how it goes xxx

Good luck @sarmum14 I hope you get the job and the procedure goes well too.

@Amanda81 thanks for all the information on low oestrogen. I too have very light periods which worries me. I hope you're feeling better today and enjoying your break.

How are you @bananamonkey ? Don't beat yourself up for testing early. You probably knew you were pregnant anyway. So sad it ended but you're dealing with it as well as can be expected. Hope the cold is feeling better today.

@sadtoday21 it must have been difficult receiving the test kit and understandable you're scared about the results over the coming weeks, even though it's likely the levels will be low. When will you get the first results?

@3204ECL I hope you get offered some further tests soon. I'd be persistent if you can as a long time to be hcg positive.

@LMLP91 I completely get that feeling of time passing you by without anything to look forward to. We've all been so far down the path of expecting a baby it's so hard psychologically to go back to just being a couple trying again.

Sorry for the delay in responding if you asked about me. The party at the weekend was very hard. It was far more family orientated than we realised it would be. Lots of awkward questions about when we were thinking of having kids which I find rude anyway. It was nice to get away with DH though and I'm glad we went but it was challenging at times.

I saw a GP yesterday as the cramps were still there. I've been diagnosed with stress related IBS. It makes sense as my stomach has been bad since my honeymoon. I assumed pregnancy related but the doc says a separate condition made worse with hormones. Im now looking at a special diet to help. I'm a little annoyed as the medication she gave me is not recommended in pregnancy and she knows we're trying.

She's also said contrary to what the doc last week said that the nhs would not fund any fertility testing for us as we've now had two natural conceptions. It made me cross because the other doctor said we could both be screened due to our age and the fact we lost the pregnancies. I'm seeing the other one next week so I'm hoping she'll still do the tests.

The GP yesterday also said if I get pregnant again I would not be able to have hcg blood tests. I asked about this due to the stress of taking hpts and second guessing weak lines etc. With reference to her own personal miscarriage she just said if it's a weak line just assume a miscarriage and no need for bloods. My argument is that urine tests can be really confusing and stressful. Before I just assumed a line is a line. Now I know it can be ambiguous. I wouldn't have thought a 48 hour hcg test would be too difficult. She said they don't even offer urine tests now.

I will see what the other doc says next week. It's so annoying when you get different advice. She made me feel like I'm being neurotic when all I want is some support in minimising the risk of another miscarriage and achieving another pregnancy with as little stress as possible. Xx

@Catconfusion good to hear from you and sorry the weekend was a bit more difficult than anticipated. What did you say when people asked if you were going to have kids? I think I would have lost it right then and there. I don't know about you guys, but I still feel people completely say the wrong thing about the mmc and treat it as though its just a minor, natural thing that you can easily move on from. My father-in-law hasn't even mentioned it once to me and has completely stopped talking to me since it happened. My sister just acts like it is nothing and carries on with her life having a great time. I'm trying to forgive them both and not be angry about it, but it is sometimes hard not to get upset at people when you feel they really let you down. I am sure that if I ever go back home people will ask when we are going to have a baby and I'm also sure I will not take it well. I'm glad I have you ladies to vent to :).

I'm sorry @Catconfusion that you are getting mixed advice. I love the NHS, I really do, but they definitely do not want to give you anything that's not strictly medically necessary. When it comes to pregnancy, the doctors do take a pretty relaxed approach, which can be frustrating when you are really worried and not feeling well. In the end though, I am sure you will get the care you need. Hopefully the other doctor will do the tests.

I am sending the samples off today, as soon as I get bloods done. Then I will probably have to wait about a week for results. Not feeling really great this week as it's my mum's birthday on Thursday - we spread her ashes on this day last year. It's another reminder of how difficult the past year has been and, while I'm trying to stay positive, it's not always easy. Sending love and hugs to you all xxx.

Oh @Catconfusion how disappointing and bloody confusing for you! I agree that different "professionals" will tell you different things, even down to their own experiences, which is wrong. Try and see the nice doctor from before and push for what you want/need. The NHS is great, but so stretched which means they do the basics to cover their bases but rarely look at the bigger picture and the support and reassurance that we need following the trauma of a miscarriage. Let us know how you get on and don't give up hope. Sending love and luck to you all ❤️ xx

Hey @sadtoday21 Just said we are trying and hoping for good news soon. It's so horrible though when you don't know people and it's a party. Didn't want to be a downer. I think in every day circumstances I'd just come out with my miscarriage news. As you say some people don't realise the seriousness of it so I'm usually ok to share my story if need be. It did upset me that my husbands two close friends didn't ask how I am when they definitely know.

I'm so sorry your family are not being very supportive. It's makes it so difficult when the people close to you are awkward or avoidant. It is really hard not to get angry. Some people are odd around miscarriage and generally around tragedy. All you can do is try not to let it get to you and vent on here. Have you got some supportive friends?

It's so frustrating. The doctor didn't know vitamin D deficiency can cause miscarriage. I presumed I'd been screened for that, apparently not. She's agreed to that test but no more for three months. I'm definitely hoping the other doctor will follow through next week with more testing.

I'm sorry this is a difficult week for you. It's completely understandable and the grief must be very fresh, especially with this loss on top of it. Just stay as positive as you can.

I'm reading Mind Body Baby at the moment and I'm finding it really helpful at giving tips for dealing with ttc stress. It's primarily written for couples with infertility but she does reference miscarriage and pregnancy loss as well. Xx

Thanks @LMLP91 and yes I'll push for more tests next week. There should be a set list of things they rule out after a loss. We shouldn't have to research it and ask for it. I had to push for them to look at my thyroid which seems obvious! Anyway I'll let you know how it goes! Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion, very wise advice. I'm not really sure if I've got supportive friends and family tbh. I get a text once in awhile from them which is great, but I still feel really alone in this. Maybe I just need more support than anyone is willing or able to give. I don't know if it's my fault or theirs. I'm just really tired today. X

@sadtoday21 it is a very difficult time so of course you need support. I can appreciate it's sometimes hard for others who haven't been through it to know what to say but hopefully your friends are trying. I'm very lucky to have several close friends who've either been through something similar or just have chosen to be there for me. I do however think that's a unique situation. I've heard other people say how lonely it's made them feel. It's such a hard situation to understand unless you've been through it.

You have the ladies on this thread to support you. How is your partner feeling about things? I assume he's being supportive. Xx

Hello everyone, I've been a bit under it but thought I'd check in today and see how you all are. I had the interview and MVA yesterday (genuinely didn't sleep a wink on Monday evening, DH didn't either so we stayed up all night and listened to podcasts). Interview went well and I found out I'm through to last stage. It's between me and another person so let's see. Although I totally know what you mean about life passing you by @LMLP91 - it's a job I'd have killed for a year ago but now I'm trying to plan when I'd resign and join them (hypothetically if I got it) and plan that around when I can next start TTC and would I be entitled to maternity pay etc. It's all consuming and I'm worried I'm wasting my brain and all good opportunities.

The MVA was horrific. Has anyone had one? It was a quick couple of hours and I'm so grateful that the lovely nurse I've been dealing with on EPU came down to surgery to be with me during it, and darling husband was allowed in to hold my hand. It felt so dehumanising to be in a brightly lit theatre with 12 medical staff and my legs up on stirrup things and all these instruments. The "short cramping like pain" that they described was brutal and at one point I screamed "please stop" but it was over 10 seconds after that, the worst bit so that was okay. I was so anxious I was shaking throughout and my legs were pulsating. Anyway. Over now and I've taken some annual leave to rest and recover at home.

I'm so sorry to hear about your family @sadtoday21. That and your mum's birthday and the kit arriving in the post. It's an awful lot for one person to deal with and my heart goes out for you. I know what you mean though, my DH texted my mother (who I have a difficult relationship with after the losses in our family) to let her know that the MVA was over and we were on our way home and she replied telling him what a nice day she'd had. Some people don't understand how to be empathetic.

@bananamonkey wishing you luck for your big client meeting. Hope your cramps aren't too painful. Women are bloody amazing aren't they?

@Catconfusion - the weekend sounds hard (people are so rude to ask!) and things with the different doctors must be so confusing. I'm glad you're seeing the helpful doctor from last week again - hopefully you'll get a better response. Will you keep us posted?

@3204ECL - any luck with tests? @Amanda81 hope your cold has gone and your enjoying Scotland and feasting well!

Happy Wednesday you wonderful lot. I'm thinking of you all. Xx

Good to hear from you @sarmum14 Well done for getting to the final stage of the interview process. What a rollercoaster the last couple of days have been for you! I'm so sorry your procedure was more painful and traumatic than expected. Will they do any more checks or are they confident they got it all? I really hope that's it now and you can move on as much as possible. Just rest up and take care!

As exciting as the new job sounds I can completely understand it's causing a lot of contemplation on how it will work with maternity leave etc. Life just seems to throw curveballs and things like this seem to come at the strangest of times. I'm sure you'll work it out though either way.

I'm so sorry your mum wasn't more engaged with you over the procedure. I had something similar with my Mum. I sent her a message to say my miscarriage may be ectopic and we'd been sent to the hospital as an emergency. She just said at least we're we're going to the right place and then had a rant about how worried she is about my sister who's oldest son is having some problems at school. I since haven't heard from her. We did message to say not ectopic but a standard miscarriage. I would have expected a message or phone call but nothing. It's so frustrating when parents don't show the love and care they should. If I had a daughter going through this process I'd be there for them 100%.

I will update you all next week when I've seen the other GP. Im hoping she'll at least do a progesterone test next week after I've ovulated. The doctor on Monday thought it a waste of time as I've conceived naturally twice to do that test but my understanding is that you can conceive with low progesterone though it can lead to miscarriage. Some GPs really are clueless when it comes to fertility issues.

I hope you're all ok and coping for the time being. By the summer I really hope we've all got bfps! Xx

@SARmum14 I am so sorry the MVA was so painful, it sounds like it was a horrific experience. I hope you start feeling better now that it is all over. It sounds like the job interview went great! Nice to have something else to focus on for awhile. Do you have a long recovery now or can you just get back to ttc again?

I completely agree with you about how some people don't understand how to be empathetic. I'm sorry your mum wasn't empathetic about the MVA. I really understand how painful that is when you have just been through a second physical trauma in less than two months. My father-in-law definitely wasn't taking the mmc very seriously, just adopted the attitude that these things happen to a lot of people and you'll be fine. When we found out about the partial molar issue I expected that he would finally take it seriously and understand that I couldn't just get over it because it was also a physical, not just emotional, process that was taking a long time to resolve because of a specific health complication that resulted from it. But when DH told him about it he didn't even call or text me or say anything. I'm not sure if I should reach out to him or when we might speak again - we used to be very close in the past, so it hurts more.

I'm on day 12 dpo now and really hoping things are going to start happening soon. I find the waiting to be really difficult and now I am also waiting anxiously for the test results. I have a little bit of CM the past two days or so, which I hope is a signal of gearing up for AF - did you guys have this after mmc and before the first AF? My temps are pretty stable, not dropping significantly yet. How about you @3204ECL? Any luck yet on the bfn and AF?

@bananamonkey how are you doing? Did the bleeding start yet?

@Catconfusion it is probably really helpful for you to have friends that have gone through this, as terrible as it is for everyone involved. It just helps to have someone who really understands the pain of it and can see you through to the other side. No one in my family or group of friends has ever had a miscarriage of any kind, so I can't really talk about it with anyone.

I'm reading this book, "life after miscarriage," by Jo Tocher, and am finding it really helpful. Someone else recommended it to me and so far everything she has written is spot on.

Hope you ladies are all doing well xxx.

Yes @sadtoday21 it's definitely helped and I am glad for my friends but I've also found their experiences were very different to mine i.e not missed ones, a long time ago etc.They also now have kids and although they remember feeling very lost at the time, they're in a very different place now.

I've also found friends have compared their miscarriages to mine, friends who were young and not looking after themselves when it happened. I was newly married in good health and ready for my first child. So their experience was traumatic but happened under very different circumstances yet they talk as if they know how I feel. This can be frustrating.

That's why this group is so good because we all seem to be at a similar stage of life. Also mmc is such a different experience to an earlier one and can have a much bigger psychological impact. It's so uncommon I don't have any close friends who've had one.

One of my friends upset me a bit recently. She said my experience has probably taught me to not get my hopes up too soon. She then described what it was like to see her baby's heartbeat on the scan at 12 weeks. Then said that's when you get invested in it, when you know it's alive. She has had a miscarriage before and was I guess was trying to be helpful but I just felt like she was implying I was silly to get my hopes up too soon.

We were apprehensive but by 8 weeks we didn't think we had to worry about miscarriage as the odds go down so much. I was 10 weeks pregnant when we found out we'd lost the baby. We'd had the ok from the midwife and two doctors. I also had hypermesis which is usually a good sign. No reason to think it would end the way it did.

It's so hard to know who to speak to after something like this. I am lucky that my friends are trying to be supportive but I still feel like hiding away and not seeing anyone. Guess it's still raw and I'm still sensitive. I read so much into the things some people say.

It's such a shame you have no one close to you who can empathise. What I would say though is that no one can completely understand how you feel. Just be as open as you can with the people who are there for you. Make them realise the impact it's having. Maybe a chat with your father in law would help matters if you feel you can. Could your partner have a chat with him on your behalf? You deserve support and understanding during this difficult time.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll give that one a look. I'm certainly looking for coping strategies as my mood is still very low. Feel very unmotivated to do anything. It's so hard to get my life back. I'm finding Mind Body Baby very good so that ones worth a look. Xx

@Catconfusion I was really moved by your post and I feel like I can completely relate to it, even though I don't know anyone who has had a miscarriage. I would feel really bad if my friend described the heartbeat at the 12 week scan to me, since that is when I found out that my baby had passed. As it is, I'm not yet able to speak to my friend who is nearly 7 months pregnant. It's hard because it's also her first and we planned to be pregnant around the same time as each other. I also get what you mean about people not being able to relate if the circumstances are very different.

You are right that mmc is so much more difficult psychologically because of the shock and the assumption that everything is ok for nearly three months. I also thought I was fine after 8 weeks without any bleeding. I didn't even think anything was wrong when I saw how small the baby was on the screen at 12 weeks and that there was no heartbeat. I guess it was denial or shock, but somehow I didn't even think to look for the heartbeat.

MMC is weird, you think you are feeling better one day and then the next day it hits you all over again. I know what you mean about looking for coping strategies and feeling unmotivated. Some days the grief kind of feels like a bad head cold - everything is a bit far and I feel really tired. Other days I feel almost myself again. I'll let you know if I find any good coping strategies to help with this. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and we are all here to listen, day or night xxx.

Oh gosh @sarmum14 the MVA sounds like a challenge. I read up on it as I truly didn't know what one was, and the description described it as a mild procedure that was over in no more than 10 mins. I am so sorry to hear it was much more than this and truly sorry to hear you encountered so much discomfort throughout the procedure. I can only imagine how you felt from your words. I have no further words on it, but so very happy that the chapter is over and done with. Does this mean you are given the all clear to ttc again, or do you need to wait for a while??? I hope you are okay my lovely xxx

Awwww @sadtoday21 I am totally the same as you. My family and close friends are exactly the same. They dare not raise the whole scenario. However, I suspect that one of my close friends had a failed marriage due to fertility issues, but I just don't want to push that button in case it upsets her too much. I will tentatively push at the button to see if I can help her at all, and in turn her help me, but don't want to bring up old wounds. My other close friend (who doesn't want children) can't relate whatsoever, but I can feel wants to be here for me. I will need to help her to help me to be able to here for me...sounds odd, I know, but not all people are able to be comfortable around MC.

My mother on another matter, just doesn't seem to understand. When I talk about it, I just don't think she understands the basics of fertility, miscarriage, conception etc. It's a long story! I have decided that my mother only needs to know very little and I only give her small snippets. This helps me control what she knows, and what she potentially tells other family members (I live 200+ miles away). My father is very different. I don't see him as much as I would like, due to the distance, but he is like me, wears his heart on his sleeve. He tears up when I tear up, totally gets me. I wish he was around more often (sometimes if I'm honest, without my mum). It's so very difficult with family. From sharing my experience, I am trying to say I truly understand what you are saying, I'm here for you, as are all the other lovely ladies on this thread. Stay strong and keep talking xxx

@Catconfusion I am disappointed to hear around your doctor. Talk about giving it and taking it away!!! I hope your original doctor stands by what she said and provides you with the tests!!! If not, are you able to go private? We are dipping into savings to make it work and to remove any doubt about potential issues, but I guess we have been ttc for a much longer time that you and this may (or may not) weigh on any decision. Basic tests related to 3 day and 21 day hormone was ruled out for us on the NHS as we hadn't encountered 3 MC, but I thought balls to that! I'm not going through a third! (They also said that chemical pregnancy wasn't something they considered a MC - eugh!!!) total shite!!!! I will keep you updated on the tests that I am getting done, as I am paying for consultant time, but some tests will be done on the nhs, which will make it more palatable. I am seeing the consultant next week, and will defo keep you updated xxx

I hope all you other ladies are doing okay...xxx

It's so difficult isn't it @Amanda81 with having a shitty time and wanting your Mum. Being lucky enough to have a living Mum but she can't be there for you. It's so frustrating! Like you my Dad wears his heart on his sleeve. He gets very emotional which can be hard too.

The doctor situation has really annoyed me. I do hope there's nothing in my notes saying we can't have the tests now. We unfortunately can't afford private treatment. I was running my own copywriting business after giving up my 12 year teaching career. Due to moving house twice, the wedding, honeymoon and being ill in the first pregnancy I've scaled it down to one client. I have very little money coming in. We have a very small mortgage and my husband is happy to support for now but we can't afford to do much. We do however have a beautiful new home and are comfortable enough. I just don't know what to do with the business as I know how ill pregnancy makes me. Don't want to put in the hard work to build it up to then let people down if we do get pregnant.

I think it's rubbish they won't check day 3 and day 21 levels. That's standard blood testing. I remember having those done by my GP in my early 30s to diagnose PCOS. Awful they won't count your second miscarriage too. To some extent I can understand with mine as so close to the first but if there is a reason for recurrence (I'm not saying there is) a second very early loss could quite easily be a symptom of that.

I ovulate nearly four weeks into my cycle so I'm convinced this could be a problem. The good gp agreed and wants to check it out so I'm hoping she just does the tests. I'm CD 10 now and have managed to use Ovusense. I got a lovely low pre Ovulation temp so hoping I can get a day 21 test or should I say probably day 30 test when I ovulate. You never know, it might come early this time as sometimes it does. Sometimes I just wish I had a 28 day cycle. It would be so much easier.

Anyway, let us know how the appointment goes. I do hope you get the tests quickly. Will you try again in the meantime or will you have a break? I keep changing my mind about this. We haven't dtd for a few weeks and I'm not sure I could bring myself to use contraception. I guess we'll see! Xx

Hi @sadtoday21 it is really horrible how mmc affects you socially. I made an effort to see three friends this week: the one who talked about her scan (had three miscarriages), another who had a miscarriage then lost one of her twins at 20 weeks and someone who doesn't want kids. They all tried to support and were generally lovely.

The one who described her scan had the best intentions but she's 26 weeks pregnant and very excited. She also has a 9 month baby so her whole life is about kids at the moment. She's put her losses well and truly behind her, like it didn't happen. Not sure I'll ever feel like that but good it works for her. After her third loss I know she was in a very dark place. I think she's just trying to stop me dwelling like she did and encouraging me to get excited about the future when we do have a viable baby. It was difficult to hear about her scan though.

The friend who had the miscarriage and then lost a twin really went through it. During her second loss her baby had to be terminated so the other could survive. She now had two children including the one who would have been a twin. She's said a day doesn't go by that she doesn't think of the babies she lost. However she doesn't talk about it much and has been more concerned with me. She's lovely but at a very different stage of life with her kids.

The friend who's been the best (to be fair they've all been good) has decided she doesn't want kids but did try with an ex when she was younger so knows about the tests/process. She's a scientist so very interested in the medical side of it and really helpful with offering advice. She's supported other friends through miscarriages so has been great.

I think my point is despite all the support I'm getting I still feel rubbish. It's nice to chat to people but then you're home alone contemplating it all. You're right it does feel like an illness that keeps coming back. It probably is a reactive depression of some sort.

It's such a shame about your friend who's 7 months pregnant but I completely get it. Hopefully she understands too. You get to choose who you see though and friends are for seasons. Unfortunately you couldn't be pregnant together but maybe there's someone else you could share this time with. Maybe you could make a new friend.

My friend who's 26 weeks is the one I was hoping to share my pregnancy with. I've seen her twice since the mmc and it's been hard. I think the only reason I've been able to see her is because I know she had losses before. After this week I think I'll leave it for a while as it was hard seeing her cradling her little one and being pregnant too.

I've started journaling today. As a writer it's odd I haven't tried this before. I guess I was a little afraid of what might come out but it really helped me understand my thoughts a bit better. Look up Julia Cameron Morning Pages. Just do three pages and stop with pen and paper.

I do hope you have a good day today and feel more like yourself! Xx

@Catconfusion I also really wish I had a 28 day cycle! It's hard for me to believe that I am now 49 days past the miscarriage and still no AF in sight. I'm so jealous of the women who O'd two weeks later and got AF right on time at 4 weeks. Really frustrating that my body is so slow to recover. Now at 13 dpo and still waiting to see a lovely large temp drop. I'm going to call Charring X tomorrow and see if they can give me the blood results yet. I understand what you mean about not being able to go private, but hopefully in your case it was just too soon after the first mmc and next time you will be fine. Can also understand why you would keep changing your mind about ttc. It's hard to get out of the mindset of ttc, once you are in it, and also hard to contemplate going through all this trauma again. At least, that is how I feel about it.

@Amanda81 I can't believe they don't count chemical pregnancy as a mc. It's obviously disturbing if you already knew you were pregnant and should definitely count. But I agree with you, waiting until you have three miscarriages just seems unbelievably cruel. I know it is "common," but seriously how can women be expected to go through this once, let alone three times or more! I hope the consultant can help you get some answers and do keep us updated on the testing. Fingers crossed we all have BFPs this summer and the next one goes well xxx.

@SARmum14 how are you feeling today?

Hugs to all!

Morning @Catconfusion - I really hope that your doctor allows you to have the simple blood tests done. At least this can rule out any hormonal imbalance. It could however, just be rotten luck and it may have been too soon after the MMC...ruling out the basic potential issues can be helpful from a mental health perspective. So perhaps try to explain this to the docs. However, once they have a position on something, they very rarely move away from this position. Fingers crossed that they can do the basics.

I know what you mean about the business side of things...I started my own business two years ago after a very secure job which I had been in for 12 years. It's tough to know what to do for the best regarding new clients etc, but I look at it from a perspective that having a baby may not ever happen, and I would want something else to focus on should it never happen. I'm an architect (specialising in listed buildings and conservation), and my profession is very much a part of me. I've trained for so many years and do have a strong sense of protection over my work. However, when I first got pregnant, it was strange how quickly my focus was derailed and my work became less significant in my thought process. This completely surprised me! But I am forever mindful that having a baby may not happen for me, and I would be very regretful if my work suffered for it. This puts a lot of added pressure during this ttc process, which I only feel on occasions when the workload is high and when I am feeling particularly low. It's hard work keeping the focus going, as I know that once/if I have a healthy viable pregnancy, I would reduce my hours considerably, which would mean sacrificing some clients projects.

I'm really not sure what to do for the best regarding ttc again. I flit from one decision to another on a daily basis. Is it best to wait until after the testing? Or just crack on? It's difficult, as there may not be anything wrong with me and it all just been rotten luck. I think what I intend to do is start to look after myself a lot better than what I have been doing. I've decided to take some extra supplements, I already take ubiquiniol (but stopped after getting the BFP) - this should help support some healthier eggs coming through, which could take up to 3 months to get in to my system. I am also going to start taking a complex B vitamin (primarily higher doses of B6 and B12) as this will hopefully help with lengthening my LP and regulating my cycle after this recent loss. It should also stop the day of spotting I get before AF, which I inherited after my first MC (apparently pregnancy does this to a lot of women). I will also continue with the pregnacare conception vitamin. I've also added a higher dose of vitamin C, as this just generally supports good health. I'm aware that the consultant may not agree with all the vits, but if they aren't going to harm me, then i will continue.

The biggest thing that I will be doing is laying off the booze! 😬 I'm going to try and have a few months off. This will be difficult for me as all of my friends socially drink...let's see how it goes. I'm also getting back to the running and the weights.

If I don't conceive in the next three months, at least I have something positive to show for it at the end...me and my health (and hopefully a lower bmi and trimmer waistline). I think we can all forget about our own self needs whilst plodding along this ttc journey. We need to look after ourselves physically and emotionally.

Xx 😘

Thanks for the insight @Amanda81 I think you're right that pregnancy is not guaranteed and a shame to just hold out for it. I too made a huge jump 2 years ago leaving a stable job for self employment. Meeting my DH and getting married however made me realise how much I want a family. When I fell pregnant all my business plans went out the window. The hypermesis made it impossible to work. I guess maybe I start building the business and deal with sickness if it comes.

Thanks for the information on supplements. I'll have a look at the content of my pre conception tablet and see if maybe I could take more b vitamins and vitamin C. Interesting what you said about lengthening your LP. Mine is on the long side which apparently could still be a sign of hormone imbalance.

Luckily my sickness during pregnancy has given me an aversion to alcohol. I just can't drink it now. Rewind to my honeymoon on the Queen Mary 2 where we drank our weight in champagne. I just couldn't do it now.

You have such a good attitude to your situation @Amanda81 in terms of covering all bases with your wellbeing and ttc journey. I'm sure it'll happen for you soon. There's something to be said for living your life as if it might not happen so there's no regrets. Physical and emotional health is key either way! Xx

@sadtoday21 I know, it's unbelievably unwarranted and can cause devastating emotional harm.

I am not sure if mine was a chemical pregnancy, I suspect it was as I made it to 5+3. I have a regular 28 day cycle, and was well over a week after af was due before the mc happened. Is this a CP or an early MC. Dr google calls a CP anything between 5 and 6 weeks. My line was always faint on the HPT.

It would be amazing if we where on our way to healthy viable pregnancies by the summer.

Hope you are okay today xx

@Amanda81 the doctor I saw at the hospital found the term chemical pregnancy problematic. He said if enough hcg is in the body to get a positive pregnancy test there was an implantation however brief. He prefers early miscarriage. I would say yours definitely was a miscarriage as you were late with AF. Awful they won't count it as although it's likely bad luck, could be the same reason as the first. It's left you in a horrible place in terms of wondering if you have a recurrent problem! Xx

Hi @Catconfusion - sorry I may not have explained myself properly. The Gp has confirmed it as a early MC. I am questioning internally if it was a chemical (I also hate the term) as the line was never strong and I got the 'not pregnant' on the CB HPT a week after AF (5 wks), I started to bleed three days later. I find the terminology confusing.

I don't think the Gp would have been happy to refer me if he didn't think there was a reason to explore things, if only it is to rule out any issues. Also, if I hadn't have said about my willingness to pay for consultant time, he wouldn't have referred me, as I would need to experience another MC to get referred. He did say that there was a 9 month wait to see a consultant on the NHS...this is what decided it for me! Gosh, to think, you have to get pregnant first, then MC and then wait for 9 months before seeing anybody, well that could be anything up to 12-14 months. Just too long! Total pants x

@sarmum14 I’m so sorry you had a traumatic experience, everything about this whole process is just so shit, we women are so strong to keep going

@Catconfusion how frustrating regarding the second Dr, I hope you can see the first Dr. again and make some progress.

@sadtoday21 I hope you can get some information from CX.

As for me so far so good, had a couple of days spotting and mild cramps but now just a normal period, I guess I was only “pregnant” for a week so it doesn’t really count Felt a little low this week but hopefully just hormones. Travel and client meetings has at least kept me busy and now I will have family to stay for a few days and some nice activities planned.

I know what you mean about people expecting you to be over it now. In fact I feel that about myself too as most of the time I am doing pretty well but then out of the blue it will get me down. My friend had a MC at 12 weeks in Oct and I know she’s still deeply affected by it but no one has really asked after me for a while. The nurse at EPU who saw me a the other week was so nice when I cried out of the blue, she told me not so be so hard on myself and we should all give ourselves a break x

@Amanda81 oh I see. I guess it's so difficult to know at what point it stopped progressing and whether it implanted then stopped or couldn't properly implant.

It's awful the NHS wait is so long, especially when in some cases age is a pressing factor. For some it can mean the difference between having just one child or two. I just hope we get good news before we turn 40 in three months.

Great you're able to see a private consultant though and I'm sure they'll rule out the main causes. It will be interesting to see what tests they do. Xx