Wait for period or TTC now?

[Picklesandpies]

Hi,

I had a mmc at 7+4 last week (it was just a gestational sac) and I have just stopped bleeding after a week. It's been a bit stop start but now it almost looks as though I might be coming up to ovulation going by my cm (I'm not saying I am though as I have no idea how these things work.)

The nurse at EPU said wait for period before TTC again but gynae doctor said it's just for dating purposes that they say that. I haven't been offered a scan to check everything has 'gone' but I can't imagine it starting again now.

Is it safe to TTC again now or is it safest to wait for my period first? This is all new to me and I'm a bit confused by the different advice online.

Thank you.

@Nightmanagerfan glad you are alright. Mine wasn't as traumatic as yours I expect but I found it hit me in little waves until I stopped bleeding and then I felt much more even and normal again. Hope work have been understanding. x

@Pips841 I had a positive clear blue rapid results test the other day but now all tests negative. Not sure what to think other than the test was faulty (it must have been as first response was totally negative!)

@muffin7 interesting - I think we want to get going ASAP too, but will wait for a negative test first. I feel remarkably ok and work have been lovely.

@picklesandpies thanks for the support - I think a loss at any stage is still awful, but it’s so good to have the support of other women online. Let’s hope we
All have good news soon!

@Picklesandpies I got a positive ov test about cd9 but also a faint positive at the same time but I feel ovulation pains today... we have just cracked on... I've heard after mc you are super fertile so I'm keen to catch the worm so to speak!

Well I think I'm starting my period now so goodness knows what that positive clear blue digital test was about. Good luck to everyone else TTC this month!

@BadBadBeans how are you doing? Hope you are feeling more back to normal now and ready to get 'back on the horse' so to speak.

@jade92 how are you doing now? Have you managed to crack back on with the MA? I did mine full-time and was lucky enough to get funding so didn't have to work alongside it - I can't imagine how hard it must be doing your MA, working, and dealing with all this too. Really hope one of your job apps works out!

@howthelightgetsin how are you doing?

@Nightmanagerfan I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your loss. What a hard thing to have to deal with. What have you decided to do about trying again? I'm waiting for a period because I'm a leetle bit anxious and I would like to know that everything is definitely out before I start again. Plus I've been told not to have sex until a week after the bleeding stops anyway (which would be this coming weekend) and I have a feeling that would be too late in my cycle for conception. I don't know that for sure obviously (not doing opks at the moment), but I just have a feeling that my period will come in the next ten days or so.

@Picklesandpies I was so thrilled to see that you'd got a positive, and now gutted to see that your period is starting! Maybe it was a chemical? Who knows. Thanks for asking after me. I feel okay, mostly. Things have been a little fraught between myself and DH - I think partly because he was fairly unaffected by the whole thing, and although I wasn't too crestfallen emotionally, it was a blow nevertheless and I have felt a little bit like I've just gone through a really intense experience almost entirely on my own. He was at work too when the miscarriage was at its heaviest, so I don't think he really has a concept of what it was like physically either, although I have tried to explain it to him, and he did happen to see one of the smaller clots later on and was fairly taken aback by it. I have been reflecting on it and I think us not being able to have sex for nearly a month (17 days of bleeding + 7 days waiting after) hasn't helped - I think sex is quite important to the intimacy in our relationship. I sort of feel like I just want to take off all by myself for a few days and get my head together, but I can't do that because real life has too many demands on me!!!!

hello,

hoping I can join. I had a miscarriage last week, the bleeding started at 5+3.

It wasn't a planned pregnancy, so I had gone from thinking the timing is horrendous and almost disbelief to starting to get excited and then the bleeding started.

I am sorry for everyone's losses. It's absolutely heartbreaking. When a friend asked me on the day I had my miscarriage confirmed when we would start trying I have no idea how I held it together. I cried the whole way home.

The urge to be pregnant again is really strong but EPAU have recommended waiting until after my next period. From here it seems like that's only for dating but I think we will wait. I know my periods have never been regular but I never had a cause to track them.

Do you use apps to track? what's a frer?

xxx

@badbadbeans thanks for the message. I think we will try again quite soon - they said no sex for two weeks after (and I’m still bleeding in any case), but the senior midwife I saw actually said there’s no need to wait for a period if we didn’t want to. There might be dating problems if I got pregnant straight away but she said just to go to EPU and ask for a dating scan.

Part of me really misses being pregnant- I was almost 14 weeks and had just started to feel better. I was enjoying buying maternity clothes and planning my summer wardrobe! I am a bit cross that we’ll have to go through the first trimester sickness/tiredness again so soon. (Assuming I can get pregnant.)

It also feels like so many friends are announcing their pregnancies too. I also got an invitation to a baby shower from someone who knows that I’ve just lost a baby. I mean WTF? Maybe it’s good to have an outlet for my anger (though I’ll be polite
In real life.)

What’s everyone else doing re waiting for period etc?

@dreaminofholidays I'm sorry for your loss. I use Ovia to roughly work out my fertile week, but both times I've been pregnant I've got pregnant on the first go so I've never really got into detailed knowledge about when I ovulate etc. I think apps probably aren't the most accurate thing to use after a miscarriage as they base their predictions on you having reasonably regular cycles, and your cycles can apparently go a bit wobbly after a pregnancy loss. A FRER is a 'first response early result' brand of pregnancy test. It's very sensitive so can give you quite a clear reading early on in a pregnancy. I've used a few tests and I do like FRERs best, but they are expensive. I've bought myself a pack of cheap tests from Amazon for now. I'll splash out on something pricier if I think I am pregnant again.

@Nightmanagerfan that's great that you can try again as soon as you want to. I guess because it was surgical management they can be sure that your uterus is clear. Gosh, it must be so hard to get to 14 weeks and then just not be pregnant any more. I feel a bit the same as you about the dread of going through a first trimester again - but my last one wasn't much difficulty (I guess because the pregnancy wasn't viable) and also I would just be happy to be pregnant again I think. Oh dear, that's really unfortunate about the shower invite. Maybe they didn't know what to do for the best and thought it was better to invite than leave you out? I think if it were me though I would have made sure I said that I hoped the invitation didn't upset you, and that of course I didn't expect you to come if you couldn't manage it. Very very hard for you.

I think I find it a bit hard psychologically knowing that I now won't have a new baby in 2018, although I'm not sure why that makes a difference to me.

Oh BadBadBeans I’ve got pregnant both times (one successful, one not) first time too... (well, once my period had come back post birth which took over a year and a half).It makes the decision to try again a bit scary because it just seems almost inevitable that I’ll get pregnant again quickly but now I’m starting to worry about that. I know some people just get pregnant more easily than others and their bodies are just less “picky” about letting an fertilised egg implant so whilst maybe you get pregnant at a drop of a hat you’ll have more MCs too. Am I one of those people or was this just plain bad luck? I’m really over thinking but it’s playing on my mind a lot.

Still no pain and I’ve not missed any time from work but on sixth day of bleeding now and since the weekend it’s really ramped up, so pretty confident this should be it. I haven’t actually told EPAU that I’m bleeding or anything, probably should have. Feels so un-pregnant now I’m sure my hormone levels have dropped a lot.

That seems so insensitive nightmanagerfan, I hope you can vent your anger here!

Thanks for checking in @BadBadBeans. Making slow progress on the MA, but progress nonetheless I guess! Feel much better having a break from work too.

Though I’m super gutted today - was supposed to have an interview, I’ve done so so much prep and research - felt really good about it, then they called and said the job spec has changed & they’re cancelling the interview. I know it’s just crap luck but I can’t help feeling like this keeps happening to me... the promise of something then having it taken away. Surely something’s gotta give! But hey, we pick ourselves up and dust ourselves down and just get on with it.

Hello to the new visitors too by the way - sorry for your losses & to have you here under such crappy circumstances. Welcome, nonetheless.

Re the period question - my partner and I cracked on as soon as bleeding stopped and I felt more settled, but I seemed to have (what I can only assume) was my period anyway, and it was so light there’s no way it would have made a cosy enough home for a rainbow. So I guess when our body’s ready it will happen, and in the mean time we might as well have fun trying!

It’s difficult but we’ve been working hard at not putting too much pressure on sex. It’s true that sex is important in a relationship, and actually I just love sharing that closeness with my partner. That has to be the main focus I think... and anything else, a happy rainbow bonus x

@BadBadBeans

Thanks for the reply. Sorry to hear things a little fraught with your husband. I can relate a little as, although things are good now and we feel close again, my husband's behaviour immediately after my mc started was really odd and he seemed very detached. I also felt rather aggrieved that he seemed to be able to go off to work and nothing had changed for him. I don't know whether you read my post on here about him going to the gym when we got back from hospital? There's still a part of me that feels really hurt about some of his behaviour but I'm trying to let it go. I think even if he'd been saintly afterwards then I'd have felt a bit resentful just because it's so much easier for them to get on with things without the physical side. Irrational really but there you go! I do feel much closer to him now and I think he learnt a lot from it - as in, some things will always take priority over work (and nothing fell apart at work in his absence!)

Totally hear you on the sex front too - things got back on track for us in terms of closeness once that had been resumed. And it was nice to just enjoy it rather than it feel so perfunctory! It's an important part of our relationship too so I do understand how you feel there. I'm sure once you get things back on track there you will feel closer again (and probably even more so than before.)

Yes, I have no idea about the positive result. Really strange. I've concluded either a chemical (but then there was no line at all on frer) or faulty test. I suppose the thing with digital is that they can be faulty and show a positive where as a frer is not going to show a whiff or a second line if you are not pregnant. My period is shockingly heavy - I had heard your first one can be worse than normal - but urgh... I managed to ruined the duvet yesterday so now that has to go to the dry cleaners. Very crampy too but hoping that's easing off now. I'm glad though to know where I am again and it does mentally feel good to have a 'fresh start'.

@jade92 Hope you are feeling a bit better for some time away from work. Your life sounds very busy. Good to be able to focus a bit more on yourself rather than trying to keep up appearances at work. Annoying about the interview. Hope something else comes up soon.

@jade92 interesting to hear you cracked on straight away. I’ve heard that the first period can be strange so looking out for that. I agree re not putting too much pressure on ttc though. It feels like we haven’t had sex for ages and I think DH is scared of hurting me somehow, given all that has happened. I’m still bleeding so no action just yet but will try to book a weekend away soon so we can relax.

I do wonder if it would be good to wait, but @badbadbeans I can echo the sadness at not having a baby this year. I genuinely hope it happens for all of us soon.

In another strange post-termination bodily experience my boobs started producing milk yesterday... I had been warned it might happen but it is very odd. I guess my body thinks I’ve had a baby.

Oh and re the baby shower - it’s one of DH’s friends’ wives, and DH has told them in no uncertain terms we won’t be going. I think they are clueless rather than insensitive so I’ll just ignore and move on.

@Nightmanagerfan that must be so strange to start producing milk and not what you want after everything else. Glad your husband has been clear about the baby shower - I'm sure you're right about the cluelessness (some people just don't think before they speak or trying to do the right thing after agonising over it and then it's wrong - me included!) Hope the milk dries up soon and the bleeding doesn't go on for too long. I started to feel a lot better once mine stopped - it was nice not to be reminded every time I went to the loo. Hope you enjoy the bank holiday - a good chance to relax and recover. X

@howthelightgetsin I hadn't heard that about if you get pregnant easily then you are more likely to have pregnancies that don't work out... That's interesting. I may read up on that a bit. Yep I'm a bit scared about just going through the same thing again really quickly. I have a friend who had three miscarriages within about 9 months last year. She's now pregnant again and it's all going really well - nearly due! - but the thought of a year-long first trimester is a little daunting. Anyway! How were you over the weekend?

@jade92 Awh that's a shame about the interview. Hope something else turns up soon.

@Picklesandpies Yes, I did read your post on here about him and the gym. I'd have been furious too. My husband was more empathetic than that, but I think that because I didn't cry very much and because I wasn't in agony, he maybe didn't realise that it was still taking it out of me physcially and emotionally. However, he is definitely frustrated now by the lack of sex, which I absolutely cannot help (we couldn't have had sex until this weekend - a week after I stopped bleeding - but I was away this weekend and while I was away I came on my period!). He's not being grumpy about it, but he also is quite clear that he is keen to get back to having sex as soon as we can, which is making me feel a bit stressed - I don't know why!

How long did it take between your bleeding stopping and your next period? I had nine days and then started again. This period has had a few small clots in it already so I guess my body is still getting rid of stuff. I also - sorry if this is a horrendous TMI - had a really bizarre clump of clear glue-like stuff pass out the night before my period started. I actually freaked a bit and thought it might be a shrivelled-up sac (but have no idea what that would look like). Or maybe it could be the gel from the internal scan having dried up and worked its way out? That was more than two weeks ago, though. It was about 1cm in diameter and much more dried/solid than normal CM.

@Nightmanagerfan A weekend away is a good idea. I might see if the in-laws could look after DS so that DH and I can just have an overnight break. That must be so hard that you started producing milk. I didn't realise that could happen. How are you feeling now? x

Badbadbeans My bleeding ramped up quite a lot and now on day 11 it seems to finally be ending. I found yesterday what I think was a gestational sac. There should have been two of them but maybe I didn’t notice the other one.
Gosh, that’s not much time between MC and period! I guess on the upside it means you waited for your next one as instructed and now can freely try again.

@BadBadBeans sorry for brief reply - just getting ready to go out. I bled for a week and a half and then had two and a half weeks between that and my period. You did not have long to wait with nine days - that seems so quick but of course I have nothing but my own experience to go by. I don't know what the glue like stuff would have been but presumably something left over from mc. I had a horrendous period with lots of clots which I thought must be from mc. When I had my mc I did pass what I think was a small placenta (I saw mine from giving birth before and it was exactly the same, just smaller.) Gosh, such bizarre process. I don't blame you for feeling slightly under pressure sex wise - I just needed to do it in my own time, if I hadn't have been ready then I wouldn't have done though. I know what you mean about how perhaps not crying bucket loads can give your husband the impression that it's not been as hard as it has. Hopefully though, when you are ready, it will be good for you both to connect again. I've just finished my period and I'm having doubts about trying again because I'm scared what will happen a second time. It wasn't horrendous but I wouldn't choose to go through it all over again when I have two beautiful children already. Hope you had a good bank holiday!

Hello,

Hope you don't mind me joining your thread, as I'm in a similar boat. I had my ERPC 11 days ago and I'm hoping by Friday I will have a negative pregnancy test so we can start trying again. The gynechologist told me that we are more fertile after the procedure as implantation is easier. This surprised me, I thought it was an old wives tale. I'm feeling ok but it was very tricky to conceive naturally due to an existing fertility issue on my husband's side, so I think the longer it takes us the more disheartened I'll feel.

I was also invited to a baby shower by someone who knew about the miscarriage. I think in her case she didn't want to exclude me and didn't mean to be insensitive. I explained that I didn't think I would be ready. I actually feel ok around pregnant friends and babies, it's more the little baby clothes and buggies that get me- all the things I was thinking of getting for our little one that didn't make it. Very sad x

Hi @mistymeow - so so sorry to hear of your loss. You’re so welcome to join us. We were told to start trying again soon as well, I’m about ten days post-procedure and still bleeding a little, so we will wait a bit longer.

How are you feeling generally?

The baby shower invite happened to me too - I agree with you. Pregnant women and babies are ok but not sitting around for hours being forced to chat about them!

All the best for ttc again and hope we can all encourage each other too

Thanks for your reply, @nightmanagerfan, it's really heartening to be able to share experiences. I'm actually not too bad, I'm still getting some pains and wooziness but no more bleeding which I'm glad about. Emotionally I'm getting there, it just catches you by surprise doesn't it. Didn't help that I received a letter through the post from our health visitor service saying "we have recently been notified by the maternity department that you are pregnant." Thanks for that! I just rolled my eyes and inwardly groaned. Admin error!

How is everyone else doing today? The good weather helps with my mood :)

Sorry for being a little MIA recently things have been crazy busy at home. Welcome to the new posters, so so sorry for your losses. We are in the middle of ttc after our miscarriage, should ovulate tomorrow so keeping everything crossed. This is our first go after the miscarriage so not holding out much hope, but you never know.

@Muffin7 I think I will feel exactly the same when I ovulate (I expect it could be next week). I'm not very hopeful about a new pregnancy as my husband has a low sperm count (but can be treated, waiting on a new appointment with his consultant). I really hope it works out well for us all x

Hi ladies, sadly moving over from the December due dates group in the Pregnancy forum into this one as you all sound so supportive and it’s nice to have people who understand what you are going through.

We had been TTC for 2.5 years without any joy and were waiting for our call from the IVF clinic when my April period was late and I had my first ever BFP! I was however anxious as had had brown spotting for over a week by that time and my GP sent me straight to the EPU for an early scan. I was measuring 5+5 at that time rather than the 7weeks the GP had estimated but all looked ok and no apparent cause of the spotting so I was booked in for another scan in 2 weeks (which took place this morning). Those have been the longest 2 weeks of my life! Spotting continued on and off but light and always brown. I had two small one off “bleeds” with some pink blood but EPU were not overly concerned as scan had been ok and I was told to wait. Had a full set of pregnancy symptoms up until last Friday when they eased off (which worried me) then on Sunday lunch time I began to bleed heavily. I started cramping which gradually got worse until Monday afternoon when I couldn’t even stand up properly. However the bleeding had eased off and I didn’t pass anything more than a heavy period (although mine are particularly heavy anyway). Had an agonising wait until the scan this morning although I knew that he worst had happened. I was however worried that I may need medical intervention as had not passed any obvious tissue. Scan confirmed that I had miscarried our miracle embryo (the only one my husband and I have ever successfully made) and that there were no complications, my uterus is all but empty. I suppose that’s good as it means the worst is over but it is so disappointing.

So sorry that you are all in a similar boat. Hoping that we all get back in the saddle soon and have happier news. We took the opportunity this morning to pop into the IVF clinic and let them know that we still needed a treatment appointment so hopefully we’ll hear from them soon.

@35counting so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. It sounds like it was quite drawn out for you in terms of spotting and scans. Really sad for you that it did not have a positive outcome. The spotting and bleeding terrified me and even though the scan confirmation was horrible, it meant the uncertainty was over and I could start the grieving process.

You sound so similar to me. We were also waiting on an IVF appointment but conceived naturally. For it to take so long to have a BFP and for it to end so sadly, it hit us hard. It's good that you took a positive step in going to the IVF clinic. Our GP advised us to focus on my husband's fertility treatment (he has an existing rare condition which causes problems with his hormones and sperm production) and see if that helps. To have a positive pregnancy test before IVF is encouraging. It's hard to take any positives during such a sad time but I find it helps to think ahead, and take comfort in that there is hope.

Take care x