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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

999 replies

sadtoday21 · 10/02/2019 16:14

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

OP posts:
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Amanda81 · 21/03/2019 13:11

@sadtoday21 what does the evening primrose help with again?

3204ECL · 21/03/2019 14:07

Thanks @Amanda81. Can't wait for AF to arrive, never said that before in my life! X

Catconfusion · 21/03/2019 14:24

Thanks @Amanda81 I think the brush with having an ectopic has certainly helped change my perspective as has that lovely doctor.

How are you feeling today? Xx

Suldevy · 21/03/2019 15:34

Hi everyone,

First of all, sorry for my English, I’m French. :)

I was at 11 weeks when I found out that my baby stopped growing nearly 3 weeks before. It was next week and it’s still hard to realize what happened. I’m lucky to have my husband by my side, we are grieving together during this hard time.

I suffered a lot last Thursday (the day of my natural MC) but I stopped bleeding on Monday, which surprised me.

But I went to the hospital 2 days ago and they told me that it was okay, and that I could try right away to be pregnant again since it all happened «naturally» (I didn’t have to take pills or anything else).

I feel that my body has recovered (not 100% of course), and I think that I’m going to give it a try next week.

I hope that we will all have good news in the future, good luck ladies Flowers

Amanda81 · 21/03/2019 16:38

What do you think you will do @Catconfusion - wait for AF and then try again, or keep going?

I'm feeling okay. Have moments where I feel a bit down, but I give myself a slap on the face and tell myself to shape up! The bleeding has been odd...I have had two days of full on bleeding and clotting, and today I have gone to spotting. Perhaps that's it??? Xx

Catconfusion · 21/03/2019 17:19

@Amanda81 the bleed I'm having is AF so I'm on cycle day 3. We're just going to go for it and try again. If we have another loss then we'll deal with it. The doctor last night could see no reason to wait. I'm aiming this month to be far more chilled about it.

It sounds like that's it hopefully. Much how mine has gone. It's still very painful though.

It's so hard not to get down though. You'll probably need a bit of grieving time since you got a good few weeks in. I'm sure the holiday will do you lots of good. I love Scotland. I bet you can't wait!

We're going away for a surprise party at the weekend. It's only in Hertford so nowhere that exciting but a change of scenery will do us good. Xx

sarmum14 · 21/03/2019 17:41

Hi all. I have retained tissue and it has an active blood supply. They said the pills won't work on me so I need the surgery again. They can't arrange it today so going to call me tomorrow to diarise it next week. I'm not keen on a second ERPC and it's potentially more damaging than the MVA so I'm going to opt for the MVA. They did say it'll hurt but only for 5 minutes. I'm really bloody sad. X

3204ECL · 21/03/2019 17:48

@sarmum14 this is really shit news I'm so sorry. So frustrating after all you've been through and the time you've had to wait. Hard I know but try and stay positive, at least you know now and they can hopefully get on quickly and sort it. Sending support and hugs x

Amanda81 · 21/03/2019 17:51

I just want to cry for you @sarmum14 😓 so disappointing. As if you've not had enough already. I actually felt my heart sink when i read your post. Xxx

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 21/03/2019 17:59

@SARmum14 there are no words, I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. It's so shit and so terrible. I don't know what MVA is, but I assume it's something similar to the ERPC and D&C? Did they tell you how long you will have to wait afterwards? I hope you get an appointment asap for the surgery and that all goes smoothly this time. Sending you hugs and thinking of you.

OP posts:
Amanda81 · 21/03/2019 18:06

Sorry @Catconfusion, of course this is AF. Sorry, I just didn't connect the dots (so stupid of me). Brain isn't connected today x

bananamonkey · 21/03/2019 18:09

Oh how shit @sarmum14 I’m sorry you have to go through this again. I hope they can schedule you in soon. FWIW when I was looking into options I read some experiences of MVA and it sounded ok, at least it’s over with quickly x x

Catconfusion · 21/03/2019 19:52

Oh no @sarmum14 that's awful news. I'm so sorry you need this procedure. I hope it can be arranged quickly so you can get on with your life. It's just so unfair. Xx

CT2019 · 21/03/2019 20:29

Thanks for your reply. Where do you get the Ovusense from? Is the fertility friend an app? Anything to help will be great but I’m just desperate for my period to happen not often you say that is it!!!

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 21/03/2019 20:53

@Amanda81 the evening primrose is to balance hormones, increase fertile CM, and help with AF. Don’t take post O though, as it’s not good if you fall pregnant. Only to be taken after AF and before O. I got a liquid form from Boots because I can’t stand to take any more pills - it’s mango flavored, will let you know how it tastes!

@SARmum14 hope you are doing ok tonight and taking it easy. We are all here for you.

OP posts:
Amanda81 · 21/03/2019 21:29

Thanks @sadtoday21 - I hope you are doing okay today. Shocking blow yesterday, and hope that the unpleasant news is starting to mellow a little xx

Queenss · 21/03/2019 23:30

Can any please respond to me am so scared.
I miscarriage last year November 14 still now am still bleeding the gynocogist doctor says am ok but ask me to taking birth control pills of which I do but still bleeding. My doc told me I have anemia am so scared I don't really know what is wrong with me . Am thinking of going to hospital where I did D and C for them to check me I can't be bleeding like this . Even when I sex I bleed too that's when i think it stop but it was not.
Please help am scared
Thanks

bananamonkey · 22/03/2019 06:16

Hi @Queenss can you see a different doctor to explain that the pills aren’t helping with the bleeding? And ask to be referred back to gynae? Are you taking iron pills? Sorry sounds like a rubbish situation x

Catconfusion · 22/03/2019 07:28

@Queenss do you have the phone number for the ward you had your surgery on? Hopefully they can see you and check you're ok. Or see your GP who can send you to hospital. I'm sorry you're in this situation and let us know how you are. Xx

3204ECL · 22/03/2019 08:29

@sarmum14 how are you doing today? Have you got a date for the MVA yet? Hope you're ok x

sarmum14 · 22/03/2019 09:28

Thanks everyone. If I'm honest it was a massive blow and I've been a bit wallow-y since I found out. But trying to look forwards. Waiting for the call and trying to schedule the surgery around a job interview for a role I really want. When it pours! How're you all doing? Are you going on hols today @Amanda81? How're you doing @sadtoday21? And how're you feeling @Catconfusion? Are you okay also @3204ECL? Are you going to do another HPT or happy with the last one? Thanks for the advice @bananamonkey - that's what I'm hoping. Less waiting around and no surgical theatre - it's all done on the EPU. How're you getting on?

Thinking of you all today. Xxx

Original poster
sadtoday21 · 22/03/2019 09:34

@Suldevy Salut, je voulais juste vous dire bienvenue et je vous souhaite tout le succès dans le monde!

How is everyone else feeling today? @Amanda81 hope you are gearing up for a nice, relaxing vacation. Are you doing ok? Are you still thinking of waiting to ttc again until all the tests are finished now? Hope you are finding some good distractions, I'm trying to as well, but it's not easy!

@Catconfusion are you still bleeding or has it all stopped now? Are you starting back with ovusense? Hope all is well and you are taking it easy on yourself.

@SARmum14 hope you are ok. Let us know how you are doing and if you need anyone to talk to xxx.

@3204ECL any updates? How are doing with the waiting and emotional recovery?

Happy spring everyone!

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Catconfusion · 22/03/2019 09:36

@SARmum14 I think you deserve some wallow time. I hope they get you in for it soon. Much better that you won't be in theatre and on EPU. Good luck with the job interview. It's so typical it came now when you're going through this.

I'm ok thank you. Bleeding and cramping has died down. I guess I'm back into my cycle again. I'm tempted to not technically try this month but also not prevent. Our lives have revolved around pregnancy and miscarriage for so long and feel we need to chill out and get back to enjoying being newly weds again.

I guess that's easier said than done and it might drive me crazy not knowing what my body is doing if I don't temp. We're going away for the weekend for some time out so that'll help me decide what to do. Xx

Catconfusion · 22/03/2019 09:47

I'm ok thanks @sadtoday21 How are you feeling?

I'm not sure what to do. I'm thinking we might need to take some time out of actively trying. It's all we talk about and I'm feeling like it's not healthy. Also feel like I've lost myself a bit. Haven't had my hair cut since November and generally not caring about my appearance. Since I work from home just live in lounge wear.

We're going away tomorrow to a 40th birthday party but staying in a nice hotel. I'm tempted to dress up and try and enjoy being out with DH. Maybe even have a couple of drinks. There's no pressure for us to stay at the party so can always go back to the hotel if it's overwhelming. I haven't done much socially since before the mmc so I'm thinking it's time to at least try!

I'm still bleeding a bit but it's much better so hopefully I'll feel ok when we're away.

Anyway I do hope you are feeling ok about your situation. It's so hard but I hope you're feeling positive about the future. Let me know if any questions for my friend. She has her 20 week scan on Tuesday and fell pregnant pretty soon after they got the all clear for PMP so flash forward and that'll be you. Xx

3204ECL · 22/03/2019 10:02

@sarmum14 glad you're doing ok. Crap timing for the job interview bless you but hopefully it will act as a bit of a distraction! I think I'll take another test at the weekend. I want to see the words not pregnant on a digital to really convince myself it's gone... think it will bring me some closure and help me to move on.

@sadtoday21 thanks for asking. Emotionally I'm doing ok. I'm finding it easier to talk about it now but still finding it quite all consuming. I'm finding setting myself mini goals and targets is helping the time go quicker and booking things to look forward to helps! How are you doing? Do you have another appointment coming up?

@Catconfusion I hear you on needing a bit of time out/normality. I'll definitely be waiting until after AF and trying to socialise and do more for a few weeks. I've got a best friends baby shower this weekend which I've helped organise so that will be a real test for the emotions! Hope you can enjoy your weekend away and have some time to relax.

@Amanda81 have a great time in Scotland. Imagine it's the perfect place to unwind and reset.

Love to all x