Miscarriage support

[EllieJayJay]

Hello ladies,

It's so very heartbreaking when a miscarriage happens. It happened to me

I was a part of the July 2016 babies and I loved every minute of it, talking about my symptoms and cravings and then without warning my life changed in ten hours.

without any reason with little warning my baby was taken away from me, my heart broke into a thousand pieces - I held my tiny baby in its tiny protective sac in my hand and my life was devastated everything stopped - everything that was going to be disappeared in a blink of an eye and my life took a 360, every emotion within me went black and dark and nothing felt good, or safe or happy.

Very few people I knew, knew I was pregnant and over the past few days I've felt very alone.

So I wanted to start a post for ladies to share their stories in the hope we can help each other x

Ph belle I had two weeks to wait between scans. The first they didn't see a heartbeat but I still managed to convince myself that 6 weeks was early to see one. The wait was horrendous x

Iv had a horrendous morning. The min oh and ds left house I broke into the worse panic attack. Literally couldn't move, crying and couldnt catch a breath. Crippled me for about an hr. Phoned my dad and he talked me round. Went for shower, with bathroom door open and my two cats in for company. Just off phone to miscarriage association helpline. Girl was lovely. I know what I'm feeling is normal but nice to talk to someone who isn't close, if that makes sense?

Sorry to hear about your morning RoTo. I think it's perfectly normal to have ups and downs with the feelings, I go from being relatively positive to just feeling rock bottom!

Take it easy and don't push yourself into anything too fast.

I also have a Ds and feel like that adds another dimension?? I go from feeling guilty I haven't been myself and more emotional to then feeling gutted that he lost his sibling and there may not be another (partner doesn't want to try again). I feel like (without him knowing) he might have lost a chance to be a big brother, which he has been desperate to become!!

Belle sorry to hear you are having to wait must be awful to not be able to try and pick yourself up if you are still in limbo!
X

Thanks mummy . It has been a bad day. Have gone from uncontrollable crying to nothing. Just gazing on front. Couldnt even manage dinner tonight. Phoned takeaway pizza for ds and had a glass of coke for mine. Tbh I can feel myself sinking into something I don't know I can crawl my way out of. Spent the afternoon at my parents' house, and can't remember if we even talked.

Oh Ladies xx I'm so sorry to hear this I am sending you big hugs and lots of love X

I too have had an awful day and DP has been hit hard by it all too, he's been being so strong for me since the baby was lost and he suddenly needed space today which is the last thing I need him to want as I've been so clingy and desperate for him to just be around, I feel terrible he hasn't been getting what he needs its so very difficult.

so I know just how you feel with that feeling of being so alone when on your own xx I feel so very alone and lost so lost - I may try the helpline too - DP did speak to someone today and wants us both to go and see someone this week together.

Belle I hope on Saturday you get some sort of miracle xx I would love to hear that.

I have a scan booked for tomorrow, organised a little bit before I lost the baby and I have no idea if I am meant to go. What has been so cruel today/yesterday is that I've started having sickness and massive headaches - I never suffered with morning sickness and my sense of smell has come back with avengence to the point I nearly convinced myself that they must have missed one, I had such strong symptoms from the start that I was sure I was pregnant with twins - but I know in my heart it's just nature being cruel. It's so silly my brain and body is playing such horrible tricks on me.

I forced myself to go out as I needed air, and did this by breaking it down into roads, just walk this little bit of road, then this little bit and then it didn't seem so far, but went into a bit of a panic when I got where I was going and struggled getting home it just seemed to take forever, and found myself sobbing all the way back after seeing a baby. But I think breaking down things into little steps helps. This morning I didn't even want to get out of bed, and almost ignored the shopping delivery but managed to do it, but even that was hard - if someone is even remotely nice to me I burst into tears.

I'm on my own this evening and am also surrounded by cats - one is being particularly attentive (I think more in the hope of biscuits, but I am pretending it's for cuddles) thank goodness for my fur babies - I don't know what I would do without them.

I hope you all get some rest and that tomorrow is a better day for everyone x

It's so nice to know I'm not going thru this alone. X

I think it's a very lonely place to be X but if we help each other we should get through it x

Hello. So, I am at work and time is dragging. I have no energy and just want to crawl back into bed (work starts at 6.30am).

I had the results from HGC test and levels have dropped, so MMC has been confirmed. Now I just don't know what to do. I know Ro you had surgery. What about Ellie and mummy? I am not in UK and have no family support (apart from DH) and am wondering if surgical is the way to go? Can anyone offer me any advice?

I am also in that deep, dark pit and have become great friends with Mr. Wine (which I know is not good).

I hope you are all having a better day.

Ellie I think it must be so hard for the partners to go through as they feel they have to be 'strong' and be there for you. Me and my DP have struggled a lot as he refuses point blank to talk about it and when I discussed the possibility of trying again I was shut down and told he doesn't want to even think about that yet.. I think avoidance is his way of dealing with it!
With the symptoms I know where you are coming from, I've still felt so sick on and off and was googling if it was possible to still be pregnant or of it was a twin etc. I think your brain goes into overdrive!!

I think it is just taking it one day at a time and realising how ever way you feel best to deal with it is the best thing, so if you feel better in bed with take always vs getting back into the swing of things it is completely up to you! I seem to swing from one to the other!

Belle sorry to hear the news I hope you are doing okay and have a lot of support, I miscarried naturally without surgery as I lost one big lump (sorry tmi) before any bleeding and the hospital ran a pregnancy test which showed negative almost instantly, the DR said because it was negative it most probably meant what I passed was the baby and sac. She just advised me that if the bleeding lasted longer than a few weeks or any sign of infection then they would scan to see if anything had been left over. Did the DR advise you about the options?

Enjoy a glass of wine if it helps x

Thanks for your kind words, Mummy. Yes, the Dr. has talked to me about the different options, and was plugging the medical route from the get-go. Of course, I googled and have been reading and re-reading other people's experiences and it seems that all fingers point towards surgery.
I am just afraid of the unknown if I decide to wait it out or take medication. I am only entitled to two days of leave from work and have two DC to think about as well. At the mo. have no signs that anything is happening apart from the odd brown spot or two (sorry for TMI).
Have a scan on Saturday and need to decide before then. Maybe I should just flip a coin..?
Virtual hugs to you all, and I understand where you're coming from Mummy and Ellie about DH's support, or lack of.
Ro, I am thinking about you. I do hope you're having a better day. Be kind to yourself. xx

Belle mine was natural and was extremely painful, I've seen other people describe it like labour pains. I suffer with terrible period pain and it had nothing on the physical pain I had last Monday. I did write about it briefly it's on the third page third to last post. I would have a medical procedure to help for sure.

mummy I had similar, three large blood clots and then my baby, It was just different different tissue confirmed by doctor and ward sister - still having positive pregnancy tests. i was told to test again three weeks later (I just keep testing I know it's stupid) if it's still positive then to go back

My DP has gone to talk to someone this afternoon but has been angry I don't think with me just the world. I don't know really I just can't function at all today

I don't know which option I would have chosen had the mc been missed but I do agree with Ellie the pain was very intense and it being dragged out further did seem to make it harder to come to terms with. I think if I were in your position and had the option (especially with other dc) I would probably go down the surgical route. At least you can plan it to happen on a given day and book time off around this and I understand the recovery would be shorter?? As if you wait you won't know when things will start happening and that definitely prolongs the emotional pain for you

I think the men deal with things differently, with my DP he doesn't get emotional or cry he just seems to bottle it up and we've had a few rows about it where I've asked him why it feels like he is punishing me for something I (hopefully?) didn't cause and couldn't help. We are slowly improving but have definitely drifted apart and ttc another is off the cards, hopefully not forever but atleast for now. DS is 4 now so I'm worried if we do try again how big the age gap will be and will always wonder about his little brother or sister and how old they would have been.
X

Hi belle. I was contracting for.a few days with still only brown spotting. I didn't like.the idea of medical management as it sounded too harsh. When I told midwife I was going for.surgical she said it was the best option as medical can be unreliable and more painful with larger blood loss. I would luv a glass of wine but I'm frightened of everything at the moment. Frightened of going out, being in alone, every twinge. Frightened of having a glass cos I know id drink myself into a stupor. Had two on Saturday night and was ok. But emotionally I seem to be getting worse rather than better

Hi I have been on the June 2016 board and devastated to now be joining you.
I've just been through a missed miscarriage - I was 11.5 but yesterday had an emergency scan after some spotting and cramps and they discovered that my bubba probably died at 9.2.
I feel numb it's horrendous. They did see a defect - horrible way to describe it - on the scan called a cystic hygroma which apparently is to do with lymphatic drainage but also indicative of trisomy 21,13 and 18. So my poor little angel probably would never have made it to this world. I think this gives me some comfort I don't know. Arrgggghhhhh
Love to you all during this tough tough time. I only had the surgical procedure this morning so I'm all over the place xxxxx

Massive hugs obsessed . So sorry to hear of your loss xx

Thank you ro
How are you feeling now - forgive me I did read but now can't remember how long ago/ far into the process you are/were?
I think I've been reading another thread where you talk about something to remember bubba by - I feel like that too X

I would have been @ 12 weeks but baby died at 6. Had erpc on Friday. Iv ordered a forget me not necklace and we've just named a star. Getting a box for a memory box. Going to put scan pic in a wee teddy and a pair of booties.

Hello Obsessed. So sorry for you loss. I actively followed the June 2016 board, although never posted, and remember you from there.
I had my scan at 11 weeks and found out that baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I am in limbo at the mo, not knowing what route to take. The other ladies on here have been amazing and I know they will be to you, too. Please be kind to yourself. Hugs and

I wish I could come and take all that fear away, RoTo.

Thank you for your advice, Mummy. I think that might be what I'll eventually end up doing.

Its horrible for all of us. I would be an anxious person anyway. Some moments im calm and think, 'well the worst has happened and im still breathing". My dad is a good support, he always says the right things. Bringing son to docs tomorrow as he's had a cough for a few weeks (he has Aspersers' and is panicking it is a chest infection even though he's getting better). I couldn't face going so dad is coming with me. Ciaran, my son, hates crowds so he waits in the foyer, means I wont be in waiting room alone. You have all been fantastic. Don't think I would be even this bit coping without you all.

ro that sounds like lovely memory ideas - I may look into it, thank you

Obsessed I am so sorry for your loss , take good care of yourself and allow enough time to grieve properly, big hugs

It's just taking one day at a time and hopefully in time the pain will ease x

Belle I can't imagine how you must be feeling being in limbo. I can offer my experience if you like?
I too had the three choices, for me, I couldn't handle the waiting, not knowing when things would start and seeing the not very significant browny red spotting freaked me out every time I saw it so I knew that I would not cope at home waiting for nature to take its course.
The second option the medical, they said they would keep me in hospital as I was quite far along - and they thought I might experience bad pain but again it could take time and go on for longer. The surgical option was what I decided and although it was horrendous, terrifying going to theatre my heart was breaking and I was hysterically sobbing not wanting them to "take" my bubba away - I feel it was 100% the right decision for me. I feel ok now, with a bit of wine, I've cried a lot, feel like I am running on adrenaline. It still doesn't feel real that I was pregnant this morning and now I am not. And then I remember and its brutally real. There is some bleeding and cramping but it's manageable with pain relief and sorry if tmi but watery pink not red of clotty so far.
I'm sorry I've waffled. Love to you and you are so brave xxxx

mummy thank you.
I'm sorry to hear that you and DH are dealing with it differently. Mr OH sounds like yours typical 'man' way of dealing usually and I've actually come to my mums tonight to give him some space. He's been so incredible today and I thought just needed to let it all out on his own so when he suggested that I go to mums I decided it would be best.

Maybe you both need some time on your own to grieve?

To top off our shitty day yesterday when this was found was the anniversary of Oh's dads death (it was a terrible sailing accident and they never found him) 13 years ago and so 30th is always a horrible sad day.

XXXX