Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 27 - Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

[BumbleBee0]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2404797-Recurrent-Miscarriage-Support-Thread-26-tests-treatment-and-trying-again

Lovely to hear from you erica and jady and do pleased to hear everything is going well.

Re seeing bumps/babies, I still feel weird. However I saw my cousins (dc1) baby girl last week, held her, felt fine. Then saw my other cousins baby boy (dc4, unplanned, smoked during pg) and didn't want to hold him. Think it dragged up the feelings of unfairness when I found out she was pg after mc1. And also the fact she smoked etc .
Also not looking forward to the arrival of sil's DS (dc2) next month and hoping we don't have to go and visit them in Brighton. Again I think it brings back sadness of us both announcing pg for dc2 Xmas day and mine bring mc2, hers being ok...
It's weird but even tho I'm pg I still feel envious of bumps and it still feels so far out of reach.

I had been trying for a baby for over a year with my husband. So when finally got pregnant it nothing but joy. but little did we know at our first appt to check if everything was ok. that i will be having a miscarriage in march 2015. I was hurt and just couldn't believe this was happening. It took so long for me to get pregnant. I just felt like everything was taking for me. I have been trying since march to get pregnant but It haven't happen yet. yes i know when the time is right i will have get pregnant but its just something that you want so bad. Seeing other people pregnant makes me think about me and what i lost. just trying to stay postive and know when the time is right it happen again.

Bumble that is EXACTLY how I feel!!! Even though I'm pg I'm envious

Pop I'm glad you found a nice way to think of her.

Bumble yep, I think you're totally crazy starts looking round for shiny things to hang in the back garden

Went to see my Dad on Saturday. The rehabilitation ward doesn't seem to be doing much rehabilitation, it's just somewhere to stick the old people who are medically fit but not independent enough to go home. Physio didn't even turn up to work with him on Friday, and nothing happens over the weekend .

We're not in work mode this morning as we've got a funeral to go to. DH's uncle (who, given he was raised by his mum after his dad left, was more like the dad he always wanted) died very suddenly a couple of weeks ago. He was apparently fit and healthy and in his 60's. Ever feel like life just won't give you a break?

emerald, the scratch is the added benefit of going to Coventry. When they take the uterine biopsy it takes a scratch out of the lining of the uterus for the sample. As well as using the material they collect for testing, the effect of this scratch thickens up the lining, as it makes it renew itself, so it should be more lush and have a more normal response for up to 3 months.

biscuits, thanks for the note on the counting for whole journey thing for the magpies ! Is it completely nuts that I'm so relieved? I saw one on its own in the car on the way to the cairn i made for my lost babies, but then saw another walking up the hilltop the cairn. I was worried that counted as two sorrows but maybe it's just one joy! Ok. Enough crazy talk from me.

pop,so glad you had a nice time in the lakes and you found such a nice way to remember you dd. I'm glad also that the hospital are being so supportive. It hope it helps when you are making your decision about whether to try again. And fwiw, i think if you have a diagnosed clotting disorder then the 'more harm than good' research doesn't apply, that's only if you were taking it 'just in case', so i would go with what they suggest. Not read that book but sounds interesting.

barking, so sorry the 'rehabilitation' ward is not very rehabilitating. How utterly frustrating and upsetting it must be for all of you to see them doing very little to help your dad. I really hope he gets the care he needs this week. And sorry to hear about your dh's uncle. They say that bad luck comes in threes but it really seems to have come in three dozens for you and your family. Hope your luck changes soon.

Welcome nette, and sorry you find yourself here. So sad that you lost a longed for baby. You are most welcome here of course, but i should warn you that this is a board filed with people who have had 2, 3 or more miscarriages, so please don't think that this is normal and that it will happen to you as well. I hope you will go on to have a perfectly normal pregnancy next time, and the statistics are in your favour that you will, so please don't be alarmed when we are talking about testing and treatments, as this won't apply to you now (or hopefully ever). Like i say, you are most welcome to stay, but if you find this thread too much, there are other threads for people who have recently suffered miscarriage (I think there is one called headwreck and something??? - can't quite remember) and there is one for ttc after miscarriage. Best of luck to you anyway and i hope you get your happy ending soon

thank you marchgirl
i just been holding this in about my miscarriage. yes its my first one that i had. I like to stay and just read what other people say about what they going through after a miscarriage. How to deal with it as wel. And thank you for the other website that i can look into as well. best wishes to all the women that are going through this as well. may god bless all of yall as well

Glad to hear I'm not the only magpie spotter on here - I always salute this can look pretty odd if there are lots of them.

I'm driving myself nuts here. Bad case of early preg insanity. I'm panicking at not feeling sick enough, panicked in case Friday's scan is bad, can't concentrate, massive anxiety dreams.... I just can't shake the feeling that it was something I did which caused mc1 & mc2 and if only I could work out what it was, I could 'fix' this one (at least I'm not blaming myself for the ectopic!). I am so happy and lucky to be pregnant but I'm struggling even more than I thought. How on earth do I keep functioning?

Sorry that's v me me me but there's no one here in RL. DH is great but stressed with work and I don' think men ever really get the knicker watching, fear of wetness, constant questioning your own body.

MrsC I flee to the loo in panic if I feel even slightly damp!!

I'm so sorry for your loss nette. It's devastating . Please keep talking to us here if it helps and remember you're not alone.

MrsC how many weeks are you now? I'm 6+1 and my scan is on wed. I'm really starting to feel the fear now. Just thinking about it makes me sick and to know that it could all be over on wed terrifies me. I don't have any sickness yet either but I don't think it started with DS til 7 wks and I'm also on pred which can mask it I think. I've no reason to not feel positive but I just don't at the moment.

MrsC I'm now over 14 weeks, and I still do knicker-checking And I think I will until this baby arrives!
If you read through the pg after mc thread, you will see that you are not alone - I once asked when you stop stressing, and most people answered probably never... Sadly, we just know too much about what can go wrong.

Welcome to all the newbies, sorry that you find yourself here. It's the club that no one wants to belong to, but you will find lots of support and advice here.

sasha So sorry to hear about the T16. It's rubbish because there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that. It's the reason I never went to Coventry - after having 2 mcs out of 4 due to chromosomal abnormalities, I just couldn't justify it.
At my age, I need to be realistic and accept that whatever I do, I will always be at higher risk. However, you have been diagnosed with high NK cells, so there's definitely a starting point for you.
But sadly no treatment will ever prevent an mc due to chromosome issues...

Speaking of which - I have the remainder of my DHEA stock to go to a new home, 25 mg pills, started with 180, and there are probably at least half of that left. If anyone is interested, pm me. I also have lots of cheapie OPKs for anyone who wants them.

In other news, I am currently struggling with constipation and piles. Glamorous, I know...

Thanks Marchgirl for the info on scratch, do they put you out for this at all? Is it painful? Sounds good and I have heard abit about it.

Biscuits lol re magpie speed dating! Bloody magpies.

MrsC and bumblegood luck with your scans this week, I know what a scary time it is and how scary that room can be when it should be a happy exciting place. I'm sure all will be fine and you're pg now until someone says you're not which hopefully they won't.

Cloudjumper have pm you re tabs

Forgot to ask, has anyone taken or looked into Chinese herbal medicine? It's been suggested to me but not sure whether to investigate this before any tests in case it clouds results? Any advice appreciated thank you.

May I rant self-indulgently. I'm in such a bad place today. Just had a random sobbing fit in the car on the way home - proper heaving sobs. It's just not fair. In my low moments I simply don't see this happening and I don't know what the point in life will be if I can't have children - not in a suicidal way, more an existential way. Do any of the other childless members of this thread have any tips for making life more... meaningful... in the context of RM. (Disclaimer: not saying its worse for childless people than those with children, loss is loss. Just the challenges are different so am seeking help on those specific challenges).

Also, I can't understand the lack of support from my friends, the majority of whom have children. How can they have been through pregnancies and 12-week scans and not empathise with the experience of having the baby die inside of you? And then have it happen over and over again. You'd have thought that would evoke enough empathy to actually act on said empathy. But they seem to behave like I have recurrent thrush (I've possibly stolen that statement from someone's blog but it sums it up so nicely). I do obviously remove the person that's offered to be a surrogate from that rant.

Sob...

Thank you and sorry to be me me me. I'll read the thread now.

p.s. one of my friends baby bombed me today at 7 months pregnant. Apparently she had been anxious about telling me so kept putting it off. I find that absolutely humiliating.

Pps. I realise I've contradicted myself by moaning about people not acting on empathy and moaning when someone does. I guess I just mean things like a little card saying thinking of you

twilight I have my positive moments, but mostly I am terrified that I will never get to experience motherhood as 'normal' women do. DH and I have already agreed that we will adopt if our journey does not end with me giving birth, but even that is still a hard pill to swallow when so many around me seem to fall pregnant and give birth so bloody easily. If our life is not going to turn out how we planned, we both feel like we need another plan. This is why we've got plan B of a year out starting August 2016. It gives us a year to save up and get things sorted. By then we'll either be pg or have exhausted all the fertility options and at the end of the road financially and emotionally (6 months of clomid 2 rounds of iui and 3 rounds of ivf). DH is ready to stop now but I would like to have tried 3 rounds of ivf before feeling like that's it. I can now focus on our year out, and possible plans after that. We both want to move out for a fresh start. 4 years of watching everyone else get pg with their 1st and 2nd babies while we struggle is too much. Watching all these families grow up and have adventures together is just too much more to contemplate. I admire some of you, how you can visit children and babies and pg women. We've been invited to a bbq next wkd. DH said 'We've been invited to a bbq. There are going to be at least two babies there, I'm assuming you don't want to go?' Not in a nasty way, just confirming that he has assumed correctly. I just can't do it. The thought of it alone makes me cry. I was persuaded a couple of times that the thought was worse than the reality so I turned up. It wasn't. I sobbed in the toilet and ran home both times . I'm now at the stage where I'm even insanely of women who have grown up children my age. It's not just babies, it's the experience of motherhood, I'm scared I'll never have stories to tell about my children.
Sorry, bit of a stream of consciousness there. On the way back from the funeral and feeling even more emotional than usual.

So, anyway, my advice is pretty much to find an alternative focus. It doesn't make the pain of being childless go away, but it means there is something good to cling on to when you are able to .

emerald on the chinese herbs - I took them for a few months alongside the acupuncture. For the first time in my life my cycles straightened out. The second mc messed them all up again, and despite doing everything else the same as last time, my cycles are still screwed. The only thing different is the lack of Chinese herbs this time... Make of that what you will!!

emerald no anaesthetic for Coventry scratch/biopsy. You can have gas and air for it if you like, and they suggest you take ibuprofen/paracetamol beforehand. I didn't find it too bad, no worse than a smear test, but others have found it painful. I've had 2 VBs, don't know if that makes a difference.

Twilight I'm with you on everything you're saying.

It is so tough. I often feel lonely for myself and my husband that we don't have a family to focus on, purely because our friends have young families. We go out for a drink or a meal in a pub for ourselves but with no other couple to go with. It's a lonely existence sometimes. We are moving house shortly and are just going to focus our energies on doing that up for a while, but no other plans to distract us from our childless situation at 40yrs of age...

Oh twilight**! I am so sorry, you really are in the grips of total panic. I wish i could give you a hug. I know without ds i would feel the same and my heart goes out to you. I don't understand why friends woyldn't support. I susspect its something they are a)frightened of b)can't understand c)arn't sure how to talk about with you.

I just feel you need someone to parachute in and hug you!!!

Be kind to yourself, Twilight, and anyone else struggling. When I had my cognitive hypnotherapy she said she recognised an element of PTSD in my behaviour; extreme and sudden emotional reactions to triggers (baby bombs, scan rooms etc., being hyper alert). If you can, maybe recognise this as a possible response you are having to trauma, and seek specific help for it (rather than just ordinary counselling). It might help. In the meantime, hugs to you.

Re: Chinese herbs, I've tried them but they are GROSS and I couldn't physically ingest the tea. Good luck to you if you can!!

just I stank the entire house out with the tea, then burnt it, and gagged when I tried to drink it. The chinese lady gave in and supplied me with tablets instead .

Barking, I burnt it the first time, too. Nearly had to throw away the pan!

I did try the tablets... nor convinced they did anything much...