First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

@bananamonkey @SARmum14 and anyone else on this thread. How are you getting on?

Congratulations! @Amanda81 I found if you test early you get a light line and it’ll darken in a few days.

I had a bit of a wobble yesterday, I’ve been doing really well, vitamins, getting back into exercise and healthy eating have really boosted my mood but we dtd for the first time and then I stupidly read a load of horror stories about people getting pregnant after mmc with no period between and having a second mc. I still have the tiniest bit of brown discharge but it’s finally abating I think, need to do another test but last one on Thursday had the faintest line yet, if you weren’t really looking you’d think it was negative.

@bananamonkey I think you'd have to be highly unlucky to go through another one if you fell pregnant. My GP said wait for a negative test and to stop bleeding but that's mainly to prevent infection. Sounds like you've virtually got your negative and nearly stopped bleeding anyway. Your body will support a pregnancy when it's ready to. It really is an intricate process and if the lining isn't right it more than likely won't implant. Well done on the healthy eating. It's so hard after such a significant trauma. Keep doing what you're doing and I'm sure you'll get your bfp soon! X

@Amanda81 CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I’m so so happy for you! I took that same test as you a few days before my period when I was pregnant and the line looked exactly the same. It is definitely positive, no question about it. I had a good feeling about it! So so happy for you

Yes I @Catconfusion need to step away from google

Thank you for the warm wishes ladies and the reassurance about the line. Starting to sink in a little...any way back to responding to your threads.

@sadtoday21 I know what you mean about the anxieties of leaving it to later in life (how old are you again?). But there are so many successful pregnancies past the age of 35/40, that at the time you just don't think about the negatives. The genetic screening process wasn't overly invasive, but it did stare up a lot of emotions. I lost my uncle, cousin and my brother to Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, and I cared for my brother whilst he was in his final years (he made it to 20) so made it all the harder. To go through genetic screening you need to be assigned a counsellor as it can be quite traumatic, especially if the outcome was that I carried the faulty gene. Thankfully I was deemed 'population risk'. I have made my peace with all of that now, but still of course miss my brother dearly. I wouldn't say you where selfish whatsoever, the fact that you think about how your mother would have loved the experience of a grandchild confirms this...it was a choice at the time. As you say, we are the unlucky few xx

@Catconfusion well done of the 5lbs loss! Amazing. It's hard not to symptom spot, isn't it. Love to hear how proud of your body you are! The women's body is so resilient, but for those who have suffered a loss and to keep on trying after the loss, well there are no words. I am keeping everything crossed for you, but like you say if it doesn't fall this cycle it gives you more time to shed a few more pounds xx

@bananamonkey I really wouldn't worry about dtd. Me and the DH wanted to reconnect on an emotional level after the erpc, and dtd a week after the surgery, still had brown spotting then. As long as you feel emotionally and physically ready, that's all that is important. I actually felt that making love again was part of the therapy as we both wanted to comfort each other as a loving couple. Try not to worry xx

I hope all is okay @SARmum14 Xx

@Catconfusion I completely understand how it might bring up thoughts of the past, but you are in a different place now with a partner who seems much more supportive. I love the way you are proud of your body for getting pregnant and staying healthy - that is a great attitude to have and I hope I can adopt your positive perspective. Unfortunately, I feel like my body has failed me since the mmc, even more so since I've had no O or AF signs and because I was really sick before and now this hormonal nonsense on my face. I don't feel my body dealt with the pregnancy or mmc well at all and I wanted to be stronger and more resilient than I have been.

So I do have a Q on temping, if you don't mind me prevailing on your expertise on this issue. My last three temps have been going straight down (36.61, 36.70, 36.60, 36.47). Is this a significant drop and do you think it means AF is coming soon? Or are these really close together and just normal fluctuations? I am hoping that the hormonal flare-up could be due to AF, particularly since it's been a month now since the surgery. And while I have had tiny bit of CM, it's all dried up now and no EWCM ever. Really afraid I'm not ovulating :/. Any thoughts?

Congrats on losing those five pounds, that was so fast! It sounds like you are in a great place now both mentally and physically to get pregnant again. How many more days are you waiting before testing?

@Amanda81 thank you. It's been so tough to lose anything, especially in the beginning when the pregnancy hormones were still there. It's been a difficult journey to being proud of my body. I hated it in the early days after we found out. I was convinced I'd done something wrong somehow. The whole experience has however helped me understand why miscarriages happen a bit better. There are still baffling aspects but what I do know is no one is at fault. It's likely a tragic accident and although it's common to have one, it's unlikely to experience another.

Good luck and I hope you can find a way to relax and enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible. If you really can't, that's fine too! X

Hello @sadtoday21 there is a gradual drop in temps there...I would say this is a positive sign of AF coming. My prediction is that you will get your period before Wednesday. In all honesty, until you track your temps for a couple of cycles there is not real telling as every woman is different. But generally, a gradual decline is a sign of progesterone dropping. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻 that AF arrives very soon. You have some good post-O temps there! Better than I've ever had! It will be interesting to see what your pre-O temps are xx

Thanks @Amanda81 for replying, it really means a lot! I appreciate your help with this temping thing. I am really confused because (tmi warning, really sorry but not sure how else to describe) just had a huge amount of sticky yellowish CM. Much more than before and kind of thick and stretchy, not watery or easy to break and definitely not white or clear. What is this? Gearing up towards O? That doesn’t seem to track with the decrease in temps, but I’m really confused if it could signal O or AF or just something else altogether. Again, really sorry for describing that, just wondering if anyone else had similar and what it might be - should I check OPK again?

Also, just wanted to say @Amanda81 that I was really touched by your story about your brother and uncle. That must have been incredibly hard thing to go through and you’ve been so brave. I’m super happy about your BFP and it gives us all hope! Do you feel differently this time around? I can completely understand the mixed feelings and anxiety, but I really feel the timing is so good for you and you are probably in a healthy, strong place for this pregnancy now. Take care of yourself and congrats again!

😂 no worries about the tmi think there should be a rule that we share every gory detail 😂 the Cm changes matters! You could be gearing up for O! Get on the OPK's.

It's hard to say about whether or not I feel different. I am much more aware this time around and since the erpc I am ultra sensitive to any kind of symptom. I am worried that I have tested to early, and it ends in a chemical...but there's not much I can do about that...it's a waiting game. Feel tired, which last time fatigue didn't kick in until 6 weeks.

Get on those OPK's @sadtoday21 xx

@Amanda81 huge congratulations such wonderful news (made me cry! Not unusual at the moment!).

Thanks all for you well wishes and welcome, afraid I've had a tough couple of days but thankfully making it out the other side now. Turns out I hadn't passed everything naturally so had a fairly horrendous night on Wednesday when I was up all night as it happened. I can honestly say it was the worst experience of my life but having called 111 at 2am they suggested I just waited it out 😔. On top of that I've had a pretty crap dose of tonsillitis but the antibiotics are kicking in now so I'm finally starting to feel a bit more normal again!

Hope you are all doing well, got a few days worth of the thread to catch up on this afternoon x

@3204ECL I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. Good that you're feeling a bit more normal. Sounds very traumatic but like you're through the worst of it. Take care and rest up! X

@Amanda81 it sounds like you've had a really traumatic time with grief. I'm so sorry you'v experienced so much loss!. You really deserve this pregnancy and we're all rooting for you. Keep us updated as it's so nice to have some good news! X

@Sadtoday21 please try not to think your body failed you. You got a third of the way into your pregnancy. I know it feels cruel because of the outcome but your body did so well when you think of everything it had to do to get that far. Its been through an awful lot and your baby was further along than mine so it makes sense it might take a bit longer to recover. It wants to be fully ready for the next pregnancy and that might take until you've had a period. I know its really hard because you want to get back into TTC and its frustrating but you'll get there. Better days are coming and we're all here to support you.

Are you entering your temps into an app like Fertility Friend? It does sound a little like your temps are coming down ready for AF but then the CM suggests possibly not. All you can really do is keep temping and put into an app. With time you'll start to see a pattern. X

I have to say I feel really rough this afternoon. I have a hormonal headache and feel a little sick. It's reminding me of how ill I felt during pregnancy. As much as I'd like to get a positive test, maybe it would be nice to get a period and have another month to recover since I seem to really suffer in pregnancy with the nausea. Anyway I'm going to test on Wednesday with First Response. I'm also going to use Ovusense tonight to see if any clues from my temps. I'm feeling rubbish and just want to know now. That's the problem with monitoring temps, it feels like a lifetime from when you ovulate, to when you actually can tell if it worked.

CONGRATULATIONS @amanda81!!!!! What lovely, happy news. I am wishing you well and hoping for a plain sailing and uneventful pregnancy for you.

@sadtoday21 I know what you mean about not being able to trust your body and it failing you, but I’ve tried to think of it as a body so strong that it tried to persevere and hold on to something to try and make it work even after the possibility of life was no longer an option. That’s a pretty strong and determined body if you ask me.

How’re you @bananamonkey? Do you feel like you’re coming out the other side hormonally?

@catconfusion massive congrats on the 5lb loss - that’s so impressive! Are you feeling more positive in your own skin?

I’m taking some of your advice on and am going to track my HCG on HPTs before the 21st so I can manage expectations with regards to what they’ll say at the rescan and if I’ll need another ERPC. I’m trying to research what happens to a woman’s fertility after an ERPC and then retained products still but the internet is falling woefully short. It’s nearly coming up to 4 weeks since my surgery and I’d have expected O/AF soon but now I don’t know where my cycle is or how long it’ll take to come back. I only bled for a day after the misoprostol and prior to finding out about the retained products DH and I were DTD regularly and felt positive that we were doing he right thing to conceive again. Since taking the pills on Wednesday I hardly see the point in trying again and don’t know what on earth is happening with my cycle.

Going to take a HPT later today. Fingers crossed for a more feint line.

Happy Sunday to you all. X

@SARmum14 I'm sorry sorry for what you are having to go through and the length of time it seems to be taking, It must be really frustrating. I totally hear you on the internet falling short on this subject, especially on any sort of detail about what happens after a MMC!

When do you plan to start tracking on HPTs? How often will you do them? Having miscarried naturally I'm finding the not knowing if it's "done" or not really difficult and my EPU have been really unhelpful to be honest! Might starting tracking to see if I can see any reduction.

Hope you have a good day! X

Morning all, apologies for the delay in responding, have had a busy couple of days. So lovely to see such wonderful news @Amanda81!! You’ve given us some hope for things to come 🤞🏼 How are you all feeling today? I’m feeling a little brighter in myself, however, went to a family party last night and couldn’t bring myself to drink as I don’t feel I can fully “let go” and enjoy myself much at the moment. Too much whirring around my mind, but nevertheless, still had a good time. Plus, haven’t woken up with the hangover I would have six months ago, so that’s a bonus! Does anyone struggle to be “normal” in social situations at the moment? It’s was harder for me last night as a lot of my extended family don’t know about my MMC, therefore were surprised about my non-drinking and leaving earlier than planned (I put it down to an early start today and issues with my back - I had spinal surgery last summer and therefore have a good excuse on hand for not overdoing it!) It just feels hard to ‘pretend’. Anyway, I wish you all a happy and restful Sunday.
Xx

@3204ECL - I know, it’s incredobly frustrating isn’t it! Sounds like we’re in a similar boat. What I hate most about this MMC is that it’s not a single event/day/week. It’s taking forever and over a month since I found out I’m still in limbo.

I’m going to take the first HPT today and do them every few days. Back to EPU on 21st for a scan to check if everything is gone. I’m also taking a high dose of evening primrose oil to see if that might help.

@LMLP91 I can completely sympathise. I burst into tears during a spin class yesterday as there were mums taking teeny babies to water babies walking past the spin studio. I find it difficult to control my emotions and have sobbed every day that I’ve been at work this week. I’m putting it down to a combination of raging hormones as well as a pretty traumatic loss that we’re all still recovering from.

Sending love and well wishes to all. X

@SARmum14 completely agree with feeling totally in limbo, it's almost been a month for us as well and the time seems to be be going so slowly. Fingers crossed you start to see fainter lines soon and a BFN before the 21st 🤞🏼. Think I might take my first test tomorrow and then like you every few days to see if things are changing!

@LMLP91 I'm also finding "normal" difficult. Only time I've had a drink is when I've been out for dinner with just DH as I'm worried my emotions might get the better of me around others. Got a night out with friends planned next Saturday and only one person there knows so that's going to a test... keep strong I'm sure things will get easier. I'm finding every day different emotionally at the moment, yesterday I cried totally involuntarily when DH went out for the evening which is just ridiculous! If only there was an off which for all the hormones!

X

Just did a HPT and line still visible but is fainter than it was on Monday. First bit of hope I’ve had since this all started. Conflicting feelings about it but mainly happy I think. Wanted to share!

That's great @SARmum14 It looks like mine did a couple of days before I got my bfn. Really hope you're the same. Fingered crossed! X

@Catconfusion hope you are feeling a bit better today. Hormonal headaches and tummy pain isn’t fun at all. Testing on Wednesday sounds like a good plan, although I guess you won’t know exactly if it’s an early test or not? When do you think your AF is due?

I think maybe I will join you in the tww, although I can’t really be sure. Temps are back up today to

I'm so sorry OP. This happened to me and my world crumbled for a few weeks. Then on on the outside I was ok but until I got pregnant again, I wasn't ok. And trying to get pregnant felt like a race. Take it easy OP. It's not a race and I wish someone would have told me this because it fucked with my mental health. I was told to wait to have 1 period and then try again. I conceived about 4 months after.

@Catconfusion hope you are feeling a bit better today. Hormonal headaches and tummy pain isn’t fun at all. Testing on Wednesday sounds like a good plan, although I guess you won’t know exactly if it’s an early test or not? When do you think your AF is due?

I think maybe I will join you in the tww, although I can’t really be sure. Dtd twice around possible - who knows anymore - ovulation. Temps are back up today to 36.69, so that’s three straight days decline and then right back up to starting point of 36.7. I took an ovulation test last night and it was really faint line, so not positive. But I definitely had a lot of EWCM finally yesterday, and as @Amanda81 says, the CM doesn’t usually lie and I have only gotten it before O in the past, never before AF. I’m at a total loss.

Going through this has made me realize how much better I will feel when I know my body is back to normal and working properly again. I feel like the first AF will be a release and help rebalance all my crazy hormones. It also made me realize how much I really want to be pregnant again and how I will actually feel joy the second time around and excitement too, despite all the fears. Maybe the second pregnancy won’t be ruined after all. Wishing you all a happy Sunday and beautiful, sun shiny day.

@CheesecakeAddict thanks for your message and for sharing your story. It’s so great that you got pregnant four months later and I hope you went on to have a successful, happy pregnancy

@3204ECL and @SARmum14 it sounds like we are all almost in the same boat in terms of being four weeks out post-mmc and waiting for O and AF to return. I find the wait to be so frustrating, since I just want to get back to normal and to ttc again properly. I have no idea where my cycles are and feel totally out of control of my body. How are you both dealing with it? I find obsessing over temps and OPK results gives me something to do and a sense of control, but then I get so disappointed that nothing is happening yet. I just want something to happen!! I also know how difficult it is to wait for the BFN - mine took over three weeks - and I just kind of gave up when the line was so faint it was barely there. For me, that was negative enough and moved on to ttc again. Thinking of you both and hoping we can all move forward in our cycles soon!