First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@Catconfusion tbh the frer has remained the same. I've now ran out of tests so can't do a fmu test. I think i will need to go to the docs, but they will probs send me away. I wish there was a way of getting HCg tests without going through tour doctors 😬😬😬

@Amanda81 if it's not showing progression and you're getting inconsistency with other tests you need to know what's going on for your own sanity. FRERs are really sensitive. I know in some cases women don't get a strong positive for a while but usually progression. I'm not saying your bloods won't tell a different story but it's not fair to send you away and assume all ok when you're worried. Surely they'll do the tests for you. I can understand them sending me away as my FRER is virtually non existent today. I don't think it's worth the stress of the bloods for me but for you still a fighting chance all ok!

I hope you're holding up. This is a horrible situation to be in.

Let us know how it goes! Xx

@Amanda81 I also wish there were a way to do hcg test without going to the GP, it's such a simple thing to test and it tells us so much! I am also dying to know my hcg levels, really obsessing over it, but for the opposite reason as you (hoping it is going down, not up). There may be some test online you can buy that gives you numbers - but I haven't found it yet. It is really frustrating.

Do you think your hcg is dropping? Is it possible you are less than five weeks? I would have thought clearblue test would say 3+, instead of 1-2, but maybe the dates are just a tiny bit off? I agree with @Catconfusion though, you have every reason to demand a blood test and I would just become hysterical if they refused it (which wouldn't be too hard at this point, given everything we have been through already!). I hope you are able to get some rest tonight and to distract yourself. Thinking of you xxx.

I know I need to get off google and MN tonight and just try to do a bit of work, but I feel so scared and anxious I am sick to my stomach. Do you guys feel like we are just in some kind of dark tunnel that never ends? If you know of any way to stay happy and positive through this experience, please let me know. I thought having the mmc was enough, and now have a pmp on top of it all, I don't think I can cope...equally, I don't think i could cope with another mc or mmc. I don't know which is worse, it's all terrible...

Ah I feel the same way about this thread. There's something about our combined experience I think. I'd always have been empathetic to someone who experienced a MMC but I truly don't think you'll ever fully understand the depth of the despair and confusion it brings unless you've gone through it.

@Amanda81 - I might be wrong but do the CB tests count weeks from fertilization so 1-2wks really means 3-4weeks? I'm not sure. With my DS I conceived as soon as I came off the pill so had no idea of dates re LMP but I think that's what I decided at the time?! Perhaps I'm just being a bit thick and if so sorry to add some confusion to all of this.

@sadtoday21 - yes! All I want to do is monitor my HCG levels and know whether or not it's dropping, irrespective of my BFPs. Why isn't there an easy way for me to do this myself?

@Catconfusion I hope you're not in too much pain and I'm thinking of you.

Love to all. X

@sadtoday21 everything you've just posted resonates entirely. And whilst I don't have any helpful advice I wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same and it's torturous. This is also advice I need to take myself, but try not to panic. You don't know for sure they're going to say it's PMP and I'm really hoping for you that it's not. I guess we'll both know more at our respective appointments. I too am going to try and do some work tonight and crawl into bed before 9pm. I'm exhausted from a weekend of googling, tears and an overactive imagination. Take care of yourself. X

@SARmum14 I am so exhausted too. I just can't hope anymore and need to learn to accept instead. I need to learn to let go...

You are right @sarmum14 they count from conception so you need to add on 2 weeks

Okay, so I have done some research on the CB digital with week indicator...which is interesting!

I should be 5 weeks pregnant today. At five weeks HCG can be between 18 - 7,340 mlU/mL (massive range). If conception occurred as when I though I ovulated, I should be getting a 2-3 week or 3+ reading. However, when probing the details of the weekly indicator, the HPT requires the following:

1-2 weeks : 10 mlU/mL
2-3 weeks : 153 mlU/mL
3+ weeks : 2753 mlU/mL

This gives me a little hope. I got a 1-2 week reading which could be anything between 10 - 153 mlU/mL. However, I don't think I am out of the woods yet as there is very little line progression on the frer.

I have also read today that some women get a stronger HPT result not using their fmu.

The only way I will know for sure is if I get the blood tests done.

Thanks again for all of your comments/support xx

That sounds really promising @Amanda81. I've read countless stories of people getting inaccurate readings on C B digital so it does seem to be an issue. As for the FRER I'm not sure what to say, just good its not getting faint like mine.

I guess all you can do is try and get some rest and hold tight for the blood results.

Thinking of you and keep us posted.

Good Luck!

XX

Morning All

Temperature dropped significantly to 36.35 this morning and I have some cramping. All very much shitty really.

On the up side (we've all got to find one whilst going through this)...is that I don't think my HCg levels have got that far really, which may mean that I don't have very long for the MC to manifest itself physically.

I'm in two minds as to whether to go and see the doctor, may just request to speak to one during the week, or perhaps speak to the midwife. I will be making an appointment for when I get back from Scotland to request if I can have some investigations carried out. If they say no to this, I will most likely go private.

Tbh the longer I leave it, the more likely they are to record it as a mc as opposed to a cp - which apparently can have an impact on any future investigations.

Also another up-side...my trip to Scotland is at the weekend, and it couldn't come at a much needed time. For me, Scotland is a place where I truly relax and feel very much at home there...

I hope you all have a good Monday, and thank you again for all of your advice xx

@Amanda81 again I'm so sorry. It sounds like the break is coming at just the right time and will be just what you need. Still keeping everything crossed for you.

@sarmum14 just took my test and still a line there unfortunately. It's definitely fading but painfully slowly. As of yesterday I seem to have completely stopped bleeding which I'm hoping is also a good sign. Will probably test again wed/thu and hopefully it will be negative by then! Hope you're doing ok. X

Thanks @3204ECL

Your line is very faint, and so pleased that the bleeding has stopped. Great news! Fingers crossed for the re-test x

Mine still there too @3204ECL. Think I'm going to stop testing now as seeing EPU on Thursday anyway and it's not helping my brain (or bank balance!!!).

Best of luck today @Catconfusion @Amanda81 - I'm thinking of you both and everyone else today.
X

@Amanda81 I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds to me like your intuition was telling you something was wrong. It majorly sucks and yes if you can go for some private tests it hopefully will give you some answers. As you know the nhs don't offer much help unless 3 losses. I did however think even an early loss (I hate the phase cp) would be counted. It could be evidence of an underlying problem. Some ladies on the recurrent miscarriage thread mentioned it. I would see the doctor today, especially since you're cramping and just get checked over..

I've been researching why two losses might happen in a row and it does seem possible just bloody bad luck. I do find it hard to accept as even early losses are devastating. My body felt very pregnant and then it wasn't. So cruel! Like you I just want answers and never want to go through this again.

We had a horrible night last night. Two close friends texted with pregnancy announcements. Both late 30s early 40s. It made me so mad it was so easy for them. One of them has two kids and this third, a happy accident.

Anyway take care and keep us posted. Thinking of you today and hoping you get some answers! Xx

@sarmum14 and @3204ECL I'm so sorry you're still getting positive tests. Hcg must be just a strong chemical. It's so ironic when you want it there it's not and when you don't want it it's there. Hope you get answers soon! XX

I’m so sorry @Amanda81, this must be incredibly hard. I know it’s frustrating that you do not know the cause of the mmc and now mc, particularly since they were three months apart and therefore not a lining issue probably. There still may be no cause at all, but I understand why you would want investigations. Thinking of you and hoping the holiday in Scotland gives you a much needed chance to recover from all of this xxx.

@Catconfusion how is your pain level now? Are the cramps still strong? It must have been brutal yesterday to hear the news from your friends. I do start to feel bitter about how unlucky I am sometimes too - I thought the mmc was so unlucky and rare at 12 weeks and then I thought the odds I have to have follow-up for probable pump are so unlucky and rare and yet here I am. You probably also feel so unlucky to have this twice in a row back to back and I can understand also why you would be worried about the timing. All I can say is, yes we are very unlucky, maybe more so than we have ever been before and certainly more than most women going through this, but at the same time it could always be worse. Not a very hopeful sentiment, I know, but sometimes it helps me to think that way - of even worse case scenarios that I’ve avoided thus far at least. At least I’m not in pain, at least I didn’t have to give birth with the mc, at least DH is well and we can try again eventually. Sadly I also used to have at least it wasn’t molar on this list, but hopefully I can say at least it wasn’t a complete molar after Wednesday and at least now NHS will take me seriously and do testing and early screens next time, instead of just fobbing me off when I said I felt the hcg was too strong in my body. Anyway, this is a really long way of saying I hope you can find a silver lining too, as terrible as this all is, and maybe the lining is that your lining will be super strong next time and just needed a bit more time to heal. You seem really healthy and as hard as it is to accept, maybe we all just need to take more time...I can’t even accept this myself haha! But I need to try. Hope you are ok and sending you hugs.

Thanks @sadtoday21. It probably is just bad luck but so frustrating to hear friends getting knocked up just like that. Some people will never know the pain we know. I do try and consider the positives and we are very lucky we fall very easily (hopefully not flukes). We are lucky no infertility issues as such. I'm relieved I now ovulate as didn't regularly when younger.

I guess I'm just finding it hard coupled with approaching 40. I'm the sort of person who's had a bit longer believing I'm young as I look a lot younger. Most people think I'm about 30. These miscarriages have been a slap in the face that I look young but my eggs are getting old.

I think it definitely helps to consider positives but also good to really feel the unfairness of it all too.

My cramps seem a bit better thanks but I've not done much today yet. It seems to be when I try and do something that it hurts. No sign of any bleeding. I just hope this hasn't mucked up my cycle delaying us from trying again.

We feel a bit like our lives have been on hold since December and have revolved around pregnancy and miscarriage. We're wondering if it might be best to have a month off ovusenue and maybe do the SMP (sperm meets egg.) Not sure if you've heard of it. Then just pick a date that looks like when my period is due and test. Put it out of our minds until then so we can actually live. As good a plan as it is I do wonder if it'll still drive me crazy not having evidence of what my body is doing.

I think for you the appointment on Wednesday is a sign that for whatever reason they are taking you seriously and may even have a solution for you to prevent this happening again. You actually get some time with a specialist doctor to talk it through. This has to be a good thing. Even worse case scenario its molar related you'll get extra monitoring. PMs seem like a complete accident anyway and extremely unlikely to happen again. Its two sperms fertilising the same egg so that is as rare as! It's unlikely you had one and even if you did unlikely it'll happen again. Anyway I hope you're holding up ok and Wednesday comes as quickly as it can! xx

Sharing this chart as it is one of the only positive things I have in my life right now. Confirmed O exactly two weeks after my BFN. Here are my numbers so far, in case it helps anyone else who is earlier in the process:

3 weeks after D&C- BFN
2 weeks after BFN - O
2 weeks after O - please let it be AF

In sum, AF should be seven weeks after D&C, best case scenario. I think with a partial molar that if my levels drop to zero by seven weeks naturally then maybe it is only 1-3 months more monitoring after that. Does anyone know anything about this?

@sadtoday21 your chart looks great. It really looks like your body is moving on. Don't lose trust in it as its doing a really good job in the circumstances.

I have no idea what happens with the monitoring. As I said my friend was monitored for 6 months and hers was very straight forward. They just need to check the cells don't come back. Maybe it would be less if your body is moving on well...but hopefully not molar! xx

@Catconfusion thanks so much! I hope it doesn’t take six months, that feels like forever right now. You are right though that it could be a good thing to know the reason why and not blame myself. The pmp would mean it was doomed from the start-not because of me traveling overseas or lifting things or dying my hair. I’ll stop torturing myself at least and the really high hcg levels explains the terrible cystic acne on my chin that has lasted for months and looks like some kind of weird growth. If it goes away after AF that is something at least. Of course, I’d rather just ttc again than know the reason, particularly if it’s a random thing I can’t prevent, but still it is closure. Do you think I should ask about the sex of the baby at the appointment on Wednesday?

You are right about needing to be able to feel unlucky and to grieve. That’s completely valid and true. It just makes me feel worse :/. I’m so sorry you have to go through this again and I hope the process isn’t too difficult. Hopefully the cramps won’t get too much worse and you can continue with ttc soon. I have heard of sperm meets egg and read about it. It seems like a good plan if you want to take stress out of conceiving, but like you I love the tracking to know what’s going on for now.

Hey @sadtoday21 Highly unlikely your loss was because of any of the reasons you mentioned. I too dyed my hair, moved some furniture and took a 7 hour flight home from my honeymoon without knowing I was pregnant. I researched extensively and no these things do not cause miscarriage. Many many women fly and have healthy babies, unless you lifted very heavy things I can't image it would do anything and if hair dye was an issue hairdressers would be having miscarriage left right and centre. My friend who's a nurse said if the pregnancy was so vulnerable one of those factors caused a miscarriage not a very healthy pregnancy and something else would have triggered it anyway. A strong viable embryo is pretty hardy. If you seek some comfort in it being a PMP and it is indeed that I'm sure you'll be able to move on with time and hopefully not the six months. I think you're right, positivity is really important and there are so many people much worse off. Usually I have to feel the pain first and really go there with it. Then I start seeing positives and feeling gratitude. I'm sure in a few days I'll be feeling much better. Its not as raw today as it was yesterday so tomorrow will be even better I'm sure! xx

So I just spoke to the doctor. She doesn't think my lining has healed and has told me to wait two months before trying again. Says every chance the embryo was viable but couldn't implant properly. I'm now mad at myself for trying again so soon as it's put us back a step. My body felt ready but I guess it wasn't. She said nothing can be done to improve the lining. I'm not sure that's strictly true as some alternative therapy's can like acupuncture. I'm just mad I didn't do more to try and help the lining. For the love of God I don't know why I didn't just book myself in to have some. Just really upset with myself now.

Anyway she was very impressed at how easily we fall pregnant and said definitely a very good sign that a couple of months won't make a difference. I'll be 40 by the time I'm pregnant though which I very much wanted to avoid!

Sorry for the rant just feeling a bit rubbish xx

@Catconfusion this is so frustrating. There are so many mixed messages on how long to wait... sounds like waiting for at least a cycle is the right thing to do but like you said if you feel ready you want to try ASAP! So sorry this is delaying things even longer for you. Got to hold on to the positive around being able to conceive as that genuinely is a really good thing and it's good that the doctor called it out as well! Hope you're doing ok, thinking of you x

Thanks @3204ECL I've been doing some research and on one thread someone said her doctor told her it can take up to 6 months after an ERPC for the lining to fully recover. If I'd known there could be these issues we would have gone for medical management. The doctor told us it was a quick recovery and we could try again as soon as we were ready. If any of the medical professionals had cast any doubt on it we wouldn't have tried and could have saved some heartache. I now believe waiting one cycle is the right thing to do.

We of course are incredibly grateful we have conceived quickly. No guarantees our luck will continue as we are nearly 40 but hopefully it will. Im just really concerned I'll have problems with my lining now as I have very short periods as it is.

Thank you for your support. I'll get there just very sad at the moment. xx