First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@jennywreny1982 sorry you've had to join this group but hopefully we can offer support and advice. I echo what the others have said about a 2 week wait it seems like a long time. I'd phone the EPU and ask to come back earlier and to be offered the options available as there can often be a wait for these as well. Personally I miscarried naturally while waiting for medical management. It was a pretty crappy experience and if I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now I'd definitely have opted for the operation but you need to do what's right for you. Hope you're doing ok x

@bananamonkey How are you doing? X

@sadtoday21 oh my love - I'm so sorry and feel so sad for you. That's horrifically unfair. Have they said much about next steps? Is the fact that you've had a BFN already a good sign? I'm sending you so much love. Holding you in my thoughts all day. Here if you need to chat. Xxx

@sadtoday21 I’m sorry, not much we can say but here to listen. Hope they could give you some information at the appointment and a plan to go from here x

@3204ECL thanks for asking, I’m fine, been lying low with a rubbish virus and looking after an ill toddler.

Just in that waiting period for AF I think, had some blood streaked CM last night so thought that might be it but nothing since so who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ Had hospital letter today to confirm no further follow up so that’s something.

I really don't know what to say @sadtoday21 - could it get any shittier! I am so very sorry that you have experienced this, it's just so unfair. I hope the doctor was able to explain the next steps. As the others have said, here for you when you are ready xxx

@jennywreny1982 sorry to hear about your loss and that you are experiencing this truly shitty event. I echo what the other girls have said where you should be given more options on how you would like to manage the MMC, naturally, medically or surgically. The choice is yours and no-one else's. I opted for the erpc surgical option and it worked for me and my period returned 5 weeks after. however, I think i was one of the lucky ones where things returned quite easily. I hope you are okay - we are all here to offer advice and support through his difficult time xx

@Catconfusion just wanted to say sorry that you are going through this pain. My first period after the erpc was not painful, but was heavier than normal. This current MC there is a lot of blood/clots, but the pain is bearable. You do seem to experience symptoms such much more readily than I have experienced, so perhaps you have an ultra-sensitive uterus. Clutching at straws here. Has the doctor phoned back yet? Xx

Hi @Amanda81 it's so horrible you've now started bleeding. How are you feeling?

The thing is I don't normally get cramps and even after ERPC felt very little. The pain is worrying me to be honest. My uterus is retroflexed so it's much closer to my bowel. I do wonder if it's swollen and pressing on it.

Still waiting for the doc.

I'll keep you posted!

Xx

Hi everyone, thanks for asking after me @Catconfusion, @SARmum14, @Amanda81, @3208ECL, @LMLP91. Your support has helped me get through this today and every day since the mmc.

Having done all the research on partial molars over the past five days, I was pretty convinced this is what the letter meant and so it wasn't a great shock today. Friday was much worse honestly. For all of those that do get a letter about follow-up, unlike @bananamonkey -lucky!, just prepare yourself for this outcome.

Luckily it was a partial molar, and not a complete one. I have to start blood and urine tests next week. My hcg level today was 7.5 (I begged the GP to test it and she kindly took pity on me). I take that as a pretty positive sign as it is almost back down to normal, but I'm still a little scared that it might go up again later. My chances of having this condition were .2%, the chances of needing chemo for it are .5%. The chance of reoccurrence is slightly higher, 1 in 80. Not sure if the odds are in my favour, but I hope this is the end of the road for my bad luck.

Going forward, I will need follow-up for an number of months, not yet determined how many before I can ttc again, but we aren't allowed to try right now. I will also need follow-up after any subsequent pregnancy to make sure the hcg goes back down and the moles don't come back. I am hoping beyond hope that they will let me ttc again after two to three months and that my AF will come next week and get rid of the rest of the hcg. At least my lining will definitely be built back up by then, although I know there are still so many other things that can go wrong anyway.

I went to the gym right after the appointment and I did a solid 8 km run and some lifting, which helped clear my mind. And I made a decision. I don't want to be a victim to this thing anymore. I'm tired of feeling so sad and so sorry for myself. I want this experience to make me stronger and I want it to make me a better, more compassionate person. After you break something, it can sometimes heal back stronger than ever.

I've been unlucky lately and we all have here on this thread, but I feel I have so much more in my life than most people do. I looked at the women with babies on the street today and for the first time since the mmc it didn't make me sad or angry. They have babies and I have other things in life. I hope one day I have a baby too, but in the meantime I have to make peace with this. It just wasn't my time. And I realized I was wrong to say that mother's day makes me mad this time of year, because in fact we are all mothers, even if only for a short time, and we should celebrate that. Love and hugs to you all.

I just wanted to add that I'm sorry I haven't had time to fully respond to everything else going on here with everyone, I've read the posts and I'm very sorry @Catconfusion that you are in so much pain and @Amanda81 that you have now started bleeding with the mc. I hope that you both find some rest and some peace today through this terrible ordeal.

@Catconfusion did you hear back from the GP yet? Understand you are maybe waiting for the phone call and resting at home today. Try to take good care of yourself and keep popping those painkillers as necessary. I'm sorry I haven't yet had an AF, so I don't know what's normal. I asked my GP about it this morning and she said it shouldn't be painful, just a bit heavier than normal. I do think a natural mc can be quite painful though compared to the surgery. I hope it's bearable and that you are getting some good care xxx. Keep us posted.

@Amanda81 so sorry to hear about the bleeding. Are you in any pain? Are you going to start doing testing next week? I hope you find some answers soon and a way to cope with all of this - sending you virtual hugs today.

@SARmum14 hope you aren't thinking about tomorrow too much, I'm sure you will have a better outcome than mine. Hopefully just retained tissue and now all that is passed. Let us know how you get on and try to get some rest tonight!

Arh @sadtoday21 what a lovely written post. It brought a tear to my eye. You're right we have all been very unlucky on this thread but maybe just not our time. You've been particularly unlucky with this very rare disorder but it sounds like as scary as it is complications are very rare.

I too have felt that jealousy when seeing mums with their babies fade away. It is sometimes painful when peers fall pregnant easily but they're likely to have other struggles in their lives. For us, this is our struggle and we are all mums. You can't go back from that once you've been pregnant.

Anyway all you can do is rest up, take the doctors advice but live your life, enjoying the things around you as much as you can! You are strong and brave so I'm sure you'll get through this! Xx

I'm still waiting for the call but the pain is still bad which doesn't seem right to me. It's been building up since I ovulated so I'm not entirely convinced it's related to the second loss. I guess I just wait and see what the doc says! Xx

@sadtoday21 incredible sentiment - you're so strong. What a lovely thing to write. I'm inspired by your attitude and telling my own to follow suit. Your HCG levels are good and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that they keep dropping in that direction.

I've had a bit of cramping today and just went to the loo and had some blood and stuff - was fresh red blood but presume that's because it's straight after the ERPC? I think this might be AF and I'm hoping it'll clear anything that's remaining and hopefully be a sign that my body is healing? Who knows anything anymore. I've had cramping on and off now for over a week so perhaps it's all been building up?

Thinking of you both today also @Amanda81 @Catconfusion.

Sounds like your head is in a good place @sadtoday21 - it's the only way to be I think. This whole process can drag you down, but you have to look forwards and say good riddance to the crappy things that happen. In some part, I think fear has the biggest factor in how we move forward, but if you can get a control on fear, the future does look brighter. The way i handle fear is by educating myself on the particular issue...knowledge is key to letting go. Although you expected the outcome today, I hope it hasn't come too much of a shock. Sending kisses 😘

I'm not in too much discomfort tbh. If you compare it to stubbing your little toe, I think the toe would be worse. Currently it just feels like a really heavy (very heavy) period with cramping. I resist taking pain killers for everything and so far I haven't needed one (a hot water bottle has helped). More discomfort than anything. I have carried on with normal duties as I am determined to not let this get in the way of my life. After the first MC my world was turned upside down and my business suffered for it, not going to let that happen this time. I've had a few new commissions so have plenty of projects to keep me focused and busy.

I gave more bloods this morning. Should get the results back tomorrow. The real testing (hormones, lining, egg quality) will begin in earnest after the consultation with the specialist on the 4th April. So taking a break with trying to pinpoint O and I will just continue with the BBTing for a while until AF arrives again. I only have a 5 week wait after the ERPC for AF to turn up, hoping natural MC doesn't take to much longer.

The upside is I can have wine, rare steak and camembert again...three of my most favourite things.

@sarmum14 - fingers crossed that this is AF for you. Certainly sounds like it. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 xx

So the doctor called. Apparently I might have endometritis. I've just scared myself googling it and I'm just trying not to worry. The doctor wants to see me ASAP! I'll keep you all posted when I've seen her at 5pm! Xxx

Bloody hell @Catconfusion - surely they will need to send you for a scan??? Hope you are okay xx

@Amanda81 I'm not sure. I think it could be a biopsy with one of those long cotton buds. Dreading her sticking anything in there at the moment. 🤢 I'm doing ok thanks just trying not to think the worst xx

Not biopsy, I mean sample.

@sadtoday21 you are so brave and your words made me cry! I'm so glad at least now you know what's going on and can hopefully start to come to terms with it. Personally I find the not knowing and the lack of control the hardest part of all of this.

@Amanda81 glad you're not in too much pain and really hope it stays that way. Wine, Steak and Camembert yum! That's Friday night in our house sorted! Fingers crossed for AF soon.

@Catconfusion hope everything goes ok at the doctors and got everything crossed for you.

I wanted to second what so many of you have said on here already today but this thread has been such a lifeline for me in the last few weeks, especially in the low times. Staying positive and looking to the future is so important but so hard in this situation and you lovely ladies have given me hope and support when I've felt my worst. We've all lost and are all on a very difficult and whilst different strangely similar journey. Just wanted to thank you all and sending love to everyone. X

Now on the way to the hospital. They think it's ectopic. I'm petrified! Xx

Goodness these crappy experiences just keep on giving @Catconfusion hand hold for you, I hope it’s ok at the hospital x

Please do keep us update @Catconfusion - hugs and support. Really hope it's not xx

@Catconfusion I really hope that is not the case. Sending you hugs and thinking of you right now. Let us know how it goes X.

Thanks @Amanda81 and @bananamonkey I'm so scared. It's horrible being back here. On the ward I had my ERPC. The good news is the GP I saw was amazing. She's going to do full fertility screens on us both and check my auto immune function. Much better than the other doctor who couldn't care less. Xx

@Catconfusion really hope it's not and you're ok. Sending luck and hugs, thinking of you x