Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 24 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[Brummiegirl15]

New thread for us if it's worked on phone! Will paste stats

Pop agnus castus was because my normal cycle was quite short at 25/26 days so was worried of possible short lp. Wasn't really taking it for very long though and prob not high enough of a dose. Stopped taking it at ov (or possibly bfp) if I remember correctly. Someone posted an article about the levels needed to make a difference and what you can get in shop, and they are huge as well as mind-boggling confusing.
Vitamin D is because I'm overweight so worried at possible deficiency. Am still taking it, 25mg plus whatever in the pregnacare and natural sources. (my research on this was ages ago and not particularly scientific!)

Cardigan Bay is a lovely place Spam.

Sun, Cloud & Bootles totally agree on the headfuck. One minute feeling normal and worry, then feel sick the rest of the day, but convince yourself it's from the drugs! Would def be getting another scan Cloud, but hope you can find some comfort that last good scan was after spotting and the success stories despite spotting throughout 1st trimester. It's so hard though.

Also crossing everything for you Flower

Sunandrainbow thank you i think I'm going to take this week off too

bubbly post erpc I bled from 1-2 weeks, different each time. I think you can start exercising whenever you feel well enough.

sun whilst progesterone mimics pregnancy symptoms, prednisolone masks them. Without a doubt. I have always known if pg's are living or not from my symptoms. In my last one, it died at 9 weeks, but until then, though I did have some mild symptoms and the odd bout of serious nausea, they were very mild indeed compared to normal. It was doing well until 9 weeks, so I would normally have had strong symptoms. In hyperemesis hospital admissions (serious can"t stop vomitting pg symptoms) prednisolone is sometimes used as a treatment. So its really hard to symptom track on these medications. I think the pred is making me feel so nervy and jumpy too, which I don't think it did the last time.

ThePop My labour was induced too, we went to hospital 29th April in the evening, laughed and joked and weren't even that concerned. Just thought we had an awkward baby who didn't want it's heartbeat listened to. Registrar came and done a scan but it was obe where you can see the blue/red of the bloodflow. Good bloodflow around the outside of the screen and a perfectly formed grey baby in the middle. Nobody said a word he just kept scanning, consultant came in and they just stared at each other. Registrar finally says 'unfortunately we can't see a heartbeat'. Nothing could have prepared us, I just broke.

The first thing that came out of my stupid mouth was 'we have a holiday on Friday'. We booked a fortnight away and were due to leave 1st May, holiday booked as angel baby 1 that we lost Sept is due about now and we wanted to take our 2 boys away to find something positive. Funny how life works out. I was induced 1st May and sat around all day in hospital, feeling numb and empty and hardly dealing with any of it at all. Jack was born 1.04am 2nd May. We took pictures of him and held him, talked to him and just appreciated the tiny window we had with him even though he was already gone.

Bootles Ds1 is struggling badly and I don't know how to make it better. He hated every minute of the funeral and sobbed his heart out. I wanted him to go though so that he didn't grow up regretting not going. Ds2 is only 22 months so doesn't understand. He has been referred this week to the paediatrician for a diagnosis of autism We didn't even question his speech delay or strange behaviours. We always laughed and smiled about how unique he was with his funny little ways but all of a sudden over the last few weeks he has been fast tracked through everything after I raised concerns with HV about speech. I feel so guilty that I have been wrapped up in my first loss and desperation to try again that I didn't question that he had a disability.

Thank you bootles - I didn't know pred was sometimes used for HG. Would make sense then for symptoms to be masked on it. That has given me a little tiny hope that things could still be progressing, although I can't honestly say I have any real expectation of a different outcome.

Sorry that you are finding the pred is making you jumpy. My consultant did say that it can cause a lot of issues in terms of anxiety / sleeplessness etc, so really sorry you are having to go through that on top of the normal early pg head fuck. x

spam - am so so sorry for everything that you have gone / are going through hun.

Oh spam. That is such a difficult story to share. You have gone through a deeply traumatic experience, please, please don't beat yourself up about your sons. I alsolutely see why your 9 year old went to Jack's funeral, and actually I think it would perhaps be more worrying if he didn't shed a tear.If you are 'in the system' so to speak, with DS 2, could you ask for guidance on how to get some counselling for DS 1? Or family counselling? I'm sure he will get there in time. As for DS 2, 22 months is very young to identify any issues such as speech problems. At that age they are by their very nature very funny little creatures, with all kinds of random habits, so you certainly shouldn't be feeling guilty about not picking up on things. If he is autistic, then it's great you have an early diagnosis, and can get early guidance and input to help him in whatever areas he needs help.

You have a lot going on, try and give yourself a break. I bet you are a lovely mother to your ds's xx

God Spam my heart really goes out for you and you too Pop. You're both incredibly brave and strong. I hope everything is OK for ds2. I'm no expert, but 22 months still sounds pretty early for a diagnosis of autism when so many never get diagnosed at all. Plus I'm sure I've heard that 1 in 3 men are on the spectrum, so hopefully it isn't too severe if at all. Not what you need after all you've been through though.

Bootles I had anxiety on pred at least the first week.

Thanks sun this thread is so kind. I have found some of the best support on these threads. I posted a thread the day before I was induced and a few from this thread came and chatted.

Also pop I am aware that your story is similarly heartbreaking, hugs to you too x

Welcome snoopy, spam, morgan. Sorry it's been so awful.

Thank you, angels for the lovely supportive messages at the end of the last thread. I appreciate it so so much. Xxx

bootles congratulations. Gently does it, lovely. (Yes it's me, counting!)

freckle my dates are shocking. I guess maybe around the 16th June I might be ringing up the clinic at Coventry to book in. Are you heading in that direction around then?

Monten congratulations. Xxxx

Happy birthday, faith. (Loved the cute picture)

You are being very brave, brummie. When my work-funded counselling ended the counsellor gave me details of organisations in the area offering free/cheap counselling services. Worth a try?

Enjoy your BH all.

I will definitely be seeking some form of counselling for ds1 and already the school have a TA that he has sessions with which is helpful.

Ds2 has no speech at all, he had a few words at around 1 year and lost them. He is now receiving speech therapy and is due to see HV again at 2. Paediatrician appointment pending. All professionals at the moment are quite sure he is autistic. He doesn't sleep, restrictive play, rigid routines and head bangs etc, hates children and doesn't engage at all with adults, it is like he lives his life in his own little bubble. We are currently teaching him makaton to try and communicate with him. I always seem to have tons on my plate, I need a bit of positivity!

Wow I still can't believe how fast this thread moves.

Welcome to the newbies morgan spam snoopy so sorry you find yourself here but these are such lovely ladies so not too bad a place to be for hand holding and advice. Huge hugs to you all xx

march looks like we'll be opking/tww buddies then!

cloud sorry you're having more bleeds. Sickness is a great sign but can imagine how stressful it is. I don't think I'd be able to say no to another scan though. Peace of mind would make you feel better (for 10 mins anyway!)

spam and pop extra hugs for you two my loves. Can only begin to imagine how life changingly heartbreaking your experiences have been. Xx

snoopy you sound like you have a very stressful job and are coping amazingly considering. Can you take some time off to consider your options?

flower good luck with the IVF!

bootles diddly hope the on-edge
feeling is on its way out. Those early weeks are such a total mind fuck!

brummie hope you've had a chilled weekend.

Been feeling really anxious this weekend. No idea why. We need a new car seat for ds and (first world problem alert!) the one I thought was safest can't be fitted in our car. For some reason this has kickstarted me worrying about ds dying. Not just from a car accident but illness, choking, any bloody ridiculous scenario which has kept me awake the last few nights. My worries have ramped up a lot since mc3 for some reason. Dh thinks I'm ridiculous. He's pretty much a what will be, will be person (after lots of losses in his family). Hopefully I'll snap out of it before I ruin ds's life worrying about everything he does!

Sorry to everyone I've inevitably missed!

Oh, spam, what a wretched time you have been through. bootles is right, you are doing a great job in really hard circs and because you are so exhausted and wrung out it's easy for the guilt to jump in there too. And children do have funny little ways. My speech therapist mother had to be told that my younger sister had a speech problem (eg she didn't speak) by the primary school teacher when my sister was 5! You obviously care so deeply for your sons, wanting to protect your eldest from having any regrets. Thank you for sharing yours and Jack's story. Take care.

spam I'm sorry I missed your post about your ds's. So sorry for your older son. Poor little man. Hopefully the counselling will help him sort out his emotions and like someone said I'm sure being upset (whilst horrible) is the best way for him to start to deal with it.
If ds2 is autistic,and he is still relatively young for a diagnosis, then early support will be so beneficial in helping him and your family. I'm so sorry you've had so much to deal with all at once. Xx

Bugger just lost a long post!!!!

Sodding iPhones!!!!

Just wanted to say Spam I'm so sorry about baby Jack. Big hugs to you and Pop xx

Extra I'm scared about not having any more counselling but tbh it was to help me cope with see pregnant colleague every day. And she left last week.

I will miss her lots but I won't miss facing pregnancy every day and the relief is immense. I feel bad though as I know it's been hard for her and know she found it hard probably knowing I was counting down the days until she left. Which is a horrible way to think about someone.

I gave her a separate card and some flowers and tried to articulate that whilst the past few months have been so hard for me, I know she has struggled and that I was grateful for her sensitivity.

Minnie we've all been through so much , that we never expected and it's absolutely understandable to worry about other things.

Tiny good to hear from you, hope Alice is going well.

Just - can't quite believe I'm about to say this - how is your boob? Is Scott demanding more yet ?

Brummie I just read my thread back from the day before I had Jack and you and pop both were on there. So thank you for being there when all I could think to do was pour my heartbreak out on mumsnet.

spam sorry you've had such a horrid time.
sun cloud bootles keeping everything crossed for you all.

I appear to have got a bit ahead of myself ivf starts next cycle not next week not sure why I wrote week! But I'll keep all the good lucks ??

Oh spam, how utterly heartbreaking for you and your family. I can only imagine how difficult this has been (and continues to be).
I am constantly amazed at the strength and bravery of the women on here and all they have to endure. You are all an incredible bunch who don't give yourselves nearly enough credit.

You can keep the luck for this cycle then flower, and fingers crossed you don't even need the ivf

brummie that was a lovely gesture you made to your pg colleague. I'm sure she will have understood what you were communicating.

minnie me too me too me too. I am often kept awake by awful imaginary scenarios involving ds, which send me into a blind panic. Whilst I think it is a natural fear, rmc makes it worse I think. I just try deep breaths and try to put a happy picture of him in my head instead. Hard though. Hope it improves for you soon.

extrablessings I'm so glad I have realised you are you - I was thinking of you alot and hadn't realised/had forgotten, that you had changed your name. Grr to self x

Got back from our weekend away camping last night and flying out to Spain later today for a wedding so have no time to reply to the four pages of posts I've been replying to in my head as I've read through as I haven't started packing yet!!

Just adding my stats and I'll be back later if I have time to kill at the airport!

Me: 35 dh: 34
ttc #1 since Dec 2011. Clomid bfp summer 2013 then mc @ 7 weeks. IUI bfp summer 2014 then mc @ 6/7 weeks. Failed IUI Jan 2015, failed IVF April 2015. Got a frozen cycle left to do but going for nk cells biopsy first. Factor V leiden thrombophilia diagnosed at rmc. Unexplained infertility other than short lp.

Morning all.

Well I've learnt a valuable lesson about testing too early - in that you don't.

Still having sore boobs and crazy crazy dreams. So I do "just one more"

Shit!!!!!! BFP alert. A faint one, but BFP's nonetheless.

My biggest fear is that I stopped taking the progesterone for 2 days. Shoved one up my bum pretty damn quickly.

I'm worried now it's going to be a chemical pregnancy. I don't know why. I've been here before. Bloody terrified about how this will end.

Spam I remembered you when I saw your name but didn't say anything about Jack as it was your story to tell. I'm so glad you found us though. Big hugs xxx

brummie! bfp!! That's great news. Keep calm (easier said than done and I am clearly no role model in this) and remember new sperm, egg and lining. There's no reason that this shouldn't be the one. Have everything crossed for you lovely that this is your take home. x