@sarmum14 it sounds like you're doing a good job of distracting yourself. I do hope it goes well! Xx
Thanks @sarmum14 @sadtoday21 and @3204ECL I'm glad the information helped so here is more. Seriously the guy looked about 25 but was very knowledgable. It did make me wonder what made a young guy like him decide on gynaecology. I guess he must be passionate about it.
Despite being seemingly very young, he did really help put things into perspective. Our conversation really wasn't bad for two people clearly high on caffeine at midnight in a hospital waiting room. This is what I gleaned...
As many as 80% of fertilised eggs don't implant properly. About 50% will be healthy and 50% won't. It's a very normal and natural process based on many factors such as viability of the embryo and the environment it's in.
Sometimes an abnormal embryo implants and the body gives it a chance. This will later end in a miscarriage. Again this is likely to be normal. It's the body's way of accepting the embryo wasn't compatible with life after all by stopping it progressing.
Missed miscarriages are rarer but happen because the placenta has got strong enough to trick the body into thinking the embryo is still viable, even when it isn't. So it's like going so far down a path chemically that it's hard for the body to go back.
He said don't get too hung up on there being something particularly wrong after a miscarriage. Even if age is a factor, it's still highly likely there are healthy eggs and sperm. At the later end of reproductive age it can be more the luck of the draw. Loss is more likely to be part of the journey to parenthood later in life but it doesn't mean it won't happen.
Recurrent miscarriages due to a medical problem are actually quite uncommon. For most it's just a case of waiting for the cycle where all variables work out. This is annoying but just how it is. It's important to rule out medical causes if it keeps happening. There are also things we can do to improve egg/sperm quality and provide a good environment for conception.
We can take supplements and make lifestyle/dietary changes (I'm reading 'It Starts with an Egg'). A positive mindset and stress reduction also helps. A lot of it is frustratingly out of our control. However focusing on what we can do is a good way to manage the stress and feel like we're moving forwards.
Pregnancy loss is hard no matter how early but it's important to take it on the chin and carry on because most couples will conceive healthily with time as frustrating as it is. What's vital is to be as healthy and happy as we can. Life shouldn't be put on hold in wait of a baby because that's just miserable.
Our society dictates this pattern of finding a partner and having a family but for many it's not as clear cut as that. The people around us who seem so picture perfect may have had losses too. It really is that common. It's so easy to assume we're the ones with something wrong when in most cases we're not.
I think @sadtoday21 is right, we've all experienced motherhood now even if fleetingly. Fear of loss will always be part of being a Mum. Even when we have a baby its not a magic bullet against loss. Loss is part of life. People lose children and teenagers too because of bad luck. It's horrible but there's no escaping it.
What we can do is hope for healthy pregnancies in the future and that we reach old age with as little grief and loss as possible. In the meantime we can be resilient when a loss happens and gentle on ourselves because in most cases it couldn't have been prevented, it just wasn't our time! Xx