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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

531 replies

EllieG · 20/03/2007 09:14

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

OP posts:
popsy76 · 15/06/2007 13:16

Hey ladies sorry have been missing - tried to stay away for a while and then completely forgot to come back here. Hope everyone is well. Lovelylou so fab that you onlky have 6 months wait - looks like our finger crossing worked
I am still not back to normal - long cycles and never ending waiting - hmmmmm

pgp · 15/06/2007 13:46

Parys, i am a new member and have just lost a little one at 5/6 weeks, although i didn't know until i was about to have my 12 week scan which was really upsetting, i was at the stage of wanting to tell everyone about our great news. However, i am lucky to have a 13 month old who is gorgeous and so much joy. But i also had an abortion 4 years prior to this and was very scared that the choice i had made would affect me ever having the great priviledge of childbirth. However, that is not the case. It is still very sad having a miscarrage, it only happened last friday and i had an awful 4 days in hospital afterwards due to blood loss. I am starting to come to terms with this now, but I am thinking of you and to let you know that there will be more opportunities for you.

popsy76 · 15/06/2007 13:59

hi pgp
i was the same - missed MC at 9 weeks not found out til scan at 13 - had to change message from look at our lovley scan picks to i'll be off work recovering and trying to remember what life without PG is like... so sorry you have been through this - I am now 3 months on - is still boody hard (am having a bad one today) - i really do think only another PG will make me me again?

Original poster
EllieG · 15/06/2007 14:10

Same here - went for scan, baby had died at 8 weeks. It still makes me well up when I think about it - I asked for a scan photo and I was looking at it last night and having a little cry. But it is OK most of the time, I can cope now.
I am sorry you are having to go through this pgp - my love and thoughts are with you. It's rubbish, but the pain does lessen I promise.

OP posts:
ronshar · 15/06/2007 14:34

It is so strange to read your post pgp. I had same in March diagnosed at 13wk scan. It has reminded me just how painful it was. You have my every sympathy and please know that it does get easier.

pgp · 15/06/2007 20:37

thanks for your kind messages, it really helps knowing we are not alone especially emotionally which is where the pain is mostly.

Original poster
EllieG · 17/06/2007 17:24

No worries pgp, thinking of you. Make sure you be kind to yourself at the moment x

OP posts:
popsy76 · 18/06/2007 08:45

hey ronshar - you and me are March MC 13 week scan buddies - don't know whether to laugh or cry!
So much time has passed - i was still PG in my head for so long after the MC - maybe due to the fact that my body didn't notice that it was MC - my brain took ages to register it too. Now at last I am starting to plan things and do things that are nopt directly related to being PG, losing PG or getting PG and i think this is a big step for me. I am also coming to terms with the fact that may not be PG again in time for my due date (24th Sept) - a thought I could not have entertained a month ago!
We're going on hols in July and I want to make tht a really relaxing special time - like a wiping the slate clean - I am so worried about losing the next year or more to MC madness ughhhhh

R75 · 18/06/2007 15:02

This is the first time I've contributed to any of these forums and it feels a little strange! I had a miscarriage 4 months ago and am struggling to get on with my life. I thought I was doing OK but over the last few weeks have started to feel really lost again. It just seems so unfair and I can't seem to get past this. I'm desperate to get pregnant again. I know this won't replace the baby I've lost but I just want to be pregnant. Everyone keeps on telling me to relax and it will happen but I can't relax and I can't unwind. Does it get any easier?

popsy76 · 18/06/2007 15:08

Hi R75 very quiet on here today - sorry you have had such a rubbish time. I am only three months on but am still totally f*cked up. I thought I was better a while back but have had a couple of weeks of bursting into tears at the stupidest things. Just go easy on yourself - vent to us here and then you'll hopefully feel able to get on with real life in the mean time. I honestly don't think you can get over an MC until you have a baby - or at least i don't think I'll be properly happy until then? Sending big "life's shit isn't it?" hugs to you - keep us posted with how you are getting on!!!

popsy76 · 18/06/2007 15:09

p.s. someone mentionned reflexology (basil?) and I am thinking of having some of that - want to get my cycles back - have just started second period after MC - have had 2 cylces of over 6 weeks grrrrr
could help you chill (see i am trying not to be boozed obsessed - am reformed )

R75 · 18/06/2007 15:19

Hi Popsy76. Thanks for replying, it's good to know there are people who understand what I'm going through and how much of an emotional rollercoaster this is. I have tried reflexology (relaxing at the time) and reiki (a bit weird)and will probably carry on spending a fortune pampering myself etc but I don't really know if any of these things will do a lot. I need to sort out my state of mind. My husband and I are off on holiday next week so hopefully a week in the sun might do us some good.

popsy76 · 18/06/2007 15:24

Hi R75
I know what you mean - i am so skint and am sure is cos have been medicating mysekf with buying nice things - I am also eating and drinking more as I need to dull the pain of waiting. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave and we'd all be PG. You just have no idea about how life changing an MC is - I don't think I'll ever be the same again! It is like your life is on hold - I find I want to talk about it all the time but i think people are just thinking "bloody hell is she not over it yet?". I just had an email from PG friend and I keep reading it to torture myself....oh how I want to be her!

R75 · 18/06/2007 15:29

Hi Popsy 76. I just read one of your earlier threads to somebody else.....weird coincidence....my due date was September 24th too. I found out during my 9th week that I had miscarried but they thought it probably happened a week or so before. Like you I really want to be pregnant again by my due date but time is ticking on......

popsy76 · 18/06/2007 15:42

oh god so we are both going to be totally obsessed then arghhhhh welcome to my world
Okay - the thing is we have to have a sense of humour and we have to be realistic about the fact that we may not get PG by then or even this year .
I am going to be super positive and try to think of anything other than the crushing pain of not being PG (joke...almost )
xxxxxx

R75 · 18/06/2007 15:54

I know you're right about trying to be positive but it's just soooo hard. We're putting pressure on ourselves wanting so much to be pregnant by 24th Sept but I just feel that the day will be even more unbearable if I'm not pregant.

I know what you mean about wanting to talk about it all the time. I still feel like I need to talk about it but most people don't even mention it anymore. What I found really strange and upsetting was that some people who I consider to be friends have not even mentioned it to me at all or asked anything about it. My husband says they probably don't know what to say or don't want to upset me but their silence upsets me more because it makes me feel that they don't care or they don't think my baby was real or important. Sorry if I'm going on a bit but I just feel like I need to get it all out and if you feel the same then I'll listenxxx

R75 · 18/06/2007 15:55

Popsy76 P.S. I think I've lost my sense of humour. I'm hoping I might find it again on holiday!

popsy76 · 18/06/2007 16:03

I have told everyone - i know some of them would rather not know but it is such an important part of how I am feeling every minute of every day that it is like lying when I don't talk about it. Also, hopefully other people will realise that it is a devastating thing and that I am in no way "back to normal" yet.
You need to get on here more often and have a good rant - I am sure it is the only reason I am not locked up in a loony bin!
I have also talked to a life coach. We talk about how the baby meant more to me than just being a baby - I had seen it as the start of everything I wanted to change about my life - it was a lot of pressure to put on me and the baby when it eventually decised to turn up

Original poster
EllieG · 18/06/2007 17:23

Hey r75 - you don't need a sense of humour on here hon - rant and talk away, is all Ok. God knows I've done enough of it. My MC was at the beginning of March and although I am generally OK, I still burst into floods of missing my baby tears alst night when my period came - didn't really expect it, but I guess htere's still a lot of pain there. Talking helps though.

OP posts:
ronshar · 20/06/2007 09:42

I have missed a few days as I was begining to get a bit obsessive about the whole pregnancy stuff. Popsy & R75 I know exactly what you mean. I havent heard anything from someone who considers herself to be a good friend. Yet she is always the first to call me when she has one of her many crisis. What is plural for crisis??? I have not spoken to my husband about it at all because he is completely incapable of understanding my pain. To be fair he may if I actually gave him the chance!
Because everyone else seems to have moved on I feel that I am wallowing in my own misery and no-one really wants to hear about it all. To make it worse I now cant get pregnant again. I got pregnant last time 2 weeks post coil removal. How does that work???????

popsy76 · 20/06/2007 12:43

i was the same ronshar - have already calc with my 6 week cycle DH will be away at OV time - it is official i am stopping this madness and chilling WE CAN DO IT!!!

Original poster
EllieG · 20/06/2007 15:14

Hey all - had a really sad dream about my baby last night, where I was crying and crying about not being PG, but strangely enough woke up feeling like a bit of a weight's been lifted, so maybe I needed a bit of dream therapy. Anyway, feeling much better today and is my birthday tomorrow so determined to enjoy myself!

OP posts:
popsy76 · 20/06/2007 15:16

yippee
i had ones of those too a couple of weeks agio (the day before my birthday ha ha)
is funny isn;'t it - a bit of letting go is good for us!
happy birthday for tomorrow!!!

ronshar · 21/06/2007 21:50

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. I hope you are out enjoying your self.
Can I ask anyone else out there have you put on weight against your will since the fateful event? I seem to have piled on at least half a stone. Im sure I am not doing anything different! I may also be deluding myself as I have formed an attachment to the men called Ben and Jerry.

popsy76 · 22/06/2007 13:05

I have put on 1/2 stone too grrrr
just trying to ignore it (defo medicinal eating and drinking)