First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Sorry @bananamonkey - it's shitty experience isn't it! I hope you are okay xx

@sadtoday21 - holiday is good so far. Although I am getting a cold, which I was anticipating as I have been working very hard over the last five months and have had the emotional stress of ttc etc.

The down time has given me a lot of research time in order to get myself ready for my appointment. I'm acutely aware that there might be nothing wrong, but want to be armed with questions and possible areas to look into. One area I think needs exploring is my light and short periods. I only bleed for one day which can range between medium to heavy flow. Spotting either side of this. This in itself can be a sign of low Estrogen (Estradiol to be specific). Estrogen is required to support an embryo to grow and if the embryo doesn't get sufficient Estrogen it will die before the miscarriage is detected (I.e. MMC or very early loss). The doctors can test for this by taking bloods on day 3 of the cycle. They can also undertake an ultrasound to see what my lining is doing. This is only one angle of research based upon my fertility signs...I have five more days to cook up any other scenarios 😂😂😂

I hope everyone else is well xxx

Thanks @Amanda81 do you think I should expect any bleeding at all or was it just too early? Don’t really know what’ll happen next between now and AF arriving I would think at some point?

Oh no @bananamonkey I'm so sorry. Sounds very similar to what happened to me - falling straight after ERPC. Have you missed a period? I had't due to having a long luteal phase so mine came on time but was a lot worse than usual. Your endometrium will have thickened up so may be worse. Hopefully it won't be as some people have a normalish period. Keep us posted and ask me anything as I saw gynae doctor as mine was happening. My thoughts are with you. It's really horrible the way it gets your hopes up! Just rest up and try and stay as positive as possible Xx

Thanks @Catconfusion I think period would be due about now, not sure as my cycles have always been a bit irregular both times TTC. I’ve never really had heavy ones so hopefully it’ll be ok. Been awake since 3am and have a dreadful cold so my brain is a bit of a fog today, supposed to be going on an 8 mile walk later so at least that’ll be a good distraction. Yes just feels like kicking me when I’m down, how stupid I was to think it’d be ok this time.

@bananamonkey I'm really sorry to hear that. That is terrible news and you must be so disappointed. Does your partner or anyone around you know? I hope you have all the support you need and we are all here to talk too. Sending you hugs xxx.

I'm not sure what you should expect next exactly @Amanda81 and @Catconfusion could probably give you a better idea. I think it depends on how far along you were as to whether the bleeding is a lot or more like a normal AF.

@Amanda81 your research sounds solid! I love that you are on top of it like that. Are there things you can do to correct those issues, if that is in fact the problem?

I had a horrible moment yesterday where I thought maybe I am pregnant again because was suddenly really hungry with acute sense of smell. We dtd five days before O, before I got the letter about the partial molar, so I don't think that it's possible, but a small chance I guess. I really hope I just imagined it and/or that it is actually a sign of AF coming soon. I'm 9 DPO today, so still impatiently waiting :/. Anyway, going outside now to try to enjoy this beautiful day. Take care everyone!

@bananamonkey it's not stupid to hope! We all hope, even though we know the worst things that can happen. You probably just needed one cycle to rest and the next time will be a sticky one! Thinking of you.

@SARmum14 how are you feeling today? xxx

@bananamonkey - I experienced passing heavy bleeding and clotting, mild cramps and a small amount of stabbing pain in the uterus area. Spotting started prior to the bleeding the day before. I had two days of full on bleeding, but it seemed to linger up there and came out when I went to the loo or when I wiped (sorry tmi). I say this as you are going for a walk, and you may need to wear some protection. I carried on with my site surveys and just made sure I knew where the nearest toilet was. Everyone will be different though. Take some pain killers if the cramps get bad. Thinking of you xx

@bananamonkey so sorry . Fingers crossed AF will be here soon and you'll be able to try again soon. Not stupid at all to hope, I think having hope that one day things will work out is the only real
way to get through this dark time. Thinking of you, hope the walk helps clear your head.

I'm having a bit of a bad day today... took a digital test this morning and the dreaded word was there... looks like I'm heading back the the EPU as well tomorrow... I feel so frustrated and in a way let down by my body today. Could really do without a baby shower in 3 hours as well! On a positive note it's a beautiful day so planning to enjoy a nice long walk after the shower. Hope you're all ok and enjoying your sunny Sunday as much as possible where you are! X

@sadtoday21 - there are some nutritional things you can do to help with improving your period / Estrogen. You need more protein, need to stay hydrated and eat good fats (amino acids). Need to do more research in that department. acupuncture can help. Also, complex B vitamins can help. But you need to take equal amounts of b6 and b12 - this helps with regulating cycles and improving luteal phase (mine is a dismal 11 days - anything 10 days or less is seen as short - so I'm borderline). I don't want to start taking any vits until any tests are taken. So only going to take folic acid and vit D.

I was diagnosed with low phosphate levels last year (early 2018) but oddly my vit D levels where fine. Normally if you have low phosphate, you have low vit D. This is my research for the next few days. Again just trying to generate questions which may prompt tests in the areas... completely symptom spotting but want the doctor to know everything about me over the last few years since coming off the pill.

Sorry to bore you all with my research... as I've said before I find research helps with the emotional battles and takes away some of my fear xxx

@sadtoday21 - did you say anything to the doctors about that you had been ttc before you found.m out about the partial molar, did they give any advice? X

@bananamonkey you're not stupid at all. A positive test is a positive test. It sounds like the bleed is imminent. Just to warn you I normally have very light periods that last a day. Mine was three days of very intense cramping and heavy bleeding. The doctor said it was a combination of an early loss and being the first bleed since the surgery. I've come to believe my body just wasn't ready. The gynae doctor said no reason not to try again. We are a little bit more at risk of chemical pregnancies straight after an ERPC (wish someone had told me this) but the more periods you have the lower the risk. There is nothing harmful about an early loss to the body so we're just going to carry on but test much later to avoid the emotional side of getting our hopes up should it happen again. Xx

Morning everyone! Hope you're all doing ok?

I've just called the EPU to tell them I'm still getting positive tests and they've said to wait a few more days as it sounds like things are heading in the right direction. They've said I only need a negative on a strip test and to avoid clear blue as they're so sensitive! Did anyone else get this advice as seems strange to me?! I asked if I could go in for a blood test and or a scan anyway and they said I had to wait and call them back if there was no change by Thursday. Feeling very frustrated now and feel like I just want things to get moving

At least the sun is shining! Hope you're having slightly better Monday's. X

Oh that’s so annoying @3204ECL how long has it been now? I was in the same position and they let me go in to do their test (just a urine one but on a digital machine) after 4 weeks to get a definitive result.

@3204ECL morning! I would be very insistent about getting the blood test done - it's such a simple thing to do to test the hcg and it tells you a lot about what your body is doing right now. I think it's been several weeks for you - maybe 5 or 6 weeks now? That is a long time not to have a BFN and you want to be sure that there are no issues. While it's true that it is a good sign if it's getting lighter, I wouldn't wait too much longer before trying to find some answers. It may just be that you will reach below 5 hcg when you get AF, but good to rule out no retained tissue or other issues. I think the digital readers actually test a higher level of hcg (50 miu/ml), so they are actually less sensitive, not more, than the strip test. If you are getting positive on digital clearblue, it means your hcg has not dropped below 50. But check the specific test you are using to see what the hcg sensitivity is, that will give you an idea of where your levels are right now. I wish I had been more insistent with the GP earlier on about a blood test for hcg, because then I might have known something was wrong with the moral pregnancy. It takes them five minutes to do.

I feel your pain with this waiting game :/. I'm 10 DPO and no sign of AF yet. And I am running out of things to google related to miscarriage. Trying to be patient, but really want to get back to "normal" soon. I feel this pregnancy has derailed me in a lot of ways, and I just want to be a normal person again for a bit before trying again. Not that I have a choice on the waiting anyway! Are you still planning to ttc again after your first cycle? X

@Amanda81 thanks for sharing all of those tips on nutrition, I found it very interesting and useful! Do let us know if you find out anything else. I love research!

With the partial molar, the doctors said that they wouldn't do anything if I did actually get pregnant before being cleared. The scary thing is that they wouldn't know if it was a new pregnancy or just spreading of molar cells until 6-7 weeks in. So I might go for the seven week scan and just see mole cells, not a baby :/. Getting pregnant too soon after can also reactivate the cells and cause it to spread, requiring either another d&c and/or chemo. Or it could be a baby but another partial molar that ends in an mmc later on at 8/9 weeks (could not bear that). Or everything could be fine. Basically, the uncertainty of these outcomes would be really stressful for me. So we are abstaining right now for awhile, which is tough, but do not want to back on bc either. Not a great situation to be in, but then again, there are worse things. I just hope it is over soon.

How are you doing today? Hope you are having fun and taking your mind off baby making for awhile! xxx

@3204ECL - I would persist with asking for a blood tests. They may get piffy with you, but it's not their body at the end of the day and it has been a long time for you to be getting BFPs still. They really should consider women's mental health in all of this...Have you noticed any shift in the colour? Is it getting lighter? Xx

Have you heard anything further about the mva @sarmum14 xx

How are you doing @Catconfusion xx

Haven't heard from you in a while @LMLP91 - hope all is well with you xx

Stay positive @sadtoday21 - I recall you saying you had a longer than average LP, 10dpo is early days and AF will be on her way xx

Well it's Sod's law...I've got a cold 🥶 we had planned to do a 12 mile walk today around the rivers and lochs...probably still going to do it, just take it easier and with most likely tissues stuck up my nostrils 😂😂 oddly, my temps are following a similar pattern to my other cycles so don't think the recent early loss has caused too much of an impact to my cycle (early days though). My temp has been a static 36.51 for three days, might be the cold??? It should start to drop either tomorrow (cd8) or Wednesday if all is back online.

They say you should feed a cold, so I've just had a small cheese board, followed by smoked haddock and poached eggs for brekkie - feel like a total 🐷 🐷 🐷, but it was yummy 😋

Hope everyone is enjoying the milder weather.

Haha cross posts @sadtoday21 - totally understand what you are saying about not wanting to cause any undue stress. Get that holiday booked (or vacation - hmm are you from the states?) abstaining will be hard, as I can imagine you just want to be close with each other at the minute. Take it easy xx

Thanks @Amanda81 and @sadtoday21 I am actually away for work for a couple of days from tomorrow anyway so will wait and then call them Thursday and insist on going for a blood test if not got a negative by then. I'm finding the wait increasingly difficult but actually being at work is helping the time go by and distracting me!

@Amanda81 Sod's law you've got a cold, so often happens when you stop! Hope it's not disrupting the holiday too much. Very jealous of the cheese for breakfast!

@sadtoday21 fingers crossed AF is just round the corner. I'm totally with you on wanting to feel "normal" if only for a week or so before trying again! I'm starting to feel like I've forgotten what "normal" feels like!

X

Hi @Amanda81 thanks for asking after me ☺️ I'm doing okay, same as before really. Been ttc this month on my "green days" as per my Flo app - god knows how accurate it is, but it's a bit of reassurance for me. Trying to keep my spirits up but each week/month that passes I just want to feel 'complete' again and have something to look forward to, instead of seeing the time pass me by with what could have been. Got to really try to make the most of life and enjoy it, believing that when the time is right it'll happen 🤞🏼 xx

@LMLP91 good to hear that you are taking your mind off things, you have a great attitude about the whole thing. It's a bit up and down for me - some days I feel almost normal and can cope with everything, and other times not so much.

I received the kit in the mail today for my first blood and urine test. Even though my numbers were pretty low last week, I have this visceral fear that they will come back high this week. I hate that I have this fear and I hate that I've ended up here. Somehow I just still can't quite believe it. As you all know too well, it's already bad enough to lose a child. Now I just feel totally out of control of my body. Like @LMLP91, sometimes I feel I am just wanting time to pass, rather than enjoying it.

@SARmum14 thinking of you today. Do you have the MVA booked yet?

@Amanda81 you caught me! I've lived in the UK for awhile, but I guess there are few bits of the lingo that still catch me out :).

@Catconfusion how are you feeling today?

@3204ECL fingers crossed for you too - both for the bfn and for AF!

Hi all, sorry for the radio silence but I've been a bit low. My MVA has been booked for tomorrow, a few hours after the big job interview. Of course! I've been a bit up and down and running on adrenaline and scared about going through it all. The nurse from EPU called me on Friday and said they can't do the procedure on EPU after all so I am going to have to go onto the surgical ward after all. I just feel so out of control and a huge sense of dread. I just need to survive the next 30 hours. I know what you mean about running out of things to read in miscarriage @sadtoday21 - I think I may have consumed the entirety of the internet!

How're you @Amanda81? Sorry to hear about cold! But I definitely believe in feeding it so carry on with the lush breakfasts! And how was the party @Catconfusion? Hope you're okay?

I'm thinking of you @LMLP91 and hoping for a BFN on Thursday! How frustrating of them to say that about the different HPTs.

How're you getting on @bananamonkey? And you @3204ECL?

Xx

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy and every day is different, but I'm trying not to let it become the be all and end all of my happiness. Although sometimes it's much easier said than done 😓 thinking of all you ladies and taking strength from you all and your kindness. Xx

It’s great you can have that frame of mind @LMLP91

Good luck for your interview tomorrow @sarmum14 typical that it all falls on the same day but at least by Wednesday it’ll be over with.

I’m ok thanks for asking, actually that’s a lie I feel like crap 😂 but just a bad head cold/fever. So far just a few mild cramps and spotting so waiting for the bleed to start, really bad timing as I’m away for an important client meeting Wednesday and Thursday so I’m hoping to get the worst over with tomorrow or that it’s not so bad I can cope with work at the same time. I’m trying to frame it as my first period (which i had planned to wait for anyway!) and that I’d have been none the wiser if I hadn’t taken an early test last week. Stupid pregnancy insomnia tipped me off too soon 🙄

Get well soon @Amanda81, that breakfast sounds amazing!

@SARmum14 good luck tomorrow for both the procedure and the interview! Will be thinking of you xxx.

@bananamonkey I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell and hope that the bleeding isn’t too bad. You are thinking about it in the best possible way, even though it must be so hard. Let us know how you get on. Sending hugs 🤗