Headwreck & Hope. Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

[mrsb0710]

Original threadtotal headwreck, empty sac 11 days ago, embryo 6wk there today

Support for those who are/might be experiencing MMC/MC/early pregnancy loss.

ginger that must have been horrific to go through, I'm so sorry. Lovely to hear that you got a light at the end of that long dark tunnel. This is really helpful info, and you've also helped me by pointing me in the right direction re what to read up on so thankyou

Megan am so glad you're being looked after. A holiday sounds perfect - something positive to focus on and plan. I hope tonight is manageable and this all resolves quickly for you (and also that your DD brought you some smiles this afternoon).

Ginger that sounds awful, so sorry.

And sorry to hear about the new women joining this thread. It is heartbreaking.

I'm surprised that surgical management isn't offered as standard, I assumed it was but perhaps I'm just lucky to have a big hospital near me. I found out on the Wednesday, spoke to doc on Thursday and had OP on Friday. That was about as much waiting and uncertainty as I could handle. I really feel for those of you who haven't had the choice whatever the reason. Even though it was awful finding out at our scan (no bleeding or even spotting) at least it has meant we were spared the not knowing. I have a lot to owe MN for helping me choose the right option.

Time is a healer. It will be two weeks this Wednesday since we found out (at our 12 week scan) and yesterday is the first day neither DH not I cried. We are still very strained and upset but so much stronger than we were already. I have spent hundreds on internet shopping in the past week (which I can't afford, almost all going back!) as some weird catharsis. We have a holiday booked in 3 weeks and having that focus has helped massively. We are now also considering moving and me changing jobs, don't want it to be a knee jerk reaction but I think this has made us realise it's important to live in the moment as who knows what the future holds...

the miscarraige association has a lot of info on and up to date booklets on the options available including natural, medical and surgical. might be worth a look if you are thinking about what you would like to do

jessie I didn't get any stupidly heavy, uncontrollable bleeding. It was just like a period. I wore pads too as wasn't 100% sure and it felt safer. I hope it's over for you soon.

megan so sorry you've joined us. I hope your DD did put a smile on your face. Having my DD helped me to get up every day and keep going. Give yourself time to grieve too though. (And all my friends are having babies too - it's so hard but you will get there.)

Mega it will get better. Each day you will cry a little less and feel a little more positive. Yes you will randomly burst into tears for no particular reason and have down days and just want to curl on the sofa and ignore the world and that's ok. Let yourself grieve and you will come out the other side. Not that you will forget but the pain will lessen and you will be happy again. We are proof!

I'm off to meet my friends new baby today. Think I'll be ok and hold it together but I have told her about the mc in case I have to rush off. Hope today is a better day for you all

Lilliana I hope today goes ok for you. My best friend in the world had her baby yesterday, the same day we found out our sad news. It's so hard isn't it! I don't want her to feel sorry for me or make her feel even a little bit sad so putting off telling her for as long as humanly possible. I hope your baby cuddles act as a lovely distraction instead of a difficult reminder x

Gone back to work today which is helping. Being busy and with other people is a brilliant distraction. Keep having waves of real sadness though. And still so anxious about what happens next. Have my rescan booked in for next Monday morning now. Couldn't even bear to book it yesterday!

Hope everyone on here is having manageable days x

Thanks mega. Went ok. Was lovely to see her and she was very understanding. Had some snuggly cuddles and only one wobble but no tears.

I'm glad you're finding work is helping - I did too. But make sure you have time to feel sad too - it's ok and as my DH found it's better not to bottle it up. Does anyone at work know what you're going through? Do you have someone you could tell to support you if you need it? Everyone I've told has been amazing and didn't want to tell anyone at the beginning.

Is your DH a bottler too Lilliana? I'm really worried about mine! He was so sad yesterday, I find it difficult to break down the walls. He won't seek out support and shuts himself off. Which doesn't help either of us! Not really sure how to handle him. Would be interested to hear others experiences with DPs/DHs.

I have told my boss who has been a legend. Nobody else really but I'm so desperate to talk about it (yet so sensitive and get upset when people say the wrong thing - so need to pick my confidantes carefully!). I almost wish we'd told more people we were pregnant in the first place so I could tell them what's happened - it's really helping me process it.

Or maybe you meant you bottled it up and he felt the consequences

Thought i would give an update.. Nothing much progressed over night. Although today I have worse cramps and bleeding is getting heavier.. So horrible but at least it's going in the right direction.

Plus side me & my dh have decided to raid the savings and take our Dd to Disney world Florida.. Something for us all to look forward too! She's a grown up 3 and crazy on all things Disney!

Quite a few people knew we were pregnant, and I feel like i have a lot of support from family and close friends which I'm finding comforting.

I don't feel like going into the office, but I am going to work from home as off tomorrow try and give me something to focus on.

mega you were right the first time. I just kept asking how he felt but honestly until he nearly had a breakdown he didn't really say much. sorry no help!
I'm glad you have someone that knows at work. I've actually felt better telling a few people as it's more like she was real (I dont know it was a girl but always felt she was!) this is most unlike me as I'm generally v v private. Could you get someone else to tell a few choice people for you. DH text my best friend when it happened as said 'please can you call Lili, she needs you' as he knows I wouldn't have called her. Best thing he ever did as she was on my doorstep a couple hours later.

My dh also seems very shut off about it all. He doesn't give off much emotion in front of me, however yesterday admitted he had cried last week when he was on his own and my mother in law told me after the first scan he got emotional on the phone to her. I have decided not to keep asking him but I have told him I don't expect him to be brave around me he is allowed to be upset over it all too, he just thinks I'm going through worse because it's happening to me physically.x

Megan Disney sounds like a lovely treat for you all to look forward to. I was on holiday for the first week but did find it helpful to get back to work and some normality. I hope it helps you too but if it's too early take time off x

Sorry x post Megan! I'm not sure what else you can do. Just try to be open with him so he can talk when/if he wants to which it sounds like you are. Good luck to you both x

Lilli that is so lovely of DH and your friend. Although some people I had hoped to support have not been able to (my mum doesn't understand and was just "oh dear - poor you" then changing subject!) and my BFF has a brand new baby and I would hate for to worry about me or feel even a bit sad....Other people like my boss and one girl from my old NCT group (I am lucky to have a DS, 2 next month), have surprised me and been ace and really been checking up on me. I think because NCT friend and I are the only 2 who had trouble ttc #1 and ALL the others are pg again or have had baby #2 it's good to have somebody else who understands!! How are these people so fertile anyway

Megan Disney sounds PERFECT! How exciting. It will be amazing to have some time to spoil DD and see her so happy. She'll be giddy as a goat! We are throwing ourselves into planning DS's birthday in a few weeks, planning an elaborate cake and loads of prezzies. Having him is truly a godsend and is really getting us both through.

Had a bit more of a chat with DH tonight and he said he felt helpless about the physical side. I said you can support me in other ways though, but he just said he hates that we can't swap places and he can't be at my side all day every day waiting for things to start I'm glad we talked, I think we both felt better. We might have to tell my MIL so she can come look after DS while we go to our rescan on Monday, and he finally said he would be ok with her knowing. I think telling her will help him to tell her, although it will be hard.

Sorry for mammoth post!!

It will help him to tell her I mean! Gosh so tired, can't seem to sleep past 5am!

hi can I join in/ I've posted a few individual posts but it looks like this thread moves quicker. sorry to everyone else who find themselves here too :(

I went for a scan last week as 9+ weeks due to have brown spotting/discharge at 5 weeks and 8 weeks. baby was measuring 7+5 with no heart beat. I was told to go home and wait for conservative management (natural) as NICE guidelines state 2 weeks, but I could ring back after a 1 week if I wasn't coping with the wait.

I did this today and got an administrator ? who quoted the guidelines back at me. Eventually she said I got ring back at 12 when the nurse was out of clinic. I just wondered if the fact that I am technically over 2 weeks since the pregnancy ended that I could push for the medical management, or it 2 weeks from the scan that I have to wait?

the waiting is driving me crazy. I feel I cant make plans, don't want to go too far from the house etc. I don't have any bleeding or pain now and just feel that my body isn't going to give this up. On a practical note my husband is due to travel away on business the week after next and I'm worried that I wont have any support for myself, or to help look after my little boy. He could be with me next week, but if things still haven't progressed naturally then I would be looking at medical management the week he due to be away. we don't have any family locally and we have never left our little boy with anyone (he has a medical condition that means he needs consistency).

sorry for such a long post I don't have anyone to talk this through.

autumn sorry u are here. from what i can gather you can push to have it managed however you want.

the waiting with the natural route is traumatising and not all Trusts follow this guidance. i would ring them and be firm, tell them how it is affecting you psychologically, you have had no signs of it happening naturally and you are not happy to put your life on hold and wait.

for info my baby stopped growing at 5+4. was discovered at 9 wks due to a small bleed. i was advised to go naturally (and never braved asking for anything else) at 14wks i ended up with an emergency erpc as the mc had still not happened. i'd tried medical management prior to that too.

its a shame you have to but i would really fight your corner on this one.

thank you for replying gbm. my emotions are up and down. on the one hand I want it to be over with, but I am also scared for it to happen. im sorry to read that you ended up as an emergency :(

Autumn so sorry you're here.

I had a scan at 11+5 due to bleeding and contractions and baby had stopped at 9 weeks. I was offered a choice immediately of natural/maedically managed/ERPC. I chose ERPC and was booked in (there was a 10 day wait as over easter so we paid privately but that doesn't usually happen).

Call them back or go in and say you want it sorted. I know it's scary but you will feel better having made a decision ! It's too emotional without coming up against opposition and problems isn't it !

Lots of love - glad you found us on here !!

i think thats a risk they take pushing the natural option.

they say it is the safest way but from what i have read theres no real evidence of that. in fact i ended up with the erpc and am pregnant again 6 months later so altho there is a risk involved the procedure seems quite straight forward and its unlikely anything bad would happen.

definitely call them back if you are struggling. the fear whilst you wait is awful. thinking of you

autumn I'm so sorry. The whole process is awful. I think your practical concerns are as important as you emotional. Or at least they have a real impact on your emotional situation. The choice should be yours and if you get to the stage where you know that surgical management is the right way for your family then don't be afraid to push for the very reasons you explain. Good Luck.

Sending lots of love to all of you having to wait.

thanks for your replies. I managed to get a call back from a nurse at the epu. she has booked me for Friday to discuss my options and said she may be able to send me home with a tablet to start things off.

I feel torn between asking for medical or surgical. I'm frightened of both :(

My husband is due to be away week beginning 11th, so I suppose that might affect my decision if I would have to wait for the erpc.

what a mess.

fwiw and i wouldnt rush to do it again plus it didnt work properly but the medical management wasnt as bad as i had built up in my head.

i was afraid of the pain and what i would see (which wasnt a lot as it didnt work properly) but the pain was manageable. they give you co-codamol or something like that which i eventually took as the pain had started to annoy me more than anything.

what i would suggest is doing it in hospital if you chose medical as they can monitor what you pass and if you did need it provide more pain killers.

either way they should both be over within a day. i found the erpc pretty much pain and gore free however was petrified of having an operation.

I have had medical management twice. I would say only take that option if it is done as a day in hospital. Don't let them just send you home with tablets. You do take a tablet on the first day, but should return to hospital for the pessaries.
I did not find either experience painful, but the second time I bled very heavily, blood pressure dropped and it was a bit risky.
With the surgery you will have some days of tiredness due to the ga. With medical management I found you get back to normal pretty much straight away.
Sorry you have to make this decision.

Anyone know how long a natural miscarriage will take?! Im in the middle of it now ?? very strong cramps started last night, heavier bleeding started this morning ??