Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

531 replies

EllieG · 20/03/2007 09:14

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

OP posts:
cuillan · 21/05/2007 16:43

lovelylou just to add that i had a partial mole & after the 2nd erpc my hormone levels started to drop and i had go for weekly blood & urine tests at my local hospital and the samples were then sent up to Charing Cross hospital.
Eventually when my levels were satisfactory i could then just send in urine samples until my follow up treatment was complete with Charing Cross.
But unlike you,as soon as my missed miscarriage was known & i'd had my first erpc, it was'nt long before i was contacted with the news of the molar pregnancy, so i was fortunate enough to have my treatment started very quickly !!!!
I'm really hoping that although not nice,the blood & urine tests after your initial look for 'nasty' tissue will be the route you follow.

lovelylou · 21/05/2007 17:15

Thanks Cuillan and Glimmer.It is all quite scary but most of the time i feel like it is happening to someone else.
Cuillan, I have been really concerned about TOD for quite a while, even looking on the September ante natal club for her. I really hope she is okay. I would feel more positive i think if i knew she was okay.
My friend is back so i am off to hers tonight to drink lots of wine and have a cry. Again thanks for the support it really is helping very much. Much love to you both x

Original poster
EllieG · 22/05/2007 09:03

Hey lovelylou - how did your night with your friend go?

OP posts:
lovelylou · 22/05/2007 11:50

Hi Ellie. I had a good night, i always do. Had a good cry and got it all off my chest. Feel a lot better today, just slightly hungover x

ronshar · 22/05/2007 11:55

Lovelylou I am so sorry. I know some of how you are feeling because for 7wks I had the same worries and fears, I know that isnt the quite the same but I can understand how devastated you are. Try to be positive and remind yourself that by this time next year it will all be over. ps I have heard that wine, chocolate and sunshine are all fantastic feel good medicine.

Original poster
EllieG · 22/05/2007 14:49

Glad you had a good one lovelylou - what's the next step for you? Do you have to go in for more tests soon?

OP posts:
barrelrider · 22/05/2007 15:52

Hi everyone

Lovelylou I was so sorry to read about your results I do hope you're OK.

Thinking about you

Original poster
EllieG · 22/05/2007 15:54

Hey barrelrider - how you doing?

OP posts:
nh101 · 22/05/2007 16:25

Hey lovelylou, just wanted to say I am thinking of you and praying for you. Let us know how you are getting on.

lovelylou · 22/05/2007 16:46

I have to go for an internal scan to check for nasty tissue which could turn into a tumour. Then blood and urine tests i think for however long. The excitement never stops eh

cuillan · 22/05/2007 22:11

Lovelylou do you have a date for your scan yet & are you under the care of Charing Cross or Sheffield ???
Try to keep positive. XXXXX

lovelylou · 23/05/2007 11:51

I am with Sheffield. I don't really know what is going on to be honest. No dates for anything yet.

Original poster
EllieG · 23/05/2007 12:47

Hope you hear something soon x

OP posts:
cuillan · 27/05/2007 12:55

lovelylou i'm still thinking of you. How are you doing ???? Have you heard from the hospital yet !!!!

lovelylou · 28/05/2007 10:02

Thanks cuillan. Still no word from anyone, no idea what is going on. I am okay though. Thanks for thinking of me x

cuillan · 28/05/2007 22:26

lovelylou, i'm just feeling so sad for you that your hospital is taking so long to treat you - especially after the long, long, long wait you've had to endure before you received your results. They just seem to be leaving you in limbo .
I really hope you hear soon. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Glimmer · 29/05/2007 11:32

Lovelylou. I agree that the way you are being treated is unaccaptable. I know you have other things on your mind right now than getting angry, but maybe it would be good to boil up some anger and go back to GP or hospital and complain? I didn't do so, because I was alone and vulnerable and I regret so much not being more assertive. Maybe I shouldn't deduce from that and it's a different situation for you.
Could you ask your DP, mother or close friend to stand by your side and complain for or with you? You really need some professional help at this point: both physically and mentally and you shouldn't have to wait for ages....
I am thinking of you and send you lots of strength. This time is horrible and will probably get worse (once the numbness goes away) but in the long term things will get better and you will have a baby!

nh101 · 30/05/2007 15:25

Hi Lovelou, I am thinking of you.

I agree you should make lots of noise and complain to the hospital. You have been treated badly - don't let them do it.

Original poster
EllieG · 30/05/2007 17:35

I agree, for what it's worth. How you doing lovelylou?

OP posts:
lovelylou · 03/06/2007 16:08

Nearly 13 weeks now and still no treatment at all

Parys · 04/06/2007 17:42

I almost feel ashamed to be writing this amongst all the other messages, but I really need to. I lost my baby in September, I say baby because thats what I truly feel it was. I was only 5-6 weeks when I found out and I lost it the very next day. I was told at the hospital to return tomorrow to check whether I really had miscarried. I had to wait all night wondering if I still had my baby or not! I have no one to talk to about how upset it still makes me. People tell me, "It wasn't even a real baby yet", and think thats gonna make me feel better, but it really hurts because it was my baby, even if it was only for such a very short time.

I don't mean to go on but 7 yrs ago when I was 19, I had also an abortion. I spent many years hating myself for what I had done, still do really. But I can't help but think maybe thats the reason why I couldn't have the baby I chose to keep.

lovelylou · 05/06/2007 15:26

Feel really down today and cried to my friend again on sat so going to gp to tell him how i am feeling and see if he can help get somthing happening with sheffield or hospital. Really fed up and want someone to do somthing about it so i stop feeling so crap . Don't know if anyone is reading this thread anymore, think everyone has moved on now, so jealous.

cuillan · 05/06/2007 17:49

Lovelylou, no i'm still here.
Have you managed to see your gp?? If you have i hope they are as outraged as i am about how you have been left not knowing what the hell is happening .
I'm praying that perhaps they will chase it up for you and at long last you will receive the treatment you so desperately need.
I mean 13 weeks is really taking the p*. I think it really is time to get angry, if only so that you know where your life is going. You need to know even if it's just for your sanity !!!!
If your gp can't help perhaps you could contact Sheffield. I spoke to Charing Cross a few times and they were very helpful.
Hang on in there and i'd like you to know you are constantly in my thoughts.
I'll be checking up on you very very soon.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Original poster
EllieG · 06/06/2007 13:37

I'm still reading it lovelylou and thinking of you xxx
Parys - so sorry for your loss
Ignore what anyone says if they are telling you how you should feel - this was YOUR baby and YOUR body and only you know how you feel. It is entirely natural and normal to grieve for your little lost baby, however little he or she was. As for other feelings around yuor abortion - it is not your fault the MC happened, and please do not go down that line. You could not have done anything to prevent it, and whatever happened to you at 19 (which is SO young) I think you should probably finish beating yourself up about it because it does not make you a bad person. Have you thought about having some counselling to help you in coming to terms with it?

OP posts:
Glimmer · 06/06/2007 16:52

Hi Lovelylou. I have been checking in to see how you are faring, too. I agree, you need professional help getting you through this. I hope the GP will help to finally get you booked in with a consultant and for some counselling as well. Could you take your friend or DP with you when you go? I think sometimes it helps having sombody there who back you up and tells them off. I am happy to come with you if you happen to live in the greater London area!!!