dont know if this is the right place - 27wks. baby died 3 wks ago.

[gingerbreadmam]

hi

some of you may have seen me around on other threads. i am 27 weeks pregnant today. due to issues with ds development we have been having regular scans, today was one of them.

i now need to return to hospital on friday to have labour induced and deliver ds. now i know this will be similar to tfmr and wondered if anyone could guide me through it.

i know this might not be the best place to put it in detail so feel free to pm me.

i am scared but a part of me is accepting because our son was going to be disabled with quite a severe leg disability so even if he had made it to full term we would have had a hard journey on our hands (however the pregnancy was very much wanted, even after discovering that).

anyway any advice would be really appreciated. thank you

its so tough to know what to do for the best. i guess i will just take tomorrow as it comes.

they kept referring to it yesterday as a mini labour. does that mean it is not a full on labour or just that its short or i dont know?! i know ill find out tomoro and i guess it doesnt even really matter because its happening regardless but its just so scary.

Maternity leggings would be fine.
A crop top bra sounds fine if it is stretchy - if your milk comes in your breasts might feel larger. Or a stretchy maternity bra.

great i will pack those then. i bought a stretchy crop top type bra hopefully keep me comfy.

i feel sick. i cant believe i have to do this. it sounds ridiculous i know but is it actually like giving birth or will it be different because it will be shorter, baby smaller and lots of drugs?

I've not read the whole thread but to answer a few questions.

They didn't give me the meds to stop the milk coming in, they said the side effects were often worse than a few days discomfort. They gave me hardcore ibuprofen to take for a week anyway.

I bled for about 10 days afterwards.

Oh yes. Sorry missed a question. I still looked a bit pregnant for a while.

However, I gave myself a month to eat crap and do whatever I wanted physically. I then got onto a 'clean' diet and started running 3 times a week. I honestly think that this has helped so much in my healing mentally as well. Running has also helped deal with the physical effects of the anger. I run a lot now, whenever anything goes wrong!

It took me about 3 months to get from my pregnant size 16 back to my normal size 12. What I didn't realise is that grief and stress makes your body release cortisol which can make loosing weight tough around your tummy. It's only been recently, now I'm feeling a bit better that my tummy is getting back to flat (although I didn't look pregnant, just a round tum)

I have no advice but want to say I'll be thinking of you xx

oh 10 days doesnt sound too bad at all. i take it it wasnt heavy for all of that time?

maybe its not worth taking the milk tablets. it might sound really silly as my nipples have changed loads but my boobs not so much, i wonder if i would get much milk?

ive only put about 7lbs on in pregnancy, i was already overweight so if i can get that down a little bit hopefully i wont look pregnant too much longer. cant cope with the questions.

Hi ginger. I think I remember you from the Headwreck thread - I was on it after mc1 in January. Just wanted to say how sorry I am that your longed for pregnancy has come to this. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Oh ginger, I'm truly sorry for your loss, I really am.

The hospital should have some have some clothes for him, I'm part of a group that make clothes from 14 weeks onwards. They're delivered to almost every hospital in the country by the various area coordinators.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow xx

No it wasn't heavy all that time. I think it stopped then came back for a few days after a long run (stupid!) I got my period about 4 weeks after I gave birth.

7lbs is nothing! I imagine most of that is fluid and extra blood, I'm impressed. I stack on the weight in pregnancy!

My cycles wobbled a bit after, my counsellor said it's probably because it's an 'interrupted' pregnancy with no baby so your body is really confused. I was 4 days late a couple of cycles after and panicked about being pregnant. That's all way into the future though, just focus on the next few days.

Some great quote I was given went along the lines of 'I will get through the next few minutes, then the next few hours, then days' sometimes the best option is to focus on what you need to do at that moment to get through.

For a while you will just be getting through and getting by, you will start to live again, with a new normal. It will take time though.

thanks for that ekk thats nice to know.

yes tom i was on the headwreck board, thought id get lucky this time and felt like i had until 20wk scan. 3rd time lucky hey? although that will be a long long while off.

thanks kitty the information you kindly share on here is invaluable when someone else is faced with this situation. thank you so much.

do they discuss contraception with you in hospital or is that something you see your gp about at a later date? i definitely dont want to fall pregnant again any time soon.

my lovely friend just brought us a tiny little comforter for lucas and a matching one for us to keep. its so lovely im really pleased with it and such a kind thought.

Ginger with me contraception was discussed at the 6 week check after. If you wanted it straight away I'm sure you could ask.

I also forgot to add, as my dd had passed a few weeks before the skin on her hands/wrists/ankles had blistered and kind of come off apparently it happens due to them being in the waters

Just checking in.
I don't know if this will help or not, but there is an article on the Guardian website today about families who have photographs taken of their baby. It is a sensitive and well-written article, but obviously you may prefer not to read it.
article
Don't worry, nothing scary comes up as you open the link - at the top of the page there is a shot of the couple holding their baby who is carefully wrapped up.

There is also a charity called Remember My Baby who can arrange a trained volunteer photographer to come to the hospital. There is a link to them in the article.

thank you for the link. i had been reading about this on google today. were so unsure about seeing him, dp definitely doesnt want to at the moment. if they reassure me he looks like a baby i think i would like to.

the thing is he passed three weeks ago and his measurements had already changed a lot since the last scan 4 weeks ago. that makes me think he may not look very good. obv we wont know until tomo and can make that decision when the opportunity arises.

You could ask the midwife or a close relative to look at him and describe him to you first, to try and gauge whether it would be too upsetting to see him.

You could also ask for photos to be taken and put in a sealed envelope which you might or might not want to look at in the future. You might change your mind in the future when emotions and hormones aren't running high and personally I think it's best to have the option of a photo even if you don't feel like it now.

thats what i thought to get the mws to give their opinion first. thanks for the advice it will all come in handy tomoro.

Hi ginger

I remember you from other threads. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I lost my precious DS almost 2 years ago now at 25 weeks. I had no movement for a day, went in to get checked and they couldn't find a heartbeat. Like you I was induced two days later.

The first pessary went in at 11am, and I had baby at 10:10pm. The labour progressed quite quickly. We were in a separate room with a cold cot, as soon as he was born the midwives took him, dressed him and brought him back. I have some lovely hand and footprints framed and on the wall next to my bed.

I also got given the tablets to stop my milk from coming in, the choice is yours but I'm really glad I did, I had no side effects from these. I also took as much pain relief as I could during the labour. I wouldn't necessarily call it a 'mini labour' either as you have been told, it felt like a 'normal' labour to me.

Me and DH spent the night with DS. We cuddled him lots and took many pictures. I really treasure that time with him.

Leggings and crop top bra are fine. Whatever makes you comfy. Please keep talking to us if you like.

RIP Lucas

ginger I recognise you from the mc and pregnancy after mc boards. I'm so sorry, words can't really cover it. I can't offer any advice but just to let you know that you are in my thoughts.

Thinking of you, your DP and Lucas today Ginger x

All the best today ginger

Thinking of you

ginger Another one from the pg after mc thread here - I am so so sorry that you have lost your precious beautiful baby I hope that it all goes as smoothly and painless as possible.

One thing that I would advise - don't wait too long before asking for strong pain relief. Paracetamol is fine at the beginning, but the contractions will ramp up quite quickly, and pain relief takes a bit before kicking in.
But they will take good care of you. There might be some waiting around before things get going, take something to read/a film etc for distraction. Don't be afraid to ask the midwives for anything, they will try everything to make you comfortable.

Thinking of you and wishing you lots of strength in this difficult time xxxx

I just wanted to sY I've been thinking of you today. I hope it has gone/is going as well as it can. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you can see Lucas and he hasn't deteriorated too much.

thank you so much everyone for all the lovely words. i delivered lucas around about 7.00pm.

everything went fine although i did struggle with the pain (first baby) but managed on gas and air and morphine.

sounds strange but i just feel a massive wave of relief just now. anyway i just wanted to thank you all. your words and support over the last few days have helped more than you will know

I have just read this thread. I am very sorry