dont know if this is the right place - 27wks. baby died 3 wks ago.

[gingerbreadmam]

hi

some of you may have seen me around on other threads. i am 27 weeks pregnant today. due to issues with ds development we have been having regular scans, today was one of them.

i now need to return to hospital on friday to have labour induced and deliver ds. now i know this will be similar to tfmr and wondered if anyone could guide me through it.

i know this might not be the best place to put it in detail so feel free to pm me.

i am scared but a part of me is accepting because our son was going to be disabled with quite a severe leg disability so even if he had made it to full term we would have had a hard journey on our hands (however the pregnancy was very much wanted, even after discovering that).

anyway any advice would be really appreciated. thank you

thanks so much. truly touched by everyone who has been through this trauma being so kind as to share. i am very sorry for your loss.

we are doing ok. i think as you say the important thing is to feel what you feel and be comfortable with that. ive cried loads and every time i do i remind myself its ok to cry. i dont need to put a brave face on, this has actually happened.

every morning i wake up and it sounds awful but i didnt realise how disturbed my sleep was whilst pregnant. i sleep so well now that when i wake up i think wow ive had a great nights sleep. then reality hits and i just cry.

he truly was completely beautiful and i wish he'd been able to stay but i know he wasnt well enough and hes in a better place now.

he has gone for his post mortem today so i am going to try and make some funeral plans this afternoon. i ordered some things off ebay last night for the grave after taking inspiration from baby graves we looked at yesterday.

Well I hope that the post mortem is carried out in good time and you are able to lay him to rest soon. The results from the post mortem will take a long time to come through. I chose not to have a post mortem with Jack but had the placenta tested and I am still waiting for those results.

Take as much time as you need

I think the lochia is where the placenta comes away from the womb, so your lighter lochia seems to make sense as the placenta would be smaller at that point.

Thinking of you.

Spam is right, your pm results may take a long time but fingers crossed you will get some answers. We didn't have to pm for Rose but we already knew from the amnio that she had full Edwards, there wasn't really anything else for us to know. We knew that the abnormalities would have most likely resulted I. Her not making it to term or if she did either her heart would have failed or her brain would have been so abnormal that she would 'forget' to breath.

We had a 6 week appointment with our consultant as a debrief which I found strangely comforting. I think you should be entitled to this and then an additional meeting about Lucus's pm results and and impact on possible other children if you ttc again.

It sounds like you're doing really well, and I don't mean that in the 'putting on a brave face and getting on with it' way. I mean that as you sound like you are being very kind to yourself and allowing yourself to feel what you need to.

i am so paranoid about pph after my mmc. i duno how i would face being in hospital and all the horrendous internals and forceps i had after mmc when i have just given birth.

tmi alert, i have lost no blood at all today. a tiny yellow spot on the pad i have had on all day. i also have a funny feeling right down in my bum. almost like i need to go to the loo or have trapped wind. i had this after the mmc. maybe its just where the placenta has come away? i dont know. im just petrified of getting that gush and it not stopping.

still not sure about milk. had tiny yellow spot on breast pads yesterday. might sleep braless and with tshirt on tonite cos i remember in hospital my nighty was wet on my breasts so i assume thats milk?

its difficult isnt it cos theres not much info about pregnancies ending at 27wks its all mc or full term.

Hi love,

This is different from your mmc. You gave birth this time. PPH generally happens within the first few hours after giving birth or even immediately so it's not likely now. Any strange feelings you have are to be expected after what your body has been through. Do you have any aftercare like a six week check or anything? If not, perhaps call the midwives or GP to find out what physical checks you should have to make sure your are physically recovering OK. I'm specifying physical just because I know you have a lot of emotional healing to do as well and that can mean the physical but might get forgotten.
Big hugs.

thanks for that guy. makes me feel better.

i have had a busy day today and after havig nothing at all on pad i did have some brown when i changed to get into bed which has made me feel a little better.

the mw pulled the placenta out, it took a while and i asked and she thought it was all there so i am likely worrying about nothing. wish i could relax.

yes emotional will be a while yet but i have had a better day today for keeping busy. lucas is never far from my thoughts but it hasnt been all consuming today which is good.

Hi ginger just calling in to your thread so send my love again.
Hope tomorrow is another good day for you.

how sweet gaggia thank you.

so far so good. i usually wake up and cry but havent this far. cant believe tomorrow its a week since i had my first baby!

goin to arrange an appointment with community midwife today put my mind at rest. been putting it off as i didnt see the point but all this worrying is no good.

You don't need the extra worry no. Are you still worried about the lochia or lack of it? I hope your eating and being looked after.

midwife came today. she felt my uterus said all felt normal. she wasnt worried about lochia said everyone is different.

i feel a bit more relaxed after that. not completely reassured but better.

ive had 2 glasses of wine tonight feel like a right rebel. has nothing on gas and air mind

Enjoy your wine!
I'm pleased she reassured you. I hope each day is better for you.

I am so sorry and send strength to you and your H

thank you so much.

well the lochia seems to be picking up again. guess ive been over doing it. will have to take it easy for a couple of days.

i hated the wine felt so wrong. stuck to the two glasses think ill leave it for a while now. i have a flipping headache off it too enjoy your hangover free time ha!

The same happened to me ginger, loccia stopped for a few days, went out for a run and got back with it pouring down my legs (tmi!) good thing I had black leggings on!

If you fancy a wine then go ahead and enjoy. Remember that alcohol is a depressant and so you may feel a bit worse today. I find that if I drink now I'll have a wobbly day the next day as hangovers hit me really badly.

How are you feeling at the moment?

i think i remember you saying that kitty so i felt ok when i noticed it. in fact tbh it feels better than when it had stopped as that was causing me to worry.

im having my hair done as we speak and i was just thinking to myself its weird but nice to not think about it for a while. just then whilst getting my highlights done i was just me for an hour. not the woman who has just given birth to her stillborn son. it was nice.

i dont really want to drink i dont think. maybe if i had a really big drink i would feel good for a while but it didnt do anything for me last night.

we picked our pup up this morning, fortunately so far it hasnt been weird like i had built it up to be altho when we took him to dps dfs to show him off i did feel a bit odd passing round a dog when i so wish it was my baby.

Gosh, I remember that feeling of when will I be me again and not just a mother suffering loss. Hair is a great way of doing it, I did the same (except I went to a different hairdresser because my normal one knew I was pregnant and I couldn't face having that conversation!)

I'm glad your managing to find a new normal.

i went to a different one too. not the best but least tomo ill feel a bit more me.

im just sat painting a little train for lucas's grave when he gets there. it feels lovely to he doing something for him.

The train sounds lovely. It's so important to find something positive to do for them, kind of focuses the energy. I'm glad you've got something beautiful to do for him.

We have a plaque for Rose in the sands garden but her ashes are in a different spot. We got a lovely stone owl for it. We chose it after 3yo dd1 found it at the garden centre and wanted one. Now she has one by her bed and one is at dd2s spot.

oh thats really lovely kitty im glad you found something nice to have around the home as a reminder.

Ginger I just wanted to say how sorry I am about Lucas. We all miss you on the posifrickintivity thread. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love x

thank you so much zeux really appreciate you stopping by. nice to know were in peoples thoughts

Ginger I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of your son.
I didn't want to pass by without saying something, as early on in my pregnancy I thought I was miscarrying and I was so grateful for your advice and support on my threads. You seem like an amazingly strong person. My thoughts are with you. Lots of love x

thank you willow thats truly appreciated.

by the tone of your msg i am assuming the pregnancy is going well, thats lovely news and i hope things continue that way.

thanks again.

How are you doing ginger?