First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@sadtoday21 please know we're with you and thinking of you. I hope it's just absolutely routine. I can imagine if something bad they'd call you or tell you over the phone. Just nag the GP and say it's affecting your mental health not knowing what's going on. Xx

@Catconfusion I called them but the receptionist said there was no information in my file and the GP won't be in until wednesday, so she couldn't tell me anything. I know it's not routine though - they have definitely found something. What could it be?? What is the worst/best case scenario? I'm so scared.

@sadtoday21 ask if another GP could discuss the report over the phone as you're feeling very anxious.

My Gp discussed mine. They'd looked at whether normal pregnancy and quality of my lining. It could be about the lining. Maybe they found information that explains what happened. The appointment therefore might be helpful in coming to terms with it.

I think it's bad you can't get a doctor on the phone today. I do however think if it was serious they'd phone you.

A friend of mine had a partial molar pregnancy (I honestly don't think it'd be this as incredibly rare) diagnosed after ERPC and they called her and ordered her to go to hospital the same day.

Try not to worry or google. I'm not sure why I'm saying that because I'd be worrying and googling stuff. Just want you to be ok as likely to not be something worrying. Xx

@sadtoday21 not sure if it’s the same in your trust but my information said they’d test for molar or ectopic pregnancy. If so I don’t think it’s anything urgent to worry about healthwise if you have to wait 5 days and may give you some more information. Please don’t go crazy googling it though x

Hi @sadtoday21 I completely understand why you're worried but I agree with what everyone has said - I think perhaps they have more information that explained what happened. And as @bananamonkey said, it's not for 5 days so I don't think it's urgently relating to your health - although I know that's easy for me to say. Please try not to google and freak out. Can you keep your mind occupied? Are you at work today? Sending love and thinking of you.

@Catconfusion sorry, I was so overwhelmed by this news that I didn't even fully read your advice, which was really good advice. I just rang my GP as the hospital was completely unhelpful and am waiting for a call back from the GP. I really hope she can access the test results and tell me today what it is. The letter they sent was on 13 March and booked the appointment for 20 March - so you don't think they would leave it seven days if really serious, do you? But on the other hand they have been try to reach me every day since Wednesday and I just realized - not sure if they were just trying to tell me about the appointment or something else. They shouldn't do this to us, we've already been through enough without this kind of thing sprung on us with no warning or explanation!

@SARmum14 thanks, really appreciate your kind words. I don't know why but I just freaked out when I saw the letter and realized that some unknown number (now I realize it was NHS) has been trying to call me for the past three days. It just suddenly clicked that there is news and I thought maybe I have cancer or I can't conceive. The mind just goes immediately to dark places after all of this. I'm trembling like a leaf right now in cafe nero, was on way to work but totally floored by this news. I read they tell you the gender too, not sure if I can bear that. Just when I was happy about the smiley and ready to ttc again... I guess I should definitely hold off now.

Hope you get some good news next week too, I think are appointments are around the same day. Fingers crossed for both of us. I'm just so exhausted and I know you are too. X

@sadtoday21 good they're ringing you back. I agree it would say in the letter if urgent and they couldn't get hold of you. As I said my friend had partial molar and was ordered in. Molars are very rare and you'd know if ectopic. More likely to be about the lining or they've found an obvious cause. If so it might be really helpful to talk to a doctor. Also a good opportunity to ask questions about conceiving again. I couldn't see my surgeon after and wished I could talk things through. Just try not to worry! Xx

@bananamonkey thank you, I know I need to stop googling. I am so scared of molar - when they did the scan they said everything looked normal (besides the HB), so I am hoping they found a chromosomal abnormality? One that is hopefully a one-off thing and out of my control? I'm just so scared, why can't they just tell me right away...

@Amanda81 thanks for the info on the OPKs, that sounds about right. I am wondering if I should hold off ttc now that I have this letter and unknown news. Do you think it's urgent if the appt is seven days after the letter was posted?

I would do blood tests, anything that can ease your mind. I don't know how long it takes for the HPT line to get darker as mine was really light in the beginning and I never tested again (just did the digital ones and stopped when it said 3+ weeks). Are you still temping? I read that elevated temps are a good sign, since they are supposed to stay that way all through pregnancy? When in doubt, demand tests from the GP I think.

@sadtoday21 My friend was told her Partial Molar was very very rare. Her scan was normal with heartbeat which is almost unheard of with molar. The doctor was literally a gasp so highly unlikely to be that. She was however absolutely fine and just needed a few tests and some monitoring. It would be really helpful if they could tell which chromosome. They don't normally do genetic testing after 1 loss but maybe they noticed something. Xx

Try not to worry @sadtoday21, but this will be understandably hard. I would imagine if it was anything to do with your current health they would have asked for you to ring the doctors ASAP. It certainly sounds like something that have found and I would suspect the lining. You definitely need to speak to your gp before making any decisions on ttc (for or against). Please do keep us all updated and if you are doing it...stop googling. Xx

The midwife called me back. She was ever so nice. If I want blood tests she says I have to visit the GP and request them. I am worried that the GP will send me away saying I am being silly. Goes to show doesn't it, that conceiving is very much the first hurdle!! I have decided to let my pragmatic self take over for a few days over the weekend...if the worst has happened there's nothing I can do to stop that. If I still feel irrational after the weekend and feel my anxiety levels are peaking I will ring the GP first thing on Monday to arrange an appointment, or better still queue at the door (funny system my docs).

The good news (and what Mrs Pragmatic tells me) is that the lines aren't getting lighter. I am only 4+5, which is still super early. I only got symptoms at 6 weeks last time.

@Amanda81 try not to worry although I know it’s hard, in my first pregnancy I got a faint line at 4 weeks and it didn’t darken till around 6 weeks x

Thanks everyone for your kind words, still waiting to hear back from the GP. I've never had a panic attack in my life but if I did, this would be closest to it. I don't even know if the GP has the report and can tell me anything. Feeling sick to my stomach and slightly delirious with fear.

Has anyone else had this? Pathology results five weeks later? Does it mean I have cancer?

Just thinking about how we are all going through such struggles and pain and worry right now - all of us, about different things and at different stages in this journey. It's so hard. I've googled everything to google and now am just prepared for the worst. I'm not a religious person, but pray for me if you believe in anything X. Thinking of all of you.

Just heard back from the GP - they don't have the report and they don't know...I just have to wait until Wednesday to find out.

Hey I'm sure it's not cancer. Even in the very unlikely event it's a molar it very rarely turns to cancer and that would be over time. My friend was told to come in straight away but she needed another ERPC to absolutely check they'd got all the cells. There wasn't a slot for two weeks for her to have the procedure and she was told the wait would not make any different. She didn't get a negative test after the miscarriage because of it. I can imagine you'd still be getting positives if it was that.

Please try not to worry. I know it's tough but it will make you ill and you've done so well to get to where you are.

Of course I'll keep everything crossed for you. Just take care of yourself. Is your partner with you? Does he know about the letter? Xx

Oh no, that's rubbish. Is there someone else more superior you could speak to at the hospital. It might be something complex they'd rather explain themselves and not leave to GP. I'm sure you'd know by now if something serious. Xx

Agreed - if it was something like cancer they move on that very fast - you would be unlikely to be waiting a week for your next appointment.

Despite the NHS dermatology service being incredibly overworked (i.e. had to wait a full YEAR to reschedule a missed appointment once!) I have never seen anyone move so fast as when they were worried one of my moles was abnormal - I think it was 48 hours they had me in to a specialist.

@sadtoday21 please don't panic. I don't know what's going on but please, please don't panic. When I went back to my EPU last week and we were discussing the retained tissue I mumbled something about a molar pregnancy and I'm pretty sure (husband says this defo did happen but my head is a blur about this particular day - any memory of the hospital post MMC is blurry) that the lovely nurse I was talking to clicked on my file to look at the pathology results from my ERPC and said no it wasn't. So that means they had those results a week ago, three weeks post surgery. Yours was a day or two before mine so I feel confident in saying they'd have had your results last week too and if it was life-threatening you'd have been called in much, much sooner. I know it's awful and I can only imagine how you're feeling - but please don't make yourself sick. You've been through enough. Message us if you'd like to chat and whilst I'm not religious either I am keeping all of my fingers crossed for you and asking the universe for support. X

@Amanda81, exactly the lines are still there and from what I understand they would be getting lighter if a problem early on. I'm too anxious to test anymore and my DH has said he doesn't think its good for my mental health, There was some progression and I still feel pregnant so today that's where I am. Like you I will request blood tests if I feel anxious after the weekend. I just need to remember I'm 4 weeks and I'd only just found out by now last time. I was really scared about ectopic pregnancy because of the cramping I was having the day I found out and the day after. It feels a little more intense this time but similar pains. They went within a few days and I'm convinced it's the implantation finishing. I also have a very upset stomach which is also giving me cramps. Let us know how you get on xx

Hi @Catconfusion - I had cramps (which have stopped now), I chalked this down to implantation. My symptoms which have stayed with me since I got my BFP is that I am very cold in the evening and am fatigued. I had sore breasts the other day, but they have eased today. Are your symptoms nausea and cramps? Are you still measuring temps? I'm not sure if I should stop as I had a small dip today which has sent me in to a ball of negativity. Again mrs pragmatic is saying to me it's the overall pattern that counts and not the individual temp. I hope you are doing okay with the nausea xx

@SARmum14 thanks so much for your support. I have now convinced myself that it is a partial molar pregnancy, am absolutely convinced because I don't think the NHS would do any other kind of testing on a first mmc at my age. I think it's only for recurrent mc that they do other types of testing. Plus it usually does take a few weeks to diagnose a partial molar after d&c and they send a letter just like mine without any details. This was one of my worst case scenarios quite honestly and I just can't believe this is happening. With a partial molar I might have to wait up to a year to start ttc again, assuming no chemo. I don't know if having a BFN means the hcg is dropping at least so maybe could be cleared to try again sooner, but at least 3-6 mths for sure. I can't bear to think about it....

@Catconfusion thanks for your kind words. DH does know about the letter, but I am trying to downplay it so as not to worry him. I know it's unrelated, but after having all these cancer deaths in our family recently the "c" word will just scare him. I think you are right about the BFN for a complete molar, but people do get them at three weeks with partial molar (I saw a baby on the scan, so can only be partial). I feel this is the only thing NHS tests for after first mmc - you only get other testing in the recurrent miscarriage clinic, if I am not mistaken. So feeling like this is it and I just have to accept that my dreams of ttc again will be on hold for quite awhile. I'm really devastated.

Oh @sadtoday21 from what I understand from molar pregnancies, is that they are very very rare. Keep your mind free of the worst case scenario (but completely understand that this will be very difficult). Is your appointment on Wednesday? We are all here in the attempt to keep you sane until then. I am thinking of you, be kind to yourself xx