Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 27 - Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

[BumbleBee0]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2404797-Recurrent-Miscarriage-Support-Thread-26-tests-treatment-and-trying-again

Indeed Bellende I will send them over to sun!
Great idea on the spreadsheet!
baking think I missed the article where what was it?

Thanks for starting the spreadsheet barking, but to me it's read only. Any idea how to change it to edit mode? Maybe it's a phone thing that i can't get in. For once i had actually thought about a word doc, but spreadsheet is always just as good !!

emerald, if you go to baking's post (13th down on page 11 on my phone), then she linked the article under the first word, 'here', which shows up blue. good article

March I needed the Google app to edit it on my phone. If anyone wants to list useful information on here I'm happy to add it in when I'm on my laptop later .

Love a good spreadsheet

Good luck bumble and flen fingers and toes crossed...

Hmm. I have the Google app barking, both sheets and docs. Had a little play on my one and a google search and i think you can only add individual people for editing via email addresses. Can't see a way to make it totally open. I think i still have your email. Shall i email the stuff i had written for coventry and you can add it? And I've also got info on the greek hidden infections. Maybe we should also add standard rmc testing so people know what to expect?

Scan went well, saw the heartbeat and measured 6+1, so 2 days behind but not too worried. The sonographer saw a small haematoma but didn't seem concerned, so I'm hoping it will resolve itself. I have another scan booked in 2 wks. Feeling quite relieved but know there's still a way to go yet. Thank you so much for all your support. X

Yay bumble so pleased for you! Here's to an uneventful 7 months!

Oh bumble** - thank goodness! Very very pleased for you xxxx Did you get any sleep?

BumbleBee glad your scan went well. Keep well x

Wonderful news, Bumble!

Great news bumble x

So happy to hear all went well! Have you done your first heparin injection yet? Hope you find it ok x

Just waiting to see the nurse to start the injections!

Thank you! I actually got to sleep would you believe freckle but woke at 5ish and had no chance of getting back to sleep.

Hi all, I popped in here for a while after losing my boy at 18 weeks in May. Some of you may remember me.

I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if not please steer me in the right direction.

I really want to try again, maybe not immediately but in the near future. My husband has categorically said no. He said he can't risk it happening again. Which obviously I have thought about too but I feel at a loss because I had planned in my head that we would try again at some point. I realise I am being selfish but the fact that he has said no, never I just feel like my choice has been made for me.

Obviously I will have to get over it and accept his decision but it is so hard. I am truly gutted and now I don't know what to do. I am fortunate enough to have a 9 year old and nearly 2 year old boys and I know some people aren't that fortunate but I always wanted more children and he did too but has changed his mind because of circumstances as they are.

Please tell me to get a grip if I am in fact being a selfish cow and only thinking of myself.

To refresh my stats-

March 2006-Ds
July 2013-Ds
Sept 2014- Mc at 6 weeks
May 2015-Mc at 18 weeks

Thanks for reading

I remember you spam, welcome back.

Of course you're not being selfish, please don't be hard on yourself. When you're pg and then lose your baby, especially at such at late stage as you have, you were prepared to have that baby and losing them leaves a huge hole. So to want to try again seems natural to me, although I can appreciate that the pain of potentially losing another is just too much to bear.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice other than to say I think how you are feeling is valid and natural. I hope with time your DH will come round and you can agree together on trying again.
Is there any testing you could perhaps get done which may make you and DH more confident in trying again? xxx

Loving the spreadsheet barking and March another spreadsheet geek here too!

Thanks bumble we are due to see the consultant at some point this month with all the results from placental histology and the many many blood tests. We should know if there was a reason at that time and I imagine the consultant will give some advice for if we try again. To be honest I wouldn't even know what to ask for in terms of testing. Perhaps I can ask at the consultant appointment. x

Welcome back spam. Sorry to hear that you and your dh are disagreeing about trying again. It's such a hard decision to make for both of you and once you open that door to wanting a child, regardless of whether you already have children, it's very hard to close it again. You're not being selfish and i think actually it's good that you are talking about these things.

Sounds like you're at a bit of an impasse at the moment but I really hope that after you get the results it might help your dh to consider trying again if it's what you want. It might be worth pursuing some standard rmc testing (clotting, uterine scan etc) and maybe uNK testing if you are thinking of trying again. Results (clear or abnormal) from these might also help you decide whether it's something you can go through again. Big hugs and I hope the tests bring you some answers. X

spam You're not selfish. And neither is your DH. You've recently experienced a really traumatic loss, and you are both dealing with it in different ways.
Give your DH and yourself some time... Hear what the consultant has to say and what the test results of your mc are. You both are having to process a lot, grieving takes time.

Have you been offered counselling? I'm just asking because I had a second trimester loss last year, and I was able to have 6 sessions with a counsellor, which was a lifeline at the time. Please ask at your hospital, if you have not been given any information. Very often, partners will be available to join this (DH could have come to my sessions). SANDS might also be helpful, have you checked their website?
Please don't despair. It's early days. Maybe consider going on a nice holiday to get a change of scenery? That really helped me last year.

Great news bumble!

Great news Bumble

I'll check the settings March, it'll be easier from the laptop later! I'll add in what you emailed me (not read it yet but just noticed the notification pop up on my phone!) .

Hi spam. I'm not the best person to advise as I was on the side of your dh after mc2. It was my DH that persuaded me to try again. After the second iui and then the ivf failed it was me that had to persuade him to try again. Both of us are adamant that should we ever manage to have a baby, we won't be going through this pain again to try for a second (there's obviously the infertility angle to add to our viewpoint though).

I think the most important thing is to keep talking, and whatever you decide, it's a decision you can both live with. I was ready to quit last year and move on to adoption, but once we dipped into Ivf I felt we had to see it through and try 3 rounds if necessary, otherwise I knew I'd look back and regret it. It was all or nothing with me, once we'd tried it I felt we had to give it the recommended number of goes or it would feel like we'd quit too soon. We did manage to get eggs and make embryos, so there's no reason not to try again.

Sorry, as usual, waffling on and I've lost the point. The point is it has to be two of you. There's no right answer, just the right answer for you as a couple.

Spam** i remember you too. I'm sorry you have this new obstacle to overcome. I totally understand the irrepresable need and longing to get pregnant again after a mc. I think perhaps your dh is maybe deep down scared and hurting and by walling up the idea he is trying to protect you and him from any more pain. I think he needs more tine and healing. But no one partner in a marriage can say 'no, i will not give you a child' it is a two way street. My husband didn't want children for the first 6 years we were together (dotes on ds now) but such strong viewpoints are usually tge expression of pain and often do move on eventually.

Great news bumble. Any news from flen? Hope you're ok. Just trawled the pages to check and you were due your first scan today.

spam welcome back. Don't apologise asking for advice. Hopefully you've found the responses useful. I don't have a lot to add but it's important to keep talking. I know me and dh deal with things so differently.

Thanks to the bible of information sent to me by march, the updated spreadsheet is available here

Does anyone have the link to the aspirin research handy? If not I'll scan through the thread for the last time it was mentioned! Thought that might be a useful inclusion within the treatment section. Or we could have another section for research links. And another section with blog links if any of our lovely bloggers would like to add them? Ooo, lovely data . We could also include our stats so they could be easily copied to the beginning of each thread?

I haven't changed the settings to let anyone edit it, as it would be very easy for someone to view it and accidentally wipe all the information! I've set up an anonymous gmail account so nothing links back, and if anyone wants to add anything to the sheet just let me know and I'll pm you the details. That way we can all edit it, but only intentionally, if that makes sense?!

bumble great news! I hope it reassures you for a little while at least x

Hello spam, I can only echo what the other's have said - perhaps with time your dh will come round to the idea of trying again, and perhaps the next appointment will help you both. I do hope you find some answers. I'm sure your dh is trying to protect you both, and I definitely don't think you are selfish. It's just a very hard situation to be in. How is your ds1? I remember you said he was struggling with the loss of the baby. And is ds2 getting any further assessments? You have so much going on x

I am down to one 5mg prednisolone tablet a day (from 4), and the nausea is now quite debilitating. I really, truly, am not complaining, I just have so much to do and am struggling to get stuff done, and am constantly knackered.