Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 27 - Tests, Treatments and Trying Again

[BumbleBee0]

Tea, hugs, a wealth of collective knowledge and lots of hand holding as we try again. This thread moves like lightning so hold on to your hats!
Previous thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2404797-Recurrent-Miscarriage-Support-Thread-26-tests-treatment-and-trying-again

Onestep** according to 'Horse and Hound' (i kid you not) the song is called 'Wings' by british singer songwriter 'Birdy'.

Thanks loveys. I'm feeling better now. Have gone for an early night with a book. Surprised by the wobble, though not at the same time as it feels like it bubbles away beneath the surface.

My catch up may be a bit rubbish as am on my phone and can't scroll back.

Snoopy - I'm so sorry things are so low with you too at the moment. I have no advice, being in a similar place myself, but sending loads of hugs and understanding. HR sound utterly incompetent and ridiculous. Are you in a union or anything. So fucked off on your behalf.

Hugs Brummie - it's so stressful isn't it. You made me well up with the description of the shower. For me it seems to be being on my own in the car, particularly being stuck in traffic. It's something about being trapped with my thoughts I think and it makes me a bit panicky.

Morgan - thrilled that you've got your results back and those have left you feeling positive about the future.

Other TTC#1ers. Hugs to you all. Thanks for making me feel less alone. X

Morgan yes it gets right in to your soul that track. I get a huge lump in my throat and have to try to hold it together. It's on the TV so much it's beginning to take it out of me!!

Thanks Freckle for the track info! Xx

Quick check in as been busy first day back at work after holibobs. Big hugs to those having rubbish days either due general black days, rubbish family or hr. Hope tomorrow is better all round x

Ha! Freckle just reread your post... 'Horse and Hound' lol!!!!

onestep yes I know what you mean re Lloyds advert, I feel the same with that, don't know who it's by.
snoopy I'm so sorry to hear about your losses and how you are feeling. I am shocked to hear about your work and what they said, it's disgraceful. I work in HR too and wouldn't dream of saying that to a colleague! What Brummie says is exactly right, it is pregnancy related. Our admin girl asked me how she should record my recent 3wk absence, I felt furious, but had to remind myself she's just an admin girl and hasn't got any further insight/knowledge to think beyond that. She asked me if I wanted to use any holiday up; no I fucking don't!!
For all those Ttc no1, I can't imagine how hard and fearful it must be, but a story of hope: my friend tried for 5yrs she's now 35, had MMC no hb at 12wk scan, 3 failed IVF rounds, an ectopic and numerous tests all normal and then suddenly pg naturally, she's now 12wks, so it can happen. Big hugs to you all.
Baking thanks for scratch info and Barking for Chinese meds info, still undecided!
I'm going back to work tomorrow dreading it, feel embarrassed somehow as now some of them know but know I shouldn't do.

Emerald good luck for your back to work tomorrow. Hold your head up and take whatever support you can get from anyone who offers it. Xxx

Hi
I messaged on here a few weeks back after my 4th consecutive MC (5 if you count one before DD) ... I had an appointment last week with fertility specialist who has recommended I up the aspirin to 150mg and folic acid to 5mg. Apparently IVF and ICS aren't options as conception isn't my issue. I came away from the appointment feeling very sad. She'd said that I now fall into next bracket as 4 in a row does increase likely hood of more. She obviously mentioned my age of 41 and my BMI although she didn't criticise my weight which was good. I'd had a tough week with one thing and another since MC completed on 6th June.

I felt weird Friday and hey presto 3 tests later they do definitely reveal I'm pregnant again.

Bizarre really we try every month for several weeks each time and it takes months to fall then we do 'it' once after MC and look where we are!! Delighted but nervous falling so soon after MC ....fingers and toes crossed. Scan on 13th!
?????????????????????????????? xx

Thank you onestep and I will do. Not quite sure how I'll manage to do any work, but set myself a target of just getting through the day. Got follow up with consultant who did op at 5, it was 2wks ago.
Chrystley congrats on your pg and fingers crossed for scan on 13th.

Thanks ladies for your support as ever - you're all amazing and so strong, even when you don't feel it.

emerald good wishes for work tomorrow. Once you're in and have had the first hellos it gets easier. I was surprised that people didn't really ask why I'd been off (perhaps by 2 and 3 they'd got used to random disappearances!).

chrystley wow, whispered congratulations! We're here for hand holding

Huge hugs and and for all of you struggling - twilight, freckle, brummie, snoopy, one step and everyone - your messages in the last few pages just make me well up. So much pain and despair - it's so utterly utterly unfair - but also such solidarity and support and amazingness. This thread is a lifeline. You're all awesome!

Thanks MrsC I don't know what would be worse, people asking too much or not asking at all, the latter I think.

Big hugs to everyone, you are all amazing and strong and don't deserve all this. This thread is truly a lifeline of support thank you.

twlight and Co. Keeping going after multiple losses is really hard. The potential reality of accepting you may never have biological children is a gnawing anxiety that I found constantly stressful and occasionally overwhelming (panic attack in work loos anyone?) I tried to do two things, figure out what plan b is, we were looking at adoption. I spoke to friends who have been adopted and who have adopted. That way to parenthood comes with its own special joy (and challenges).
I also tried to put a limit on attempts ttc. I found it harder each time, so we had agreed my last pg would be my last ( who knows if I would have stuck to this if not successful.)

I also started to think about how to structure our lives if we never became parents. Thought about saving for a holiday home, early retirement plans, going travelling. All the stuff not possible with kids.

It is not easy and unless you have had a taste of it your friends just won't understand. Think back to your first pg and just how naive you were to all that can go wrong. Most women stay blissfully unaware and baby bomb with abandon. This I am afraid we just have to suck up. People Now broadcast their happiness indiscriminately to yhe masses and with little thought to the receiver. I had been thinking of starting a campaign that the first Friday of every month should be Facebook truth day, where you hear how people really are, warts and all. Because everyone only ever posts the good stuff it is so easy to assume that everyone but you is blissfully happy. That is not true, you just see their world through the Facebook happy filter.
Above all be kind to yourself. Book a holiday or a trip to see an old friend. Have things to look forward to. Try not to let baby quest take total priority over these things.

Good luck for going back to work today emerald. Hope the thought of it is actually worse than the reality. And i do hope that people acknowledge it. I agree this is better than just ignoring it all together.

chrystley, congratulations on your new pg. I really hope this is your sticky one. Sometimes (and particularly if you think you could be hyperfertile), it does end up being a numbers game, and you just need to find the right egg. As a 5 mc in a row person I'm really hoping this is the case for me, and also for you.

Good luck Emerald, hope first day goes ok x

Chrystley whispered congrats. This is my 4th attempt and I've already been told after having 3 mc's who knows about my chances. Just hanging in there, day after day

Belle your lucky number 4 has given me inspiration that my number 4 will be lucky.

Willing each day on - reminding myself I'm 10 weeks now and had 2 good scans.

twilight unfortunately I'm not allowed to join the union, we have the federation.

Thanks for listening last night everyone. It just hurts to know that you put so much effort into something and all I really am is a shoulder number. Makes me feel very small.

I hope that eventually this gnawing anxiety about never having a child will go.

I lost a mammoth post last night - even for me it was mammoth, and I was too tired to write it again. In essence it said:
twighlight, barking, onestep, flower, snoopy huge huge hugs and I believe you can get there x
brummie, sun you are doing so well X
Morgan glad you have some results back with a new plan
mrsconfusion, bumble these early days are so hard, hand holding
chrystley whispered congrats

There will be very dark days on this journey. I wish I could make them all brighter for those who are struggling.

I can't believe I lost that post...must remember to copy before posting when in the bedroom, reception goes I think

Chrystley whispered congrats xx

So many kind and wise words on here supporting each other in the last 24 hours. Lovely lovely thread. Shame so many are struggling atm but this is the place to do it. Don't ever hold back on here ladies. Hugs Xx

Fingers crossed for you chrystley

So upset. After the 12 week scan, dh and I decided to tell immediate family and 5 very close friends at the weekend. I have really struggled with acknowledging that this pg may, just may work. And every day I am just waiting for it to go wrong. So it was a massive deal for us to tell people. But actually also something that we need to do as we need to shift our mindset from - it will never happen, to, actually the chances are now that we will have a little boy in January.

One of the friends we told had virtually zero reaction and this morning sent an email to explain why, saying that he was trying to stop us getting ahead of ourselves as it is still early days and his recommendation was to forget about the pg until the 20 week scan, at which point we are allowed to get excited.

I feel so so upset by this. I know he means well, but does he honestly think we are skipping along shouting yippee from the roof tops?! And to tell us how we should feel and when we are allowed to acknowledge it and get excited...?

Sorry for me me post - just had to get that off my chest, as I am sat in work (where clearly no one knows) welling up. x

Thank you twilight & Bootles - I was finding the no cause found so hard to deal with that I am actually pleased by this & have new faith! Back in my medical comfort zone...

* One step* I'm going to mute it from now on!

Sasha - my tests have all been blood NK cells - Coventry was next on my list if I have a 4th MC for uNKs (even though I'm actually going to treat with steroids next time anyway) & the scratch/heparin benefits. I went to Mr S's NHS clinic where all results were normal so told just try again with progesterone...
But had private appointment lined up where we did the non NHS tests & found although my blood NK numbers are normal they were high activity but thankfully bought down by prednisolone (more so than immunoglobulin or intralipids?!)...
Your case seems more complex, especially with the 3rd chromosomal abnormality? How high were the NKs - do they definitely think they're contributing? Although the NHS clinic was great in terms of actually doing an NK count (!) there were limitations... They don't do activity levels, intralipids/immunoglobulin don't feature in their protocols & although it's technically his clinic it usually seems to be run by staff grade doctors (in my experience 'suboptimal' communication skills) supervised by a different consultant - so perhaps don't get your hopes up too much about answers in the NHS clinic, particularly not at initial appointment if he's not there and they need to discuss it... (But if not the private clinic has seemed very efficiently run & look at all the results you have so far!)

Sun, poor you. Its such a minefield when you tell people. Maybe your friend, whist being painfully short on tact, has a history of RMC with a partner or sister that he's traumatised by himself? Many people do feel that the 20 week scan is when it feels 'real', but you have every right to take things at your own pace. There is no set 'schedule' for your feelings. When I was pg with Scott I wrote every feeling at each stage/scan up up to 14 weeks in my blog but didn't publish them until I had all my bloods etc. back. I felt that it kept my story authentic to how I felt, but also told people how scary each stage had been after the point at which their advice would have been relevant, IYSWIM? Hugs to you. xx

Also, I bet he doesn't understand just how accurate the Harmony test is (I think you had it? sorry if not, but presuming you did since you know you're having a boy). Much more accurate than regular tests, so you have very good reason to be optimistic this time.

Thanks sasha, it definitely helps. One of the ladies on the ores thread also posted some links so I know I'm right.

sun that does seem a very cold thing to say to you. I wonder if you're experience has brought up painful personal memories for him. So many people keep miscarriage a secret when statistically so many must be affected by it.

Thanks to everyone who offered support last night. I hope we're all feeling a bit better today and better able to continue our journey together