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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

531 replies

EllieG · 20/03/2007 09:14

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

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ronshar · 23/06/2007 20:38

oops I have just renewed an friendship with Mr Cadbury caramel, the big bars, you know the ones every where in all the supermarkets. The bars that scream my name very loudly. I had to do something while watching the Doctor being bullied. I want to look after him, take him home with me. Oh dear I think this is why I try not to give the children too much chocolate!

Original poster
EllieG · 23/06/2007 21:09

Have put on half stone too. Over-fondness for wine and chocolate unfortunately and when was PG had no energy so turned into a chubster. Ah well, can't be arsed to worry about that too!
Birthday was great thanks - went to the beach to watch a wicker man burning thing and got stoned (SO not me but was fun) and have just chilled since
Still dreaming about babies but not so much. Bit of break from the ttc pages has done me good I think, people are super lovely there but I think is making me a bit obsessive to be thinking about ttc all the time, when we're not really, feel like a failure every month and is not healthy.

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ronshar · 23/06/2007 22:45

Yes I am with you on that one. I have revisited today as am feeling that last week pressure. When you could be pg, you cant find out yet, but more importantly I dont think I want to know. However that hasnt stopped me from turning into that fertility weirdo that we so mocked a few weeks back. And I mean that in the general sense not a personal way.
Glad birthday was brill. at illegal substance use. I am a mum sorry, it is inbuilt now. Even my friends get told off. They dont tell me any more but I know they still do it. I shall find them out. They cant hide. Hypocrit really as would love to join in. Bloody responsibilities.

Original poster
EllieG · 26/06/2007 21:48

PMSL ronshar! As I said is very not me, usually am v v sensible but was giving self a night off
How is everyone? I am having a manic time at work and my PG supervisor keeps going on and on about how tired/sick/dizzy she's feeling and today I had to walk out the room so I wouldn't cry. Went home and howled all over DP, poor man, which made me feel much better though not sure he did.

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ronshar · 02/07/2007 20:09

Hello everybody. We all seem to have gone away from this thread but I still need to shout every now and then so please dont all go off and leave me to shout on my own.

popsy76 · 03/07/2007 07:28

hey ronshar - I am hear too - but talking to you on other thread - shout away

ronshar · 03/07/2007 09:35

Cheers luv. I know that most of us are on ttc. I have had enough of the constant ttc is is driving me crazy. It is reinforcing my sense of personal failure as well as my bad spelling. Not the people she adds very quickly.. Ho hum. What to do.

lovelylou · 04/07/2007 11:10

Hi everyone. I feel a lot happier now. Actually i am quite pleased i am not allowed to ttc. It means i get to take a rest from it all, i think i would drive myself round the bend if i was ttc, cos i would be desperate for it to happen straight away. This way i have no choice. Still really broody though and is it just me or does there seem to be a baby boom going on? Loads of pregnant women and new babies or am i just noticing them more

Original poster
EllieG · 04/07/2007 12:42

I think it's just you notice them more! - I'm the same.
Know what you mean about ttc driving you mad - have had a break and it's been really good for me. Much less upset this month at AF being due any minute. Think taking a break is actually helping me re MC feelings too - I am still grieving tbh and I think I need to take more time.
Am glad you still come on here and shout sometimes too people, I need to at times and do check in. Today someone asked me when my baby was due and had to tell them had MC' - they didn't know - and then PG suervisor bounced in to show me her latest scan pics. grrrr is a conspiracy. Am going home for a cup of tea and a fag at lunchtime and ain't gonna feel guilty about it.

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ronshar · 04/07/2007 20:06

Hi lovelylou, long time no read. How are you getting on? I cant remember and it is far too difficult to look back on the thread. Are you having treatment for the Molar pregnancy and if so how are you finding it all so far? If you dont mind me asking of course.
I am having the summer off and perversly trying desparately not ttc. Bet with my luck I will get pregnant now and it will ruin all my lovely getting drunk plans I have made for the next 6 weeks.

popsy76 · 05/07/2007 08:57

Hi Ellie I agree - even though I would love to be PG again now - in my saner moments I can think about how much my sanity has improved and how much more stable I will be when I eventually do manage it
Off to see about new job this alvo - will keep you posted
Ronshar - i too have a boozy summer ahead - hen do next weekend - PHEW!!!!!!!!!
lovely good to hear from you - you are so amazing!
I think we are all alot better aren't we? Yes there are PG ladies everywhere - just have to walk around with eyes closed ;-}

Original poster
EllieG · 05/07/2007 09:08

Best of luck popsy!

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lovelylou · 07/07/2007 11:57

Thanks popsy. I don't think i am amasing but you have to try and be positive or you would fall a part wouldn't you and i cannot do thet cos i have dd. I think we are doing really well ladies, i am proud of us all

popsy76 · 07/07/2007 21:40

hear hear!

Original poster
EllieG · 08/07/2007 21:09

I agree! (pats on back all round)

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Rainbowdays · 09/07/2007 08:51

Sorry to jump in here, but I wonder if you can help. I had a miscarriage last week at only 5 weeks, the bleeding was only there for a couple of days, although I have had a little spotting since then. But since then my stomach has just not felt right, I feel like I need to go to the toilet all the time. I just want to know if this is normal or not.

ronshar · 09/07/2007 11:58

Rainbow days. Have you been to the doctors at all yet? You do need to because it is better to get your mc recognised by the quacks or they dont believe you. Also you may need to have a scan to ensure that your womb is empty. It is horrible talking about it, it feels so graphic.
Anyway what I am trying to say is if your womb isnt empty then you will be very likely to get an infection.
Is this your first mc? It is very hard and it takes a long time to recover. there are lots of us on here so please use us to help you get through what is a horrid time in your life.

ronshar · 09/07/2007 12:01

Popsy ellie & lovelylou we are all fantastic because we are still here and not in the funny farm with the men in white coats!.

Rainbowdays · 09/07/2007 13:39

Ronshar - thank you for your quick reply. My pg was picked up crazily at the hospital, and I had three blood tests. They showed hcg levels of 7.3, then 50, then 13. They said a scan would not show anything as it was only 5 weeks. But I have to say I am now wondering if there is an infection going on or something. But since this is my first mc I was not sure if what I am experiencing is just normal? I was feeling ok emotionally after a few days of crying, but yesterday I heard news of a friend of mine being killed in a motorbike accident and I suddenly feel totally shaken again, both about the sudden loss of my friend (which I still can't quite believe) and the mc. Dh and I shed more tears yesterday. I feel very self-focussed at the moment, and don't seem to be able to see the wider world, if that makes sence?

FloriaTosca · 09/07/2007 14:11

Sorry to barge in...hope you dont mind but I felt I had to respond to Rainbowdays;
I have had several miscarriages..2 were like yours at 5 weeks (but also also 1@7wks, 1@9wks, 1@12 wks and the last was @ 17wks) Physically, this early, it shouldnt feel much more than a very bad period, I think you should get an immediate appointment with your GP, an explain what has and is going on; it might be nothing but could equally be some sort of infection and it is better to be safe than sorry.
What is normal emotionally is another matter entirely and I think different for everyone who is unfortuante enough to suffer it, but introspection is I think very understandable at a time like this, along with anger as well as the tears..after all it isnt fair!
If it is any consolation 1 in 5 pregancies end in miscarriage, (usually early). Recurrent miscarriages (like mine) are very rare and you will almost certainly have a sucessful pregnancy when you are ready for it. I was told for 12 yrs that I was infertile but now at 43 and after 6 m/cs (all due to a genetic translocation and a blood clotting disorder) over the last 3 years, I am 27 wks into my 7th pg (all conceived naturally, not medically assisted) So there is hope..light at the end of the tunnel...when you are ready to reach for it.

Original poster
EllieG · 09/07/2007 15:24

Floriatosca - congratulations on your PG, that's wonderful.
Rainbowdays - I am so sorry for what you are going through. Can only reiterate what others have said, that you need to get checked out with a GP encase of infection, and as for feelings, there is no 'normal' way to feel when grieving. You've gone through the mill, physically and emotionally, and your mind and body need time to recover. Don't expect too much of yourself, don't feel weak for feeling bad, goodness knows all of us on here have had a whole mixture of emotions and there is no right or wrong way to handle this. Just keep talking, don't bottle it up, use us and your DP. Thinking of you x

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FloriaTosca · 10/07/2007 08:49

Ellie; thanks for the congrats, but we're not counting any chicks before they are hatched (iyswim)...when you have lost as much as we have you simply cant relax, the memories of what went wrong before haunt you and you are like a cat on a hot tin roof all the time, waiting for one of the warning signs... believe it or not for me, getting pg again has not helped much with my grief at losing Robyn (the little girl I lost on 1st September last year at 17 wks pg). Time is helping me cope with it, and I can hardly complain of feeling "empty" now, but the bitterness and the pain and the guilt that it shouldnt have happened are still there and the regret that if I had only done this or not done that I would be bouncing a healthy six month old on my knee like 4 of my friends and family are doing ... only this morning I woke weeping for her and what should have been.
Another group like this helped me through the worst of the early stages and I think it is wonderful that you have each other for support through this very difficult time, I wasnt going to butt in; having a pg woman around just compounds the hurt until the miracle happens again for you,(I know, I couldnt face my friends who were pg and the sight of a pg woman or worse a small baby was agony..as for every other TV advert!!!!aaahhhh!!) but seeing Rainbows message when looking through recent threads I felt compelled to say something. I wish you all healing and contentment soon and that your miracles happen for you when the time is right.

Original poster
EllieG · 10/07/2007 09:39

Ah you made me cry at my desk and had to pretend was hayfevery
Thank you for support those are lovely words. I really hope this PG goes well for you x

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Aude75 · 10/07/2007 18:08

You made me cry at my desk too FloriaTosca, but also inspired me. I have just had my first MC and I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through. You sound very strong and I wish you all the best with this pregnancy. Keeping everything crossed for you! Axxx

Original poster
EllieG · 11/07/2007 08:54

Hello aude - just remember Popsy-like positve mantras - WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS AND WE WILL BE PG! One day we will be holding our babies and maybe be better Mums because of all this x

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