First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage

[sadtoday21]

Hello everyone - I've never posted on these forums before, but I had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and I found out at the 12 week dating scan two days ago. It was my first ever pregnancy. Yesterday, I had D&C and now recovering. Really healthy otherwise and no signs at all that anything was wrong during the pregnancy, although I never had any morning sickness.

I am really in shock and this happened on the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death (breast cancer), so the whole thing just feels like too much to handle. DH (dear husband) is very supportive, but I don't have any women friends to talk to, besides one who is more than 20 weeks pregnant and well...I just can't deal with that. Any advice on how to recover emotionally and also when to start trying again? GP said to wait 3 weeks, but I don't think I can wait that long. Please help and thank you.

Sorry @sadtoday21 I should have asked in my last post... was it EWCM?

Hello @LMLP91 @3204ECL and @astella22 - I’m so sorry you’re here but also this group of women are inf edible supportive and have helped through the darkest of times. I hope you find some comfort in sharing and connecting with everyone in the same way I have.

Thanks for responding @catconfusion @amanda81 @sadtoday21 @bananamonkey. I really appreciated your thoughts and advice and in the end agreed and took the pills. After I took them last night I woke up in the middle of the night with vomiting and diarrhoea and not long after that some strong cramps and then the bleeding started. So I’m hoping that’s a good sign as they said it could take 72 hours and to call them if nothing had kicked off by Monday. I had some heavy bleeding last night but it’s tapered off today - I really hope everything that needed to be removed has been. I cannot face the thought of another ERPC in two weeks after all this. They want me back in EPU for a scan in a fortnight and if the pills haven’t cleared everything that’s the last option. It just feels like another set back. We were TTC and I was temping and now I’m back to sanitary pads and evening primrose oil.

How’re you feeling @Sadtoday21? I hope your health is starting to regain post BFN and hormones settling. Are you going to do an OPK? Keeping everything crossed for you both @catconfusion and @Amanda81. Would be so lovely to share in your joy on this thread.

Lots of love ladies. Xxx

@Amanda81 your extreme fatigue sounds like a good sign! You are way more patient than I was - I tested five days before AF was even due . But I’m not sure I would do that next time around. Have you given up coffee, alchohol, evening primrose and all that during the tww? I guess that was my main reason for early testing - it’s hard to act like you are pregnant all the time when you have no idea whether you are! Now that we are ttc again I’m not sure whether to give up everything - any thoughts on this? And no, it’s not EWCM, unfortunately...it’s practically nothing, to the point where I almost think I’m imagining it! Not sure what’s going on.

Let us know if you get more symptoms! Love symptom spotting

@SARmum14 I’m really sorry that you have been so ill, that sounds terrible. Do you have an infection? Did they give you antibiotics? I really hope this will be over for you soon so you can get your BFN and focus on the future. Stay well and try to rest. Here if you need to talk xxx

I’m sorry @SARmum14 I hope you feel better soon. My friend had a “natural” MC at the same time as me and it gave her D&V too.

Hi @SARmum14 - that sounds terrible, but looks like the meds are doing their job. I hope you are not in too much discomfort and that all is removed now. Thinking of you x

Hello @sadtoday21 since September of last year i have been caffeine free. The wine is a different matter. I tend to take it easy with alcohol, but do enjoy a glass. Ruddy love a glass of red. I don't take evening primrose. I understand that you can drink up to five weeks of pregnancy before it having an impact (but don't quote me on that). It's all a personal choice. My opinion is, is that ttc is difficult enough, if I was to give up all the things I love, it would be a very crappy time. To date, the whole process has been 15 months, that's a long time to sacrifice my faves. Some of my favourite foods are those that you shouldn't have whilst pregnant.

Thanks everyone. The illness stopped that night and I’ve woken up today to no bleeding - which had made me a bit worried. But maybe what needed to come out has gone? Have a repeat scan in 10 days so will know for sure if I need another ERPC. Think I’ll also do a pregnancy test in a week and see what the line is doing. The nurse on Wednesday did say that my HCG levels were high so I guess that’ll take some time to come down.

@amanda81 I am there with you on the wine!!! I have cut out my caffeine but cannot live without my red wine and always think that as soon as I’m pregnant I’ll give it all up anyway so don’t want to give it up until I have to. But as you say, it’s a personal choice and everyone is different!

So pleased the bleeding has subsided, I hope you are on the road to recovery. I was thinking this morning, if I was in your position, I would probably want to manage my expectations for the scan in 10 days as it may help give you some control back. How could you do this? You could potentially track the reduction in HCg on simple HCg strips, the line should reduce as it would do on an OPK stick. You may also just want to forget about it for a while (although I am sure that would be very hard). I've attached a link to some cheap HCg strips, you are probably already aware of these https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0076ASBTY/ref=ascdff_B0076ASBTY58711157/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22122&creativeASIN=B0076ASBTY&linkCode=df0&hvadid=309947835748&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12575679588596856022&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045639&hvtargid=pla-586408137034

I have a red wine 🍷 scenario tonight. Due to be wonky cycle I have decided not to drink. However, I have invited friend around for a catch-up so the inevitable question 'r u pregnant' will most likely come up. I've got a standard response to that now which is to say that I am the tww and don't want to regret any actions... I am still perfecting the delivery on this 😂😂

@Amanda81 completely agree with you on the wine. I haven't eliminated the coffee or wine yet either - I just got both back after three months! But smart to cut out during tww. I always say I am on a "juice cleanse" and most people seem to accept this. I am not telling anyone we are ttc - even told my family to just forget the whole thing because I don't want the pressure. I also don't want anyone to know I'm pregnant next time until I know everything is ok - with the exception of you ladies!

I can't believe how long this process is, 15 months feels like forever. It has been about four months for me now since starting this whole pregnancy lark in earnest and I can tell that this is just the beginning of a long road.

Today is exactly four weeks since the D&C for me. It seems like it should have been enough time to recover, but it isn't. I was hoping AF would come today, but no such luck. No sign of either O or AF. I just feel in limbo and really depressed about the whole thing. Meanwhile, the hormones seem to be even worse - my chin is so inflamed, red, painful, with tons of deep cystic bumps. I've never had this problem before pregnancy and it is really bringing me down. It hurt so much last night I had to put ice on it and this morning it looks so terrible, not sure how I can face my colleagues at work today. I can't even stand for DH to look at me and I am afraid it will have a negative impact on our relationship. Wondering how much longer I have to be in this hell and when I'll ever really begin to be "normal." My body is really sensitive to abrupt changes in hormone levels and this process has just sent it off a cliff. If anyone knows any remedies for this, please help me xxx.

@LMLP91 How are you doing today? Thanks for replying about your cycle length - I know everyone is different, but it is great to have some benchmarks at least to try to compare. Tracking my cycle gives me something to think about besides the mmc and how awful it is. It's great that you got yours back so quickly and seem to be back into a pattern, although rough that it was so painful. Are you ttc again? Hope you are well X.

@SARmum14 I think it might be a good sign the bleeding has stopped - maybe you passed everything now? I agree with @Amanda81, take lots of hcg tests to see if the line is getting lighter. Watching my line get lighter helped me a lot, just to know that the end was in sight. Did you say that the GP said you had O'd already or were about to? Thinking of you and hoping you are feeling a bit better today.

@Catconfusion I can understand why symptom spotting might be upsetting, just brings back all those memories of the first pregnancy and how excited we were then. Someone told me that the next pregnancy after mmc should feel different than the first - they went on to have a healthy baby - and they said it felt more right (more pregnant) the second time. Fwiw, it gave me some hope because I didn't feel things were completely right the first time (although of course I had no idea anything was wrong either). Take it easy and try to rest when you are tired xxx.

@SARmum14 really glad you've had the pills and hopefully you've not been in too much pain. It sounds like fingers crossed it's over and you can begin to move on. Such a horrible experience though! Keep us posted. X

@Amanda81 It's interesting that the ERPC could make ovulation pain more prevalent. I've often felt a twinge in the past when I've ovulated and it's a similar type of pain but a bit more intense at the moment. I saw the nurse the day I got my bfp last time and I remember describing it to her as I was worried about ectopic. She said likely implantation pains and completely normal. It's so odd feeling like this so early but probably nothing as only 5dpo. It has died off a bit today. As you said could be the lining building up. Sounds like it took a while for your periods to come normally. Maybe mine will be the same.

It's so confusing to know how much the surgery affects the lining. I asked the surgeon if they would scrape everything out during the ERPC and he said usually just the pregnancy and they smooth over the lining. The bleeding after the procedure is the lining coming away like a period. I only bled on the day of surgery albeit heavy but consistent with a normal period and no cramps. I'd hoped the lining would just build up as normal in the next cycle but maybe not.

I know I'm incredibly lucky and it's so much worse for others. Our baby was only 6 weeks so maybe not as much there to take away. I do also realise I've had a very delicate part of my body interfered with and it probably will take a bit longer to fall pregnant. It's just very odd getting these familiar symptoms. If I'm honest it's upset me a bit as I want to get excited but know it's very early to have symptoms so probably nothing.

How are you feeling today? I really hope the fatigue is a good sign. I've got my fingers crossed for you. I really hope you get a positive this month! Good luck for Tuesday X

With regards to the conversation about what to give up in 2ww or generally. I am now caffeine free as of last week although I only ever had 1 cup of coffee a day. I found a really nice decaf. I'm also alcohol free. The sickness I had during the pregnancy made alcohol smell horrendous. Whenever my DH had a glass of something it made me vomit. I've tried small amounts since the pregnancy and I wake up in the night feeling anxious and not sleeping well. It's a shame as I love a glass of wine but I've put drinking on hold for now. I may well have a glass of AF shows up though.

Really sorry to hear you are upset @Catconfusion I would like to say that the tww gets better, but in my limited experience I have found it doesn't. I get quite angry with my body/mind during the tww, playing little tricks with me. I know how you feel. It's so hard to stay level headed and not get excited. It's just pants.

The other thing is that pregnancy symptoms are so similar to af symptoms...why couldn't they be different. 😤 😤

@sadtoday21 I live quite a long way away from my family, I saw my parents for the first time since the MC mid feb, and it all flooded back as my dad was particularly upset for me. It's hard seeing your dad cry. My family and me are quite keen to keep talking about it, whereas my DH family don't even mention it. Strange really. Everyone's different I guess.

Actually the 15 months for us is the window of time for trying. The whole process has been much longer in all honesty. I had to have genetic screening which took 2 years due to lack of resources, so all in all, just over three years. it was a very big decision for us to try ttc due to my families genetic history (duchenne muscular dystrophy) and once I had a low risk factor confirmed, i still didn't know for sure, just in case they were wrong. To then experience a MMC after all the testing, well I was winded and regretted pontificating for such a long time.

I also got some brutal spots on my neck and chin @sadtoday21 after surgery and especially when my first af was coming - absolutely horrid and they have scarred my skin ever so slightly. I used tea tree ointment to calm the inflammation which helped, but didn't do any research to see if there was anything on the market.

Thank you @Amanda81 it's so annoying that the symptoms can be so similar. I've been scouring the internet and found just as many stories of Pregnancy with my symptoms as AF coming.

It sounds like you've had quite the journey to get to this point. Having the genetic testing must have been scary. It's absolutely tragic you've then had to go through a MMC. Maybe now your body has been pregnant you'll have luck much sooner. I really hope you get your BFP this month.

The two week wait is horrible. In my early 30s I was ttc with my ex for three years. I had polycystic ovaries so thought I wasn't ovulating regularly enough. My temps were all over the place.Turns out my ex had v low sperm count. What's worse is he knew for two years without telling me. My GP eventually broke confidentiality and told me as I thought my body was broken. Turns out a bit of clomid would have done the trick if his fertility was good. Needless to say that relationship ended. On my miscarriage scan there were no cysts so miraculously I have normalish cycles now. So although I fell first cycle with hubby I have a history with the two week wait. I used to dread the waiting and the symptom spotting. I'm determined to not let it drive me crazy this time.

I completely relate to what you said about your Dad. My Dad too was very tearful. It was hard seeing him like that. I think in his case he didn't realise how common miscarriages are. We'd said early on to not get too excited as at 39 more at risk. Getting to 10 weeks didn't help because we were getting excited so like us he didn't see it coming. I think that generation of men probably didn't hear much about miscarriage in their day unless they experienced one.

Anyway I hope you're ok and AF stays away over the weekend. X

Afternoon all, and Happy Friday! @sadtoday21 I’m feeling a bit down today as AF feels like a constant reminder of what could have been and then the whirlwind that followed 😔 my partner and I are ttc again and really try not to get our hopes up month by month, but it feels so emotionally draining! I’m worried that it’s going to take forever to happen again as I was previously taking microgynon (oral contraceptive pill) for 9 years before finally deciding to stop as I hadn’t ever had a break. It took a year from stopping the pill to getting my BFP and I just don’t feel that I can wait that long again. Like the OP’s, I too just spent the past two weeks symptom spotting and hoping and trying to convince myself that I felt pregnant. Unfortunately, not this month. I just don’t want this year to pass me by with the milestones and dates of what could have been. Anyway, thank you for listening.
Laura
Xx

@LMLP91 I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling down today. It's such a frustrating process, especially after loss. It does seem common though to get pregnant again in the 6 months after a miscarriage so less likely you'll be waiting as long. I know that doesn't take away how you're feeling at this moment in time with AF and reminders of what happened but it's a good sign you fell pregnant, even if the outcome wasn't good. Don't give up hope and take care of yourself. Better times are coming and might be just around around the corner. I hope so because you deserve it! Xx

@Catconfusion thank you for your kind and understanding words, I so needed to hear that 😘 it’s such a hard and confusing time following a MMC and I’m still learning about my ‘new normal’ and what that is now. I just hope that if/when it happens again I won’t be a complete paranoid mess for 9 months! Sending lots of love and luck to you and all the other OP’s ❤️ Xxx

@LMLP91 thanks and you're more than welcome. I think it changes you and certainly I've lost my innocence to what can go wrong in pregnancy but all we can do is hope. Next time will inevitably bring a lot of anxiety but I try to remember it's unlikely to happen again. If it did it would be extremely bad luck. I just wish we could be knocked out for 9 months and woken up when the baby is ready to come. Anyway have a lovely weekend and I hope you feel better soon! Xx

@Catconfusion I completely agree with the loss of innocence. I feel like pregnancy has gone from something so special and amazing to uncertainty and worry and heartbreak for me 😔 but, I refuse to let my MMC define me or my relationship with my partner. I have to try and believe that it will happen when the time is right.
Have a lovely weekend, try and relax and stay positive ❤️ Xx

@LMLP91 sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit down. Is this your third cycle of ttc? I think it will probably be faster this time around than last time, just because we are supposed to be more fertile in the six months following mmc. I hope that is true...I guess only time will tell! Are you doing anything in particular to try to help with the process? I can understand how devastating it must be every month to keep waiting, but I am sure you will have some good news soon! Keep us posted on how you get on xxx.

@Catconfusion how are you doing today? Any updates on the symptom spotting? The tww must be terrible, particularly given your history with your previous partner. I also really wish I could just be knocked out for the whole nine months and wake up with a smiling baby. I agree with you and @LMLP91 about the loss of innocence. Part of me is so mad that this happened to me on my first pregnancy...I just feel that every pregnancy after this will be ruined with horrible anxiety and fear. I feel like I've been cheated out of the joys of pregnancy and I'll never experience it in the same way again. It makes me so angry and sad at the same time. But, I am going to try my best to enjoy the next one and not think like that. I just know it will be really hard. Are you still feeling upset with the symptoms, since they remind you of the previous pregnancy? Thinking of you and hoping you get that BFP really soon!

@Amanda81 I am so sorry to hear that it has been such a long journey for you, particularly with the genetics testing and fears about ttc. That must have been so difficult. I also blame myself for waiting this long, even though I know that it's not my fault. I blame myself for not ttc when we first got married, so my mum could have seen the baby and enjoyed her. I was just too selfish and focused on my career. But I can't take it back and so have to move on to the future. You also had really good reasons to wait and to reflect on this decision. In the end, we can't think about what might have been or how it could have all turned out. We were just unlucky and have to hope for better outcomes next time. I feel positive you will have your better outcome soon. Fingers crossed for you xxx.

Good morning all - exciting news! Got a BFP this morning. Me and the DH are super excited, but have mixed emotions (I'm sure you can appreciate why). Quite a few tears this morning! It's early days yet and anything could happen, but will try to take one step at a time. 💖 💖

One question. Does the line look a little light? I've never used frer before and waited quite a while to test last time. AF would be due tomorrow x

Omg so excited for you @Amanda81 It's a definite positive and I wouldn't worry too much about the line being light as still early. Mine was like that at a similar time on First Response. You could test again in a few days and I'm sure it will be darker as hcg doubles every 48 hours. Could also get hcg blood test at docs if you're concerned. Just enjoy your good news and I hope it's sunny where you are too. I've got everything crossed for you that you have a very uneventful pregnancy. Xxx

@sadtoday21 it's funny how this whole process has brought up stuff from the past. A big reason why I was surprised at falling pregnant straight away was because I still thought there must be something wrong with me. I'm feeling pretty proud of my body now though. Proud I got pregnant and everything was very healthy from my body's perspective. Just the baby wasn't quite right.

The sharp pains have gone today. Still a heavy feeling in my tummy and very tired. Lots of mixed emotions as I have to say it all feels very familiar. Just trying not to get my hopes up. I'd be happy if not bfp this month. Would give me more time to lose weight. I've lost about 5 pounds since the surgery so would be nice to lose more.

How are you feeling today? Have you continued with the temping? Have the symptoms you were experiencing calmed down? X

@LMLP91 that's a really good attitude to have. It's really hard when you see friends and people you know having babies with no problems but many people have miscarriages. DH and I were talking about how probably a lot more people we know have had one than we realise. I think there is a lot of shame for some people; it shatters the illusion of being perfect. DH and I have always been very open about what happened and haven't felt ashamed personally but I think it's common to hide it. It can be part of your journey together but not define you. Chances are you'll never have to go through this again.

How are you feeling today? X