Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 21 - tests, treatment, trying again.

[Justonemoretime]

Buckle up, the threads move like lightening! Tea, sympathy, information, support and combined wisdom to guide you through the maze of testing and treatment for recurrent miscarriage. Newbies always most welcome.

Please start with the traditional recap of your stats.

Me too sebs before af is the worst. It must be hard and exhausting looking after a little one everything going on.

I'm the same on gender, never wanted to know, now I kind of want to know everything. i'll be having the harmony test next time (if there ever is a next time) and you find out from that at 12 weeks.

Its been a hard tiring day here in Tanny towers, and I'm a bit run down with an eye infection and bloody knackered...

Sorry it was a BFN Sebs, but agree that you can throw everything at your next one if you have time to prepare. That's what I did, made sure I'd covered everything before going for it one last time. I understand wanting to vanish. I still get the urge occasionally. You are doing really well though to stay on top of it...

Barking big hugs sweetheart, and although I don't get the need to exercise ever, I'm really glad you have that to help you heal.

Counting so glad you have some time to heal. You have been through shit...

Your posts are always a good read Freckle, thank you!

Brummie you made me cry. I still miss all of mine, despite the fact that I wouldn't have Bertie now.

I never named mine, or had any feeling about gender. I always hoped they were girls (even Bertie) as I assumed I would have girls, but it didn't turn out like that. My firstborn was known as Conker, so maybe there was scope for a whole nut based set of nicknames, although I think that's quite common. I like the rockpool series March, anemone springs to mind.

Going to stop as its ridiculous to be awake now when everyone else is asleep.

Tanny, not surprised you're tired. Remember you have a little person in your house, not to mention the older ones. Hope you had a good nights sleep and Bertie wasn't a pickle x

Dd got into our first choice for school, which is fab, but does make me sad she'll be at school if she ever gets a sibling. Flip side has been she has had mine & dH's sole attention. Any news from the others awaiting admission news?

Congrats on the school girlie, that's great to get your first choice. It's hard to think about that gap when you wanted a shorter one, but it will come and they'll be happy whatever the gap

I like anemone tanny! Any suggestions welcome.

Sorry you are feeling a bit low sebs. It's always a horrible time just before/around af. Hopefully it will bring you fresh hope when it arrives. Fingers crossed the acupuncture will help. Mine helped me bring it on last month after a few days of annoying spotting

Right its going to take me a while to catch up, I'm going to work backwards. Have been away for a couple of days, and then mega busy - I feel guilty for not being here, like I have not been supporting a friend!

girlie great news on the school! How did you find out - I just logged on to the school admissions thing and it doesn't"t have anything other than my application. I have been getting palpitations about it all week. I know what you mean about the age gap, but nowadays I feel a level of acceptance about that, somehow. For me, I would be so grateful if I had another baby tbat the age gap wouldn't mean so much. I do know what you mean though, and was quite obsessed with that for a good couple of years.

About knowing the gender, I know for 3 of them, and although it made it harder, it helped me give them more of an identity which I needed to do, particularly for the tfmr. One of the things I was most upset about with the last one, where we didn't get chromosome results, was not knowing the gender.

Tanny sorry you have an eye infection, that's not helpful. I'm sure little Bertie is keeping you really busy, and I hope you are managing to look after yourself and get some rest although with little ones I know that's really hard!

Still reading back...

Morning ladies, I've been reading and lurking. I'm so knackered and possibly driving myself a little bit crazy. I keep waking in the night and thinking that miniJust isn't moving, so I drink half a pint of cold water and wait and get a few shuffles and go back to sleep and then need a wee an hour later and the whole cycle starts again. I literally can't remember what the pattern was before this behaviour started so I'm basically just making myself tired and crazy. I'm also measuring ahead by 3 or so weeks so got a growth scan next week. I think my gut instinct is telling me everything will be ok. The trouble is, I just don't trust my gut instinct. Sorry to derail the thread when so many are in much darker places, I just feel like I need a little hand hold/pep talk today.

Bootles, I have an email this morning. Not sure if every authority does the same way or not. Normally not bothered by age gap for some reason this morning it mattered. Probably sign AF is on its way! Hope you get good news x

barking you are doing well, and surely need to give yourself the freedom to feel however you need to feel. 'Snapping out of it', as you said you are finding hard to do, would be beyond difficult. Lots of thoughts and hugs xx

sebs sorry about the bfn, and I hope your cycle sorts itself soon. Its so hard when your body is confusing like this.

I think I just had an annovulatary cycle. Spotted all cycle long, no ewcm (or very minimal) and no ovulation pain which is usually very distinct. I do wonder if my general high stress levels and late nights (doing boring things) are responsible. Desperately hoping its not related to being 41.

Still reading back...

Just, I know those crazies! I'm afraid I don't have any sage advice or wisdom. After the battle to get here, it is hard to stand down the red alert. Try to rest up when you can. I found an early evening nap helped as somehow things seemed a bit less bleak.

Bump measuring is an inexact science, and I'm guessing it's better to be ahead than small. Mine varied a bit too. Hugs all round x

Just a quickie. Off to hospital for (I think) RMC meeting with consultant. They describe it as a 'quiet room' consult which is the horrible room we were ushered into after heart beat wasn't found. It's 45 mins long so I can't imagine it's just to discuss the results of the tissue. Anyway, we shall see, I have the Implantation Clinic notes with me so hopefully I'll get a chance to talk about the Coventry protocol and prescriptions.

Tiny bit of good news is my period seems to be in it's way. I have some dilute when I wipe so hoping it turns into full flow today or tomorrow. That would give me a 27/28 day cycle which is bloody good

just I'm the same, can't sleep for worrying, driving myself crazy.

Waves to everyone, off to my best friends husbands funeral and it's her dad's funeral tomorrow so tough few days

just and purple sorry you are both having such disturbed sleep. Not derailing at all just, we are all here for all of it. Bump measuring, as Tanny says, is a bit random, depending on the position of the baby, and, I personally think, your own stature and build. Growth scan will hopefully be helpful and reassuring next week. I don't think I know a single pg woman who hasn't been worried about movements at some point or another, never mind with history's like ours. Also remember movements do feel different as the baby has less space. If you are ever really panicking though, just pop into hospital and get monitored for a bit. I know the worry is constant in these times and you can't do that every day, but every so often might help.

Thanks Flower, think I'll stop the ac as of today then.

Good luck for today Sebs, hope it turns out to be a helpful consult.

Purple big hugs to you and your best friend. That's awful to have to go through, so close together. I hope today and tomorrow go as smoothly as possible.

Bootles do you temp? I don't usually have ovulation pain, but think I have this month, but know I ovulated previous months from other signs like temping. Stopped getting EWCM after mc1 though.

RE gender... I thought first was twin girls, it wasn't. Didn't have feeling either way for 2nd. All mine get called babamoo. I wanted to call them something else, but didn't think of anything in time. Liking your theme though March.

That sounds like the kind of crazy I would do Just, hope you can break the cycle soon.
Glad you and Bertie are doing OK Tanny, minus tiredness and eye infection!

Sebs, hope it goes well and is useful. Good you're going well armed...

I can't help, but think there's magic happening in my tummy. Pretty sure I ovulated yesterday, been dtd all week..... So what's going on in there! Crazily googling everything about fertilisation and watching videos.

Sebs I also used to have dark thoughts, but I did come to the conclusion that it must be hormones or otherwise temporary state of mind. Afterall what I really want to do is create life, how can I do that if I'm not around? Still it wasn't a good place to, personally I'm only now beginning to realise how much my confidence has been knocked too. Even posting on here I find to be nerve wracking. What if I say the wrong thing and offend someone (sorry to anyone if I have!) Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.

bootles I worry about age every time I have no peak on the monitor. Even though I got pg without one this last time so something must be happening. Easy to stress about early menopause though I'm finding!

sebs good luck today and hope it's not too horrible in the same room. Yay for 28 day cycle!

purple what a horribly sad two days. Huge hugs to you and your friend.

tanny hope the eye infection clears up quickly.

just those early hours worries are the worst. I ended up at the hospital three times in the last couple of monthd with ds. They must have thought I was mental! But then mc makes you mental I think!

Fingers crossed for that tww! Yup, I also had the crazy thoughts - think it has far more to do with escapism than anything else - that's why the general anasthetic was so welcome - half an hour of oblivion!

Morning all,
sebs good luck today, hope it's a helpful appointment. Sorry for BFN but hope it gives you the time to get everything straight and testing if you want it before the next try.
tanny hugs, hope the eye infection clears up quickly, they're horrible and annoying.

just nothing helpful to add I am afraid, I think it's impossible not to worry so don't beat yourself up about it. Do you think it's worth starting to make a note of any pattern in movements so you see if there are quiet times in the day and this might ease the worry for the next day?
purple life really does deal it out sometimes doesn't it. I hope the next few days are as ok as can be.
barking can only imagine how tough it is but sounds like you are getting back into things and putting your body through it's paces. Just remember to be kind to yourself and it's ok not be back to normal yet. Oh and in the mean time, if you haven't watched it, get online and watch 'The Ridge' with Danny Macaskill. Amazing.
counting hugs. Hope your gardening is going better than mine. My little seeds were coming on a treat and the stupid dog jumped all over them trying to see a fox out of the window. I shall now have 4 sweet pea plants instead of the amazing display I was hoping for!

Good luck for those waiting for school places. Also good luck for those in the 2ww.

I have a question for those who are pregnant on here, hope others don't mind. I have a referral to Obstetrics to see a consultant, I understand that it's a referral from the midwife due to recurrent miscarriage. I just wondered if anyone else has had this and knows what to expect at the appointment, I am guessing they are just signing off that there is no reason for me to be consultant led at this stage but just wondered what to expect.

Good luck for the 2ww jady, hope you're right about the magic!

purple, what a cruel cruel hand to be dealt. Hope you are able to support your friend over the next few days

just, sorry to hear you are struggling with the crazies. I suspect we will all be like that to some extent when we reach your stage. I hope you find a way to get through it but echo what the others say about getting checked if you are worried.

sebs, good luck with the appt today. Great news that af seems to be on its way, with the perfect cycle length!

bootles, i know anovulatory cycles are very common and most people have 1 or 2 a year, so try not to worry about it being your age (I know that's almost impossible). Perhaps you're still in with a chance and your signals have just changed?

Bythesea I wasn't signed off by my consultant until I was 32 weeks. He saw me at 15 weeks at my request, and at that appt wanted to see me at 32 weeks because of my advanced years and as low lying placenta. At the 32 week appt he agreed to sign me off and I was back with midwives for the rest of my pregnancy. Hope that helps!

So I am back and the meeting was extremely helpful. The baby had Downs Syndrome it seems as though there is a wide spectrum of severity on the Downs scale and obviously our babies condition was incompatible with life. They know the sex but I didn't want to know at that time but DP knows and I will ask him at some point.

She feels that the miscarriages were all different and no pattern to them therefore she is hopeful we could possibly carry a healthy child in the future. We have had bloods taken to check for genetic problems incase we both hold Downs chromosomes that make us more like to have another Downs child. Also for clotting insides, Lupus etc. Not sure when we will get the results back for that. Does anyone know? I was talking too much and I didn't listen . I said we were going to Coventry for other tests and she said she thought it was 'overkill' due to knowing what happened in the last miscarriage but said she would support any drug protocol they recommended.

I am devastated but kind of relieved as well as I have an explanation. Assuming we are both not carriers of some Downs gene then it's a 1 in 100 chance in having another downs pregnancy. So hopefully I can find a decent egg next time. Keep crying but I've got to stay hopeful and be grateful I have an explanation and can stop blaming myself.

Oh Sebs I'm so sorry. I really am.

I don't know what else to say other than there was nothing you could do and the decision was taken out of your hands.

But I know that doesn't really help but please never ever blame yourself.

And Coventry is not overkill.

Big hugs xx

sebs your app sounded quite positive in that she doesn't think your mcs were related do there is every chance the next one will be ok.
I am so sorry your baby had Downs, I don't know if this makes it easier to cope with or not, but at least you now know there was absolutely nothing on earth you could have done to prevent it.
I don't agree with coventry being overkill and I'm sure prof b would also tell you 'you will have your baby' if you persevere.
Sorry to hear about your 'disappearing' thoughts, I've been there too but we all know its not an option, especially as jady beautifully put it, we're aiming to bring life into this world.

purple I'm so sorry for your friend, that really is beyond taking the piss. Life can be so shitty the way it deals crap out to people. I hope the funerals go 'ok' and I'm sure your friend is very grateful of your support.
bootles hope it's not an anovulatory cycle for you.
Good luck to those in 2ww!

sebs Don't be upset (easier said than done, I know!) - there is absolutely nothing that you could have done to prevent this. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that, in this case, your body did the exact right thing not to continue maintaining the pregnancy, potentially sparing you from an even greater heartache at a later stage.

It is devastating to find out that this has happened to your baby, and unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done to prevent this (or other chromosomal issues) next time. However, now that you are on the hospital's radar, you will get offered all the extra tests, eg amnio or CVS, should you wish. Have you thought about the Harmony test?
I am a bit about 'Down's chromosomes' - Down's syndrome is a spontaneous event, and I have never heard of a genetic pre-disposition for it that can be tested! Not sure what to make of that, did they specify which genes they would be testing for?
I know that having had one pregnancy with a chromosomal defect increases your chances of it happening again, but not that much (my consultant drew me graph about that, which was quite reassuring). At our age, we're at higher risk anyway, sigh...

And although your consultant is right that the Coventry protocol wouldn't have helped with this one, she doesn't know what caused the other mcs, does she?! It's easy to generalise, but I've learnt that you can't just assume that if one mc was caused by a genetic defect, that this is necessarily the cause of the others. Goes to show that mc testing really should be done sooner.

Thrombophelia blood tests usually take 4-6 weeks, at least that what it was with mine - it depends on the hospital, obviously.

Hope you'll get some time to digest the news in peace and quiet.

just Your worries sound completely understandable to me! I think I'd be the same - after so many losses, it must be hard to stay positive all the time, the worry will always be there. Could you speak to your MW about this?

bootles I am also having a proper WTF cycle at the moment, my temps are all over the place, and I have no idea why or what is going on. Really hope it's just a fluke, starting to worry about being peri-menopausal

Sebs I hope that although it was hard to hear, in time, you will have some peace knowing why the last MC happened and that it was your body dealing with something in the right way. I hope you are ok though. I agree on Coventry, you have to do what is right for you, if that means ticking every possible box and trying again with more information and perhaps some additional help at the beginning, that is what you should do. Hugs.