Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 21 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[Justonemoretime]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Oh sorry march . Congrats cloud!

Brilliant brilliant news brummie

Yay brummie - great news!

Jady it's definitely possible to ovulate a few days after LH surge is detected. Just because Lh surges, does not mean you then ovulate - the wee sticks detect a particular minimum level of Lh, but it may be that in any one or more cycles you ovulate at a higher level or don't ovulate at all following that surge (some women surge a few times in a cycle - this is typical with PCOS). Plus, once an Lh surge is detected, it could take a day or two for the egg to come out, and then I know the books talk about a temp rise the next day, but I often found it was a couple of days later (after I felt ovulation twinges) that my temp rose. So I took the temp rise as being confirmation that ov had happened, and assumed it had happened in the few days before the rise. The wee sticks were my signal to bonk every other day. Hope that makes sense.

Thanks to all of your who've asked about recovery. I actually feel ok, though went on quite a long walk this morning and have deffo overdone it. Unfortunately, I am going into overdrive a bit - making enormous lists of supplements to take once this is properly over, looking into de-plastici-ing my house (I feel like this is important for my daughters) etc. Perhaps I have gone nuts.

The other thing is, DH really does not want this to happen again and his solution is to make sure I don't get pregnant. This pregnancy was a happy accident - I last had a MMC 2.5 years ago, and after couple of years of trying we decided to give up and focus on what we are already lucky enough to have. Not the end of the world, although a bit hard for me to swallow, and clearly we didn't mean it that much or we might have engaged in some birth control. So by "giving up" i mean not trying and not preventing (and not hoping). This pregnancy had reopened that door for me, but seems to have slammed it shut for DH. , I can't stand the thought that my body is somehow "wrong" and I am someone who has to fix things, so I want to get my bloods checked and start guzzling Q10 and aspirin. But I guess I have to know that if I do conceive again my lovely DH is going to be ok with that. If he isn't maybe there isn't much point in me investigating what went wrong... except I am someone who has to (try) to know.

Sorry for the rant, my head is is swimming a bit.

Brummie delighted your appointment has been brought forward. I know how frustrating it is to feel time passing and appointments can take an age. Last year I waited 6 months for a diagnostic hysteroscopy, after referrals were faxed to the wrong number and a catalogue of errors. Made me want to scream "I am nearly 39! You are wasting my eggs!!"

Brummie yay for Monica, I said she was worth asking! I swear she tries to fill her cancellations with hysteroscopies rather than any other ops, she is definitely on our side and has been so helpful to me the whole way through, even though I've never met her! Will keep everything crossed that you are better by next Wednesday.

Yay for your scan girlie, and quick wave to everyone else, I just nip on here when the boys allow it so sorry it's usually brief postings!

Just back from GP which was sort of good. She's not sure how I would get location scan so has referred me to gynae in Bristol to get ball rolling. Though she said she would prescribe heparin if needed and with production of Coventry letter. Still annoyed consultant discharged me as he knew I was seeing Siobhan and even wrote in my notes that it would be interesting to hear what she said. Now I have to go through NHS choose and book again which will still probably be too late for scan (note the positivity in getting bfp!).

Thanks for info Sparatcus I'm going with I ov'd sometime between last Wed and today!

Glad you're doing OK, but not so good DH not on board. That was my fear with DP esp after the hard time I gave him throughout it. Maybe he just needs a bit of time to recover too.

Fucking dreadful afternoon here, see the thread I've just written to save me writing it all again www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/2360896-Really-need-some-advice-re-Care-workers-at-my-sons-preschool-regularly-telling-me-he-is-not-normal

I'm amazed I'm not crying to be honest. Having miscarried one disabled child they seem hell bent on convincing me my son also has issues. I'd love to follow their guidance aside from the fact, there is none!!!

Oh Sebs how stressful and insensitive of them. I'm not sure quite why they are being so dogmatic about 'normal' behaviour for a two year old. From my experience children are all different. My husband was speech delayed as a young child but you would never know that to speak to him now. Hope you can get constructive help soon rather than pointless feedback that is meaningless.

Brummie so glad you had a cancellation come through. This is it now, a turn in luck and the start of better things :)

Tanny just read your post. So true! Hugs to everyone feeling that pain. I know for a fact I will never be able to forget the little babies I lost!

xxx

Oh Sebs I'm sorry. That is a bit shit and generally unhelpful.

I wish I knew what to say, unfortunately because I don't have a dc I wouldn't even know what was normal or not.

I just know that those attitudes are a bit unhelpful and surely not all children fit into one fits all??

Poor little Seb. I'd probably throw the pig too!!!

Big hugs. You are doing a great job xx

Does he do repetitive behaviour at home Sebs or is this purely a nursery based thing?

Sorry, that sounded really abrupt. I've got my work head on!

Pmsl Brummie. I think my face said the same when she told me, I was all ....... and? If he had been terrorising children with a variety of sharp objects I could understand their concern, but throwing some pig toy does not a serial killer make

I've have just rung them and suggested we try and swap afternoon sessions for morning sessions as he is tired before he gets there and I can't help wondering if that is contributing.

Boozle can you give me an example of repetitive behaviour that would pique your interest as my reaction is to say no, he doesn't.

Sorry I missed you notspartacus I've been away a few days. I'm sorry you find yourself here. You sound like you have had a really tough time. I can understand the maniac need to 'fix' yourself, I went nuts on supplements and all sorts. I'm all for doing anything that makes you feel better and more in control.

sebs how awful! I'm really no expert but kids are kids! They all develop differently and every child I've ever met has odd little quirks. My nephew for example went through a phase of constantly stacking things in a slightly obsessive way. It didn't mean anything. It just meant he was a little odd, like all kids are! I hope you can get some more constructive advice/information from them.

I'm at the waiting room at hospital. Same fucking place, early preg assessment/gynaecology unit.. I feel a bit panicky and sick. My SIL has been to this hospital once and had a baby in her arms when she came out. I've been here many more times than that and only ever had bad news. God I hate this place.

seb I can't help but think that the preschool should be helping you out more with examples of the behaviour they consider odd. Throwing stuff is completely normal at that age esp if they aren't impressed with the activity. All children are different and develop different things at different times. And as for routines and patterns, my 26m old goes mad when we don't do things to the order he always insists on.

brummie awesome news about next week. Now get in a bubble and no more germs!

Hi there sebs** i would feel really invaded and attacked if that nursery talked in that way to me about my ds (21 months old). He's not even two and a half! Maybe you can ask to meet with the nursery manager and tell them you are finding their tack really upsetting and that outside agencies have already seen your son and they are not concerned. As he has not actually 'hurt' another child and there is no parental complaint i don't really know what their problem is. I'd be tempted to bat tgem down with "yes well, everybody's different and there's room for everyone!" type of thing. I really sympathise because my ds is my evrrything, my vital organs existing outside my body, so if someone said anything i might buy an axe...! Xxxx

Brummie** BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!!

Pop** - i'm nowhere near going to coventry. I've only had one period since last mc and god knows where my blinkin' ov has gone to. Despite cm and headaches pee sticks still sau no ov - and today is day 19!!! So with my cycles i wouldn't even be able to go coventry til June!!!! If i don't get pregnant this cycle i am seriously considering handing my notice in and putting ttc on hold til autumn and focuding on loosing weight in meantime. I think this job will be the desth of me...

I know how you feel, Monten. I cried getting my pre op blood test Friday because I had to walk down the same corridor I went down to have my tube out for my second ectopic. I find the EPAU quite hard to bear, especially when (as happened last week) the reception staff who are usually great got a bit "you were only here two weeks ago, why are you back?" as though I was wasting their time. I wasn't wasting their time. I wish I had been. You push hard for that referral. i hope you get what you need.

Sebs I can't think that it is so unusual for a boy who has speech delay to throw a toy. Or for any two year old to do so, for that matter. Perhaps it meant "I don't want to play your crappy pig game anymore, and if I throw this you might leave me alone!" My nephew, btw, had a severe speech delay and I couldn't undestand a word he said until he was about 6. He is coming along really nicely now, had caught up with his peers. My 5 year old Dd only likes to play with blocks. Kids do odd things (and really obsessive kids grow up into Silicon Valley billionaires. Just saying).

Ha ha you girls have made me laugh, thank you

At home the only obsessive thing he does is irritate the cat. He won't leave her alone and gets told off all the fucking time about it.

He is such a great kid. Eats and sleeps well, always happy and laughing. Adores cuddles and will grab your face to kiss you. Does some amazing things on the iPad now with letters and numbers. Good understanding of objects and requests. Helps me with tasks now like watering the garden and cooking. Mimics my actions so will apply my make up like I do each morning, sweep the floor, pretend to use things and make the actions we do. It feels as though he is progressing and yet every time I pick him up from pre school I get met with such terrible negativity. I am flummoxed.

Sebs If you haven't noticed it specifically then I would probably say he isn't doing it. He could be well staying in his 'triangle' at nursery for many reason - anything from security to a misunderstood instruction. In my experience if a child has challenge which displays itself in repetitive behaviour then this is demonstrated in all areas and you would have seen it at home. If he's got speech delay he probably finds nursery quite frustrating in itself and that can easily result in throwing items etc. if you're worried then ask for him to be assessed but I think, in this case, it shows the nurserys lack of understanding of children more than anything else. Maybe go in and show them the best way to interact with him and demonstrate how to engage him in activities he enjoys. Feel free to PM me if you want to sound off or if there's anything I can do to help. It's the last thing you need, want or should be concerned about at the mo.

And with my non-work head on. What a bunch of knobs, ignore them!

Thanks Boozle. It's giving me a huge wobble about TTC as I already think my eggs are bad and of course now I think my son has issues too. Perhaps I should just concentrate on him and make sure he has the best support he can.

As I said there is no really obsessive behaviour I can think of at home bar the cat. He doesn't stack things unless asked. He doesn't flap his arms or avoid eye contact (yes I'm thinking Autism?). He does like to open and shut cupboard doors so he will do that at nursery a lot but doesn't really get the chance at home as we have child locks around the place. Is that a worrying sign? She also kept banging on about him tipping water onto himself as opposed to away from himself so every day he comes home wet. Personally it doesn't bother me but she seems to think this is strange behaviour.

Lol, most children enjoy pouring water on themselves and the reason they invented child locks was because children like opening cupboard doors! Your ds is getting plenty from you I'm sure - You'll be doing an awesome job - don't you dare feel guilty for ttcing - I've done enough of that for everyone on here.
If you want to hear about bizarre behaviour, my DD went through a stage of shouting and giggling at the word penis at every opportunity - ask them what they make of that! itbwent on for months!

I imagine she would be suggesting a psychiatrist if he did that lol.

Oh I am just baffled then, if he is just acting like a two year old why is she so fucking intent on dragging me to one side every session? I will see if we can organise morning sessions and if not I might ask if they think I should drop him down to one afternoon a week instead of two. I really don't want to move him as it is linked to the Primary he will be going to.

Boozle that's hilarious about your dd! My nephew started saying bellend after my brother said it in front of him once and it was the funniest thing I ever heard. I used to encourage him to say it

Well I didn't get the fycking referral. They did another scan and said it all looked normal and if I was having regular periods then they saw no reason to refer my for a hysterocopy. Why does the guidance vary so much??? They have referred me to the assisted conception unit, which could take 8 weeks. And which I could have done back in January if I'd just gone through my GP.

The first consultant was cold as ice, whose first words to me were 'So you're very familiar with this place aren't you?' . I said 'yes, sadly I am'. She got the senior registrar to have a look at something and she was much nicer. The first thing she did was put a hand on my leg and said 'you've had a tough time haven't you?'. It made me burst into tears but at least it was warm and human. But everything looks normal. She basically ended by saying she could see no reason why we weren't getting pregnant again but would refer us to the ACU to get the ball rolling if nothing happened naturally in next few months. But no to a hysterocopy.

I know it is good news that nothing looks wrong. But I just wanted someone to listen to my fears, hold my hand and tell me it was going to be okay. But instead the cold as ice consultant stared at her screen typing up notes while I tried not to cry.

Monten I'm glad you got the referral to ACU and the all clear even if you didn't get the referral you wanted. I've never had a hysteroscopy, I had the hsg instead, but the ACU will probably do that for you anyway.
Some medical professionals really need some training in their bedside manner. DH said he thought I was going to slap the rmc consultant when she looked through all our results from the infertility clinic, saw they were clear, and said 'so why aren't you having babies then?' Seriously, I could have lost it...

sebs I am no expert on child behaviour but your son sounds completely normal to me! And I wouldn't say terrorising the cat is obsessive,totally normal! Mine does the same to our dog! The only thing I can possibly think of is that the staff aren't doing enough stimulating activities with him and therefore he might actually be bored...(?) and throwing the pig, ha ha, don't all kids do that if they don't want it?! He sounds like a very happy, bright, loving boy to me.

brummie great news!