Miscarried 2 weeks ago advice please

[EllieG]

I had a missed miscarriage 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. It was my first baby. I did a lot of crying after coming out of hospital and thought I was starting to feel stronger. I have just spent the weekend with my sister-in-law, who is pregnant and due the same day I would have been. Although I am so happy for her, since coming home I have felt so low and sad. I am even starting to resent my step-daughter (who is a lovely girl) for not being mine and feel I am withdrawing from her. I get these feelings of jealousy towards my partner because he has had a child and (I feel - irrationally) he will never be as hurt at losing this one as me. And now I feel that instead of being a family I am back to being a somewhat sub-standard Mummy-replacement for my step-daughter (her mother died 2 years ago). All these feelings are so stupid but I can't stop. I am so sad and angry all the time. At the weekend they started talking about how they were starting to feel their baby move, and I was so unhappy that I won't feel that.
When do I start to feel better? I just want this all to go away.

I'm still checking in too. LovelyLou I feel so bad for you, it's horrible that you've been waiting around for so long.

Parys, so sorry to hear about your loss I can only echo the words of others, you're not to blame for what happened, there's no relationship between what happened to you at 19 and what you've been through recently. You really need to stop being hard on yourself. Please try and get someone to talk to, you really sound sad.

Is everyone else OK? I am doing better now, have been on the prozac for a couple of weeks after things got too much for me, and I'm feeling a lot happier. Kind of numb but happy.

Prozac is great I love it have been on it for ages

Hi went to GP and he is sending me for some councelling and chasing up my results. Thanks for all your kind thoughts, it means a lot x

Sorry for not being a regular but Lovelylou please do not think you have been abandoned. I think about you nearly everyday.
I have worked in the medical profession my whole working life. The issue that they really dont care enough about is women and their pregnancy problems. When I had my ERPC not one 'professional' spoke to me about what I had grown to love as my baby. Just because they thought it was a molar, it was only interesting to them as a teaching case. I was even phoned at 11.45pm the night before my surgery by a dr who tried to tell me that because it might not be a molar I didnt need to have an ERPC. She failed to understand that I didnt want what was left just sitting inside me!! Sorry ranting now. My point is dont take it from them, get them to do their jobs because believe it or not they are supposed to be there to help you and make you better. Ask to be put through to the complaints department, that should get things moving quick fast.

Dear Lovelylou. I am glad that the appointment with your GP went well. I hope your results will be chased up soom and that you find the counselling useful.

Parys sorry for not replying to you sooner I didn't mean to ignore your post. I am very sorry for your loss and the ones we lost (for whatever reason) will always be with us. You are absolutely entitled to be still upset and on some level you always will be. This mc has nothing to do with your decision many years ago and your post shows that you didn't take that decision lightly but that it just wasn't the right circumstances. Don't blame yourself and maybe it would be good to talk to a professional counsellor?

Lovelylou - am glad your GP was useful and you finally seem to be getting some help x

Hi everyone. Finally got info from sheffield and sent my sample off.It says that i can try again after six months of follow up if everything is okay. So we have booked a holiday for may next year and we have decided to try again after that. Feeling a bit more positive now.

So glad to hear that lovelylou. Good idea to book a holiday - we booked one after MC and it has really kept me going thinking about it over the last few months.

I miss my baby x

Lovelylou -pleased to hear you got some answers and the holiday idea sounds a good one.

so do I ellie g xx

Thank you EllieG, Barrelrider, glimmer. I really do apppreciate you taking the time to write to me and your kind words. I have tried counceling before although not specifically for this. I still found that people belittle the emotions i'm feeling, like I said before they try to help but only suceed in making me feel like i'm silly for thinking the way I do about my babies.

Everytime I see a baby it makes my heart literally ache for mine as i'm sure you all do to. I just can't seem to forgive myself and honestly I don't think I ever will.

I just want to say also that please don't feel that i'm being selfish only talking about myself. I have read all the messages and my love goes out to all of you. x x x

Hello Parys i'm so sorry i have seemed to have ignored you but i'd just like to say i'm so sorry for your loss .
Lovelylou - HURRAH i hope that at long last you are now taking your first steps to recovery - i have my fingers well & truly crossed for you.
A holiday what a great ideal , you well & truly deserve one after the last few months !!!
With much love to you. xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Parys you are NOT selfish, please don't think so. We have all discussed what pains us and no one judges, feelings like this are natural and normal and everyone understands that here.
Thinking of you - no one can understand what another person feels but I can empathise x

Parys as you can see we have all vented about how bad it feels when your body fails you. These things happen and there is nothing you can do. What you can do is give both you and your body time to recover. Dont have high expectations of feeling good about it for a long time. I found out about my mc at my 13 week scan in March. Two days later it was all over, ERPC done and I was treated as if it had never happened! By everyone.
I resented my own sister when she had her baby recently. I hated my dh yesterday when he told me without a care in the world that he thinks one of his friends is expecting. All I want is to have my baby back! Sorry to go on but I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings and please dont sit at home worring. Come on here, we are all here for each other!

Ps I have also had an abortion which was and still is the only thing I could have done at the time. It doesnt mean I didnt love and want this baby any less. Probably more if Im honest. I think I am trying to make up for what I did.

grieving takes time so take things easy as your body also takes time to heal so sorry

Hey ronshar - know what you mean about the rest of the world carrying on as usual. My DP told me that an incredibly feckless friend of his has got his on/off girlfriend PG and I felt soooo bitter. But it doesn't help to think that way so I try and ignore it.

It does frustrate me now when people get pregnant so easily. I dont really know why when I already have two dds. One of which wasnt planned. So I am now of the opinion that having a mc makes you insane.

PMSL ronshar! I think you are very right

me too

Hey lovelylou - how are you feeling?

Got a letter today to tell me my levels are fine and they are only going to monitor me for six months unless there is a change. I am feeling really happy

Brilliant news lovelylou! Hurray! Does that mean you can ttc in 6 months?

Excellent news lovelylou. At least you can have a bit of breathing space rather than getting totally obsessed with the whole ttc again. I am beginning to think it would be nice to be told not to try. I hope that isnt insensitive but the pressure is immense. People just assume you are going to pop another one out, like it is that easy.

My granny asked me the other day! Think she fancies being a great-gran.