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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

531 replies

EllieG · 20/03/2007 09:14

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

OP posts:
Aude75 · 11/07/2007 10:04

Great mantra, will remember that

ronshar · 13/07/2007 10:12

Amen to that Popsy

Original poster
EllieG · 13/07/2007 10:53

Yey for all of us

OP posts:
ronshar · 25/07/2007 23:46

Hello ladies.
I have been hiding out. (scared).
AF is here and I welcomed her. I think I may have finally made my peace. Or possibly given up, hard to tell.
I only have 9 weeks left until my 'due date', I shall see how I am feeling then, bonkers no doubt!
I hope you girls are all ok? I notice we have all been hiding for a while.
Ps I hate the bloody rain.

LittleSquirt · 26/07/2007 10:51

Hi Ronshar - I had my ERPC on 2nd July and still waiting for AF Doesn't feel like it will happen any time soon although hormones clearly all over the place as seems to go through all range of emotions on a daily basis. I know that AF can take up to 6 or 8 weeks after ERPC but hoping it will turn up before that (will be 4 weeks on Monday).

I agree that threads have been quiet lately, where is everyone? Maybe gone abroad to try to get some sun? Wouldn't blame anyone who does that!!! I live near Reading so have more chance of flooding than sun any time soon at the moment. Not helping with hormonal mood swings!

Sorry for rant

ronshar · 29/07/2007 12:10

That is what this thread is for none of that positive rubbish here!
I hope you havent been flooded yet. I am on the coast so just a few parks turning into lakes and that the worst of it.
My first af after ERPC was 22 days. Then 29, 28, 27 and this month 26. Who knows when I am ovulating. That is part of the reason why I have kind of given up. I am waiting to see if things get back to normal again.
Im sure you will know when the time is right for you. try not to get stressed about the whole thing as it makes it worse, easily said I know.

LittleSquirt · 31/07/2007 20:58

Thank you for your kind words Ronshar, they really helped

I am trying to be patient, really I am but some days seem to go slower than others iykwim?

I am pleased to report that we did avoid the flooding. Feeling so sorry for all the people who got their homes destroyed though. Really terrible

Original poster
EllieG · 06/08/2007 09:23

Hey all - have been on hols and had fab time, really chilled out and managed only one big cry about MC, which was good!
Hope everyone is OK x

OP posts:
LittleSquirt · 06/08/2007 09:35

Welcome back Ellie, hope you had a fab holiday!

I was away for a long weekend myself and I am pleased to report that AF finally turned up on Saturday. I am a bit confused though as it was really really light and only lasted a day really, now back to spotting already. Is this normal after an MC? Is it possible that this is not actually a "proper" AF?

Original poster
EllieG · 06/08/2007 09:49

AF was weird for me for several months after MC, and is only now getting back to normal. Mine tended to be REALLY heavy for about a day but then disappear, so I wouldn't worry. My GP said it just takes time for them to settle down and not to worry.

OP posts:
LittleSquirt · 06/08/2007 11:36

Thanks Ellie - will try to be patient!

Original poster
EllieG · 06/08/2007 11:56

Easier said than done isn't it?

OP posts:
ronshar · 06/08/2007 12:56

Hey littlesquirt Im glad you didnt get flooded. At least the sun is shining now!
It takes ages for body to settle after mc. It is so hard to separate your self from the constant body searching for symptoms of af or bfp or worse bfn. I am 5months post mc and it is only on my last cycle that I didnt cry. (I still convinced my self I was pregnant though)
like I said it takes a while.

LittleSquirt · 06/08/2007 14:34

Hi Ronshar - true, sun is shining and it really does help. My outlook seems better now and I feel like I am a bit more patient than I was just after the MC.
Must be very frustrating for you to be in your 5th cycle post MC, I am sure it will be your turn very soon now! Sending you good vibes!
I seem to remember that you said you might take a break form the whole TTC malarkey though, is that true? Wouldn't blame you.

I know what you mean about being convinced you are pregnant. After my MC, a few people had mentioned they knew someone who had conceived immediately after an ERPC and for some reason I thougth that might happen to me. Didn't help that I still had PG hormones flying around my system so was easy to think that they were symptoms of a new pregnancy. I am very deluded

LittleSquirt · 06/08/2007 14:40

And Ellie - yes, easier said than done but at least talking about it with you guys on here is helping make time pass a bit quicker too! Not that I am obsessed or anything!

Original poster
EllieG · 06/08/2007 15:32

No, of course not. None of us are, we're all completely normal and rational at all times

OP posts:
ronshar · 07/08/2007 10:13

Dont panic that feeling of delusion could go on for months!
Yes I am having a break. There does seem to be a few of us loonies who have kind of reached the end of our teathers. I was making myself crazy constantly checking hopeing, and then crying! Too much. The three times I have concieved before have all been unintentional/or not completely planned. Pill and days after coil removal!
how does that work I ask?
It is all in my head I think so I just have to think of other things. (She kids herself)

Original poster
EllieG · 07/08/2007 10:35

I'm trying to be the same ronshar - I really took a break this month from worrying and calculating and planning and I feel so much better for it. Not sure how long it will last though!

OP posts:
ronshar · 07/08/2007 10:39

Just put all the pee sticks, thermometers, etc away in the loft so you cant just have a quick go!!
Or burn them, bloody wee sticks may as well as burnt £100 in last few months any way!

Original poster
EllieG · 07/08/2007 11:17

Snap! Also millions of pounds on PG tests which I knew were going to be BFN but did anyway. But no more! New rule is no testing until period properly late

OP posts:
ronshar · 08/08/2007 11:04

That sounds like a fantastic rule. All I need to do is remember that when I have convinced myself the day after bd that I must be pregnant this time!!

Original poster
EllieG · 08/08/2007 13:32

I've done really well so far - AF due friday and usually would have been testing about 3x a day since yesterday, but none. Is quite a relief really. If AF not here will test but otherwise not thinking about it, as is all too frustrating.

OP posts:
ronshar · 09/08/2007 11:00

You hold out until at least Monday if she hasnt turned up. Can you imagine, three days of waiting and not testing. That would be so painful and probably impossible.

Original poster
EllieG · 09/08/2007 11:15

Not sure I can do that. But sadly, don't think will have to - defo crampy today so expecting AF tomorrow

OP posts:
ronshar · 09/08/2007 12:18

Buger