First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@sadtoday I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, on top of the whirlwind of MMC. I just wanted to say that I’m here if you want to vent/rant/ramble to, as you and all the OP’s have been here for me. Please try and stay as positive as you can, and although it’s so so hard, try not to assume the worst. At the very least, your appointment will provide answers and a plan to move forwards from all of this. Stay strong. Thinking of you ❤️ Xxx

Sorry @sadtoday21 (didn’t tag you properly!) sending love and hugs xxx

@sadtoday21 you've been through so much, with this and your mother also I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. I've only imagined this week that perhaps a partial molar might the reason that I'm testing positively and that upset me enough to try to block it out of my mind until I'm back at EPU on Thursday where I can at least get some answers. I know it's not helpful but the thing my best friend always says to me when I start to panic is "one foot in front of the other". Please don't worry about not being able to TTC for any specific amount of time until you've spoken to the team and can be armed with some info. And without sounding patronising you're so young, it will happen for you. You seem like a lovely, kind person and I hate that these are the hurdles life has placed in your way first. Is your appointment on Wednesday? Will you let us know how you get on? I will be thinking of you. Please also message us if you're spiralling and need someone to speak to. Sending love. X

@amanda81 @Catconfusion I can't imagine what you're both going through also but please try not to worry. With this pregnancy I definitely had considerable implantation cramps which I don't remember at all last time. And my friends with multiple children have all told me repeatedly how each pregnancy (and each child!) have been so different from each other. As you say, it still early days even to be seeing strong test results so try and take it easy and be kind to yourselves. I think pushing for bloods and reassurance scans all sounds incredibly sensible and it sounds like you have good midwives that you're already in touch with. Sending you lots of love and wishes for a relaxing and worry-free weekend. X

@SARmum14 😘 thank you for the reassurance. I would normally jump for a glass of vino right about now on a Friday night...appetiser it is xx

@sadtoday21 I'm so sorry you're having to go through this on top of everything else you've already had to deal with. Sometimes life just isn't fair... sending lots of love and positive thoughts, will be thinking of you between now and Wednesday. X

@Amanda81 - I'll have one and raise it in your honour! Xx

@sadtoday21 it must be so hard even if there's a remote chance of cancer with the loss you've experienced in your family. My heart goes out to you as it must be such a hard thing to deal with. I really think it's highly unlikely to be that considering there's not a sense of urgency in seeing you.

From what I remember on my pathology report it went into a lot of detail about my lining I.e. the thickness and ability to communicate with the baby, can't remember what the word was. Mine were results were all normal but sounds likely to be something to do with that side of things. I hope that information helps!

Keep us posted!

Xx

@SARmum14 - make it two 😂😂😂

We deserve awards for our patience dealing with this whole process, eh? And I'm still at the beginning.

Started bleeding lightly yesterday and blood on tissue every time I wipe (previously just occasional spotting). Cramping off and on but still manageable. The uncertainty is maddening!

Hi everyone @LMLP91 @coconutlatte44 @3204ECL @Catconfusion @Amanda81 @bananamonkey @SARmum14. Thank you again for all of your kind words last night, I nearly cried reading your messages and it meant a lot to me. I couldn't sleep all night and just felt so raw and exhausted after all of this. I know I should have stopped googling, but I literally did it all day yesterday and the only cases that sound like mine all had complete or partial molar. The NHS doesn't test the tissue for anything else it seems, unless you have recurrent miscarriages. I saw the baby on the screen, so I would stake everything I have in life on this being a partial molar pregnancy, only detected after pathology reviews the "material" from the D&C 5-6 weeks later. Of course, like everything in this pregnancy, no one warned me that something so "rare" could happen to me like this, with just a plain innocuous-sounding letter in the mail.

I know this means I have to send biweekly samples and cannot ttc again for six months to a year (longer if chemo needed, but hopefully my luck will not be that shitty, who knows). As you all know too well from your own experiences, ttc again was the only thing getting me through this dark period and now even that has been taken from me. By the time I can start trying again, it will be exactly the same time I fell pregnant last year. I know you can all understand how dark this is and how hopeless I feel. Nothing in life makes me happy anymore.

There is just no closure on this mmc - despite the BFN and what I assume would be low hcg levels, right? Partial molar means high hcg levels and they have to monitor them going down, but surely mine cannot be that high with a clear BFN two weeks ago? Do you guys know anything about this? It's my last hope to hold on to - that hopefully my levels will go down fast.

Sorry for the rant - how are you ladies doing?

@SARmum14 How are you getting on? Just wondering if you've had another BFN yet? I've had a real feeling I've been ovulating the last few days including pain on my left hand side which I haven't had before and CM... did an ovulation stick and it's a very strong line but I still haven't had my BFN on a HPT... so confused! Hopefully means AF will be here in a couple of weeks but who knows! Wish you could get more information of what's supposed to happen after a MMC but equally every person seems totally different!

Hope you're all enjoying your Saturdays as much as possible x

@SARmum14 thinking of you right now since I know you don't have closure yet either. If it's any consolation, I think it's good they found retained products, as that suggests your hcg levels are due to that and not to molar pregnancy. As you can see from my case, having a BFN is not a guarantee all is well, sadly. Hoping that you have a good resolution of the issue next week and that you are able to somehow enjoy the weekend waiting for this all to pass (impossible, I know). I hope we get our babies in the end. Virtually holding your hand and sending you all the luck in the universe.

@3204ECL hello - no BFN yet. In fact, another BFP yesterday. I have to stop testing, lord knows how much money I'm spending on HPTs! I woke up with cramps again yesterday, same as I had on Wednesday so hoping for AF but no idea what's going on with my body. I will say that OPKs pick up on HCG, so if you haven't had your BFN yet that might be what they're signalling. But also, some women get pregnant before their next AF after a MC so must ovulate with HCG in their systems?! I don't understand. I'm bewildered and trying to not freak out. It'll be 5 weeks post ERPC for me on Monday. When did you last do a HPT? X

@sadtoday21 thanks for the virtual hand holding - that means a lot. I was going to message you this morning and see how you were. Did you manage to get any sleep? I'm starting to seriously spiral now. I've read that partial molars are harder to diagnose and my constant BFPs are not a good sign. I'm trying to do the "one foot in front of the other" but I hate feeling out of control and not having all the facts to hand. I wish my womb had a window that I could peer into! I just want to know what the F is going on! As I just said to @3204ECL I've woken up today with cramps again, as I had a couple days ago. I don't know what that means and if that's a good sign or not. I've got a really big week at work next week and then the EPU on Thursday - I wish I could just see them on Monday morning and start investigating. I hope you're okay. Am thinking of you heaps. X

@SARmum14 I know what you mean, I am spiraling too. Spiraling, crying, nearly passing out yesterday from the shock and I couldn't eat or sleep at all. It's like a really bad dream. Did not sleep all night and lay awake wondering if there is anything that can put me out and wake me up when it's all over. I didn't sleep much after the mmc either, as I know you didn't. I would stay awake all night one night until morning and then fall asleep exhausted the next. How are we supposed to work with all this going on?

I hope you are luckier than me and it's not molar. It's a 1 in 1,000 chance, but I know how meaningless that statistic is - why do they even have them? I guess we will know more next week, please take care and thinking of you.

@SARmum14 I haven't taken a test for a few days now as like you felt like it was a waste of money and not good for my head! Planning to take one on Monday and see what is says... the EPU have advised me to go back on the 25th if I haven't had a BFN by then.

The wait is driving me nuts but just trying to keep busy and distracted. Everything crossed for you that you get a negative before Thursday 🤞🏼

@sadtoday21 sorry for what you're going through on top of what's already a terrible time. Thinking of you, I know it's practically impossible but try and stay positive x

@3204ECL - how long has it been for you since MC? 25th is ages away so I'm really keeping everything crossed for a BFN in that time. The anxiety is killing me. Will you keep me posted and let me know how you get on with the HPT Monday? I might do my next one then in solidarity with you. X

@sadtoday21 I wish the same thing, to stay asleep until this is over. I hate the meaningless statistics also - I was unlucky enough to have a MMC. I'm unlucky enough to have had all the deaths in my immediate family. I'm unlucky enough to have another serious condition that's separate to all of this. Why wouldn't I be unlucky enough for it to be a partial molar? Sorry - this is completely Debbie Downer of me but I'm seriously spiralling today. I can't stop crying and now have convinced myself that it's a partial molar. The really heavy cramps today aren't helping my worry either. I had these on Wednesday too. Do you know what that might mean? I'm in solidarity with you and keeping all of my fingers and toes crossed that the universe will throw you a lifeline - me too! Take care of yourself. Sending love. X

PS. Please could someone switch google off for a day or two? Would massively help my mental health and stop me self diagnosing!

@SARmum14 will keep you posted! I ended passing more naturally about a week after I thought I'd miscarried and that was 2 weeks ago Monday so have to wait 3 weeks from then. Fingers crossed for both of us on Monday, 2 more days to get through. X

@SARmum14 I know, someone please turn off google RIGHT NOW! Don't let my own experience convince you that something is wrong with you - I would only worry if you get the letter, like I did. Is your DH and/or family helping with the spiraling? Mine keeps telling me to go to yoga to calm down, although YOGA DOES NOT MAKE ME FEEL CALM. hahaha. sorry, losing it, clearly.

I don't really know what the cramps mean, although I have had some too. I thought it was O pain and maybe it was, since I did get a temp spike today, in addition to the flashy smiley yesterday. Makes me feel even more sad @Amanda81 since I would have been so excited to get the spike before and was tracking it with your help and advice from @Catconfusion! I was really waiting for O so impatiently and now all I can think is if I hadn't seen the letter yesterday we would have timed dtd perfectly and maybe I would be pregnant again with this molar thing growing inside me that would cause another mmc or cancer or death or whatever. Exaggerating a little bit, but you get the idea. How could they wait six weeks to tell me??

OK, I'll calm down now. All I can hope for is that O means AF is two weeks away, which will hopefully flush more of this mole out and reduce hcg levels further. I did read that partial mole you only have to get to zero and then one month more of monitoring before you get the all clear.

@Amanda81 how are you doing with anxiety re the lines? Any more testing or have you taken the wiser course and put them away for awhile? @Catconfusion how is your pain today? Any more cramps? Hope you are both feeling ok X.

Afternoon all.

@sadtoday21 I fear you have jumped to conclusions, but if I was in your position I would most likely go doing the same. I have no experience or have had any friends that have got a letter following surgery or mc, so am limited. However, playing devils advocate...if it was something which was to prevent you from trying again, would they have said this in the letter? Your doctor would have surely been notified if it was super urgent.

Did you do another Opk today? Or have you put them down until after your appointment? What is your chart looking like now?

When I read the posts from you guys who are still in the physical recovery after erpc, it does make me well up a little. I really hope that you all get back to normal soon...sending you all virtual hugs 🤗 🤗

My update...well I am trying to forget that I am pregnant and just carrying on with everyday duties. I have yet again cleaned the bathrooms today (they've never been so clean 😂😂). Tmi alert 🚨...I had projectile diarrhoea at 1am this morning...gosh it wasn't pleasant! Feeling a little loose in that department 😬😬 slept in what we call my pregnancy bed (basically our old bed on the middle floor), I actually like that bed more than my current bed. It's called the pregnancy bed as that's where I seemed to spend the most of my time during the last pregnancy. Hopeful my night in there last night is a sign of things to come.

Still don't feel very pregnant. I definitely have a psychological issue with not feeling pregnant which is related to me saying two days before our 12 weeks scan "I don't feel pregnant anymore". Subconsciously I think I knew before it was confirmed that the heartbeat had stopped. So that is playing on my mind. I am doing much better mentally (today) but do think that if this pregnancy is a survivor it is going to be a very long 8 months 🙄🙄

This whole baby-making journey is a complete head-f*%k!!! I do occasionally ask, why do we put ourselves through all of this. And...what if when you finally get the baby that you have been dreaming of for so long arrives and grows up to a complete arse! Hmm.

I'm working this afternoon, or when I get off MN...hopefully that will keep me entertained for a while.

Love and hugs to all xx

Oh god, guys. I've googled myself into a black hole. My eyes are sore from crying. There's a good chance this will be okay and my body is just taking a decade to break down the remaining HCG and no repeat ERPC/threat of Asherman's/partial molar/growing retained tissue, right? I'm just looking for the worst because life has kicked us all in the teeth a little? Right? Send help. And maybe gin.

@Amanda81 ah my love, be kind to yourself. You're in such early throws of it to be "feeling" pregnant. With my first, happy and uncomplicated pregnancy I never had morning sickness or any symptoms really - just some mild nausea and aversion to meat and leafy veg from weeks 7-12 and heartburn in the last few weeks. Other than that all felt "normal". Take everything a day or week at a time. As you say, by the time you're back from hols it'll be 7 weeks and then you can have your first scan. Then it's only a few more until you get to 12 and a few more after that when you'll feel flutters and movement. And then you'll be able to breathe more easily. And I know this won't feel the same as the first time - some of the innocence has been taken away - but you'll be okay. Breathe deep and take it slow. And have a large glass of appletiser tonight to take the edge off 😉. Sending love. X

Morning ladies. Well it's looking like this one isn't going to get very far at all. I did a clear blue digital test today (the one with the weekly indicator) and it says not pregnant (should be 5 weeks today). This is in tune with my instinct. I will be popping along to the docs tomorrow to request blood tests to confirm. Feeling very nonchalant about it really, almost as if knew and had already prepared myself for it.