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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Missed miscarriage - advice needed please

345 replies

strawberry · 27/05/2004 18:24

I have just found out from a scan that I have a missed miscarriage (ie. no bleeding but fetus not growing and no heart beat). The doctor recommends I have surgery (ERCP) rather than wait for nature to take its course. Does anyone have any advice/experience of this? Please help -I am gutted and don't know what to do. Thanks

OP posts:
lynneclynne · 02/10/2006 19:19

Hi Josie, Hi Edie..it went fine (in the end) it was just how i thought it would be, the mc didnt get mentioned (which i suppose is a good thing) but she wouldnt shut up about her pregnancy and her si (whos also pregnant)just going on and on (what felt like all bloody night)telling me shes been bleeding all through her pregnancy but scans been fine and shes constantly sick,of food,cant sleep etc...etc god, just wanted to tell her to shut the f###up!!And just wanted to cry at same time!!
Anyway...it over with ow (thank god!!)
What about u 2???Hows things going?? Well i hope.
Edie, i was the same last week, had first period ince after mc,seemed to last forever (6days) mines is usually 3days so that was a bit of a pain, dint have any cramp though so that was a relief, are you's gonnie try after one period??? (Hope u dont mind me asking)
Well ladies, hope all is well.
Lynne xxx

edie123 · 02/10/2006 19:58

Lynne

Oh my god that night sounds like hell! How bloody insensitive! Sorry-just can't stand this sort of thing.

Don't know what the hell is going on with my body but got cramps and not much else-frustrating as I thought we could start ttc after operation bleed but it looks as if I am going to have to wait until after period...annoying. Hi to Jossie and others xx

lynneclynne · 03/10/2006 14:35

Oh Edie,hope things get better for you soon! I dont know what happens after the op as i let nature take its course, so sorry i cant help with that,i've been ok, mostly good days, had my period so we're gonnie start ttc too.
Take care
Lynnexxx
Josie hope u and dh are both well! xxx

Jossie · 03/10/2006 20:08

Hi Lynne & Edie
Sorry haven't logged on, internet probs!
Lynne- Glad to know you've got the meal out of the way, I think I would have wanted to shut her up as well! It was bad enough when I was pg after the first m/c, even when I was feeling really rough with morning sickness and exhaustion I felt guilty if I moaned as I knew I should be thankful that I was pg again. So she really should have kept quiet knowing your situation.
I'm realy envious that you both are going to TTC now, I think I avoided DH at my fertile time in case I let my heart rule my head and said it lets go for it!!
Edie, you never know you may still be lucky this month-you are supposed to be more fertile after a m/c, that was the case with us, it 12 months to concieve m/c 1 baby, but we got p/g straight away after that one. Your body is still settling down after all the hormones, so period will be different.
Feel for you both
J
PS got 2nd appt with consultant booked for mid Nov.

Jossie · 03/10/2006 20:10

Edie
Forgot to say, after m/c 1 things happenned naturally, period came 3 days earlier than normal.
M/c 2 period came 6 weeks after ERPC lighter than normal

lynneclynne · 03/10/2006 20:22

Josie, it was good hear from u, thats good u have another app for nov, just remember...good things come to those who wait!
Im glad u are well.
Edie,i hope u are feeling better.
Hope u both had a nice weekend.

Lynne xxx

edie123 · 04/10/2006 09:28

Hey girls

Thanks for the advice Jossie. I think im now having AF. It's absolutely normal thank god-maybe slightly heavier. So I guess im on cd2. Yes I count myself very lucky for lots of reasons and am looking forward to ttc after this. What will this 2nd app be looking at? Sorry you have prob already explained.

Hi Lynne hope you are well.

Jossie · 05/10/2006 00:03

Hi Edie
This appt will be to look at the blood tests to see if there are any chromosonal, clotting or other (don't really know what) problems. The consultant is talking about that if nothing is shown up by these then to still give me some kind of treatment that has a higher "take home baby" rate. Hopefully it will let us decided whether to try TTC again ( although I know in my heart of hearts that's what I want to do)and possibly find out what went wrong and if so hopefully treat it.
I want an answer, although the consultant said that it is better if nothing comes up in these tests as then I'm still the normal, rather than a raised m/c risk.
As we saw a heart beat at 8 weeks it is extremely possible that something from my body (clotting or similar) caused this to go wrong.
I took pregnancy for granted with my boys, but never again, I know I should be thankful for what I've got, but that doesn't make the hurt over the two I've lost any less!
J

lynneclynne · 05/10/2006 16:02

Josie,hope all goes well. I know what u mean, i've never took anything for granted, but i did with my pregnancy, and i will never do that again!!Just took it for granted everything would have been fine since i have a ds 12. Im looking forward to ttc but just terrrified it happens again!
Hope all this is resolved for u soon.
Edie, hope u are ok.
Lynne xxx

edie123 · 06/10/2006 11:13

Jossie

Yes it is a double edged sword really isn't it? If they find nothing, then great, but you will worry loads next time you become pg, and if they find something you will hope it can be treated easily. Sounds good that they will do something even if everything is okay though-very positive! Must be such a strange set of emotions for you and DH. Let us know how it all goes.

Lynne

Have you started ttc now?

lynneclynne · 06/10/2006 14:30

Yes Edie, started this week, things arent working out as hoped though,dh is working opp shifts from me then he'll be working away!!! (gutted)LOL, i guess thats just life though!! Never works out the way we want it to. What about yourselfs?? Hows things going??
Josie, i hope things go well at nov app.keep us informed!!
Take care girls!
Lynne xxx

Jossie · 06/10/2006 23:27

Hi Edie & Lynne
Having a really bad couple of days, have been really low about everything. Then to cap it al, at a meeting at work today, someone rather dramatically announced that she was pregnant and that we weren't to make a fuss but could if we wanted. I was shaking and fgelt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. it wasn't her fault, she didn't know about the 2 m/cs. Lasted the last five minutes of the meeting then fled to the toilets. Everyone who knew abou what had happenned to me was fantastic, hugging me and taking care of me. Including taking the class for me for a while. I don't resent her, but it hit me like a bolt from the blue. I'm supposed to be working with her next term, but am going to ask if my timetable can be changed as I don't think I can cope, especially if she complains about any pregnancy niggles.
At work they told me off for appearingto be coping well as they all though that I was alright, I've been told to talk to them if I want to about it and to give in to how I feel. It was nice that people really cared.
J

Nicola63 · 07/10/2006 10:09

I know what people mean about the difficulty with contact with happy pregnant women when one has had a mc. I have just had my third unexplained missed mc (I have no children). One of my best friends, who has been been very supportive through my previous mcs, is pg with her second baby (she and I were both pg at the same time both when she was pg with her first and then this one, she went on to continue the pregnancy both times and I mc'ed both times). I feel like I can't really see her right now, which seems horrible, but there she is with her 25 week bump and her lovely one year old baby, and here I am with nothing. I feel mean and small about it, but I just can't see her.

Up till now she has been saying things like "don't worry, you will get your baby too", "keep believeing"...etc etc. I don't really want to hear that any more. After 3 unexplained mcs, and my being 43, it is very probably that I WON'T get my baby, that "keeping believing" is the wrong thing to do. So it is very difficult.

lynneclynne · 07/10/2006 20:06

Oh Jossie, im so sorry for what u have been through over the last week, there are times when it just doesnt seem to get any better but then it soon changes, sometimes for better sometimes for the worst.
This was an awfull situation you were in, i hope things get better for you.
It was our friends babies funeral the other day but i couldnt bring myself to attend as it was too much for me, im sure they will understand.
Jossie, i hope thi week is a better week for you, enjoy your weekend!
Take care
Lynnexxx

Edie, i hope things are going well for yourself. xxx

lynneclynne · 07/10/2006 20:17

Nicola, i was so sorry to hear what u have gone through. xxx
I know what u mean, there are times when no matter what people say or do for u,it just doesnt help things any! I hope things get better for you soon.
Take care!
Lynne xxx

Jossie · 07/10/2006 21:08

Thanks Lynne
I totally understand why you couldn't go to the funeral.
Got a b.day party for DS1 tomorrow, just the family, one for his friends is in the week. Hopefully I'll feel better for that, I'm going to be busy getting ready as I haven't been in the mood today-should distract my mind a bit!
J
Edie how are you at the moment, hope you are ok

Jossie · 07/10/2006 21:09

Nicola
It must be awful for you-thinking of you
J

lynneclynne · 07/10/2006 21:50

Jossie, thats good u have something to keep ur mind occupied, thats what u need at times like this, hope the b/party goes well.
At the moment im having more good days than bad (hopefully it stays like that, although i doubt it)!! U know what its like...all is going well, then it just takes one thing to knock u for six again,for me it was s/i calling last week saying how sorry she was for all i had gone through and that was me!!! In a right state, and couldnt stop crying the rest of the day!! I know people mean well but it just doesnt help any!!
I hope u are feeling a bit better, i'm thinking of u xxx
Lynne

edie123 · 08/10/2006 10:26

Jossie

My god sorry I didn't post sooner. Your day at work sounds like absolute hell, but you got through it which was bloody good going. Other people's pregnancies are going to be the hardest thing to get through, my friend at work who is pregnant annoys me everytime she mentions it which is really unfair but hey ho! Thats the way it goes and im sure she understands. Did this woman know about your mc?

The b/day party sounds good. Look after yourself xx

edie123 · 08/10/2006 10:30

Lynne

Glad to hear your days at the mo are mainly good. Hope it stays that way. Sorry to hear about the funeral but its good that you made the decision not to go, it would have been very traumatic for you xx

Im good thanks, now officially able to ttc again as AF has left the building! Thank god, with that and the bleed after the op I felt as though I would be wearing sanitary protection for the rest of my days! (TMI) Take care xx

Jossie · 08/10/2006 20:46

Hiya
Party went well-didn't argue with MIL (I did last week about something completely unrelated to m/c!)
Glad to hear you can try again Edie, fingers crossed and all that.
In fairness to the woman at work she didn't know about my m/c, my boss did and now feels dreadful that she forgot to warn me about the "Grand announcement". The problem is that the woman concerned is a real drama quenn and I know that I'll feel like having a real go at her if she goes all pathetic or moans about not feeling well!
Feeling better today, DS1 had a good day, had some time to myself to clean the house when DH took the boys out (sad life, but I enjoyed getting on with it).
Now about to acquaint myself with a well earned glass of wine.
Hope you are both OK Lynne and Edie.
(Promise I'll be happy if you both succeeed with TTC)
J

edie123 · 08/10/2006 20:50

Aww Jossie, glad you had a good day. I have eaten a huge roast chicken dinner today and feel very fat. Feel sad that the weekend is over...I work alternate ones so when I have one off its great. What do you do at work? Apologies if I have already asked...

How are you Lynne?

lynneclynne · 09/10/2006 16:39

Hi girls, Josie thats good the b/party went well..not so good about m/i!!! God they can be a total nightmare!! I hope all went well at work today, i had nice weekend ds went snowboarding with nephew and it was brilliant to watch, then we all went to TGI Fridays and it was lovely, had quarter pounder,chips and salad followed by a v big chocolate fudge cake and ice cream.Feeling guilty today though..had an apple and banana. LOL
Josie, that was realy nice of u say u would be happy if me and edie were sucessful, as it must be frustrating, i hope things are resolved for yourself v soon.
I hope this weeks a better week for you.

Edie, all is well, trying to get things sorted with ov times etc, etc, i hope u are doing well.
Take care girls
Lynne xxx

Jossie · 09/10/2006 20:24

Of course I'd be happy-we're all in it together and know what each other is going through!
Edie-I'm a teacher, just two days a week, although I also do homeworking. What about you two, what do you do?
Sounds like we've all overdone the food t his weekend! Was trying to diet, but with birthday cake etc around, well it's a shame to let it go to waste!!!
Hope you're doing well
J

lynneclynne · 10/10/2006 14:47

Hi Josie and Edie, hope u are both well.
I do field work (promotinal work, sampling, audits,visual merchandising,price checking and im also a mystery shopper.I don't do full time, i just work hours to suit myself which is quite good, i enjoy it v much though as my role varys from week to week,at moment doing work for Tchibo, carphone warehouse, sony and T mobile along with my mystery shops.
I live in Sunny Scotland, about you two, where are you both from??
I hope you are both well and having a nice week so far!
Take care
Lynne xxx