First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@LMLP91 Just wanted to say that I also find “normal” to be difficult. At first I cried just at the thought of drinking, because I didn’t want to drink, I just wanted my baby back. I had protected her for three months so carefully, eating really well and giving up a lot of things I normally like to be sure she wasn’t harmed (stopped running, stopped dying my hair, changed all my makeup and soaps and lotions to natural, gave up coffee entirely and wine of course). So pregnancy changed the way I lived and it changed me too on a much deeper level than that. After the mmc, I found it hard to reintroduce those things and to know who I was for awhile. Now I’m getting back to myself and living for myself again, not just the little one who I loved so much for such a short time. I think you will get there too, it just takes time, but it’s hard to wait to feel better. I think grieving is a bit like ice cream, sometimes you can feel the pain melting around the edges, even though the center is still frozen and cold. I feel like that is what’s happening to me now, if that makes sense. Wishing you all the best on your road to recovery xxx

@sadtoday21 the wait is torture! I'm finding that making myself lists of things to do each day and for the week is helping as it makes me feel like I'm achieving things and is taking some of the concentration off the wait!

I've decided to take a test tomorrow to start tracking my HCG levels but I'm really trying hard not to get too obsessed with it because I'm a nightmare with that sort of thing and I'll find it hard not to think about it 24/7.

I think the only positive I've taken from this so far is that I'm more in tune with my body than I have ever been and I'm trying really hard to take the mindset that it knows what it's doing and to trust it but equally some days I find that impossible after what's happened!

I think taking each day/week as it comes is all we can do at the moment but I'm still always always dreaming of the end goal 😌 x

Good to hear from you @SARmum14 - so pleased that the line is lighter. I hope it continues to reduce and you get your bfn before the next appointment! 🤞🏻 🤞🏻

@sadtoday21 @LMLP91
I know what you mean about not feeling normal, I felt I was walking around with a sign on my head stating what had just happened. I found I had to push myself in to social situations and almost get it done with, so that when I saw them again it would be the first time since the loss. The whole experience made me realise that I am lucky to have some good friends, only a handful, but some very good people who all wanted to help in their own way.

@Catconfusion happy to keep you updated. I am conscious though of being insensitive. Some of you lovely ladies are still raw from the whole experience, so please do tell me if i day too much. How are you feeling today?

We've had the DHs dad and girlfriend visiting for the weekend. It's not been too hard keeping the news from them tbh. We have decided not to tell people until we are both ready too. We are not yet, and are happy to keep this our little secret. Today was the end of the usual 28 day cycle...the cynic in me was expecting AF to turn up and rain on my parade, but so far so good. I've been checking my knickers every hour to see if anything has turned up, I'm convinced my DH dad things I've got a bladder problem with nipping off to the loo 😂😂

I don't think I am going to find these next weeks easy, but will do my best to look at the positives...

Hugs to all 🤗 xx

@Amanda81 I can only speak for myself, but personally I want to hear all about the new pregnancy and do not find it to be the least be insensitive. On the contrary, it gives me hope for the future! I think you are the farthest along of all of us post-mmc, so it's nice to see that things to do indeed get better later on. I can understand why you would not want to tell anyone yet and why you are constantly running to the loo! I think I would be a nervous wreck and have already told DH that I will not tell anyone until the baby is born haha. It's probably wishful thinking, but I am starting to hope that I can fall soon again too. Wishing you all the best for this pregnancy and have everything crossed for you!

@Catconfusion only three more days until testing! How are you feeling today? Hope you are feeling better and not too focused on the test this week, although I know I would be! Fingers crossed for you X.

Quick question for those who have had a cycle or O since the mmc - is it normal to have a lot more EWCM after mmc than before? It seems unusual and perhaps the really fertile kind, but this could easily just be wishful thinking on my part! Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience and if O/AF are different after the mmc.

Thanks @sadtoday21 I would like to stick around and share in your BFP's and hopefully you guys can support me with my anxiety 😬

Re: EWCM after MMC...during the wait for my first AF I got quite a bit of EWCM. Cycle 1 and cycle 2 my Cm was more watery with a little EWCM. This cycle (3rd) I got quite a bit of EWCM which I am chalking down to the help from the Ubiquinol (I will never know!). The difference in my AF was that I spotted before AF turned up, never had this before MMC. I think this was because my cervix had changed since the erpc and was slightly open. What is your Cm doing now? X

@CheesecakeAddict thanks for sharing. I certainly feel a bit like until I bring home our baby I will not be completely ok.

@sadtoday21 how are the temps now? I feel very hormonal. I got very impatient with DH yesterday which is not like me and all the symptoms have intensified. I've ordered the early pregnancy tests for Wednesday and I'm just going to go for it. I think AF should come a week on Wednesday as I have a long LP. My bfp last time came 10/11 dpo so I'm assuming I could still get a positive if I am that early. I caved and started using Ovusense again as I was looking for signs. I had a dip in temperature yesterday and worried it was coming down but it's back up again today. I guess if I'm not pregnant it would stay up for a while anyway as period is a while off.

@sadtoday21 sorry hit post too soon. So I'm feeling a bit impatient and just want to know but testing early is pointless.

In answer to your question, I found the ewcm accidentally. I was tempting but honestly didn't expect to ovulate. I was pulling my jeans down to pee and accidentally got it on my hand so must have been a lot. So I grabbed DH to dtd that night. Low and behold my temp went up the next day and there was a bit of ewcm but not as much. There was nothing for the next two days. My Ovusense however says I ovulated in the Sunday. I'm wondering if my first temps were high post surgery and it's thrown it off a bit. If so I'm 10 dpo today. Still going to hold off to test though. Have a good day! X

@Amanda81 I certainly would like to keep hearing from you. It's so helpful as you are further on than us. I'm so excited for you but can appreciate it's an anxious time. Happy to keep offering support. Sounds like you did well to keep it a secret from family. I think it's really nice to keep it as your special news. We're thinking we'll do the same for longer next time. It was hard though as I was so sick. Hopefully I won't go through that again but you never know. I'm obviously very sensitive to the hormones. Enjoy your day! X

Good morning all, hope everyone had an ok weekend.

I've just called the EPU as I'm still having the faintest of positives and a tiny bit of brown blood after nearly 4 weeks and they're going to do a test on their machine this morning and if it's positive do a blood. I wasn't going to call but I'm so annoyed its not going away now, the nurse did say it just takes some people longer than others for hormones to go down. I'm pretty sure I had ovulation pains last night though so think cycle is returning gradualness.

*regardless

Good morning @bananamonkey. I'm so sorry this is dragging out for you. Hopefully your levels are very very small and your cycle returns to normal shortly. Let us know how it goes! x

Thanks @Catconfusion all done now, thankfully was negative so no need for anything else! I did burst into tears at the nurse but it was hard being back there as last time it was where we were given our options after being bundled out of antenatal and I was sat next to a woman talking about her pregnancy.

That's great news and I hope you feel more relaxed. I can imagine it was horrible being back there, especially after being near oblivious pregnant lady. I've been back to the hospital once for a blood test and went the extra long way to avoid having to even walk past the EPU. Hopefully we'll both be back there soon with good news!

@bananamonkey - fantastic news! So pleased that you are on the final stretch of your cycle returning 😊. The emotion is perfectly normal and can quite understand the tears x

@Catconfusion thanks for your insight into the EWCM issue, I really appreciate it. I had the same issue as you - it just kind of fell out two days in a row, so I thought it was a lot and a good sign of fertility and dtd both times. But my temps have just gone up and down, no steady rise signaling O. And the OPK tests are all negative, which is really disheartening. I'm not sure what's going on and afraid I'm not ovulating :/. How many days after the EWCM did you notice the temp rise signaling O? I am wondering if I just need to keep testing and not give up yet. Now 4 weeks, 3 days post surgery and starting to get really worried (but hoping that it will be O this week and AF by week 6).

I'm sorry you are feeling hormonal, it's terrible isn't it? You must be feeling anxious about Wednesday. I think I will do an HPT in about ten days or so, if no AF action before then. It's so frightening to get a BFP and so crushing to get a BFN, so either way this is hard. But at least you can take comfort if AF shows up that you are back on track and all is well. It's so hard, but I am glad we all have each other to lean on in this miserable process. Wishing you best of luck for Wednesday!

@Amanda81 thanks for your insight and for the recommendation on using FF. I just entered all my temps into it last night, so now will be able to share and analyze graph a bit more. I love it! My temps are just going up and down now - it's really frustrating. There was a sustained three days down and then one up, but then down again. No pattern yet as far as I can tell. EWCM appears to have dried up after two days of kind of falling out of me at times and seeming really fertile. Dtd both days just in case, but all my OPK tests are negative. Not sure what is going on.

How are you feeling today? Any new pregnancy signs? Hope you are managing well and not feeling too anxious xxx.

@bananamonkey that is great to hear, congrats! Getting your BFN is the first major big step to recovery and hope you are on your way now!

@SARmum14 how are you doing? Hope your line is getting fainter by the day!

Hi @sadtoday21 I would keep tracking. My first cycle was all over the place - my chart had a couple of mountains. I put it down to hormones still settling. I also understand that the body can gear up to ovulate and not quite make it, and will try again in a few days. I have attached my first chart so that you can see the peaks and lows before ovulation (this was my first cycle after my first af after operation). This cycle was truly frustrating me. Well done with dtd though! how are you feeling generally, any back ache or usual o pains?

Feeling okay today. I phoned the midwife today, got first appointment tomorrow as they only work Tuesday and Wednesday morning at my doctors. I would have rather waited a week I think, but my DH is keen to get this pregnancy registered and to speak to midwife about any scans and blood tests etc. The symptoms are all happening a little earlier this time round, I've got back ache, my boobs are getting sore, I'm knackered and sooooo hungry. The last two I've had for a week, but are getting worse (no complaining here though). I'd rather have symptoms than none at all. I wanted to do another HPT this morning with fmu, but I was up at 5am needing a wee 😂😂😂

@Amanda81 thanks so much for uploading your chart - it really helps to see what they should look like! Does FF automatically add that red line to show O or do you have to manually add it? Trying to attach my chart here to see if it means anything to more expert eyes.

That's great that you have an appointment so quickly. Will you ask for an early scan? Interested to know if NHS will give this to you after mmc and if so, how early. Or do you plan on doing private scans? Hope those HPTs are getting nice and dark for you now! Take care X.

@sadtoday21 do you subscribe to FF? I think it's only £25 for the year, I have found it to be worthwhile. @Catconfusion uses FF also...have you subscribed? The cross hairs (blue lines) are added by FF. you need at least three temps higher than the lowest temp for FF to confirm ovulation. So for example, if you get another high temp tomorrow, FF will most likely give you crosshairs on cd30. However, as there is a small amount of data plugged in, FF may not add these yet. Also, cross hairs can move if your chart it bouncing around all over the place...so whilst your hormones are settling, I would play careful attention to other fertility signs.

You won't necessarily see a pattern until you have more data added.

Has your CM gone completely dry? Or is it slightly creamy? Xx

Pressed send to hastily then 😟 i think we will end up doing a mixture of nhs and private scans. I will keep you updated after tomorrow's visit. We are 7 miles away from the English border in wales, and am registered at a welsh practice. So there might be different approaches across the borders. I will let you know though. However, I don't think scans will give me any reassurance until 20wks...if I get that far 😬😬😬

@sadtoday21 I got the EWCM on the Thursday and my temp went up the next day. Ovulation was confirmed on the Sunday with Ovusense. I know it's really hard but try not to worry. If you haven't ovulated yet it will come. If it doesn't and you get a negative test you could see your doctor to see if there's a way of bringing your period on.

I know it sucks because you want to get on with ttc but the stress could potentially make it worse. I really hope things normalise soon.

I'm still trying hard not to symptom spot but so hard as lots going on that could be attributed to pregnancy. I'm 8 dpo and just trying to stay positive. As you say getting AF will be a good thing to reset things property so either way is ok. X

@Amanda81 great to hear you're progressing well and getting those symptoms too. Good also you're seeing the midwife so early. I have everything crossed for you. I have a really good feeling about this pregnancy.

No I don't subscribe to ff just entered all my data to check Ovusense as I thought I ovulated earlier. At first ff agreed and then moved to another two days ahead when I kept tempting and it had definitely happened by then due to o pain so it confused me a bit. I'm wondering if the higher temps two weeks after my surgery affected it. I tried removing them but it kept with Tuesday. I've spoken to Ovusense and they stand by the date the sensor gave but could have been a day or two earlier as not a typical cycle. Anyway we timed dtd well in both scenarios so just waiting for Wednesday when I'll test. I'll probably stop using ff and stick with just the Ovusense as very accurate. Ovia looks good as well but two apps might turn me into an obsessive. X

Sorry @sadtoday21 I've just reread what i wrote regarding blue lines in ff...of course I meant red line (as you said) 🙄

Understand the confusion @Catconfusion - only two days to go until you test, so you will know either way. I have everything crossed for you. Like you say you have all bases covered x

Good morning everyone. So I woke up today feeling nauseous and caved in with the testing. I'm glad I did because I got the very beginning of a BFP. I'm literally shaking and feel excited but scared. TBH I'd have felt crazy if I wasn't as my symptoms are so strong now.

I know its early days as not even 4 weeks yet so it's petrifying knowing so early in case it just doesn't work out but I wanted you to know. This really is turning into a lucky thread @Amanda81 ! I hope you all get there soon as well.

Have a good day everyone! Xx

😮 congratulations @Catconfusion I am lost for words! That's amazing news. Wishing you a healthy happy pregnancy. Such great news xx