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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Miscarriage support

229 replies

EllieJayJay · 28/11/2015 23:20

Hello ladies,

It's so very heartbreaking when a miscarriage happens. It happened to me

I was a part of the July 2016 babies and I loved every minute of it, talking about my symptoms and cravings and then without warning my life changed in ten hours.

without any reason with little warning my baby was taken away from me, my heart broke into a thousand pieces - I held my tiny baby in its tiny protective sac in my hand and my life was devastated everything stopped - everything that was going to be disappeared in a blink of an eye and my life took a 360, every emotion within me went black and dark and nothing felt good, or safe or happy.

Very few people I knew, knew I was pregnant and over the past few days I've felt very alone.

So I wanted to start a post for ladies to share their stories in the hope we can help each other x

OP posts:
RoTo72 · 05/12/2015 16:34

That's the way it will be I think. One step forward two back. My mum was the same. My sister and I r adopted, mum couldnt have kids and she just didn't understand. I think she just hated seeing me like this and wanted me to be myself. She has come around and is a lot more understanding. Dad on the other hand is a rock. I'm still getting the odd cramps and spotting. U think ur ok then that is a reminder every time u go to the bathroom.

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 17:45

That sounds awful I'm so sorry your going through that, I'm ovulating and it's very confusing - body had just gone back to normal!

OP posts:
RoTo72 · 05/12/2015 18:20

Oh dear. Its v harsh isn't it. (TMI here). My boobs started leaking yesterday, (would have been like.that from I had Ciaran.). Was just like well some part of me I moving on even if my head and heart isn't.

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 20:20

All my symptoms have done now, definitely have ovulation pain today - desperate for another baby so glad had a special moment with DP before he left yesterday :) I do feel guilty on some level about this though. I do need to do another test to see if it's negative yet this creates very mixed feelings for me wanting it to be and yet not wanting it to be

I don't think I could cope with having the symptoms anymore your doing very well Ro xx

OP posts:
RoTo72 · 05/12/2015 20:43

Had an awful time earlier. Dp went to supermarket. We spent all day cleaning and doing things together. Ciaran was in his room (teenager and Aspergers mixed, that's where he spends all his time). I was alone with my thoughts and cried practically non stop to he came home again. Thought I was doing well today. Can't watch tv, Pampers advert had me bawling, as did the Pandora charm ad when u see the pregnant belly. Honesty after speaking to doc yesterday I felt stronger, this evening I'm a mess again. I'm dreading doing a test, haven't done one yet. Seeing a negative will kill me.

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 05/12/2015 23:24

It is awful but maybe this will help you start to heal, I've done another one today and it's still positive am totally confused at my feelings towards it

Your doing well x

OP posts:
RoTo72 · 06/12/2015 11:06

That's the thing Ellie, if its positive it will hurt and if its negative it will hurt.

Original poster
EllieJayJay · 06/12/2015 13:23

It will hurt but you may find your start to heal / come to some of level acceptance when it's negative and if you don't that is ok and if you do then that would be ok too.

I think a negative will help me start having closure and saying goodbye physically will let me do that too - I feel after my meltdown on Friday that I can do that, tomorrow or even in an hour I may feel differently but if I do that is going to be OK.

It is all eventually going to be OK, it will always effect me but I think it will be OK.

OP posts:
RoTo72 · 06/12/2015 13:35

X

RoTo72 · 06/12/2015 23:06

Hi ladies. How is everyone doing. Iv had a low day. Few mini breakdowns. Nigguh g major just feeling sad. Hope your all doing ok. X

MummyC92 · 07/12/2015 11:03

Hi everyone!

Ellie I'm sorry to hear your feeling so awful! Sad I understand that grief can come and go in phases and often anger is a healthy part of the process so don't worry about letting off some steam here we are all here to listen & work through it Flowers

Ro hope you are feeling a little better today, I think there will be ups and downs as you come to terms with it all.

I would never wish this on my worst enemy and feel that my grief is nothing compared with others who are much further along than I was, cannot believe the strength you amazing women have,

I feel like I've just been carrying on as normal (maybe a denial) as me and DP are still so rocky and he won't discuss the mc at all, feel that other family and friends don't mention it and if they do its comments like "at least it was early and you hadn't seen it, bonded with it" Hmm. Went to DP's nieces birthday yesterday and had to pull over on the way home to have a cry as only MIL knows about the mc and the fake smile all day killed me.

Big hugs and love to everyone x

RoTo72 · 07/12/2015 11:13

mummy I really don't think it matters how far along you are. Its still your baby y lose. Have been sobbing non stop from yesterday evening, head is killing me. Going to try and do things around the house. Still don't want to go out, and Ciaran has a prize night on Thursday at at school. Dreading it, but obviously delighted he's doing so well he's getting rewarded.

MummyC92 · 07/12/2015 12:01

Aww Ro Sad, I think the facing the outdoors comes from maybe the realisation of it? For the week or so after everywhere I went I had this feeling of the last time being there I was pregnant, happy, excited etc. Take your time, everyone is different and if you force yourself before you are ready it will only push your emotional recovery back.

I get your mixed feelings about the awards eve, it's hard feeling like you don't feel like celebrating/being happy about anything. Perhaps overcoming that hurdle may make you feel a little better Flowers

RoTo72 · 07/12/2015 12:08

❤

obsessedlex · 07/12/2015 12:21

HI ladies - sorry I've been a bit absent. just stuff going on and i thought I'd see how i was without you for a few days. I've missed you but weirdly have felt a bit better not constantly thinking about it. Don't get me wrong it hits me randomly and as you say mummy particularly in situations where the last time I was etc but I think it seems to be getting a bit easier.
Its a week today since we found out our worst fears, I expect tonight will be hard. Physically I am sore, not bleeding but keep getting horrible period type cramps and my upper legs ache so much and my tummy feels heavy. How are you all?
Love to you allxxxxxx

RoTo72 · 07/12/2015 12:31

Xxx obsessed . I was like that too. Two weeks today from we found out

obsessedlex · 07/12/2015 14:19

The first time I answer the phone at work and its the business partners wife asking me if I feel a bit more cheerful now??? No I F**ING dont I wanted to scream at her!

RoTo72 · 07/12/2015 15:07

Oh fek id have went mad. I got a call this afternoon from midwife looking to make.appointment. Why do medical agencies not communicate with each other? They are connected to my GP surgery. Was like a kick in the stomach

MummyC92 · 07/12/2015 15:40

Argh I know what you mean Ro!! They pass notes from hospital appointments etc. Through to the GP so why not pass that information through to any other relevant people?! To actually have to explain out loud to a practical stranger what has happened is awful and reinforcing it Angry my midwife text me about my missed appointment. The message came across quite rude saying I had not turned up and can I call her, when I text back and said what had happened and why the appointment was missed she was very embarrassed and apologetic. It must happen fairly regularly to them why not put a system in place To prevent it x

MummyC92 · 07/12/2015 15:41

Good luck obsessed, have a chilled evening with a film to try and relax, Sad x

obsessedlex · 08/12/2015 15:14

I'm finding this week really hard like people expect me to just get on with it and be fine now and I'm putting on a brave face but I'm not fine even my oh. Going to dr on Thursday. I feel shattered like I've got no energy to do anything but still have a business to cope with and my dd feel like I need a few more days off but it's just not going to happen.

RoTo72 · 08/12/2015 16:06

Oh obsessed must be hard for u. I'm lucky in that I can take time.off and ds is that bit older and can amuse himself. I too feel ppl.r getting fed up listening to me go on, which has resulted in me hardly bothering talking and sleeping most of this last two days. My mum and oh have been going on at me to out trees up. Cant be bothered at all. Don't feel Christmassy at all. And probably TMI but I'm majorly constipated. Going but terrible pains in upper abdomen and think iv pulled a muscle trying

obsessedlex · 08/12/2015 17:40

Oh my god yes yes yes with you on the constipation tmi but I've only been once and that was on Saturday after taking 3 senokot - I've eaten a tin of prunes today and loads of oranges and lots of water but still no movement - it's like my body has given up working

RoTo72 · 08/12/2015 17:47

Mine too. I'm going but not enough. I'm so bloated and uncomfortable.

obsessedlex · 08/12/2015 20:20

I'm going to the docs on Thursday to ask about counselling so I might ask about erm ..........blockages too - I'll let you know ro xx