First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@Amanda81 thanks! I just downloaded Fertility Friend but it seems a bit confused because my last AF was in December! Did you wait until you'd had AF before you started? Hope you have a nice relaxed evening ahead of you? I'm planning a long bubble bath and face mask tonight to really unwind before bed x

@3204ECL not sure about that one to be honest. I only started logging data once I got my first AF. @sadtoday21 has started using it whilst she is waiting for her AF, so may be able to help you.

Your evening sounds lovely. It's hot water bottle, cuppa tea and game of thrones for me tonight. I'm not sure if any of your guys are GOT fans, but we are binge watching them before the last season starts x

@3204ECL I also started using FF, on the advice of @Amanda81. I've been using it for about two weeks now and I love it. I started using it before my first AF and that's totally fine - I used it to try to find out when I was ovulating, since I had no idea where my cycle would be after the D&C. My advice would be to just start now and you will see where you are in the cycle after a week or so. Happy to answer any questions you may have, though I'm still a relative newbie myself.

You are so right about the bubble bath. And I LOVE GOT! I love it. I am going to do the same thing right now and try to relax before tomorrow. Have a good night everyone xxx.

@sadtoday21 thanks, I'll give it a go and see how I get on! Hope you manage to relax a bit this evening and I hope your appointment goes as well as possible tomorrow. Will be thinking about you tonight and in the morning. Let us know how you get on, sending positive thoughts and a virtual hug! X

@Amanda81 - that GP sounds amazing. I'm so pleased you have some options and a bit of a plan. I don't know about you but I hate not being in control (not that we ever fully are but it's a perception thing for me!) and this has not only been a devastating experience but I feel so passive and out of control. Having a plan and next steps always helps me to feel proactive. Let us know how you get on please! And also, countdown to Scotland. I think it's probably come at the right time for you and DH to decompress.

@Catconfusion - how're you doing? Are you in pain? I'm really thinking of you and hope you're not beating yourself up. Also, as you know I've been having acupuncture (and have done so previously for another unrelated condition I have) and really swear by it. If it'll help you and you're that way inclined I really recommend seeing someone and talking to them about your concerns about the lining. Although I agree with @sadtoday21 and think with the bleeding you've been experiencing it doesn't sound like the lining is an issue. Sending love.

@sadtoday21 how're you? I really hope you get some sleep tonight and I'll be thinking of you all day tomorrow. Please keep us posted. I can't imagine how you must be feeling but you sound so on it and badass/competent (meant as a huge compliment) - I think you're doing just brilliantly.

@3204ECL am desperate for a bubble bath!!! The timing of the MMC coincided with us moving out of our house temporarily whilst we have some work done. Currently staying with a relative who doesn't have a bath tub and I'm desperate for bubbles and a lie down and a sheet mask!!! Enjoy. How're you feeling? How're things?

Sending love to you all. I came home early from work and got straight into my PJs. About to eat a mountain of pasta and climb straight into bed. You're right @Amanda81, I feel more tired today having slept last night.

Xx

@sarmum14 I'm doing ok thanks. Desperately trying to distract myself from taking tests and trying to stay positive! Focusing on really looking after myself, eating healthy, not letting work get me too stressed, lots of pampering and even treating myself to a reflexology massage tomorrow evening. How are you doing? Are you planning to test again before your appointment on Thursday or just waiting for your scan? Not long to go now. X

@3204ECL that's all so positive - I need to eat better and stop getting so stressed about work. Just crying all the time and letting all the drama get to me. Trying to learn how to be detached and be more zen! I think I'm going to try and not test anymore this week and see what happens on Thursday. They're doing an US for sure and I'm going to ask for bloods and see where we are. Trying to not think about it. What about you? Are you going to hold off until Sunday/Monday or test sooner? X

@sarmum14 I think I'll try and hold off until Friday then test again. So tempting to just do it everyday but then so disheartening every time there's still a line there. I'm finding focussing on being good to myself is helping to distract me and feel more positive but I've had a few uncontrollable cries mixed in there as well! Yesterday someone at work announced his wife was pregnant and was due within a few days of when I would have been and I totally lost it... luckily it was nearly the end of the day so I just sacked it off and went home! Must be so hard waiting for Thursday but hopefully the scan and bloods will help them to identify what's going on and help get you reset so you try again. I'm dreading having to go back next week if I don't get a negative and trying desperately not to think about it at the moment. X

Thinking of you today @sadtoday21. Please keep us posted xxxxxxxxx

@sadtoday21 thinking of you this morning. Sending lots of luck x

Good luck today @sadtoday21 Thinking if you! Xx

Sorry I've been AWOL everyone. Bleeding has been like something from a horror film. Not soaking through pads but bad. Cramping also very bad. Poor DH had to get up and get pain killers in the night and a heat pad. It feels like severe trapped gas and contractions. Trying to work out if it's because the first once since the ERPC or because I was very briefly pregnant. It's worse than my mmc was.

I'm going to the GP today. The GP you saw @Amanda81 seems ace. I think good ones are out there. I really hope you get answers and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Xx

Thinking of you @sadtoday21 and all you girls today 💖 remember, one foot in front of the other and one day at a time xx

Hope all goes well today @sadtoday21 xx

Oh @Catconfusion that sounds horrible - I hope you're okay. Has anyone else had an AF since ERPC? Could this be the pain of that? Keeping fingers crossed for a better doc for you. Hope you're resting and being kind to yourself today. Sending love. X

Thanks @sarmum14 I'm waiting for a call back from the doctors. Apparently the receptionist is speaking to the Gynae specialist doctor, who knew we even had one! She's saying they'll see me or I might need to go to a&e. The thing is I'm not soaking through pads. It's very heavy but it's more the pain I'm in, I'm worried about. Just hoping there's not complications from ERPC that have led to the early miscarriage and this very painful heavy bleed. Xx

@Catconfusion so sorry you're going through this, the pain is awful. How long have you been in pain? I hope it passes soon and they can advise you over the phone so you don't have to go to A&E. I know when I was going through it that was the last thing I wanted x

Thanks @3204ECL they've said I don't need to go to a&e as I'm not soaking through pads but they have a gynae specialist gp on duty today who will call me late morning. I'm laying on the sofa with a hot water bottle and the strongest pain killers I have until then. Xx

Hi all,
I’m sorry to have just read your experiences. I am wondering if you can offer me any advice. I went for my 12 week scan last Friday and they found that I’d had an anembryonic pregnancy which I am presuming is the same as a missed miscarriage, just goes by another name. I’d had what I thought was a normal pregnancy, no bleeding but not much morning sickness. I was told that I have to wait two weeks to see if I passed the pregnancy sac. Then if I haven’t passed it I can either be given a tablet or have a operation. I currently feel ok mentally but my hormones are playing havoc and I just want the pregnancy sac to leave my body so I can start to recover. I’ve read a few of your stories and it seems you had your operation shortly after you found out you’d had a missed miscarriage. I am wondering if I should call the doctors and see if I can just opt for an operation.
The problem is that 10 years ago, when I was in a very different relationship to what I am now, I had an abortion. When I lost it I had significant bleeding and some got stuck between my cervix and my uterus. I ended up having a fit because I lost so much blood. So I am worried about having a similar experience. I also feel that, whilst an embryo never formed the pregnancy sac has gone on to form and my uterus seems quite strong at holding onto things, so feel I’m just got going to loose this pregnancy sac. Which means I have to spend another two weeks just sitting and waiting. Any advice about similar experiences would be appreciated.

Hi @jennywreny1982 I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I don't like the fact they sent you away to pass it on your own. I was given a week then scanned again to check then given the three options of surgery, pills or natural. It is a horrible experience carrying a baby that isn't progressing and you are completely within your rights you ask for surgery since you want it over now. Bare in mind there could also be a wait for the surgery so even if you're not sure you want it, get your name down and book it.

I would today call your early pregnancy unit. Express your concerns about waiting since this pregnancy is well established. Also you're worried about passing it naturally or in a medically managed way because of what happened ten years ago. Some women do find it difficult to pass the sack and end up having very traumatic labour like experiences.

It would be really irresponsible I think for the doctors in your care to not take you seriously. You deserve to decide how this missed miscarriage is resolved. It's your body.

In the meantime this is a very supportive group. Thank you for joining in and we'll help you get through this in any way we can! Xx

Hi @jennywreny1982, I'm so sorry to hear your news. I found out I was having a MMC 6 weeks ago and similarly found out at a scan. They told me my options (the tablets, the surgery, waiting for it to happen naturally) and said whatever I chose I'd still have to wait 7 days for another scan to confirm no foetal growth (in case I had gotten the dates of my LMP wrong). Hospital policy apparently. I remember feeling awful - having to wait an additional 7 days. 2 weeks seems like a lot - is it their hospital policy? When I was brought in for a scan a week later they confirmed no foetal growth and I was taken into surgery later that day and had an ERPC. 3 weeks later an ultrasound showed retained pregnancy tissue so I was given misoprostol to pass the remainder. That was two weeks ago and I'm going on for an ultrasound tomorrow to see if that worked and everything passed.

I opted for the surgery because I was so utterly devastated at the time and was worried I wouldn't be brave enough to watch it all pass at home. I also wanted it over and done with so I can move on. But as you'll see from my story it hasn't been as simple as that for me. I think each option has its own risks and benefits and it's important to choose the right thing for you. If you've had a problem in the past and want to opt for the surgery I can tell you it was really quick and painless - physically at least. The psychological scarring is the thing I'm recovering from but then again, I think we all are regardless of how it happened.

Sending you love and strength. The group of women on this thread have been a bunch of lifesavers for me. Couldn't have survived the last few weeks without their support. Hope you're doing okay. X

It’s a partial molar.

So sorry @jennywreny1982 about your news. I was offered the choice of the tablet, surgery or waiting for 2 weeks. They told me there was a backlog with surgery and it'd be a 2 week wait for a slot so I phoned them back the next day to book it in and was lucky to get a cancellation for the next week, I would echo Catconfusion and call the EPU nurse today to discuss it further, it's not fair to make you wait 2 weeks if there are other options.

@Catconfusion sorry it's a crappy experience, hope the Dr can help and you feel better soon

@sadtoday21 best of luck today, do let us know how it goes x

Omg @sadtoday21 I was not expecting that! You poor thing. It's so rare so you're incredibly unlucky my love. Let us know when you're feeling up to it what they've suggested with regards to treatment and recovery. We're all here for you! If you have any questions you'd like me to ask my friend who had one a year ago I'm happy to do that. Just take care of yourself best you can! Xxx

@sadtoday21 I'm so so sorry this has happened. It's so incredibly unlucky but hopefully the doctors will be able to give good advice and get you back TTC as soon as possible. We're here for you whenever you need us and want to talk. Look after yourself, thinking of you still on this rubbish day. X