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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

dont know if this is the right place - 27wks. baby died 3 wks ago.

167 replies

gingerbreadmam · 22/07/2015 18:30

hi

some of you may have seen me around on other threads. i am 27 weeks pregnant today. due to issues with ds development we have been having regular scans, today was one of them.

i now need to return to hospital on friday to have labour induced and deliver ds. now i know this will be similar to tfmr and wondered if anyone could guide me through it.

i know this might not be the best place to put it in detail so feel free to pm me.

i am scared but a part of me is accepting because our son was going to be disabled with quite a severe leg disability so even if he had made it to full term we would have had a hard journey on our hands (however the pregnancy was very much wanted, even after discovering that).

anyway any advice would be really appreciated. thank you Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 22/07/2015 22:15

sweet that is very informative thank you so much for sharing. they told me to take breast pads in. i think i will take the drugs to stop milk if offered as i dont know how i would cope with that.

you know you said you bled for 3 weeks, what was it like? when did you feel like doing things again?

we booked 2 nights away earlier today for 9 august. do you think i will be ok to go on this? i know emotionally ill probs be up and down but physically will i be fine?

am i going to look pregnant for ages?

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BifsWif · 22/07/2015 22:31

I have no advice Ginger I just wanted to send my condolences. I'll be thinking of you on Friday Flowers

theSweetandtheSour · 22/07/2015 22:31

The bleeding was like a heavy period for several days then was very light for the last week or so. Like the end of a period I suppose.

I delivered on the 19th of May and we had a week away booked on the 8th of June. We decided to go away as I was physically fine but unfortunately I ended up back in hospital that day with the pph. However we still went away on the Wednesday as I was fine after the erpc and my bleeding was minimal.

I enjoyed the few days we were away for despite everything. It was good to get away.

My stomach took a few weeks to go down. I bought some jeans in a bigger size as I didn't like the reminder of wearing maternity ones.

It was nine weeks yesterday since I delivered and I am almost physically back to normal - just waiting for my first period.

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 22/07/2015 22:45

thanks bif

oh sweet i didnt realise it was so recent. you are so strong sharing your story.

thats good that you found the break useful, sorry about the pph. i had 3 of these after mmc until i had an emergency erpc so sympathise. it does sound like they will keep a close eye on me friday because of this which is good.

i hope u r doing ok xx

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2015 22:52

I'm sorry OP. Lucas is a lovely name. Will be thinking if you xx

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 22/07/2015 22:57

thank you saintly xx

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theSweetandtheSour · 22/07/2015 23:05

Thanks Flowers

I think I am doing ok. Initially I was a wreck and going about in a bubble but I have a 2 year old daughter who has given me something positive to focus on. I am recently back to work too which hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

We also lost my grandma in June so like you, we've had a more than one traumatic event to deal with.

I am really sorry for what you are going through as I know how you feel. I was so scared of what was going to happen as it was unknown. When I was in hospital the midwife who ended up being the one who delivered our baby told me that people just find the strength to deal with these things. And it was true. You can't imagine that you will be able to bear it, but you do xxx

enviousllama · 22/07/2015 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarthWindAnd9 · 22/07/2015 23:12

Ginger I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am posting on my phone so might have to post over several messages, please forgive me.
My son died almost 3 years ago and I delivered him at 27+2, he was my first baby. I was in a private room at the hospital and had my mum and DH with me. I had my first pessary at about 10am and I was able to leave the ward and wander the hospital grounds. It was a nice day so we ended up sitting in one of the small gardens they have there. I had a second pessary at 4pm and I was already having contractions, I would have been allowed to leave again, but they hurt too much. I had paracetemol (didn't touch the sides of the pain if I'm honest) and managed a shower and changed into nighty. At some point after that I went onto the morphine. It still hurt through the morphine, but somehow you just manage. I can't explain it, but you just get through it. Also, it comes in waves so even if the contractions are close together you get some respite in between (even if it's only minutes). My son was born at 10.55, so 11 hours after the first pessary and he weighed 2lbs2oz. As soon as he was born a sort of calm descended over the room, the midwife cleaned him up a bit and wrapped him in a towel. My DH dressed him later and he was swamped by the premature sized clothes. The hospital chaplain came and blessed him, my MIL came to "meet him" and then he was taken away to a cold cot. We saw him again the next day. I'm not going to lie, it was awful, truly truly awful, the hardest thing I've ever done in my life (along with burying him), but I did get to meet my son and hold him and cuddle him and love him. I will never forget those hours I had with him and even almost 3 years on I can feel the weight of him on my chest as I held him for first time (through the morphine fog).
I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I was terrified of the labour too, but once the first pessary is in and the contractions start you just kind of go with it and it isn't so scary.
I'll be thinking of you on Friday, if you have any more questions in the meantime please feel free to ask and keep talking if it helps after Lucas is born.

EarthWindAnd9 · 22/07/2015 23:14

And Sands is a great charity, the website is really helpful for these early stages and if you feel up to it a bit later the support groups are invaluable.

EarthWindAnd9 · 22/07/2015 23:16

Sorry, one other thing, the morphine made me sick, I don't think that's unusual.

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 23/07/2015 07:29

thank you for sharing earthwind i am so sorry for ur loss.

i will be 27+2 aswell on friday when i go in.

the only questions that have come to me overnight are will my waters break and did anyone bleed after taking the progesterone tablet? i arent but i have some things to do today in prep for tomorrow and i just want reassurance.

also, i know this sounds funny and i have read that you feel a pressure when you deliver but is that all you feel as such?

my ds is looking at weighing just over 1lb i think. i am going to take a blanket and some teddies for him but leave the clothes i think.

OP posts:
EarthWindAnd9 · 23/07/2015 07:52

Hi ginger, I didn't have any bleeding until post birth and my waters broke about 30mins before he was delivered, I didn't really notice it to be honest and I can't remember if they broke naturally or if the midwife had to do it.
I took the tablet to stop my milk coming in the next day as well. Yes, the pressure thing is exactly what it felt like when the time came to push, it felt slightly stingy around the edges, but mainly pressure.

I would pack a camera or phone charger in your bag to take photos. I know at the moment it might seem a strange thing to want to do but I treasure the photos of my DS. Before I went into the hospital to have him I couldn't believe they were going to be so cruel as to make me give birth, but I'm so glad I did, I feel like it was a special thing just between us iykwim.

I know this is very unmumsnetty but I'm sending you loads of love and I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 23/07/2015 09:29

gingerbreadmam I think I remember you from the ttc after miscarriage thread?

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. I don't have any advice but I just wanted you to know I am truly sorry and both you and your family will be in my thoughts x

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 23/07/2015 09:54

thank you so much and for sharing such sad stories. they are truly helping me though.

i am trying to keep busy today and started panicking that something might happen whislt out and about however that is reassuring thank you Thanks

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MaybeDoctor · 23/07/2015 11:46

Hi, just checking back in to see how you are.

I think that the hospital may well have some very small clothes as there are some organisations where people knit tiny garments for babies in this situation.

Take in your bag:

Some clean clothes for you to come home in - something very soft like jersey trousers is what you want.
A nightdress and/or robe
Underwear
Maternity pads - but if you can't face buying them the hospital will give you them while you are there.
snacks/drinks for your DH
Toiletries
A very comfortable bra to come home in
Tissues
Lip balm/moisturiser

Thinking of you.

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 23/07/2015 12:19

thanks maybe. going out this afternoon to get what we need. was thinking of getting one of those crop top type bras, will that be any good?

also i dont have any jersey trousers but do have maternity leggings do u think they will do the trick?

im ok emotional but less scared now i have all this information. it sounds silly but i arent making much of a connection with the baby part of it, has anybody else had this? like right now all i can think about is dp and i.

i guess i never truly came to terms with the pregnancy due to previous mmc then discovering his problems.

OP posts:
zombiemeow · 23/07/2015 12:52

Haven't read the whole thread yet but I experienced something kind of similar.

I had been reporting no movement to my midwife since 24 weeks, she shrugged it off and sent me home. I went to a normal appt at 32 weeks and someone was covering. She couldn't find dds hb and sent me to the hospital. They confirmed ds had died. It was later confirmed that ds had died around 28 weeks.

I went into labor naturally the night before I was to be induced. I started getting slight pains at 8.45, I just thought it was s I hadn't ate or something. It kept getting worse until 12 midnight when I couldn't sleep and kept thinking I needed the toilet. Dh phoned am as I was convinced it wasn't labor, she ce and took us to hosp about 1.30am. Unfortunately, and I know most places won't do this, I was refused pain relief for a few hours. I got morphine at around 3.30. Ds was born at 5.08am. I couldn't hold her straight away as she had passed a few weeks previously she was very delicate. The nurses cleaned her up and brought her over wrapped in a blanket. When the bereavement midwife came she dressed her for us, took hand and foot prints and a lock of her hair and gave us a memory box with photographs etc. We spent the whole day with her but then she had to go as she was not in a cold cot so deteriorated quickly.

We had a pm done so there was a bit of a delay, then she was cremated and I picked up her ashes to have her buried.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, it really is heartbreaking. I tried to pm you but it's not letting me, but if you would like to know anything else please feel free to pm me.

Have you got people around to support you?

X

zombiemeow · 23/07/2015 12:58

And I felt the pressure, it was like a sudden drop, my dd was around the 1lb mark too.

I know asda have started doing tiny baby clothes, maybe if you wanted you could pick something up from
There?

X

ProbablyMe · 23/07/2015 13:18

I'm so sorry Ginger. I lost my baby earlier in pregnancy in January and had to have labour induced.

Regarding what it was like after delivery, I can only talk for me and my DP. Although we were unbearably sad we still found some joy in meeting the baby we loved so much - after a grey day the sun shone in through the window for the first time that day. The midwife put him in a special, small Moses basket and we had bought him a special blanket. We stayed in the room with him for as long as we wanted to. Our midwife took his picture, as did we and we held him. Take your time, do what feels right at the time - I don't think it's something you can prepare for in advance and to me the whole experience was a bit surreal. The way you react will be the right way for you - even if it's different to other people.

Contact SANDs and Tommys - they and their websites are great.

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 23/07/2015 13:52

thank you everyone hearing each experience is helpful.

do they give you internals in this situation or just let your body get on with it?

i am not going to buy any clothes i dont think he has his blanket and two teddies we kept for him when i mmc'd last year. i dont know whether we will have a burial or cremation, as dps dm just passed and was buried we were thinking cremation and ashes spread with her. we havent really talked about any of that yet.

i really appreciate people sharing such difficult stories.

OP posts:
zombiemeow · 23/07/2015 14:00

They tried to give me an internal but I found it too uncomfortable so they just left me

Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 23/07/2015 14:29

thanks zombie. i dont really want any, i had lots with my mmc and just found them uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Original poster
gingerbreadmam · 23/07/2015 14:29

traumatic i meant!

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zombiemeow · 23/07/2015 15:04

You can definitely refuse to have any. They can't do them without your consent. ThanksX