Miscarriage support

[EllieJayJay]

Hello ladies,

It's so very heartbreaking when a miscarriage happens. It happened to me

I was a part of the July 2016 babies and I loved every minute of it, talking about my symptoms and cravings and then without warning my life changed in ten hours.

without any reason with little warning my baby was taken away from me, my heart broke into a thousand pieces - I held my tiny baby in its tiny protective sac in my hand and my life was devastated everything stopped - everything that was going to be disappeared in a blink of an eye and my life took a 360, every emotion within me went black and dark and nothing felt good, or safe or happy.

Very few people I knew, knew I was pregnant and over the past few days I've felt very alone.

So I wanted to start a post for ladies to share their stories in the hope we can help each other x

Do. I sent oh out today to get either prune juice or orange juice. He came back with grape juice. Iv ibs and taking my tablets but they're just not helping. My GP phoned yesterday, it will be after Christmas before counselling is available. Ended up e.mailing a few private ones, and even cruise. Don't think I want to wait that long.

Hi Ladies,

I'm so sorry I've been absent for a while, I think I needed some space to process things. I understand why you took some time out obssesed I like you needed to just try and focus on other things but am also glad to know everyone is here xx and missed you all X I will try to check in a bit more often to offer my support to others - because this is really a very hard thing to deal with X

mummy I really don't think it matters "when" it happens it just is so very difficult, and nobody has the right to tell you how you feel and some people just don't understand. My best friend just kept telling me my baby was not viable... I was so cross with her, my baby was my baby and I lost him and I will never forget him. I will move on but I will never forget him. And maybe he was just too good for this world or he wasn't strong enough to grow past a certain time but he was my baby and I loved him and I am going to say goodbye to him X we have a lovely plan to say goodbye and I think when we do this next week we will have some closure.

I also understand the people expecting you to just get on with it, it's like my company felt two weeks was ok but three weeks is unacceptable - but I'm going with what I need and right now that is not to work. My DP went into "cave" mode about three days after, they do process things differently he was so strong for me when it happened for a few days then just needed to process on his own, he has come back now and is so sorry for letting me down but it was his loss too and we just needed such different things, we are now working through this together - I'm sure your DP or DH will come back to you soon x

I think all of you are being so incredibly strong, and I think it's ok if we don't sometimes X

Sending you all lots of love xx

Xxx Ellie. Everyday is different. I was stronger today, but now feeling low. Not as bad as Sunday r yesterday. Mil phoned today, I was expecting my mum to call otherwise wouldn't have answered. I normally get on so well with her. She's undergoing treatment for cancer at min. But she said "its prob for the best, maybe something would have been wrong with it!". I just told her she wasn't helping and I don't need to hear crap like that, then I hung up. Oh felt awful but knew her generation says shit like that all the time. He phoned her and said I ws annoyed. She genuinely thought she was helping, but she may be careful next time I see her, cos no way Il keep my mouth shut if she says anything like that again

Hi Ro X

Everyday is so very different X but today you were stronger that is good :) and it's ok to feel low now - I think we still have lots of hormones bouncing around (I know we hate this excuse but it really is true) I know I do have lots of hormones bouncing around

If I remember correctly you are not to far distant in age to me and so our mothers and mothers in law will be around the same age, but I think age is one thing experience is another. Both my mum and mil have suffered multiple miscarriages and there experience was awful, no-one back then understood they were just told to suck it up.

My mum was so shocked by the fact an EPU exsited, she said she wished something like this exsited when she went through it - my mum had 7 miscarriages and lost an 8th child when she was pregnant with me. She was so upset for us and supportive and said it was good to grieve. My Mil never talked to anyone about what happened to her but DP called her and under protest he told her what was "bothering" him and she broke down and told him - these women never had anyone to talk to, so women of their generation who never experienced it never knew what it was like I think - I think that your mil was very insensitive though and I would have done the same thing I pretty much did on my friend i felt hurt by her words but I forgive her because I don't think she could ever understand as it has never happened to her

Your OH needs to explain to his mother, I'm
Sorry she is going through a tough time and that is very difficult and sad but so are you and you need support

He did Ellie. I honesty can say throughout all this I couldn't have done it without him. But he's a good man, and a typical Irish boy who loves his mammy and wouldn't hurt her for anything. Deep down I know shed never say anything to hurt me, but it was insensitive and it did hurt. Tbh the only ppl I think who understand (apart from you ladies) is my oh and my dad. Even my own mum has said some stupid things. I'm normally quite strong, (do have some anxiety issues, but most of those stem from ds spending lots of times in hospital when he was younger due to fits). Now I cant deal with it. Iv became quite hard and it's became a case of, ur either for me r against me.

Oh sweet heart X lean on us X

I've been through a lot in my life - nothing prepared me for this and my DP apart from his disappearing act for a bit has been amazing but he needed to do this for him X

I spoke to a friend this evening who I had no idea had been through this and she has been amazing X she is proof we can get through this xx

Hi ladies. Just checking in. Have not been too bad recently. Slept last night, but the night before was another awake to after 3.30. Did preg test yesterday and today. The line today was barely noticeable. Broke my heart a bit. Although u want that negative, it's still confirmation if ur loss. I put decorations up yesterday and could see how relieved Ciaran was when he came home from school thinking things were good again. It must have been miserable for him living in the atmosphere in r home. From now on Il be doing my crying in private. Have his awards night tonight, dreading it, but dad is coming with me for support. X

Hi all. Wanted to join this thread as Wednesday I had my 12 week scan only to see an empty screen. A nightmare is an understatement. My body still looks pregnant and I'm just waiting to miscarry naturally or medically when I go back next week. Emotionally I'm not coping well at all and feeling very angry at my body every time I look at it. OH is brilliant and says it wasn't meant to be but we'll get trying again and it will happen for us. It sounds silly but all I think is I want it now and why is. There's a lot of crap going on for us at the moment and this was a shining light 😥

Forgot to add, I am so sorry to read these posts. This is one of the harshest things for a woman to go through. Hug to all

Sorry for your loss nj81. It's the worst experience ever

Thank you. It is indeed, although I should be grateful that it didn't progress enough to see anything as that would break my heart. I'll be glad once I've officially miscarried although my body still thinks we're 13 weeks pregnant.
Sorry to hear of your loss too, I hope you were able to enjoy the awards last night x

I sobbed most of the way thru it. Then came home and had wine. Just up and down every day. One min I think I'm ok, then it hits you again. I know what you mean about your body thinking ur pregnant. My baby died a few weeks before I knew and still had strong symptoms. I still had morning sickness two days after my d&c

I really feel for you. This site is good to share how you feel. First time I've posted on anything but have to admits is quite cathartic knowing you're not alone and sharing with those who understand (although my other half is fabulous)

I'm so sorry NJ - it's horrific but these ladies have been a godsend for me. It's 11 days since I had my ERPC and I've been very up and down but I can honestly say yesterday I woke up feeling like a cloud had lifted so it does get easier.
Big hugs, be kind to yourself.

Ro I went to the Drs and they said that they would refer me to some mind counselling but that it would prob take ages and if feel better by then! On the other matter - bottom progress, he said totally normal for the anaesthetic and pain relief etc and shock to the body to block one up and to continue with any laxatives that you like - I've been using Senna which seems to be helping a bit xxxx

Thank you lex. It's good to know things get brighter. I feel selfish saying I just want to get sorted so we can try again. Mild cramping started last night so maybe that is a start. I have 2 days away next week so really hope it doesn't stop that happening! I've been warned its messy and I'm expecting being housebound... Sorry that youve also had to go through this, it really is crap x

I've not RTFT but saw something in AIBU in the last week or so, so have popped in.
My first loss was back in 2008 and I didn't really know what was going on at the time, so didn't grieve that. Another 2 losses in the following 2 years, and I can honestly say this was lifechanging. It was such a dark time, and seemed to take ages before the light filtered through again. I never thought pregnancy loss would be as brutal, cut as deep, and ache for the years that it has. I went on several forums at the time (not MN) to chat to others in the same boat. This is so important to do, I believe, to have that sense of solidarity with others, as its so isolating. We had fertility testing and after 2 rounds of IVF, we have our rainbow baby (now 2.5yrs). We tried for a second with the remaining embryos earlier this year, but apart from a chemical pregnancy, none stuck. Now I am grieving the loss of the family I thought I would once have, which, if you had told me this 5 years ago, I wouldn't have thought it was a big deal. Grief shows itself in lots of different ways and situations
Thats the background anyway.
I don't check mumsnet that often usually, but wanted to offer my best wishes to all of you going through losing your precious babies. Keep talking, keep writing, you will come through this - you will always remember your babies and the pain will lose its acuteness eventually. And your life will probably not ever be the same, no, you will always know that difficult and not-often-discussed aspect of pregnancy, kia kaha

Hello

Can I join? I had my SMM on Wednesday. We found out on Tuesday at an emergency scan that the baby had stopped growing a few weeks ago but the sac was v large and still growing. Woke up with a bad hangover and cramps today. Constipation probably isn't helping but I want to take the max dose of codeine as I like the numb feeling at the moment.

We've also talked about trying again but don't know whether to start until after another ducky although it took us months to conceive this time.

Hi detonation and jo. Sorry for your losses. Its an awful time. I sat yesterday and just thought, I cant do.this any more. I don't want this miscarriage to have happened to me. And I completely blocked it out. I'm not crying non stop anymore. And even allowed a friend to call yesterday for coffee, had a wobble and cry in shower last night, and again when I woke this morning. U wake up and think, something is wrong, what is it, then u remember. I went to shopping centre today, tho admittedly it was 9am and place was practically empty. Wouldn't have went but son's laptop died and he's doing GCSEs so absolutely had to get one, he has mock exams next week. I will never be the same. Il never forget my angel, I love her and she is part of me, but she also took a.part of me with her.

on a good note, my wee memorial necklace arrived yesterday, (maybe that y im a bit calmer?)

Ah Ro sorry to hear you're not doing well. It really is a tough time. I've found telling some close friends and trying to get back to normal has helped. After 2 days in tears and feeling numb I took myself out to see my horse, helped being around the lovely ladies at the yard and just being in my routine. Having coffee with someone is a good start. Your necklace is lovely x

Sorry to read your story Jo. Awful thing to have to go through! Hope you're doing ok. We're in same position, bleeding started and deciding whether to ttc straight away when done. Some people say wait a month but we'll maybe let nature decide that for us. Took us 6 months this time, don't want to wait that long to have my pregnancy feeling back. x

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to add my story to the page. On the 8th November I went into pre-term labour at 16 weeks. Me and DH are devastated but trying to move forward. I'd been at the EPU twice before the Sunday because of issues I was having, they think the PTL was caused by a UTI and BV. The labour started at 5.30am (after a day of me feeling off) and my waters went at 7:15am, not that I realised that was what was going on, I just knew something was very wrong. After an ambulance ride to the EPU that’s where I got the bad news. I was in hospital for three days after going into shock and my temperature spiking. I was pumped full of antibiotics to stave off any infection of the womb or blood and honestly I’m so very grateful I was kept in, the thought of going home on that Sunday was terrifying.

I know that no one is ever to blame for these situations but I know I blamed myself for a few days after, the main reason being that the pregnancy loss wasn’t caused by the baby dying, but he died because my body went into pre-term labour and at 16 weeks he was obviously far too tiny to survive.

If any of the ladies on here are blaming themselves, you will come to relies you aren’t to blame, but you’re not alone in doing so.

The hospital (Burnley General) was absolutely brilliant, we got a memory box for our little one and we got to see and hold him in his little donated shawl (from the brilliant charity Friends of Serenity). The emotional support we had from the nurses was second to none, and probably the reason why I was terrified about going home - we had to fend for ourselves.

AF finally arrived this week so that was a milestone to reach after everything, and we are going to start trying again soon, it took us 6 months the first time round so we’re aware entirely aware that nature can take it’s sweet time with these things.

I won’t go on, but I just wanted to add that writing everything down frankly and quite brutally was very cathartic for me and would recommend it if anyone is finding their head too full of thoughts. It helps you organise and say things that maybe you’re too scared of saying to loved ones and it’s always there if you want to go over things again, which might be never, but I know I’ve re-read my account a few times and it’s helped.

I don’t mean to post and run but sometimes I find mumsnet a great thing to look at and peruse through the forums and other times I find it a little overwhelming, so apologies if I seem a little flaky.

I’m so sorry to read all the stories on here already, I hope time can give us the healing we need and we can all move forward healthily.

Love to you all x

Ah NorthernStep, I am so sorry to read your story. That must have been heartbreaking to go through. Nice to read that you can move forward positively and try again.
I agree this is very cathartic. It helps to know you're not alone although that is bitter sweet as I wouldn't wish it anyone.
I had medical management today so mentally feel ready to move forward now, although obviously still sad this time is definitely over. Staff at my EPU have also been fabric and it certainly helps!
Keep smiling x

Hello, I am new on here. Had a missed miscarriage at 19 weeks (scan at 22 weeks showed baby at 19 weeks with no cardiac activity). So heartbroken. Even more heartbreaking I had no events leading to the miscarriage (no cramping, no bleeding, no spotting). Just routine Dr's visit at 22 weeks and was told the sad news. Was induced to deliver my baby. I breakdown sometimes but everyone keeps reassuring me all will be well. So sad. I have read through this thread and yes I am comforted I am not alone. Finally some people who understand exactly how I feel.

I lost my baby on 7th December would have been my 12 week scan that afternoon. We were so excited, and in just over 48 hours everything changed.

My sister also lost her Daughter at 22 weeks in August.

The pain is almost unbearable some days but others I feel normal to a point. My partner is so supportive and loving and tells me we're gonna try again and all will be fine. I already have a Daughter so am hoping this was just "one of those things".

Anyway always available for a chat if anyone needs to vent or whatever :)