Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 21 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[Justonemoretime]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Oh and tanny thank you, I guess I will see what they have to say....

Ds got our first school choice so a big sigh of relief at 20 past midnight last night lol. So far most people I know seem to have got the schools they hoped for.

Sebs, I think that's good that they found out why you had the last MC. Your ds proves you can make good egg/sperm combos, and that this mc really was sadly one of those things. I will keep everything crossed for you that the future holds a positive outcome for you, 99 in 100 odds of the next bean not having downs sounds pretty good in the scheme of things. I have no idea what sex any of mine were, way too early, and in a way I am glad. I love my boys and would love another, but I would dearly love a daughter and I think if I knew that any of my four mc's had been girls, it might increase the level of grief and what ifs. I'm better off not knowing. I always imagined having girls, mainly because of the amount of girls in both sides of my family for generations, never ever really gave a thought that I might have a boy, never mind only having boys. I can't change that longing, the same as I always envisaged 4 children around the dining table. Now I would give anything for it to be 3.

[Flowers] sebs. I am glad the appointment was helpful although poignant and sad.

Good news on the school girlie. They're dragging it out in London. I think we don't hear till 5pm. Weirdly the age gap seems to matter less now it's becoming a reality. In the abstract it upset me quite a lot too.

Crossed posts. Good news loopy too.

bythesea I saw a consultant at 16 weeks but she just ran through the same stuff the midwife would have done then signed me off and I was under mw care until diabetes diagnosis.

sebs I'm sorry you were upset by your appointment but as others have said there was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent your last mc. It sounds really hopeful for next time too. And whether the doctor thinks coventry is overkill or not, she's happy to follow their protocol so that's good too if you want it. I hope today helps you to feel you can start to move on a little. Big hugs hon xx

I'm having a sad day today. Today I should either be 18 weeks or 39 1/2 weeks pg.

Made the mistake of looking for my nephew's first birthday present and ended up looking at lots of little baby clothes. I just can't shake the feeling it's never going to happen. We've struggled to get pg in the past (Dh has low sperm morphology, though count and motility are high and so supposedly cancel it out) but eventually I can get pg it's just getting there and staying like that. I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday and not trying seems like such a waste of a month.

Age is really bothering me today too (probably because I was clothes shopping and felt fat and 40 in every bloody shop!) Urgh sorry for the me me me moan! I hate myself today!

Minnie I would've been 24 weeks tomorrow

I worry about being 40 next year and having no dcs.

I just to have a family

I am most definitely old and fat. Possibly quite stupid too...ho hum

Sebs** i am relieved for you. You have an answer, a sad one, but a hopefull one for the future. It was a one off problem. You're going to have a baby - maybe not in September, or by Christmas, but in the near future. Thats the most likely outcome from this part of your life. Maybe two kiddies in the paddling pool in summer 2016?! X

God i need to do some bastard marking, i just hate it soooooo much!!!! Can i not stick neadles in my eyes instead?!

Lol Freckle. I got as far as driving to school today to do planning and marking before deciding sod it and falling asleep on the sofa with the dog instead...

I'm researching international events and a contact for one of them? (Part of my job is attracting overseas business to the UK)

Professor Siobhan Quenby, University of Warwick.

You actually couldn't make it up

Just had a colleague corner me and say it was a real shame I wasn't coming to pregnant colleagues leaving do (I'm overseas for work) and was I still finding things hard?

I felt really trapped and before I know it, tears were coming.

It's incredible, it hits you out of nowhere.

I'm incredibly relieved that I'm not in country for colleagues do but not really done thing to say it

Aw brummie just want to kick all your colleagues hard!!

Sorry been away but been getting to grips with newbie and an infected section scar...

Emailed Prof Brosens and Prof. Quenby to say thanks for everything and sent them a photo of newbs... I hope we have more success stories here on the thread.

Who is next? lurker or just?

I see lots of new faces, wishing luck to everyone.
I have been to sy Mary's and Coventry and am a cheerleader for Coventry

bythesea seen it, saw it again recently as part of a question and answer thing with the man himself .
purple your poor friend, how horrendous . Hope it's not too gruelling on you .

Sebs nothing to add to what has already been said, just .

Minnie and brummie right there with you on those thoughts that it will never happen. Quite frankly life just stinks. I find myself looking at any adult with a child of any age and thinking Have you any idea how lucky you are? What is your story? What did you have to go through to become a parent? Why can't I have a child?
I've even started doing this with people who have children my age, it's not even limited to babies and children anymore, I'm of anyone who is a parent.

Brummie It really can spring from nowhere can't it? I had similar today with everyone wishing big bump woman well (c section in 3 weeks, won't be back in the office). I was very close to tears.

DH has just been told that he's had too much time off work for hospital appointments (I counted, 3 consultant appointments which meant he was out of school an hour and one day for the ivf since September) and he's not allowed to come to the consultant appointment on Monday as he's got y12/13 and they're behind .
Finding it very hard to hold it together right now, I didn't want to do this appointment on my own .

sebs sounds like a very hard meeting, so sorry to hear about it. The silver lining in this awful cloud is that it's very unlikely to happen again and they are running more tests to be thorough. Next time will be your lucky bean, I'm sure of it.

brummie your colleagues are inexcusable. So angry on your behalf. Hugs.

Tiny hope the little one is doing ok. Sorry to hear you've had an infection.

I think purple is next, then longest, then just and then me and boozle are due in just over 10 weeks. If there is one thing I've noticed it's that there are many happy ending on this thread. Hope it keeps the lovely ladies on here hope and fight.

Xxx

That's crap Baking. My school are the same - it's shit because what are we supposed to do, make appointments on the weekend or take a flexi... One thing he could try is taking it as unpaid leave - it's for family which is one of the reasons they have to grant it. Is there anyone else who can come? My OH has also had a nightmare but at least he's not a teacher so he can take flexis - my school has asked me start mat leave early as all the time off is disruptive to the pupils - I've literally had about 5 appointments. Utter bollocks!

barking been thinking about you. How are you? So awful of his work, your poor DH. Is there a friend or family member who could go with you? Xx

Oh bollocks! I feel terrible that I was moaning. I do realise how lucky I am and I would never ever compare my situation to someone who's not in my lucky position to have one dc anyway. I really hope I didn't offend anyone. I really didn't mean to. Just felt sorry for myself and posted without thinking! I'll just step away from my bloody phone next time!

barking again how can schools be so totally shit! It surely must be one of the worst professions for caring about staff. It makes me want to get out even more! Is there no-one understanding that DH can talk to or can swap with? Bloody smt jobsworths!

Minnie don't you dare step away from your phone. My goodness - we'd all go crazy if we didn't have this place to vent!

barking sorry dh's work are being unsupportive. Could someone else go with you? Is not the same though I know.

All of you hurting, I still have faith you will get there. A year ago that was me, tiny, tanny, just and cat worrying it would never happen. purple is up next, tiny. My edd is very end of may. purple your poor friend. How awful.

I got first choice school for dd! Really surprised and pleased as most years we would be too far away. Now just need to break it to dd that she will be moving from her nursery!

You don't need to apologise minnie. We're all entitled to a bit of a moan when we have sad days and hopefully everyone on the board understands that people have different circumstances. I think it was jady who mentioned about being worried about offending people. I feel that worry too, but we've just got to be kind to each other and try not to take anything other people say badly. It's all we can do x

sebs, glad to hear you have had a result back. It's horribly sad that your little baby had a chromosomal issue, but as you say, at least it gives you a reason for this happening and it's a random event that is unlikely to happen again. Hope it gives you some closure and some hope. I don't think Coventry is overkill if it's something you want to do. As discussed over the last week (at length!) One of the main things that coventry is all about is the implantation of non viable eggs, which sadly this one was.

barking, sorry your dh's school are being so awkward. Really hope he manages to persuade them otherwise, so he can go with you

tiny, good to hear from you.hope you're enjoying time with teeny tiny and hope the infection clears up soon

I remember that long spell of good news in the few months after I joined cat, it was such a hopeful and exciting time. It felt to me like everyone that joined was getting pregnant! Wish it could always be like that but it's nice to see all those pregnancies coming to fruition

Thanks for the hand holding earlier, everyone. Hopefully I'll keep the crazies away tonight
Sebs, I hope you find some comfort in having an answer. I know it helped me to know when we got the turners diagnosis for #3.
Barking, sorry your dhs' school is being unsupportive, and Boozle, early mat leave!?! I was sure mine would ask me to go after all the time I've had off, which is much more than normal pg related appointments. And I checked with hr and they said that they can only insist that I go if there's a medical reason. They can ask for my Dr to confirm that I'm not playing down my medical situation just to stay on, but they can't make me go unless its on medical advice. Hope that makes sense, and it helps you to fight your respective corners.
Hugs and waves to all.

purple I'm so sorry, I totally missed the second part of your post - am rush reading and it's not good. Life is just rubbish sometimes.

sebs I am so sorry your baby had downs syndrome. As cloud says, as far as I know, Downs is usually a random event that increases with age. However, there can also be a genetic link, but that would be more unusual. I don't know any more than that though. Its hard to know how to feel, but I agree that having a reason for the loss is helpful, in the saddest way that something can be helpful. I hope it helps bring you some closure on this one. Never, never blame yourself x

cloud and minnie peri menopause worries are rife here, and it's really frustrating. Let's see what the next cycle brings. march I am 10 dpo and bfn - for me that's a pretty reliable negative. Jady the only time I temped was the month I conceived DS. Since mc1 I have such reliable ewcm, and increasing O pain, that firs with opk, that I never bothered. Maybe I should start...

Yup Just, I've got the union involved. She's claiming because I had so much time off with the MC's that I need to minimise disruption to the kids and start it early. I've told her if she feels like she can't support my pregnancy in school then she can put me on maternity suspension on full pay but there's no medical reason why I can't work and my midwife sent a strongly worded letter to support me. It's pretty rude! Sometimes it feels like MC just takes over every single part of your life and the energy to continue to juggle everything is just so hard. We will all be ok though and we will be cuddling small people eventually and nothing else will matter :). We've just got to ride the storm until we get there, which is shit!

Glad you've got union and mw support Boozle, bit shit you've got to put up with the stress of it.
I should add, I've been lucky with my work who have been extremely supportive, all the info I put below was gathered for info of where we all stood, rather than given to me as any kind of threat or ultimatum. It sounds like in the minority for supportive school bosses, though, which makes me frustrated on your behalf.

*but. Its more than just a bit shit